I decided to post a video of Father David Mary.  I came across this older video, the Franciscan Brothers Minor visiting Assisi. It captures the brother’s fun loving easy going natural camaraderie, their authentic affinity for one another. They are serious devout religious men enjoying life in community. Passionate men, we definitely had our squabbles, yet overall I have never been a part of a group that truly enjoyed each others company so deeply, communal prayer was awesome, nightly Rosary, often before exposed Eucharist, singing Salve Regina to end the night. Father David Mary angry with me for stealthily leaving, tried to hurt me, resorting to the declaration I could never pray the Rosary again with them. I had to hold back tears–my former spiritual partner causes such emotional eruptions. I am a fighter, yet vulnerable, easily wounded. I have been thinking about Father David a lot recently, considering a visit.  Our last words were screams and threats.  Father David Mary and my former spiritual partner are the two most formative people in my life.  Both relationships ended with extreme confrontation.  There was a time I could not sleep, suffering severe panic attacks, unless I knew Father David Mary was in the cell next to me.  All the brothers in this video I shared incredible experiences with.  Our prayer time together was phenomenal.  Brother Leo the chubby Philippian, authentically good natured, loving parents, excellent athlete, good friend.  Brother Lawrence, the large friar, Father David Mary’s nephew, New York City native, prayer leader.  Brother Giles, the quiet mature youthful leader, the first brother, the one who leads through silence and example, truly a contemplative, wealthy parents distraught by his chosen vocation.  The last brother to appear, another Philippian, possibly the dearest, is Brother Juniper, the one always in goofy difficult situations, funny beside himself, begrudgingly the center of attention when awkwardness reigned supreme, an architect with a master’s degree, the singer of excellent Latin.  The other two: Brother Felix, intellectual, reader of many books, and former Philadelphia punk rocker.  Brother Paschal the cook, always before the Eucharist, lover of the Eucharist.  The video brings melancholy, a sore heart, a longing.  It shapes my current situation with my former spiritual partner.  The two people who have inspired me the deepest spiritually are both people I no longer speak to.  It hurts.  There is such a combative nature to the core of my being, someone who is not content unless he is screaming.  Brokenness abounds and the flow of tears hurts profoundly, it is the story of my life.  Heavy hearted, I am honest, accepting accountability, demanding self-improvement, yet the improvement seems endless and vast.  To make oneself vulnerable in order for the purifying of the mind and body is painful, forcing one to become vulnerable to others.  Deep spiritual growth is not easy, causing intense emotion, hardship, and turmoil within one’s psyche.  At least that is my experience.

God grant us the insight to render kindness upon one another as we seek your eternal peace.

Brother Juniper sings.

A brother Juniper story from the Fioretti, The Little Flowers of St Francis. The brother Juniper I knew was exactly like the Brother Juniper St Francis knew.

Brother Juniper, desiring to make himself despicable in the sight of men, stripped himself one day of all but his inner garment; and, making a bundle of his habit and other clothes, he entered the city of Viterbo, and went half-naked into the market place, in order to make himself a laughing stock. When he got there, the boys and young men of the place, thinking him to be out of his senses, ill-treated him in many ways, throwing stones and mud at him, and pushing him hither and thither, with many words of derision; and thus insulted and evil entreated, he abode there the greater part of the day, and then went his way to the convent.

Now when the friars saw him they were full of indignation, and chiefly because he had gone thus through the city with his bundle on his head; wherefore they reproved and threatened him sharply. One said: “Let us put him in prison.” Another: “He deserves to be hanged.” And others: “He cannot be too severely punished for the scandal he has given to-day in his own person, to the injury of the whole Order.” And Brother Juniper, being full of joy, answered with all humility, “You say well indeed; for I deserve all these punishments, and far worse than these.”

As Brother Juniper was one day hearing Mass with great devotion, he fell into an ecstasy, and so continued for a long space of time. And when he came to himself, he said with great fervour of spirit to the other friars: “Oh, my brethren, who is there in this world so noble that he would disdain to carry a basket of mud all the world over, in the hope of obtaining a house full of gold?” Then he added: “Alas, why will we not endure a little shame to obtain life eternal?”