Monthly Archives: July 2015

Inventory and some music

A birthday comes and years pass.  I feel my age, comfortable with life, interiorly reposing into a life of sobriety and the pursuit of God.  Many details demand further definition, yet I do not allow fear to command.  I know who I am and my self-knowledge penetrates further.  Gratitude, a sense of extreme blessing extended over a subtle time, the realization kisses on a birthday, following with the whispering: ‘you did not marvel that concupiscence has been lifted, the blinding of lust removed’.  The voice chuckling, continuing in the tone of Mary: ‘You have always been such an odd one.  Be happy.  You have been given a great grace.’  My spiritual exercises expand, settling into profound ritual, guided by the Eucharist.  On my birthday, I received an authoritative welcoming email from the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament that intrigues.  The August 1st date is more than I anticipated.  There will be a continental breakfast followed by a full eight hour day of instruction, concluding with mass.  The curriculum is defined:

1. Eucharist as Nourishment and Reconciliation
2. Eucharist as Transformation
3. Eucharist as Abiding Presence Calling Us to Mission

I discern with respect and admiration the gradual process of the organization becoming a reality of worship and service.  My initial reaction that it is a group of mature pursuers of faith impassions, yet I temper, trusting in patience, allowing my imagination not to run away from God.  I think of the words of Teresa of Avila.

… (If) this soul (a seasoned practitioner) invariably followed the will of God, it is clear that it would not be lost. But the devil comes with his artful wiles, and, under colour of doing good, sets about undermining it in trivial ways, and involving it in practices which, so he gives it to understand, are not wrong; little by little he darkens its understanding, and weakens its will, and causes its self-love to increase, until in one way and another he begins to withdraw it from the love of God and to persuade it to indulge its own wishes.  –Interior Castle

I visited with my friend, Jan Marie, owner of the Marian Catholic bookstore.  Her prayer room is a holy space, a Thin place.  A Thin Place is a space in which the veil between heaven and earth is greatly reduced, allowing the light of heaven to shine on through to the realm of time and space.  It is an Irish term, referring to the wonders of nature: mountaintops, waterfalls, an ocean with the sun rising or setting above, and sacred places.  St Paul’s Shrine is a Thin Place.

My friend gave me a packed envelope of things she gathered for me.  She collects Catholic antiquities and stuff of all kinds.  I do not know where she gets all the items.  She has quite a reputation.  People bring her stuff while closing estates, and in other such ways she comes across amazing stuff.  Within her offerings was a novena.  I liked its aged look.  I took it into St Paul’s for further inspection during mass.  Reading it before mass, I realized the totality of what it was.  It was a Perpetual Novena in honor of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal from 1936 as put together by the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration at St Paul’s.  That would have been fifteen years after the Catholic diocese under Bishop Scremps, and the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration under Mother Mary Agnes Eichler purchased the church for the settlement of Poor Clares at Euclid and 40th Street.  During the Millionaire Row days of Euclid Avenue the church was an evangelical church.

I showed the precious Novena to an extern sister who immediately grasped it as hers, or more properly the convents, exclaiming Mother Agnes.  I laughed to myself thinking I was only showing it to her, however now it is obvious I am giving it to her.  I did not mind since there were two in the envelope.  I scolded myself a bit for not thinking of giving it to her in the first place.  I did have two of them why would I not share one.  In truth, beyond scolding, I was so stunned by the find I was just showing her out of amazement.  I never expected her to become so excited.  Pleasant experience.

On to the physical conditioning aspect, the natural arising to match the spiritual, I am in the tenth day of the Master Cleanse diet, determining I am going to continue.  I will cease the fast when deemed appropriate.  Right now all aspects appeal immensely.  I will be running a 5K August 8th, speaking of Millionaires Row.  The urban running course will start at Garden View Park passing through the historic Rockefeller Park and the Cleveland Cultural Gardens then through the historic East Boulevard neighborhood.  It should be a thrill.

While putting this together, I heard a song that captivated.  I watched the video amazed.  How can one watch the beginning and not be left spellbound by the wonder of God, the vigor and determination of life to be born.  Utterly astounding, the hairs on my neck stood in joy, my heart marveling at the sovereignty, grandeur, and majesty of God.

I recognized the song playing on Pandora to be a cover of this original by Iron and Wine, a Sam Beam song.  Listen to these words. A quaint cozy love song is something never to shirk away from.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCYWymG9fSs

 

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Jul212015

Flowers blossoming within a garden

No, my very dear daughter, it is not necessary to be always and at every moment attentive to all the virtues in order to practice them; that would twist and encumber your thoughts and feelings too much. Humility and charity are the master ropes; all the others are attached to them. We need hold on to these two…

…I’d like to say more about your prayer, for I reread your letter late last night. Go on doing as you described. Be careful not to intellectualize, because this can be harmful, not only in general, but especially at prayer. Approach the beloved object of your prayer with your affections quite simply and as gently as you can. Naturally, every now and then, your intellect will make an effort to apply itself; don’t waste time trying to guard against this, for that would only be a distraction. When you notice this happening, be content simply to return to acts of the will. –St Francis de Sales

I am captivated by the letters of St Francis de Sales and St Jane de Chantal. It is more than the direction tendered. The mature fellowship–overflowing with intimacy, interest, intelligence, care, cordiality, concern, kindness, and gentleness–provides a saintly example of individuals interacting on a higher Catholic plane.

St Francis de Sales and St Jane de Chantal, along with Visitation sisters.

St Francis de Sales and St Jane de Chantal, along with Visitation sisters.

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Jul202015

Freedom into obedient openness

St Francis de Sales on aligning with Divine Will, in respect to the freedom sweetly offered through the following of Christ, the opening of the heart of a Catholic man or woman to the necessary flexibility to unify with God’s will.  Rigidity, hardheadedness, or haphazard, flighty, efforts will not suffice.  The quotes moves forward from the freedom the previous St Francis de Sales quote established.

This freedom (of the Children of God) has two opposite vices: instability and constraint or, in the extreme dissoluteness and slavishness.  Instability is a kind of excessive freedom which makes us want to change our practices or our state in life for no good reason or without knowing if to do so is God’s will.  The least pretext is enough to make us change a practice, a plan, a rule; for the filmiest excuse we give up a rule or a good custom; it becomes like an orchard open on all sides, where the fruit is not for the owner but for all who pass.

Am I really pursuing God to satisfy my whims and boredom in life?  Do I use faith to suit my fickle interests and desires? In truth, am I really doing whatever I want, doing everything to suit me?

Constraint or slavishness is a certain lack of freedom that causes the soul to be unduly anxious or angry when it cannot carry out what it had intended to do, even though it could now do something better. 

My daily spiritual exercise is the attendance of mass and Eucharistic adoration at St Paul’s.  It is a demand, yet flexibility exist.  If I break my leg.  I must tend to my broken leg, missing mass and adoration without anxiety.  I may feel sorrow, yet not stress out about the matter.  If my work schedules me for first shift, I am obedient to work, again missing mass with no consternation, altering plans to attend an evening mass.  Doing something better is a more difficult discernment.  I place a session with Dr. Nichta in that category, again altering plans so an earlier mass obliges.  I would also consider involvement with the Blessed Sacrament Congregation, or such properly discerned efforts within the Church.

St Francis de Sales elaborates.

First of all, I must point out two rules which must be observed if we are not to fail in this matter.  First, we should never neglect our exercises and the common norms of virtue unless to do so appears to be God’s will.  Now the will of God is indicated in two ways: through necessity or charity. 

Necessity is obvious.  The broken leg a suitable example.  Charity needs consideration.

…when we use our freedom for charity’s sake it must be without scandal or injustice.  Example: I am certain I could be more useful somewhere far from my diocese.  I must not use my freedom to follow through with this, for I would give scandal and act unjustly since my obligation is here.  Therefore, it’s a false use of freedom for married women to absent themselves from their husbands without a legitimate reason, under pretext of devotion or charity.  Our freedom must never take us away from our vocation.  On the contrary, it should make us content each with our own calling, knowing that it is God’s will that we remain in it.

This example I cherish as sublime.  Meditate upon it.

…now I want to show you a “sun” that shines more brilliantly than any of these: a really open, detached spirit who holds on to the will of God alone.  I’ve often wondered who was the most mortified of all the saints…after much reflection, I decided it was St John the Baptist.  He went into the desert at the age of five, and was aware that our Savior was born in a place very close by, maybe two or three days’ journey away.  God only knows how much his heart, which had been moved to love his Savior from the time he was still in his mother’s womb, would have wanted to enjoy the Lord’s sweet presence!  Yet, he spent twenty-five years in the desert, without once coming to see Him; then leaving the desert, he went about catechizing without going to visit the Lord, but waited for the Lord to come to him.  Afterward, having baptized Him, he didn’t follow him but stayed behind to do his appointed work.  What mortification!  To be so close to his Savior and not to see Him!  To have Him so near and not to enjoy His presence! (Not to be recognized as an apostle!)  Isn’t this having one’s spirit completely detached, bound to nothing, not even to God, in order to do His will and serve Him; to leave God for God, and to not love God so as to love Him better?  –St Francis de Sales

St Francis de Sales

St Francis de Sales

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Jul192015

An individual amidst the Holy Sacrifice of Mass

Two seemingly contrasting thoughts that I would like to bring together.

…no one who was searching the same way for the same thing he was called to. And so he went about, an unloved stranger, and with great self-discipline he stayed away; but doing so caused him much joy later on. –Henry Suso

–Now Father Paul Bernier, Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament, from his book “Living the Eucharist: Celebrating Its Rhythms in Our Lives”.

…On Sundays, perhaps the most important event that takes place is the gathering of the community to share in Christ’s own sacrificial meal. It is easy to skip over this fact and concentrate on the liturgical action whereby we are fed at both the table of Christ’s word and of his flesh. Central to a proper understanding of the Eucharist, however is a proper appreciation for the significance of the community that gathers for the celebration….The early church focused instead on what happens to the people who share that bread and wine in memory of Christ.

….For the past few hundred years we have been influenced by a spiritual individualism that has had an insidious effect on our proper understanding of what the church is all about. It leads us to imagine God’s reign as an interior reality in the souls of individual believers scattered over the face of the earth. However, it is not as individuals but precisely as a people that the church can be a credible sign of salvation to the rest of the world.

I do not mean to dive in over my head, yet there is a point that seemed essential this afternoon, instructive in defining my path. A contemplative pursing a three step transformative process, one central to the ancient church, one furthered in the sixteenth century through St John of the Cross and St Teresa of Avila, many others picking up from there. The Spanish saints invented nothing. They revealed and expressed through written word a truth exercised within the ancient church. The transformative process is threefold in nature. The first being purgation, a cleansing beyond confessional absolution. Psychological damage incurred, self-afflicted and inflicted, is brought to the surface, allowing faith, hope, and charity to center within my heart. The vessel cleansed, never perfect, for within imperfection I will always be. However I am aware of who I am. I am aware of who I am not. I know myself. I am content with myself. I do not want to be someone else. Denials and delusions are defeated. I am not overly sensitive, nor reliant upon others in ways that diminish my centering upon the Trinity, Mary, and the saints. Within weakness, vulnerability, surrendering, a strong prayer life devoted to the Eucharist, I am self-dependent, able to always protect my enlightened self. Knowing who I am, nurturing my soul through prayer and the Eucharist, I come into the second process that being illumination, the gifts of the Holy Spirit graced into my life. My effort is rewarded. God, a loving God, bestows generously. Photosynthesis through the Eucharist experienced. Interiorly my work has been intense, austere as Henry Suso defines. Yet now the words of Father Paul Bernier become important. I remember telling Sister at Our Lady of the Pines that there are times my heart is so filled with love during mass, I am so inspired and lifted by the Poor Clares, that I just want to shower love upon others, yet I am not sure what to do. My heart overflows with an immense love. I plead with Mary to dispense properly, being the Throne of Wisdom, I bow before her majesty. Sister assured me it was a very good sign. She knew what I was talking about. She smiled deeply. Her eyes radiated. I knew when I pleased her, yet let me stress I was not focused upon pleasing her. I was brutally honest. I will say something else. She enforced a strict rule of no apologies, no should of, no maybes, no attempts at false humility, no constant confessing, or defacing myself. Matters were discussed straightforwardly. If she affirmed it was not pop psychology trying to make me feel ok. It was a pat on the back to encourage proper direction. She expanded, stressing the experienced overwhelming infused love during mass must develop into an awareness of those surrounding me, and also those not present: my family, coworkers, basketball friends, those in my life. Focusing upon the Eucharist allows me to love profoundly. This is what Father Paul writes about. That is what the ancient, as well as modern, church accomplishes. To be aware of the incredible fact that celebrating mass with me are creatures made in the image and likeness of God. Gathered together in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass we are all equal, one body as St Paul declares. Others want to get to heaven. Others are smart, many smarter and more accomplished than myself. Some are holier and some are not so holy. I am not concerned with damaging nor complimentary details. Particulars, inevitable to a certain degree, deserve no serious attention for I am content in who I am. I am not trying to be anything more. I do not need to feel I am special in any regard, nor am I apologetic for striving upon the contemplative path. I am at peace. I am not isolated, closed as Pope Francis would say. Closed also in the sense that I am only open to those willing to nurture delusion. I do not manipulate. I am content to play the fool if need be. Above all of that thinking is nothing, an emptiness leaving acute awareness. A void created, a focus upon the Eucharist, passive, open, I am able to be filled, highly tuned to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Faith, hope, and charity blossoming into a divine expression. The joy of mass is elevated to the third step of the contemplative process as recognized by the ancient church that being unification, theosis, a transformation in which the will of God becomes an individual’s will. Reaching unification one sees himself and others, all things, as God does, and thus acts accordingly. That one I will leave alone, although I think in everything I have stated the opening to unification is evident. I recall the image of a fireplace poker being left in the burning fire. The poker unifying with the fire, taking on the properties of fire, attains the same luminosity and heat of the fire. It becomes one with the fire.

A perfect photo in concept. I pray this gentleman would be complimented by my usage. It appeared perfect.

A perfect photo in concept. I pray this gentleman would be complimented by my usage. It appears apropos.

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Reposing within the herd

Viewed an interesting movie ‘Au Hasard Balthazar” by the French master Robert Bresson–Diary of a Country Priest and The Trial of Joan of Arc.  Simple images and ideas revolving around being human within a community suffering the loss of faith, the existence of the seven deadly sins, and eventually the disintegration of individuals involved in futile, frustrating, manipulative selfish relationships.  Balthazar, a name originating with the gift-bearing magi, is a donkey, a heart-warming symbol of faith, hope, and charity.  Marie, the central figure, as a child begs her father to purchase the baby donkey.  The animal is adorable with infant fur, awkward legs, and a bashful nursing nature.  The beast of burden is vulnerability and innocence embodied.  The children possessing a zest for life baptize their darling donkey in a staged sacred ceremony, naming their wonder Balthazar.  As the years pass, everyone suffers.  Marie becomes a complicated angst filled young woman, unable to love, attached to wayward social activity, losing respect for her father, a man of no solutions in his demand for honor while enduring stubborn aimless poverty–suffering impurely through pride,  Balthazar is Marie’s only outlet for love.  The final scene, accompanied by a Schubert sonata, presents the death of Balthazar.  The delinquent Gerard torturing and deviously influencing Marie throughout the film, absconds with Balthazar, utilizing the donkey for criminal activity. Definitive, once the spoiled Gerard receives a portable hand radio and motorbike loud French rock-n-roll follows him throughout the film.  Whenever we watch Gerard we hear the influence of pop culture.  During the black market smuggling diabolical, Balthazar is shot.  Gerard and accomplices flee into the darkness of a surrounding forest.  Balthazar’s death is a black and white meditative dance upon the screen as a flock of sheep, guide dogs, and a shepherd venture upon his dying.  Upon the big screen, as intended to be seen, the scene is mesmerizing in beauty juxtaposed to all the preceding confusion and travesties.

Today’s reading fit nicely into the theme of the herd, expanding beyond to the duty of shepherds.

Woe to the shepherds who mislead and scatter the flock of My pasture…You have scattered my sheep and driven them away. You have not cared for them, but I will take care to punish your evil deeds. I myself will gather the remnant of my flock from all the lands to which I have driven them and bring them back to their meadow; there they shall increase and multiply. I will appoint shepherds for them who will shepherd them so that they need no longer fear and tremble, and none shall be missing… —Jeremiah 2

The LORD is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.  —Psalm 23

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Jul182015

Breathing eternal light into freedom

Every good person is free of committing mortal sins and has no willing attachment to them. Such freedom is necessary for salvation, but that is not what I am talking about here. The freedom I’m referring to is the ‘freedom of the children of God’ who know they are loved. And what is that (freedom)? It’s the detachment of a Christian heart from all things so that it is free to follow the known will of God. You will readily understand what I’m trying to say if God gives me the grace to explain to you the characteristics and effects of this freedom, and the occasions when it is practiced.

…this freedom is not attached to consolations, but accepts affliction with as much docility as nature can manage. I’m not saying that the person doesn’t like or long for these considerations, but just that her heart isn’t bound to them….a person who has this spirit is not emotionally bound to her spiritual exercises…Again I’m not saying that she doesn’t like them, but that she is not attached to them. Third, she hardly ever loses her joy, for no deprivation can sadden a person whose heart is attached to nothing. –St Francis de Sales

Exploring the profound letters of St Francis de Sales and St Janes de Chantal I came across these words of guidance from the former. They expand upon the idea of spiritual maturity, and the idea of freedom and enslavement—broadening the idea of freedom beyond free will. Freedom eternally magnified to salvation. Freedom is not just doing what pleases. I am free to do whatever I want. Because I want to do certain things, things others are doing, even being glorified, does not mean I should do certain things. It is not the desire, yet the act which enslaves. Instant pleasure and redemption in the eyes of the word is enslavement, a duplicity created. Individuality becoming a habit, a struggle to be someone in the eyes of the world. Such an existence in all truth is impossible for one to smash, roots becoming so deep ruination seems inevitable. How can one fighting for survival and identity truly surrender? How can one pursuing faith for years remove one’s self from stagnation, an inability to mature? An individual of duplicity identifies, fights with everything, compares and contrasts, demands others to be stacked up against one another, forces others to fight with others, Everything based upon salvation sought exteriorly through the eyes of others, The interior life, barely breathing, reposes in critical condition, acting upon the world in a destructive broken manner, needing to define and inflict restrictions upon others. Everything, even within the greatest efforts of kindness and compassion, is a form of division through the attachment to identity and the need for consolations appeasing individual delusions and brokenness. Maturity goes beyond confrontation through the inducing of unification, a fullness breathing into being, an expansion through passive surrendering of individuality, nurturing the graced power to conquer the mighty strength of passions, concupiscence, and brokenness, released from self-identity, attaining a state of grace within imperfection. Thus a mature seeker learns to sit still before the Eucharist, heart open and aware, needing yet detached.

Lost within unification

The Eucharist: Lost within unification

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Jul172015

Friday exhaustion centering upon maturity

Turnaround shift, second to first, sleeping past midnight up by five, I am exhausted. Drove through rush hour traffic to get across town to join the Mercedarains in prayer and early evening mass. Enjoying Cleveland Heights, yet I still have days when city driving severely drains me. It was nice to hear Father Justin say mass, to receive communion from him. It seems there are a couple new Mercedarain novices. May God bless the order so that it flourishes with men of the quality of Father Richard and Father Justin. August 1st will be my next event with the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament, although I am tentatively planning a Sunday vigil mass at St Paschal Baylon tomorrow. The next couple weeks will be dedicated to physical conditioning, energy preservation. I am in the fifth day of a Master Cleanse fast, feeling clearheaded and clean, resting internal organs, while cleansing and flushing. I have spoken with a woman in Cleveland Heights, certified and impressive in credentials who provides colon hydrotherapy. If you visit her site notice the extensive history of the practice. It was common in 17th century Parisian communities. Origins dating back to the Egyptians. On the natural level, detoxing my body, cleansing thoroughly, increasing physical activity, is aimed at supplying greater energy. Everything focuses upon greater efficacy in prayer. All is done for maximizing energy in the pursuit of God. An increase in energy to sit still in optimum clarity.

Maturity is a theme prominent in my spiritual focus right now. Espousing, defining through an expressive endeavor, the idea of fullness intertwines with maturity. Enlightenment comes through the idea of the Church possessing the fullness of truth. Other ways of thinking are not wrong. The Church simply offers the fullness of truth. Within there is a vital concept. My week with the Sisters of Mercy deepened my faith on so many levels. It is important to understand I have approached life with a harsh conservative political and religious viewpoint. Even in silence, I was opinionated and brash, arrogant in attack,a compare and contrast mentality–ways that can only impede the receiving and giving of Godly love. A priest, essential to my formation, one I abode with, rallied against the Sister of Mercy in argument, becoming agitated and animated in denouncing their ways. The fact the sisters would bend to the whims of popular culture, blowing with the wind of an intellectual cultural rebellion occurring in the 70s by abandoning their habits was unacceptable. I am pleased with the insight God applied to my faith. I marvel at the fact I so naturally, simply, humbly, and sincerely enjoyed a wonderful retreat with the Sisters of Mercy.

When I approached Sister regarding political matters, church related or secular, she stressed her conviction of advancing beyond a dualistic state of mind. She did not want to engage in details. The idea that confrontation must be pursued in regards to varying approaches of faith and life was a mindset I had to detach from. It is not that it is an evil mindset rather it hinders maturity. I want to be holy not right. Listening to Pope Francis’s book ‘The Church of Mercy’ he presents the idea of an open church, stressing the stagnancy of a closed church. It reminds me of commentary I heard on the mass ad orientem, traditional Latin mass conducted with the priest facing the Eucharist. The idea was offered that in the Novus Ordo mass, the modern mass, versus popullum—priest facing the congregation, a closed circuit is created. Closed conditions in regards to the priest and congregation talking to one another. The focus of the priest is upon the people.  The focus of the people is upon the priest. In the traditional, Tridentine Mass, the Most Holy Sacrifice of the Mass everyone is opened to the Eucharist. Everyone is facing, and all attention, is upon the Eucharist. The priest is a leader. A Shepherd guiding the flock to the True Shepherd embodied within the Eucharist.

Pope Francis elaborated upon the idea of closing of faith by becoming focused upon one another, and socializing only with those we agree with, befriending only those who bolster our opinions and pride. Interacting with others based upon sweet consolations. As profound as the Tridentine Mass is it must be kept in mind that within all mysteries there is irony. I am convinced you can also find the closing off of the church amidst such a solemn celebration. Elitism arises, a congregation isolating themselves, needing to think of themselves as superior, talking only amongst themselves, if they are even speaking to one another. Within a mass that in theory opens the faith, there must also be recognized the tendency for the closing off the faith. Scrupulosity is a vice hungry to devour those seeking to devout their lives to spiritual enrichment. Once again, Sister’s idea of embracing a lack of duplicity is important. Maturity, the fullness of faith is my aim. A person dedicating their life to a concentration upon faith is not becoming superior. They are not elevating themselves. Rather they are coming into the fullness of being authentically human with, though, and in Christ. The Church is so kind and generous in offering us the saints as examples of lives lived in fullness. I was stunned to come across words of St Jane Frances de Chantal mimicking almost identically the words of Henry Suso. A moment of honesty. I am exhausted, struggling to find the quote. Basically, filled with the Holy Spirit, she states in accord with Blessed Henry: We must be willingly to cease loving God in order to love him greater. We must not force our ways onto God, attempting to snare him into our conception of love. We must passively allow God to act upon us, to fill us with a greater love beyond our knowing. Anyway, here are other words of St Jane de Chantal, ones that interposed themselves upon my attention.

What God, in His goodness, asks of you is not this excessive zeal which has reduced you to your present condition, but calm, peaceful uselessness, a resting near Him with no special attention or action of the understanding or will except a few words of love, or of faithful, simple surrender, spoken softly, effortlessly, without the least desire to find consolation or satisfaction in them.

70mass

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