St Alphonsus Rodriguez

Patience in formation

…it seems that we are never to cease being novices; our profession is deferred so long, that almost our whole life, passes in a noviceship and probation before the society (Jesuits) admits and acknowledges us to be true and fit workmen in the vineyard of our Lord.  It does this because the matter in question is the conferring upon us what is of the greatest importance in the world; and therefore it is necessary to have a good trial beforehand, to see what we are and what we are capable of.  The thing in question is, to charge us, not only with the conversion, but with the perfection also, of our neighbor; and therefore it is necessary we should first have laboured very well for our own.  Hence it is easily seen how much those are deceived who seem to think these probations too long or even useless, and who, from the first ray of light they receive in prayer—from the least spark of piety they feel in their heart—would on a sudden thrust themselves into the offices of preaching and hearing confessions.  St Ephraim deplores this abuse, and says it is a sentiment that springs, not from the spirit of God, but from the spirit of presumption and pride.  “They would begin,” says he, “to teach before they know anything themselves.  They would intrude themselves to give laws and rules to others, before they have learned the laws and rules themselves; they would take upon them to give their opinions in everything; before they have begun to spell; and before they are capable of receiving correction, they take upon them to correct others”. –St Alphonsus Rodriguez ‘The Practice of Christian & Religious Perfection III’

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St Alphonsus Rodriguez, a man who endured much, including failure and heartbreak, before settling into the life of a religious, espouses upon the importance of patience in regards to religious formation.  The patience and fortitude to allow an inner transformation, an imitation of Christ bringing into being a divine unification, to create within my life a man worthy of carrying the message of Christ.  At this time, I am exactly where I need to be.  I am exactly who I am.  However, I am also open to the possibility of change, new and improved ways to strengthen the natural in order to serve God greater.  Holding decisions lightly, discerning within patience, counsel, and prayer, I am able to explore opportunities for a greater future, allowing the process of their coming into being the time to profoundly develop.  I am not in a hurry, nor forcing free will upon life.  I am not inflicting discontent, confusion, and chaotic ways upon others. Through a lack of proper formation, I am not bewildering, and possibly harming, others.  In a world of confusion, I do not spread confusion.  In a selfish broken world of individuals striving for ascendency, a world dominated by individuals desperate to establish identity, a world overwhelming in opinions, I become a humble man of depth, comfortable within my own skin, expressing above all things faith, hope, and charity.  My aspirations, insecurities, hopes, desires do not shape my disposition.  I strive to remain calm, prayerful, at peace with myself and God at all times.  My dedication to faith, hope, and charity does not seek solace through the tongue.  A reputation amongst others does not delight my fancy.  Boredom does not subdue me into shallowness, curious and wanton in interest and activity, the constant pursuit of secular entertainment.  I am not all over the place trying to be all things for all people.  I do not see myself as a charismatic blossoming personality—a person always selling himself.  In the above passage from St Alphonsus Rodriguez, he wrote shortly beforehand of the importance of a religious community concentrating upon the formation of those recruited, rather than focusing upon the bringing in of new members—quality rather than quantity.  Formation is a slow tedious process, extremely at odds with a fast paced dynamic world of dazzling entertainment, a plethora of stimulating ideas, an endless possibility of worldly and spiritual avenues to explore, a multitude of new people to engage and busy ourselves with.  Mature formation dictates that authentic potentialities usurp glittering and astounding possibilities.  At all times, I endeavor to remain quiet and still in nature, reposed before God–singing and playing to the Lord in your hearts–recognizing the presence of God within all things.  In the process becoming virtuous in the core of my being, thus able to act with dignity within my recognized imperfections and strengths, to truly be a messenger of God.

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Weekend appraisal

I am looking forward to this weekend dominated by the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament. Sunday is the feast day of St. Peter Julian Eymard, founder of the Eucharistic community. The weekend presents three incredible saints for celebration. Friday, July 31st, honors St. Ignatius of Loyola. Saturday, the opening of August, the Doctor of the Church St. Alphonsus Liguori is granted acclamation. The weekend itinerary involving the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament presents a communal Holy Hour with prayer before the Blessed Sacrament Friday evening. Saturday will be a full day of instruction, concluding with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Sunday, Jim Brown will preach during mass. The approachable, amiable gentleman made the initial impression of a mature intelligent man of faith, humble within worldly success and authoritative position. Sunday the community will also open its doors to the public as a part of the Diocese’s concentration upon the consecrated life. It is really edifying to experience the various religious communities existing throughout the Cleveland area. My friend Carol and I have developed pleasing camaraderie in pursuit of the Diocesan agenda. I will be privileged with her company this Sunday. I am also going to extend an invitation to my therapist/spiritual director. Another community opening their doors is the Poor Clares of Colettine. I have not attended their Sunday Benediction in quite a while. Since moving to the East side, I have lost touch with this blessed Sunday afternoon tradition. The Poor Clares offer a quaint, bright white, holy chapel, truly a Thin Place, a space naturally to lose one’s self within prayer. The final community to be explored is the Evangelizing Sisters of Mary at the St Adalbert Parrish of Cleveland. I must say I am really intrigued to explore the sister’s life. Originating from Uganda, the sisters in 2014 began ministering through the St Adalbert Parrish. I found a video online that absolutely melted my heart. It should be a splendid weekend.

I met with Father Roger, my favorite Tanzanian priest, yesterday. Hopefully moving forward in resolution of a complexity proving to be an obstacle in my prayer life. Every aspect of my life is focused upon greater efficacy in worship and prayer. Alone, I can accomplish the endeavor, however, in truth and reality that is proving to be impossible. Cloaking myself with maturity, consultation is embraced. A determination is made with the respected priest. I belong at St Paul’s Shrine. If the abiding religious men and women question my authenticity or my ways in any regard, I want to know. I am small before all, especially the consecrated. I know who I am. I know who others are. If I am not welcome, I will seek solace within another church. I was touched when one of the extern sisters, seeing me walk past with Father Roger, came out to thank me so earnestly for providing and assisting with the open house Sunday. How could she not know, she provided so much by allowing me to be of service. So I will continue worshipping and adoring at St Paul’s Shrine, absolutely unsure I will be able to contain my wrath.

St Alphonsus Rodriguez spiritually directs:

Another advantage which temptation brings with it is, that it makes us more attentive to our duties of obligation, hinders us from being remiss in them, and causes us to stand more upon our guard; like men who are every hour on the point of engaging.

…one day St. Gertrude, bewailing bitterly a fault she was subject to, and begging of God most earnestly to free her from it; our Lord, with great bounty, answered her thus; “Why wouldst thou, my dear daughter, deprive me of great glory, and thyself of great reward? Every time that thou art sensible of thy fault, and dost purpose to amend it for the future, it is a new merit thou acquires; and as often as one endeavors to overcome any fault for the love of me, he does me the same honor as a brave soldier does his king, in fighting courageously against his enemies, and endeavoring to conquer them”.

Video of the Evangelizing Sisters of Mary now stationed at St Adalbert’s Parrish in Cleveland.

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Spiritual Direction

We read in the Chronicles of St Francis, that a secular asked a good religious, why St John Baptist, having been sanctified in his mother’s womb, should retire to the desert, and lead there such a penitential life as he did. The good religious answered him, by first asking this question: pray why do we throw salt upon meat that is fresh and good? To keep it the better, and to hinder it from corruption, replied the other. The very same answer I give you, says the religious, concerning the Baptist; he made use of penance as of salt, to preserve his sanctity from the least corruption of sin as holy Church sings of him, “that purity of his life might not be tarnished with the least breath.” Now, if in time of peace, and when we have no temptation to fight against, it is very useful to exercise our bodies by penance and mortification, with how much more reason ought we do so in time of war, when encompassed with enemies on all side? St Thomas, following Aristotle’s opinion, says that the word chastity is derived from “chastise,” inasmuch as by chastising the body we subdue the vice opposite to chastity; and also adds, that the vices of the flesh are like children, who must be whipped into their duty, since they cannot be led to it by reason. –St Alphonsus Rodriguez ‘The Practice of Christian and Religious Perfection’.

Chastise: 1. To discipline, especially by corporal punishment. 2. To criticize severely. 3. Archaic to restrain; chasten. 4. Archaic. To refine; purify.

St Alphonsus Rodriguez writes guidance for the religious, yet I find his harsh, demanding perspective practical in contemplative pursuits as a layperson, while also touching upon a consideration into living a fully consecrated life. We are either fully in, or we are out. No dabbling. This is not a game of casualness, times of allowing explorations into the secular and nonreligious without salting ourselves. If we are not fully in, we must respect those fully in. Consideration and kindness are deeper than being casual and brash. Defenses must be up, ramparts in place, when journeying through life. I am reading a novel, ‘All We Know of Heaven” by Remy Rougeau, a Canadian Benedictine monk writing about a nineteen year old entering a Cistercian monastery. The novel captures me with its concise matter-of-fact, drab delivery; a boringness to the entire endeavor that pleases. Brutally honest realism, I suppose, with respect to Thomas Merton’s ‘Seven Story Mountain’. Poignantly ironic, I find the work of fiction realistic, and the biography delusional. In the novel there is not an underlying need for the author to establish himself as a recognized intellectual, an academic authority, a pop culture religious/literary celebrity. This is simply a monk telling a simple story. There is no great exploration of larger than life ideals, no religious history, nor romanticizing through flowery language, no desiring to expose the mystical and supernatural (a criticism I should consider reflectively), no tendency toward psychological self-absorbing introspections, no exposing of one’s inner-most being, no long sentences—saying so many things in a quick spewing. It is a simple realistic view into the occurrences within the life of a young man entering a Canadian Trappist monastery. Ordinary, yet set apart, an original thing in the world. Things can be defined by what they are not. “He walked into the house (his parent’s home after a week at the monastery) and felt as though he had returned from a foreign country; the television seemed a very odd contraption.”

No time, and thoughts are not coming out. I was aiming for the idea that God did not sacrifice His Son over two thousand years ago, and aside from the Church, basically disappear from the ways of man accidently. A God of order, there is a divine plan in place. It is difficult, demanding penance, mortification, and dedication, obviously trust and confidence, as well as obedience and surrender, the following of the ways of the Church if serious depth is to be achieved. Within and through the ordinary, the boring and mundane, we come into actualization, yet the process is difficult, the ways of the saints rigorous, brutal, and nearly impossible in regards to application.  Divine assistance please subtly abide. The extraordinary existing within the ordinary takes a fine process of revealing; romantic traps, emotional enticements, egotistical needs, the desire for intellectual gratification, artistic expression, boredom, and the flesh are always posed for a gradual or immediate devouring.  Not sure I am pleased with this entry, struggling personally with respect to perfection and longing for Ann–some days are difficult, yet never will I fully concede defeat, for as St Liguori teaches, the greatest defeat is to lose hope. My friend with the Catholic bookstore has a sign above her front door, above a holy water dispenser, ‘All yee who enter, abandon despair’. Always through faith, hope, charity and GRADUALNESS within fortitude, perseverance, and understanding–‘gratefulness for progress achieved’ maintained as a driving force, I move forward. To dabble or sit casually still is to die.  The sitting still must be done with precise purpose, adorably and prayerfully in the presence of the Eucharist. Dentist appointment this morning, natural world calls, salting performed.

All We Know of Heaven

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Proper prayer attention

…when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you –Gospel of Matthew

Let us hence conclude, that the knowledge of ourselves is the most proper remedy against vainglory–it is also the last means we propose to protect us from it. If we enter a little into ourselves, and take an account of what we are, we shall see nothing we can be proud of, but rather many things to humble and confound us….Hence Job said, “That he feared all his actions”.; that is, he had an extreme mistrust of himself, because of the many imperfections and defects which easily intermix with all he did (prayer included)…–St Alphonsus Rodriguez

Alphonso Rodriguez

Alphonso Rodriguez

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Religious in the world

…. The smallest stain is more indecent in a fine robe; and the richer the cloth is, the more the stain appears, inasmuch that what appears very considerable upon a cloth of gold or silver can hardly be perceived upon a coarser kind; in like manner the stain of a venial sin, is scarce taken notice of amongst seculars…looked upon only as a trifle, there being so great and general a corruption in the world. But on religious, who are the dearly beloved of God, the least imperfection is very considerable–the least immodesty, the Least murmuring, the least impatient or hasty word is a very great offence, and gives great occasion of scandal amongst us. But amongst secular there is so little account made of such things that often times they never reflect on nor take any notice. To have dust on our feet troubles us not, but the least particle that gets into the apple of the eye puts us in a very great pain. Men in the world are like the feet of the mystical body of the Church, and religious resemble the eyes of the same body; so that the lease fault in a religious is a very great and very bad consequence, because it works so far worse of fact in him then it can do in a secular; and for this reason a religious lies under a greater obligation of watching, and taking care of all his actions. –St Alphonsus Rodriguez

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St Rodriguez refers to priest and those under proper religious vows, yet striving for a deeper union with Christ I find it a challenge when mixing amongst the world. A quiet person, demanding as little attention as possible, watching, observing, loving, I find myself drawn out into downtown streets. The last several weekends I have spent my time walking around downtown Cleveland, attending mass at the Cathedral, spending time before the tabernacle and a sublime wooden statue of Mary, reading in a park alcove, shopping at a new gourmet grocery store, enjoying a walking workout, spending hour after hour wandering about downtown. When I can, waiting for proper moments, I attempt to touch. I also allow myself to be touched. A talkative well-dressed cultured group of women offering a ticket to a jazz concert, I eagerly comply and accompany. Another nice moment occurred dinning with a Romanian waitress at a Vietnamese restaurant. Shy, unsure of herself, I commented to her she did not look Vietnamese. Her awkward poor English response: ‘neither do you’ caught me off guard. Laughing deeply, I read her name tag: Lavinia. Observing her, noticing how scared she was of everyone, lacking confidence in her English, running away from every table, my heart went out to her. Finally, after watching her torment of serving, I told the owner I must speak with my waitress. Awkwardly, she approached, expecting a complaint. I told her I enjoyed my dinner, the fried soft tofu in sesame soy sauce amazing, however I am convinced she could have been friendlier with me, that I even felt she was a bit rude, she could have allowed me the luxury of conversation, enjoying herself a bit, rather than running away from me all the time. She apologized, telling me she is not good with talking to people. Teasingly, I reprimanded her: ‘Well I can see that, yet that is nonsense. You are a charming young lady who has no reason to run away from everyone. Your English is not that bad. You understand well. I can tell. Do not worry about your pronunciation. You failed miserably this time, yet I will tip you generously, granting you another attempt next weekend. This restaurant is becoming a weekend routine and I am going to request you every time I visit’. Appearing perplexed, she responded ‘ok’ and immediately ran away. I will return, pleased to see if her serving skills have improved–if she still has a job. Also a nice experience with an Indian gentleman working his new deli. The only one in his establishment, drinking coffee with him, we talked about basketball. He is so excited to have his downtown store, sharing with a customer means great joy to him. I oblige, listening to him talk about basketball, a sport he is learning and immensely enjoys watching. He is convinced the Cleveland team can win a championship, authentically excited by the possibility. I finished my coffee, which he filled with cream from his personal fridge. I do not take cream in my coffee, yet he offers from his personal supply so I must accept. It is important to properly receive as it is to give, allowing others the joy of being a giver. In regards to religion, I always listen closely to other’s insights, allowing them to share their experience of learning about God, rather than trying to impress them with my words. Let others talk about God, listen, allow them the joy of being an expert on God. As if on cue, as my coffee was consumed and conversation waned, a large group dressed for the baseball game entered his store. The world in all its confusion can be such a joy, a blessed place displaying the brilliance of God.

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Purposeful prayer

Prayer…is not the end we propose to ourselves in a spiritual life; it is only a means by which we help ourselves to make progress in virtue, and to obtain a victory over our passions and evil inclinations, in order that, having surmounted all the obstacles that hinder us from approaching God, and having made straight the path that leads to Him, we may unite ourselves inseparably with Him. When St Paul had the eyes of his soul entirely opened by God, by that light which flashed on him from heaven, and by that divine voice that said to him, “I am Jesus whom you persecute”, what a change was made upon a sudden in him? With what promptitude, with what submission, did he then abandon himself to the will of God, as his own words testify—“Lord, what would you have me do?”…-–St Alphonsus Rodriguez

…as he went on his journey,
it came to pass…
a light from heaven shined
round about him….
falling on the ground,
…heard a voice…
Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?
…Who art thou, Lord?
…I am Jesus whom thou persecutest.
It is hard for thee to kick against the goad.
…trembling and astonished…
Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?

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Fortitude: seek that which is above

Brothers and sisters:
If then you were raised with Christ, seek what is above,
where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
Think of what is above, not of what is on earth.
For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Epistle of Paul, Letter to Colossians chapter 3

“The kingdom of heaven is to be taken by storm, and it is only the violent that carry it away”. (Matt 12)  And, as when you go against the tide, you must always row without ceasing, and when you stop but for a while, you find yourself drifted far from the spot you had rowed to; so here you must still push forward, and make head against the current of your depraved passions, unless you be content to see yourself quickly carried far back from that degree of perfection which you had before attained. –St Alphonsus Rodriguez ‘The Practice of Christian & Religious Perfection I’.

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