Monthly Archives: August 2015

Weekend summarizing

When the Devil, that subtle serpent, perceives us contending to God alone, fortified against ordinary satanic delusions, he transforms himself into an angel of light; he urges us to attain perfection, hurrying us on blindly and without the least regard to our own weakness.

He fills our heads with devout thoughts, seconding them with passages of Holy Scripture and examples drawn from the greatest Saints, that he might provoke us into some shameful misstep through an indiscrete precipitous fervor. –Dom Lorenzo Scupoli ‘’Spiritual Combat’.

Once again, reviewing the weekend God has been gracious in granting exceptional spiritual exercises into my life, a plethora of socially pleasurable spiritual activities. Yesterday in praising the pilgrimages, I failed to mention the start of the Sabbath day, a five AM communal Rosary of three mysteries. I believe it was the largest crowd for the monthly blessing with fifteen in attendance. A magnificent start of a new month, an authentic expression of the pursuit of the expansion of faith, hope, and charity. Recognizing the sweet consolations within all the weekend activity, plus a Friday visit with Dr. Nichta, I comprehend a weariness, the realization I am transforming within my routine of daily mass at St Paul’s Shrine and personal disciplines within daily life. After the pilgrimages and a lengthy dinner at an excellent Chinese buffet, I felt exhausted, excited to return to my solitary path to God. I was pleased to drive the last woman home alone. Mary, an older prayerful Filipino, is one comfortable within silence. Adorable staring at nothing through her fashionable white sunglasses, content in the presence of God, a bit crazy by worldly standards, it was appropriate she was my final contact for the day.

Regarding St Paul’s Shrine, the greatest consolation sprouted sweetly within disposition. The last week of daily mass was difficult due to complexities involving Ann. I sought resolution with Father Roger, and Sunday everything came together. Wrath and nervous energy filled me before mass. During mass, it dissipated. Arriving, I knew she would be there once I realized the mass celebrated sixty years of service to a sister she favored. She arrived, another date in tow. Observing her during post-mass socializing, pity placated. Wrath existed, yet it was minor, easily quenched. She is putting on weight. Another comedy date, another ridiculous looking old man; add in arrogant behavior when in truth one spiritually attuned would have been uncomfortable. Within a deceived one arrogance and displayed self-confidence dominates. Those properly striving are able to rest in silence, peace, and awkwardness. They draw their strength from God, not from themselves, not from their rationalizing. I think of Father Roger, a humble holy priest, always a bit on edge during post-mass socializing. During the open house, he hid in a corner overwhelmed by the crowd, yet still shaking hands and extending warmth and fellowship. He feared not to appear awkward. Within everything I experienced over the weekend, it was obvious, Ann is a secular shallow woman, an individual living a life dominated by free will. There is no holiness through a dedication and devotion to the contemplative path. She is a confused woman of sixty living the life of a fifteen year old, even to the point of constantly on her phone texting. It reminds me of leaving the recent retreat on a Friday to celebrate mass with my mother. Within the peace and wisdom provided from the concentration upon God, it was easy to identify my mother being spiritually disjointed.

An insistence by Dr. Nichta has always been that a codependent relationship goes both ways. Ann screamed at me about an obsessive compulsive nature in regards to my attachment to her, for my declared authentic love, and also its consequence of hysterical frustrated behavior, yet in truth she is even more dependent than myself upon others distracting her from herself. I am positive her life has been subjugated to the pursuit of finding someone to focus upon: her neighbor, different dates, perusing single websites, single dances–it exhausts me to comprehend the extensive energy wasted constantly trying to bring new people into your life, and then just as easily disposing of them. She has simply never matured into a woman able to be content within herself, while also not possessing the wherewithal to engage in an adult female/male relationship. I am positive we had a good thing, a life together that should have transformed into an absolute concentration upon the pursuit of God. We were given to one another for a purpose, yet she could not acquiesce. I must accept and recognize her for who she is. Doctor stresses that in distinguishing everything that happen between us, I must understand: she got what she needed and I got what I needed. She received a life to focus on, diverting her from penetrating self-introspection, a life to dominate, someone vulnerable and weaker than her. While I received a nine month rehabilitation center. I have progressed beyond the therapeutic time, growing in strength, advancing in self-knowledge, fortifying through spiritual exercises, easily able to spend time alone, to care for myself, to be a friend to myself, in fact finding I prosper mightily when alone. I am not alone scheming and plotting, focusing all of my energy upon others. Beyond a concept, God alone has become a way of life, a hunger and a thirst being satisfied.

Mary statue adorning monthly early morning Rosaries for the conversion of the world.

Mary statue adorning monthly early morning Rosaries for the conversion of the world.

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Pilgrimage Sunday

The Cleveland diocese insightfully touched upon a wonderfully enlightening approach to the Catholic faith by opening the doors of various consecrated communities throughout the Cleveland area for a day of visitation. It is invigorating to explore the many faces of the men and women making up the body of the Church, to touch the lives of those giving their lives to the Church. Carol opted to babysit her grandson, so hastily I threw together a ragtag bunch of four to join me on the excursion after a Jubilee mass at St Paul’s celebrating sixty years of service for one of their Poor Clares. The first community, the Evangelizing Sisters of Mary, easily won our hearts with their joy of hosting visitors, imploring the ingestion of food and juices. We watched a video with one of the sisters narrating. The video showed young women entering the order in Uganda. The entering sister’s parents escorted them to the alter before the many gathered. The parents presented their daughter to the Church. The small simple community was supported by a large group of local women excited to assist. The loving sisterly bond easily evident. Men and children of the neighborhood were also present. The three sisters arriving only in 2014 are obviously making a strong impression upon the inner-city neighborhood they have been stationed to minster and evangelize within. A superb way to start the pilgrimage. The next stop, my third visit in three days, resided with the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament. The congregation publishes a scholarly and artistically striking magazine ‘Emmanuel’. A view into their world of superior publishing proved impressive. The graphics studio was an elegant, organized, and minimalist in clutter working space. Sparsely yet finely decorated a captivating painting by one of the Fathers decorated the back wall. The painting depicts St Jean Baptiste, a community church in downtown Manhattan. There was also a finely framed and matted display of many photos of St Peter Julian Eymard positioned horizontally. Black and white reality images of a saint from previous times. The highlight of the tour of the impressive, tastefully, decorated dwelling, a former seminary, was an invitation into their quaint museum of ancient monstrances, chalices, tapestries, and vestments. The final stop was another community of Poor Clares. Time running short, their display of historical photographs was not granted proper attention. Two of the cloistered sisters spoke with us through boundary gates. Their joy to speak with visitors was infectious. They truly were honored and pleased to entertain guest. Both appearing prayerful and contented. The pilgrimage ended appropriately with prayer in the Poor Clares chapel before the exposed Eucharist.

Evangelizing Sisters of Mary

Evangelizing Sisters of Mary

19th century gold gilded vestments crafted in Belgium.

19th century gold gilded vestments crafted in Belgium.

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Bust, replica, of St Eymard done by his friend the famous sculptor Rodin, a man he encouraged to pursue his gift of creativity after the artist lost hope in his work.

Bust, replica, of St Eymard done by his friend the famous sculptor Rodin, a man he encouraged to pursue his gift of creativity after the artist lost hope in his work.

Poor Clares of Colettine

Poor Clares of Colettine

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A day of with the Eucharist and St Peter Julian Eymard

Two quotes from St Peter Julian Eymard, and a third from his biography by Father Andre Guitton

“Live on the divine Eucharist, like the Hebrews did on the Manna. Your soul can be entirely dedicated to the divine Eucharist and very holy in the midst of your work and contacts with the world.”

“Keep your soul at peace, in order to be able to be attentive and very faithful to the inner movement of the Holy Spirit.”

“O Raphael, (Archangel) I can remember very clearly that afternoon when I ran out of this room, down the stairs, and out the front door. I ran into the church with all the energy of a five-year-old. It was empty. I did something so out of place. I climbed and sat on the table of the altar and I just leaned my head against the tabernacle. My sister, Marianne, asked me, “What are you doing there?” I quickly answered, ‘I am near Jesus and I’m listening to him.’ Marianne had a difficult time explaining this to our dear mother.

God is good. The day retreat at St. Paschal Baylon and the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament proved edifying. Tomorrow morning is the second, calling forth a five AM start of the day. Three mysteries of the Rosary with quality devout fellowship. I am being absolutely blessed with spiritual exercises in abundance. I am mentally exhausted after ten hours of discussions, a Holy Hour, prayers, song, meals, and mass. St Eymard has etched his way into my consciousness. The priest of the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament are a special bunch of religious men. Conspicuous in his absence, Father Paul Bernier is out of town. Matters were easily made comfortable after attending the cook-out and encountering several people from St Paul’s Shrine.

The Eucharistic retreat was a hallowed time amongst a mature and adolescent crowd. The teens on retreat joined us for several events, including sharing lunch with us and mass. The organizer of the teen retreat had the teens break up and sit within the adult groups. Interspersed amongst the lectures, we would gather in smaller groups of eight to ten. In total, there were six smaller groups. The groups held steady throughout the day, allowing intimacy to develop. Two female teens joined our group. Enthused, the girls provided inspiration and intelligence. I am deeply touched when sharing faith with young people

No more. I read and retire, excited to wake early for excellent fellowship and resounding Rosaries before a favorite statue of Mary. I will take a photo for posting. I find the photo of St Peter Julian Eymard absolutely fascinating. The history of the photographic camera dates back to the 1840’s in regards to substantial technological advancements. I am not sure of the date of the photograph, although St. Eymard passed away in 1868. He would have been alive and active in France during the Lourdes apparitions occurring in 1858 and the papal defining, Pope Pius IX, of Mary as free from sin, the Immaculate Conception, in 1854.

St Peter Julian Eymard

St Peter Julian Eymard

 

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Perceptive Meandering

A wait, a call of time to sip the wine of the Divine.
A porch upon creation, a particle of mass synchronization.
Blueberries ripe in the season, a time and a place.
The early morning chill of a hot summer day.
A squirrel tenuously dancing upon thin branches.
A red-headed woodpecker hammering away.
A neighbor passing walking a pair of elegant striding greyhounds.
Sparrows a plenty, tiny and nervous, fluttering, stealing amongst one another.
The silence underneath.
Winged ones chirping, crickets sounding, distant traffic roaring, a car rushing past, the sounds of a city near and within.
Something beneath and above, surrounding, carousing, caressing, immersing, infusing,
It is there, the fabric of all constructing, the knitting of finer threads in conjunction,
Consubstantial, the kiss of a presence, the whispering upon the wind of intentions, a longing blossoming into being.
It is time to leave, to start a new day.

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