A highly effective Lent mass at St Paul Shrine today, Father Roger providing the homily. Jesus went to the desert not to be tempted, but to strengthen himself in prayer. Jesus went to the desert to become closer and stronger in His Father through solitary prayer. The point of the desert experience is not the temptation. The temptation and our Lord’s response is educating, yet His example of prayer is greater. The post regarding Mother Teresa is not to glorify her dryness and emptiness, rather to become embolden by her example of perseverance, loyalty, and dedication to the ways of God. The battle itself is not the point of struggle. Once again while attending mass at St Paul Shrine I am moved in conviction to carry forth, and possibly increase my activity there. St Clare blossoms as a parish, as well as Sacred Heart, yet it is not proper to let go of the Shrine. I will seek consolation with Sister Mary Thomas regarding the matter. I am providing her with the name of my bedside vigil patients, requesting prayers of support from all the sisters. The Bangladesh sister who marked me during mass I sense is struggling. I am praying for the religious woman. I see the woman whose discernment visit became important to me has joined the order. Sister Mary Joseph, the elevator of my enjoyment of singing hymns, expands the experience of mass every time I attend. Wednesday, after the Ash Wednesday mass, Garth, Denis, another man–one whose name I am never sure of, Father Roger and others all made a point of shaking my hand, asking where I had been. Good people missed me. Good work was conducted at St Paul Shrine. Yesterday, Father Sam gave me a ticket to the Cleveland orchestra, however I left it in the pew after prayers and adoration, unable to recoup it due to an early evening wedding. I thank God as I ended up falling asleep around 9 PM, sleeping until 9 AM. Waking, I understood how much I needed the lengthy sleep. I must not allow the wicked ways of Ann to influence my pursuit of God. Satan must not be given the upper hand through his ability to create division within imperfection and brokenness. A reaction of rejection is still a reaction, not a patient listening to the silence of God. I think of something that made an impression upon me regarding Joseph, my patient who passed away early Friday morning. By the way, I will not attend his funeral as it will be held in Erie, Pennsylvania. Joseph married his childhood sweetheart, the girl who grew up across the street from him. They were married over seventy-five years. It sounds romantic, however in reality, it is a different story. The last decades of the marriage were a struggle. Joseph became withdrawn, constantly under attack and criticism from his demanding wife. His children told me the story as one. Joseph grew up a farmer, working for GE as a welder until his early fifties when he made a career change, entering the world of insurance, establishing himself as a successful underwriter. He remained a worker at heart, welding and constructing playground equipment as a hobby. You could see the admiration his children held for him. They all responded earnestly that nothing meant more to their father than being a father. It wounded them all to see him withdraw from everyone later in life. They did not blame their mother, yet there was a consensus she was a difficult woman, always needing to be right. When she was struck with Alzheimer’s, she no longer recognized her husband and her children. The post of Joseph’s grandson, another who adored him, focused on his grandmother’s visit to her husband. He identified it as the transfiguration due to his grandmother breaking through her disease, recognizing her husband. Joseph’s daughter took care of her mother. She told me that after the visit her mother became unsettled. The daughter kept a motion detector in her mother’s room for her mother’s protection. Her mother started rising during the middle of the night, pacing about her room. Her daughter, inquiring about the disturbance, was told by her mother ‘that man keeps coming into my room and talking to me’. When asked what man, she would not respond or say ‘that man you keep taking me to see’.
I must leave for work. I am going to suspend thoughts, posting exactly as time dictates. I abandon effort. Thy will be done. I was also interrupted by a call from the Hospice. I have a bedside vigil tomorrow, another Jewish man. I live in a Jewish neighborhood, being called quite a bit to be of service to the Jewish community.
