Monthly Archives: November 2015

A new friend

Sadness, a lack of purpose, acceptance.  God gave so much in my first bedside vigil, a man whose life contained an abundance of meaning, experience, and personality.  A pleasing handsome engaging man gifted to my first mission.  Last night, I encountered emptiness, a lack of personality, an empty room, a man of foreign race stripped of identity, no belongings, no sign of family, nothing, simply a patient, a human being suffering.  Unresponsive yet eyes open, we prayed together, doing some one-way talking.  His eyes, always perceptively filled with fear, marked me deeply.  Morphine took the fear away, yet detachment assumed its place.  The medical personnel dressed in sanitary gowns.  Warnings were supplied regarding contagious conditions.  Absolutely no touching.  A tracheotomy symbolized brutality, physical suffering.  The poor man, pitiful in condition, was distant.  A nonsensical escapist movie, superheroes fighting, alienation, and the Hulk, sound turned down, occupied the man’s visual focus.  During moments of prayer and speaking, he did turn his gaze to me.  I think something effective occurred.  I tried my best.  I struggled not to fall asleep, failing for a short period.  It was awkward, while filled with love.  Hope existed, yet did not overwhelm.  I do not want to go back as there were no sweet consolations, which only makes me conclude I must go back.  He is there deeply within my consciousness, a sense of trusting in God carrying concern and absorption into the saving of souls.  God is the master creator.  Driving home, late into the night, I found myself speaking to my father, pleading with him to pray for the man.  If glorious moments are lacking, if there are no wondrous stories to tell, if barrenness is my reward, can I carry forward with invigorated faith, hope, and charity.  I know I can.  I must for it is the path of the saints.  I notified the Hospice that I am willing to return to the gentleman’s bedside.  If God wills matters into being, I will return.  The Hospice just called.  I am not kidding, right after typing that the Hospice called.  My services are requested.  I see his face, and those eyes filled with fear in my internal vision.  My friend I will return and sit with you again.  I will find something to read to you, since there is nothing in your room, nothing aside from medical supplies and facility decorations.  You are a man alone my friend.  I will be there to offer fellowship, to allow you to know I come to you voluntarily.  You are someone unique, alive, special in birth, and loved.

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Captivating image from the foreign film: Horse Money

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A telephone call

My heart is warmed, placed into a call for peace.  Lord be with me, give me strength within weakness, give my life meaning in order to share, transform me into a vestibule guiding to your grace.  Another bedside vigil calls this evening at midnight.  God is good and all giving.

 

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Beginning to work with Father Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange

Father Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange

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The Mystical Life

Some persons talk about mysticism, but misunderstand it and abuse it.  These persons must be enlightened by the sound teaching of theology.  Others, far greater in number, are altogether ignorant of mysticism and apparently wish to remain so.  They rely only on their own efforts, aided by ordinary grace, consequently they aim only at common virtues, and do not tend to perfection which they consider too lofty.  Hence religious and priestly lives, which might be very fruitful, do not pass beyond a certain mediocrity that is often due, at least in part, to their early imperfect training and to inexact ideas about union with God to which every Christian can and must aspire.

Pope Benedict XV…”In our day many neglect the supernatural life and cultivate in its place an inconsistent and vague sentimentalism.  Hence it is absolutely necessary to recall more often what the fathers of the Church, together with Holy Scripture, have taught us on the subject, and to do so by taking St Thomas Aquinas especially as our guide, because he has so clearly set forth the doctrine on the elevation of the supernatural life.  We must also earnestly draw the attention of the virtues and of the gifts of the Holy Ghost, the perfect development of which is found in the mystical life”.

The Natural Life

Confronting those spiritually agitating, especially on the subtlest levels, calls forth accountability, consequences are rendered.  Those seeking to advance their spiritual life beyond the stage of a beginner embrace matters passionately; whole heartedly pursuing.  Without a doubt, confrontations and differing opinions will arise.  Different paths will collide.  I found these words from Father Reginald penetratingly insightful.  My path does not advance through conquest, defeating others does not produce triumph.  Another being wrong does not make me right.  In fact, the spiritual shortcoming, mistakes, and perversions of others presents a dichotomy, a contradiction presenting an opportunity to discern appositeness, proper advancement, or to become consumed with a contradictory mentality fixated in opposition, a challenging and argumentative reasoning cemented in stagnation, an effort of my doing rationalizing within the need to be right.  Can I grow through others, even those I disagree with and find agitating?  Can I acquiesce, allowing the Holy Spirit and example of Christ, a super abundance of grace, and the examples plus traditions of the Church to propel, to lead me further?

In the delicate questions that we have had to consider, in combating an error, it is not always easy to avoid aligning oneself with the contrary error, and to formulate doctrine which rises above these opposing deviations and which is a just mean only because it is a summit.  If we have inadvertently employed any inexact expression in this study, we retract them here and now, and declare that we reject all spirituality that deviates ever so little from that of the saints, which has been approved by Holy Church.  That is why, as a rule, we have quoted only canonized mystics whose teaching is commonly received.

Quotes from ‘Christian Perfection and Contemplation According to St Thomas Aquinas and St John of the Cross’

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Daily invigoration

He wished also to reassure His spouse, to give her pledges of this blest possession of glory, that, compassed by this hope, she might traverse gaily the toiling bitterness of life; and that the spouse might hold as certain and assured this hope of blessedness, He left her this ineffable treasure as a pledge, equal in itself to all she hopes for.  Thus she need never despair of God giving all to her in that state of glory and of spiritual existence, since He does not refuse it to her here in this valley of tears where she lives in the flesh. –St Peter Alcantara ‘Treatise on Prayer and Meditation’

The spouse is the Church.

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Accountability through counsel and Holy Spirit inspired recognition

the saints earnestly recommend…to discover our temptations (through counsel and fellowship), and it is for the same reason that the devil, who desires nothing more than to destroy us, hinders us as much as he can from understanding our temptations….nothing pleases the devil more than to meet with one that will not discover his temptations, for then, since he fights with him hand to hand, he is sure of victory, according to the words of scripture, ‘Woe to him who is alone; because if he comes to fall, there is no one to help him up.’ On the contrary, adds the saint, there is nothing the devil fears so much, and which gives him so much pain, as to see himself discovered, exposed to others. For then he loses all courage and hopes of gaining victory….Saint Ignatius…makes use of the following comparison: he says that when the devil tempts us, he deals with us as a man does who solicits to evil a young woman who has prudent parents, or a married woman who has an honest husband. The first thing the young man does is to hinder the young woman from saying anything to her father or mother, or the wife to her husband, and fears nothing more than to be discovered, because then all hope of effecting his wicked designs are lost; whereas, as long as they keep it secret, he thinks he has still ground to hope. It is thus, continues our holy founder, that when the devil would deceive anyone, the first thing he does is to hinder him from discovering his temptations through counsel, living alone in secret, as long as the temptations are concealed, the devil is sure to overcome and to obtain what he desires…On the contrary, the devil fears being exposed to a superior or confessor, ’whoever does ill hates the light’.   St Alphonsus Rodriguez ‘The Practice of Christian & Religious Perfection’

I posted this in regards to the dinner party last night and recent Hospice work.  Alone, or amongst spiritually unhealthy fellowship, we are abandoned to our own devices, fodder for the manipulative and clever Satan.  Extreme self-righteousness, the desperate need to be right, spiritual fanaticism are some of the ugliness willing to arise.  Subtly, the nuances of pride and brokenness allow us to pull the wool over our own eyes.  In darkness, a life lived in secret, or affirmed within a strangling crowd, trends severely toward delusion, self-deceit and thus a falling away from grace.  Counsel providing accountability does not have to be direct.  I do not have to pour myself out to everyone in order to receive enlightenment regarding faults and proclivities to temptation.  Remaining honest, open, and willing, the Holy Spirit will speak, an awareness for the wiles and ways of evil made apparent.  Words are not necessary for defining.  It is good to entertain myself amongst those seeking the refinement of their Christian life, having fun while staying attuned, unafraid and vulnerable to others while strong and independent in conviction and knowledge of myself.  Expectations held low, I listen to myself and others, allowing the Holy Spirit to speak loudest, all while enjoying life in simplicity and a lack of demand.

St Alphonsus Rodriguez

St Alphonsus Rodriguez

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A Sunday dinner party

What an odd, yet charming gathering Joan hosted. The dinner party was splendid, a communal Rosary and hymns amongst the occurring. Joan’s home is incredibly nice, large, well decorated and immaculately maintained. The feast proved plentiful and savoring in good taste. A delightful time was had by all. I learned not only is she the mother of fourteen (now a widow), yet time has advanced to make her the grandmother of forty-two. Her family gatherings consist of nearly eighty people. With absolute tenderness and care, it was obvious the majority of those gathered today were mentally handicapped. Joan seems to collect a certain type as a part of her mission. One of the gentlemen would not leave me alone, constantly insisting upon conversation. He is quite sensitive, openly honest about being hospitalized over the years for various mental difficulties. In life, he has struggled, getting himself into trouble as he says. The man’s trusting and innocent nature, his obvious need for my approval, left me defenseless. I could only cater to his demands. To give him rapt attention came easy and natural. Joan informed me his troubles were never serious, nothing criminal nor ethically compromising to a serious degree. Obsessive, his most serious offense consisted of financial recklessness through compulsive shopping, spending beyond his means, purchasing endless and useless items from the home shopping network. He asked me if I wanted a nice flat-screen television. It seems he purchased half a dozen and now does not know what to do with them. I could only laugh and say no, excusing myself from involvement by confessing I did not watch television. I am not sure where he gets the money, owning a home, however another man told me it took a large U-haul truck and a dumpster to empty his home of all the stuff he had collected over the years. I thoroughly enjoyed his company. What a character, a childlike and simple trusting soul. I offered to do some electrical work on his home.

Spiritually, Chris, the gentleman who walks with the cane, presented himself in intimate conversation. He is profound, working at a highly refined level of development. The man possesses a serious and severe spiritual maturity. Joan, myself, and Chris spent over an hour together, speaking alone after everyone left. The interaction will only deepen with time. He has made some suggestions, listening to me as well as discoursing. Together, I am convinced the future will hold further collaboration. I like his mysterious, hidden, nature; an absolute complete intention to be left alone dominates his disposition. He knows who he is spiritually, with no concern for attention, nor the need to convince others of anything, in any regard. Manipulation, the hunger for power, possesses no control over him. Impressing others sincerely means nothing. His sensitivity is coarse, an overly sensitive nature not a part of his faith. He is not self-conscious, nor insecure, nor is he put on guard by others possessing spiritual proficiency. His advanced spirituality is not tainted by a desperation aimed at establishing himself as a spiritual scholar, nor dependent upon a self-esteemed based upon a delusional, or real, higher intellect. He has no interest in being smart, possessing superior knowledge, nor being correct through the negating of others. He is all about being holy. He is a man of prayer.

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