Return to Toledo

I returned to Toledo for a day and evening visit. It was a bit depressing, revealing the stark reality there is really nothing in Toledo for me. My family is there, lovingly I visit, yet the roots planted in Cleveland are deeper in regards to permanency. North Dakota beckons, discernment advances. I spent last night with friends from the Collingwood Art Center, sharing a bonfire at the community garden located across the street. The Rosary Cathedral is just north of the location. To the west is the rehab I spent three months convalescing at, a quarter mile away the half-way house. All locations important in my formation, yet now distant. With the friends from the art center, we talked, observing an eclipse. Melancholy dominated my lost soul friends. I took photos, however once observing I decided to delete, a sense of gloom dominating. There was nothing to hang faith and hope upon, while providing a vast void in which to channel love.

I did not visit with my son. He was busy in Ann Arbor. I spoke with him and his mother, learning something that immensely lifted my heart. For the first time in his thirty years of life, he is dating a particular young lady. He assures me I will like her. He has been seeing her for over four months. He rarely dated, previous to this young lady never a specific one for extended time. A Sunday school teacher who lives on a farm, he expresses the fact he really likes her, that I will like her. His mother and I both worried about his romantic life. Successful in education and profession, he expressed the fact he experienced an emptiness regarding romantic feelings. He just did not feel drawn toward being with someone. I felt guilty as a father. I have been alone, never dating throughout his life. He never witnessed me in a loving relationship while struggling with life. Guilt and shame amassed regarding improper formation toward healthy male/female relationships. I worried that I never taught my son how to love a woman. Now to hear that he is dating, happy, pleased, mature, and secure in his approach with this Christian young lady lifts my heart as few things can. God is good and giving. I feel humbled and blessed.



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