This was a response to the Man of Prayer discussing my attaining of a spiritual director. It allows the exploration of the matter. The Man of Prayer was inquiring whether I would be meeting twice a month with the priest.

A scheduled monthly meeting, the third Thursday, will be the routine. I am satisfied with the depth of investigation. The exploring of my personal history, my journey in faith, was conducted today. I leave with the determination to continue forward in patience, meeting the daily demand of mass and a Holy Hour, obedient to the call of the Hospice. I will encounter the priest in passing, including his celebrating of mass, throughout the week. We are aiming to establish if it is God’s desire for me to enter the religious life. For now patience is the calling, purity the essence, prayer the exercising. My faith activity advances in maturity in regards to community. I am meeting weekly with a prayer group ‘Arise’ at St Clare, basically myself and two solid family women of faith. Others come and go. Plus continued involvement with the men at Sacred Heart. The Hospice looms in uncertainty. Father offered another avenue of social life he would like me to explore. The social activity is in response to my alcoholic isolating past. I was a man deep in faith who became self-absorbed and truthfully severely self-destructive—suicidal in slow certainty. Obedience to the Church, structure and others pulls me out of myself.

There was more explored. There are many more thoughts, many rejected. My poem today, arose from a reflection during prayer. I felt strongly Mary asking me to quiet myself, to cease my frustrations, to silence myself, and then silence myself even more. I oblige.

I am arraigning another visit to the Maronite Monks of Adoration for Easter weekend, utilizing a vacation day on Last Supper Thursday in order to extend the stay. I will not inquire regarding entering. They have age boundaries, however in prayer I will open my heart. The Benedictines in North Dakota repose in maturity, the plenitude of retired priest establishing authenticity, inspiring reinforcement. Thy Will be done. I will mention the priest presented as a spiritual director is younger. Observing him celebrating mass, it was obvious the depth of his spirituality. He has suggested, while warning against the mindset, of investigating communities. I have considered the possibility of exploring religious communities during my visit to Spain. Beyond theological soundness, similar to Father Roger, it struck apparent he focused acutely upon living the spiritual life–following Christ advanced beyond talking (making good points) and knowledge. The ability to progress beyond self-will, truly able to identify and detach from self-interest, in order to hear clearly and respond appropriately to the voice of God. I have always felt a deeper calling, blessed with severe faith, a prayer life graced–allowing blissful abandonment. I recall Father David Mary, during our falling out, amongst our arguments, halting his anger, voicing the thought, ‘I want to say I fear for you, that you are foolish and arrogant. You will make it difficult on yourself. Yet your strong faith and prayer life, I think, will save you’.