Our most loving Redeemer, knowing that he must leave this earth and return to His Father as soon as He had accomplished the work of our redemption by his death, and seeing that the hour of his death had now come–“Jesus knew that His hour had come to pass from this world to the Father (John 13:1)–would not leave us alone in this valley of tears, so what did he do?
He instituted the Most Holy Sacrament of the Eucharist in which he left us His whole self.
–St Alphonsus Liguori ‘The Holy Eucharist’
I met with my spiritual director today, an impromptu visit, scheduled in during an idle week of therapy. Processing the return to Fort Wayne, Dr Nitcha left me with the contemplative thought that the best we can hope to do within a parting is to leave the other with a greater capacity to love. We accomplish something divine if we part from another having increased their ability to properly love. If we have crippled or crushed another’s sense of love we have imposed self-will, resorting away from Divine Will. The idea of Christ parting from the world and leaving the Eucharist behind became intensely profound.
After the session, graciously granted twenty minutes of socializing, I opted for adoration at a wonderful east side church St Paschal Baylon, a church Dr Nitcha referred me to. I am blessed with his guidance, saying no more, touched he invited me to his millennial daughter’s artwork display. Proud, humble, while hesitant to praise, he informed me his daughter, as a young adult, is recognizing and presenting herself to the world as a serious artist. I responded, ‘to be an artist is a blessing and a curse’. He quickly added, ‘that is the case with all things’. I cannot not stress the invigoration he brings to my life, supplying confidence, a reassuring of my spiritual life, and encouragement on the natural level. I was able to share a personal experience that occurred before the Eucharist, a bit hesitant regarding the matter.
Also a strange incident with a new coworker, one haunting me throughout the day. Jose is a man from Puerto Rico new to our Maintenance department. He is engaging and intelligent. I enjoy the minds of others and today I spent the day with him. I must warn readers to proceed with caution. Prepare yourselves, yet I feel this is important. It was strangely and difficultly edifying when it occurred. I could not avoid it. Struggling with his English, Jose became excited, wanting me to watch a video from the internet. He informed me it was taken by a webcam posted above the entrance of a nightclub from his country. Several men were hanging out in front of the nightclub, when suddenly two cars came to a screeching halt, men jumping out, beating one of the men with clubs. The other gathered men fled in sheer terror. The most horrific thing happened as the attacked man’s arm suddenly dangled absurdly. “Jose what are they doing?” “They hit him with machetes.” “I thought they were clubs.” “No they are machetes.” Making the sign of the cross, falling into prayer, aghast, I felt I had to watch, suffering intense compassion for the man being hacked to death, empathizing, trying to understand the insanity and shock that had to be gripping his mind, also feeling overwhelming compassion for the men doing the hacking. If one were not strong with the Lord how could one expect to handle such an extreme travesty? The brutality of the death would be impossible to handle properly. What a horrific thing to do to one’s soul and mind to hack another man to death with a machete. What a sickening hardening of the heart and sense of decency, an absolute blocking of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. What fear children must possess within their consciousness knowing such savagery is a reality and possibility, something they could endure or have to inflict, something their mind processes while alone in bed at night. Jose, not being sensational, authentically telling me in a way that he felt I had to understand, told me about coming across his neighbor as a teenager after his neighbor suffered a machete attack by three men. It was important for him to tell me the story. He was working when he decided to return home for lunch in order to eat with his mother. Walking back to work, he heard desperate cries, discovering his neighbor calling out for help. His hands were severely gashed from trying to ward off the machete blows, and he suffered awful gashes upon his head. Jose ran for the man’s brothers and they all wrapped him in a blanket and took him for medical help. The man lived, still walking and talking the day Jose left his country. It was not until prayers, a Rosary, and a Holy Hour could I be free of the video images and the story Jose told me. The things people suffer in this life are immensely gruesome, overwhelmingly abominable. Oh Lord please help us. This is not an inconsequential game we have gotten ourselves involved in. Lord please have mercy and assist us in this tremendous endeavor of life. At times fearful, with courage and confidence, I plow forward in building a life complimenting my contemplative efforts, nurturing my prayer life.
Dr Nitcha had test results from a personality style test he gave me, a long hundred and fifty question test. The conclusion he presented: I am devoted personality type. Devoted types care, and that’s what makes their lives worth living. You won’t find anyone more loving, more solicitous of you, more concerned for your needs and feelings or for those of the groups as a whole. At their best, individuals with this style are the loyal, considerate, ever-so-helpful members of the family or team…their happiness comes from the fulfillment of other’s directives and goals. Devoted people are the ones who tell you, “I’m happy if you’re happy”–and mean it.
The negative side of the Devoted personality style creates the neurosis of dependent personality disorder. People suffering from dependent personality disorder, the pathological extreme of the Devoted style, have the misfortune to experience themselves as helpless, weak, empty, and inferior. By attaching themselves to another person they gain strength and self-esteem to survive. Yet they live in fear of losing the person that is so necessary to them. They can’t bear the very thought of being without the other.
I just report what is given to me whether I like it or not. Absorbing, moving forward, fearing not mistakes. Building upon the gifts of the Holy Spirit, prayerful and mindful, may the Eucharist be glorified through a passionate novena allowing greater understanding. All hail the omnipotence of the Trinity.