Accept the dark cloud of ambivalence,
Brutally cold, frozen and bit,
A lack of circulation, reconnaissance,
Attraction, repulsion, contradicting sloth, vigor envelopes,
A slippery serpent tongue,
Whispering nothing matters, cease and desist.
Get behind me Satan,
Leave me alone within this darkness,
Let me try to pray,
Let this headache have its way with me,
Let my emotions assault me,
Let me feel sorry for myself,
Allow my imperfections to scream and accuse God of nihilism,
Let my heart shed tears so deeply they cleanse,
Let me have my desperate affront,
Counterattack the shame of sin,
From the head to the heart to the hand,
From the thought to the conviction to the deed,
Let me come to terms with who I am,
Allow this pain to hurt and rend,
Let me search for someone to hate,
Let me judge and accuse,
Let me declare I am someone,
Allow futility to play out its cruel fate,
Let me wear myself out,
Let me cry I am hurt,
Kicking and shouting, punching and screaming, extinguish,
Let me exhaust my thoughts,
Allow me to pass beyond myself,
Let me know it is not Satan I should fear,
Let me know myself,
Allow the silence to purify,
To place upon my shoulders a burden so light,
Submission and abandonment,
Open my eyes for I am blind,
Allow the child to spit, curse, and pout,
How long can I carry on?
Be merciful, Merciful One,
For before You, I am simply a child unconditionally loved.
Lord, I am wounded,
Unburden the chains.