The more I think about working with a child, the stronger the conviction becomes.  I thought of my instant recoiling, pulling away from the child due to the fact I would suffer.  I have become disgusted with my intrinsic reaction.  The child, and a child he is, a fatherless boy, is not suffering immensely?  I am concerned with my suffering?  The child’s suffering and confusion, bewilderment, comprehending he will never see adulthood, his time is limited, I do not focus upon his suffering? I felt selfish and weak?  My thoughts actually went to Ann, inspired.  I know she would have responded with strength, and for all the proper reasons, no emotion and limited sentimentality, no self-aggrandizement.  She would have instantly embraced the calling, honored and trusting in God.  Her strength is to be admired, even if it makes her difficult.  However moving forward, learning, I do not wallow in guilt and shame.  My weakness will be my strength.  My ability to collapse and acquiesce before the Lord, even if done within whining, complaining, and argument, is authentic.  Trusting in the Lord, genuine, I know I am ready for what could be the turning point of my salvation, the escalating from a disciple to an apostle.  This photo of Father Thomas Philippe centers as an image.

Father Thomas Philippe with a gifted child.