Monthly Archives: August 2015

The home of the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration

St Paul Shrine

St Paul Shrine

Place your mind before the mirror of eternity!
Place your soul in the brilliance of glory!
Place your heart in the figure of the divine substance!
And transform your whole being into the image of the Godhead Itself through contemplation!
So that you too may feel what His friends feel
as they taste the hidden sweetness
which God Himself has reserved
from the beginning
for those who love Him.

A poem by St Clare on her Feast day.

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Future Recollection

Empty a vessel
The reduction of time
Cold bathwater cleanse
A little boy with three brothers
Fragmented images
An imaginary life
Reality beyond material
Everything good
A dog napping
Suspended senses
No more
A jester pretends
No lingering
Arise
Lifted awake
Flight taken within
Lonely lowly child
Wings and a prayer
A mature adult
Words swallowed
Swollen
Weary and worn
Strong yet sore
Profusely sweating
Eyes bleeding tears
Detached from the stain
Amidst weeds
A flower blossoms
Withers and fades
A shadow ladder calls
Amongst erased visions
Deprivation
Deep into the night
Bare handed
Touching rungs
Lifting a foot
Sandals strapped
Guided while blind
Feeling
Ascending attuned
Beyond pain and pleasure
A darker darkness descends
Going out from one point
Darkness alone
No light
Not even the moon
Nor stars
Detached
Unemotionally holding
Grasping
Knowing
Faith
Hope
Charity
A calmness steadfast
Practiced prayer pacing
Habitual
Fortitude engaged
Infused and installed
Holy Spirit alights
Disposition conquers fear
Stillness vanquishes flight
Obedience defeats obstinacy
Impeding roots overpowered
Pulled out
Spewing puss
Breathing holds to life
Abandonment on into trust
Eyes closed
Seeing with one eye
Will reposed
Acquiesced
Mind open and aware
Centered in the heart
Listen to the heartbeat
So close
Right next to me
The Sacred Heart of Jesus
The Immaculate Heart of Mary
Everything that rises must converge
Intertwining and twisting
All things and many
Many many things
Grand immense ideas
Details and distinctions disappear
Everything coalescing
Blending and mending
A roughly woven tapestry
A mighty wind
A whistling chorus
Passing by
Resounding thunder
A roar
Furthering forward
White cold scorching fire
Burning from inside
Brilliant flashes of lightening
Coming and going
Appearing and disappearing
Seen and unseen
Silhouettes and forms
Marking time
A void
A vortex sucking in
A vast light
Blinding bright
Movement of the massless
The knowing of the unknown
Vagueness enough
Not needing
Lacking desire
A mystery multiplied
Over and above
A love
Hovers
One
Whispering with a soft voice
Mercy and forgiveness
Tension assuaged
Joy satiates
It’s ok
You can cry

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Poverty of spirit through images that negate images

Setting aside the natural rest that the soul obtains when it is free from images and forms, the soul becomes free from anxiety about whether they are good or evil……The soul has no need to desire to know all this if it devotes no attention to imaginary forms.  It can better use the time and energies that it would have wasted in dealing with these images in another more profitable practice, that of the will with respect to God, and in taking care to seek both detachment from the world and poverty of spirit and sense.  The more the soul withdraws itself completely from all figures of the imagination, the more it will approach God.  –St John of the Cross ‘Ascent of Mount Carmel presented by Henry L. Carrigan Jr.  

…the anawim, “the poor and lowly ones” The expression turns up often in the Psalter. It indicates not just the oppressed, the miserable, the persecuted for justice, but also those who, with fidelity to the moral teaching of the Alliance with God, are marginalized by those who prefer to use violence, riches and power. In this light one understands that the category of the “poor” is not just a social category but a spiritual choice. It is what the famous first Beatitude means:  “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven” (Mt 5,3). The prophet Zephaniah spoke to the anawim as special persons:  “Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, who do his commands; seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you may be hidden on the day of wrath of the Lord” (Zep 2,3). —Pope John Paul II

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First photographic images

I spent the day swimming with my family in Toledo, celebrating the birthday of my mother.  A young amazing family of seven boys joined the festivities.  Homeschoolers, the parents were engaging, spending the last couple years in England with their troop of boys. The boys were disciplined, well-behaved and fun.  A natural child, I easily fell in with the boys and my nephews and nieces for swimming, water basketball, and backyard excursions.  I love children.  I can play with the best of them.  I shot what I thought were incredible photos, playing with shutter speed, however my focus needs serious attention.  The images were there yet I was not able to capture them with desired quality.  It makes me only more determined.  I know I have something to offer within my vision of the world through a lens.  A day of children, mass also provided a moment of profundity through my nephew Andre.  I posted a photo of him previously.  I will repost.  I took Andre to mass with my mother and another nephew, Matthew, and his wife, Nicole.  Nicole is pregnant, however struggling mightily.  She is not holding down food, weak, and not properly putting on weight.  She was told months previous she would not be able to conceive.  The pregnancy is a bit of a miracle.  The baby means everything to the young couple.  When I heard the news she was told she could not bear children, I mailed Matthew and her two Rosaries, imploring them to take their desires for a child to Our Holy Mother through prayer.  She is pregnant now.  However, physically she is being challenged.  She appears happy, yet frail.  During mass I could only implore Our Blessed Mother to watch over two of her special children, and the baby they whole heartily desire to bring into the world.  Then there was Andre, who everybody thought would be impossible during mass.  He did good, a couple of inappropriate outburst and squirming, yet overall excellent performance by the toddler.  Adorable, when the priest said ‘with one voice we acclaim’–leading into the Hosanna, Andre in tune with a moment of silence vibrated his lips, making a boat sound.  I carried him to receive communion, the child receiving a blessing, observing and watching everything with awe and contentment.  Returning to the pew, I held him tight, Eucharist consumed, kneeling in prayer.  The child was obedient, quiet and watching.  O Lord have mercy upon the world in adoration of the young ones entering into the world.

Andre close to trouble

Andre close to trouble

Mostly in the world.

Mostly in the world.

Swimming concluded.

Swimming concluded.

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Counsel on into fortitude through Faith

The really essential thing, sisters, is that you should speak to your confessor very plainly and candidly — I do not mean here in confessing your sins, for of course you will do so then, but in describing your experiences in prayer. For unless you do this, I cannot assure you that you are proceeding as you should or that it is God Who is teaching you. God is very anxious for us to speak candidly and clearly to those who are in His place, and to desire them to be acquainted with all our thoughts, and still more with our actions, however trivial these may be. If you do this, you need not be disturbed, or worried, for, even if these things be not of God, they will do you no harm if you are humble and have a good conscience. His Majesty is able to bring good out of evil and you will gain by following the road by which the devil hoped to bring you to destruction. For, as you will suppose that it is God Who is granting you these great favors, you will strive to please Him better and keep His image ever in your mind. A very learned man used to say that the devil is a skilful painter, and that, if he were to show him an absolutely lifelike image of the Lord, it would not worry him, because it would quicken his devotion, and so he would be using the devil’s own wicked weapons to make war on him. However evil the painter be, one cannot fail to reverence the picture that he paints, if it is of Him Who is our only Good.  –St Teresa of Avila ‘Interior Castles’.  Sixth chapter 9.

Listening to ‘Interior Castles’ driving to Toledo, this section struck me.  I related the matter to brutal honesty.  Spiritual directors, confessors, are not just placed into my life to hear my sinful deeds, to work with what I perceive to be my imperfections.  I do not utilize a spiritual director or confessor to bewail myself.  False humility lurks within such one sided communication.  I must also relate my prayer life, including my spiritual aspects I perceive as positive.  In order to smash the work of Satan, in order to allow the works of God to shine, I must speak of those things I feel are my strongest spiritual assets.  Quite possibly, self-identified strengths could be the detriment of my spiritual life.  Nothing more than spiritual delusion.  If I see myself as a spiritual superior, someone advanced beyond those in my life, ministering to others as an authority, I must be reporting such thoughts and endeavors to my spiritual director.  If I am conducting self-prescribed heroic spiritual deeds I must present the fact to my spiritual director.  If I am hearing locutions, believing myself to be gifted in prayer, being graced with lofty wisdom, or other apparent spiritual blessings, I must be reporting the matters to my spiritual director.  I reflect upon good devout people I have encountered who believed marvelous things regarding their spiritual life: working with distinct souls in purgatory, receiving messages from deceased parents, visions of Mary, Jesus, and saints, locutions and divine dreams, constantly encountering miracles within their lives—photos placed upon their sleeping pillow at magical times, on and on infinitum.  All of these conditions must be discussed with a spiritual director.  Serious error, misinterpretation, devolves through repetition and time into the deconstruction of all spiritual aspirations to the good.  Subtler than mortal sin in its abrasive and distinct affront, a devout life of stealth misdirection inflicts the removal of God, and therefore grace, from one’s life.  The identification, through counsel, of who I truly am in the eyes of God is necessary to combat the desire to assign qualities to myself that are of not a part of God’s Will.  Unknowingly distancing myself from God creates distance from God.  Good intentions combined with tremendous effort do not bring about spiritual maturity.  The supernatural, the focus upon signs, the need for miracles, the dependence upon the sensational and extreme, the attachment to an elevated spiritual identity, must all be rejected.  I make the statement that the matter is so sublime in nature it can only be thoroughly rejected through counsel.  Growth demands fortitude through Faith most efficiently enacted through obedience, the dissolving of free will through brutal all-encompassing honesty with another.  I would venture to add surrendering, an acquiescing within prayer, comprehending my inability to truly rid myself of delusion.  Due to brokenness–acquired insecurities, I will intensely embrace matters magnifying self-esteem.  Being a sinner, truly a lowly being, struggling with life, it is only natural to seek recompense through perceived grandiose spiritual attributes.  I am wounded.  I must be careful in tendering merciful healing.  I cannot heal myself by becoming something I perceive as superior, or a receiver of supernatural gifts.

St John of the Cross elaborates in ‘Ascent of Mount Carmel’, taken from EWTN’s online edition, emphatically regarding the rejection of spiritual extremes.  Book Two chapter 11.

Regardless of the cause of these apprehensions, it is always good for people to reject them with closed eyes. If they fail to do so, they will make room for diabolical representations. And when the devil is given such a free hand, his representations multiply while God’s representations gradually cease, so that eventually all these apprehensions will come from the devil and none at all from God. This has happened with many incautious and uninstructed people who in their sureness concerning the reception of these communications met with real difficulty in returning to God through purity of faith. Many have been unable to return because of the deep roots the devil has taken in them. Consequently, it is expedient to be closed to these communications and to deny them all, for in this way diabolical errors coming from the bad apprehensions are eliminated, the hindrance to faith occasioned by the good communications is avoided, and the spirit gathers the fruit. 

If individuals remain both faithful and retiring in the midst of these favors, the Lord will not cease raising them degree by degree until they reach divine union and transformation. Our Lord proves and elevates the soul by first bestowing graces that are exterior, lowly, and proportioned to the small capacity of sense. If the person reacts well by taking these first morsels with moderation for strength and nourishment, God will bestow a more abundant and higher quality of food. If individuals are victorious over the devil in the first degree, they will pass on to the second; and if so in the second, they will go to the third; and likewise through all the seven mansions (the seven degrees of love) until the Bridegroom puts them in the wine cellar of perfect charity [Sg. 2:4]. 

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Acceptance: Inner-transformation supersedes outer expressions

We often repeat such sayings (spiritual teachings/axioms, words of the saints, Scripture) from habit and from a rather superficial grasp of their meaning. We think we are uttering them from the depths of our soul, but that’s not the case at all, as we find out later when we try to put them into practice. You say it’s all the same to you, whatever the sauce God puts you in. Come now, you know perfectly well in what sauce He has put you in, in what the state and condition of life; tell me, is it all the same to you? You are not unaware either that He wants you to satisfy that daily duty about which you write to me; still, it is not all the same to you. Oh! How subtly self-love insinuates itself into our feelings, however devout these appear to be. –St Francis de Sales a letter to Madame Brulart friend to St Jean de Chantal.

St Francis de Sales

St Francis de Sales

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Friday Adoration

Maturity on a grand scale tonight, an evening of piercing adoration. I returned to St Andrews Benedictine Abbey for a Friday evening weekly Eucharistic exposition. It is a must from here on out when my schedule allows. It appears I will be working first shift on Fridays so all glory goes to God. A brother invited me to the adoration when I toured the abbey as a part of the diocese’s superb concentration upon the consecrated life a month or so back. The experience was much more than anticipated. Adoration starts at seven with the entire community gathered. I missed the opening prayers, although I was summoned into the presence of the silent community, seating myself alone amongst the empty congregational chairs. I thought it would be a public service. I was alone seated. The intimacy of the moment humbled, making me feel small. Before taking my seat, I knelt before the Eucharist, head bowed, hands held forward in praise, the community and a handful of discerning younger men holding silence. A cough and unseen yet heard movement, moved me into my chair, Rosary beads wrapped around my hand, no Rosary was prayed, awed silence my offering. There is something pungently tangible amidst a religious community in silent prayer before the Eucharist–a presence to behold. St Andrew’s community is something special. The communal Holy Hour ended with an uplifting song of praise, Salve Regina sung as the religious men rose from the choir stalls standing together in harmony with words of wonder for Our Blessed Holy Mother—exactly as we ended our evening Holy Hour at the friary. Underneath everything was the awareness of a Benedictine community in North Dakota. After the community and their discerning guest dispersed, a single brother (possibly a Father) remained. I lingered, now praying a silent Rosary, sitting content with an unknown, barely visible, brother for the hour.

Driving to evening mass, I had time to kill so I decided to explore Dodd’s Camera downtown. I have been intending to buy a camera, and a recent email greatly stirred my interest. The store proved excellent in adventure. A saleswoman edified, while displaying various purchasing options, showing me the exact Nikon DSLR 3300 series my email offered. The staff at the store are friendly and fun, intelligent and approachable. As she educated me, a younger man walked by mentioning there is a pristine used one still in the box she should show me. I would leave with the camera, a 55-200 mm lens, and an amazing used bag all for just over four hundred dollars. I also left with a hunger for an amazing zoom lens, a Tamron B016, 16-300 mm. The speed of the focus while zooming in and out is stunning. It is a must, yet that lens alone cost over six hundred dollars. A tripod is also a must, although I felt Dodd’s were high in price, hovering around two hundred dollars. I am confident I can find an excellent quality tripod online in the hundred dollar range.

Photographic goals ground within the contemplative. I want my own images to become an expression of my interior life and my exploration of the world. My cellphone presents an image from St Andrew Abbey.  I admire the presence of circles, perfection symbolized amidst the holy setting.

A minimalist Benedictine house of worship, choir stalls a plenty.

A minimalist Benedictine house of worship, choir stalls a plenty.

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