Words today during the Homily stung with relevancy the fault of self-absorption thrown as a dart piercing my Lenten reflections. It is important to meditate upon the idea of being too self-absorbed. First acknowledging criticism, the insight of others, is important for higher spiritual growth. I observe and express insights regarding others. It is only fair I receive the same in kind. I am convinced being overly-sensitive is a serious culpability plaguing too many pursuing the spiritual life. Their faith is sound. Their behavior is solid in morality. Their thoughts are growing in sanctity. However let someone disagree with them, or tell them they are flat out wrong about something, and witness them recoil in horror, often passively aggressively turning against the one possessing the nerve to accost their holy life. It is good to be slapped around from time to time. Anyway, self-absorption I am attempting to slowly draw away from, while understanding my strengths, relying always upon my prayer life, mass, and the Eucharist. The cloistered life hovers, and I identify a solid mindset within myself able to profit from such a life. I will not be shallow or delusional in activity. I am grateful for the immense, and miraculous growth achieved through overcoming my isolated insane life of a severe alcoholic. All glory to God. My Cleveland experience was vital in lifting from such a deplorable state, yet it proved wounding also. A level able to lift me from a lower level needed to be transcended. The overall spiritual immaturity, being exposed and made vulnerable to those unable to sustain mature adult relationships within the community of faith, those unable to live lives strong in family values, sound simple contributing members of a parish, stung me harshly. Growing in strength and confidence, knowing who I am and who I am not, I am careful opening myself to others. I am proud of my activities with the Hospice, and now with the parishes of St Clare and Sacred Heart. I will exercise patience in exposing my interior life to others.

Speaking of Sacred Heart I was giving the schedule for the men’s Lenten retreat. It is amazing. Take this in.

9-9:15 Opening prayer and greetings.

9:15-10 EWTN Year of Mercy and Forgiveness with Father Mark Hollis.

10-10:45 Salvation for married and single men by Bishop Anthony Pilla.

BREAK

11-11:45 Pornography—the battle for our souls by Tom Wenzel from EWTN.

11:45-12:30 Examination of conscience and preparations for confession by Deacon Bob Grgic

LUNCH and CONFESSION and ADORATION

2-2:45 How to be a Catholic man in our world today by Father David Ireland, Sacred Heart pastor.

2:45-3:15 Questions and answers with panel of presenters.

3:15-3:30 Presentation by Joe Madigan about the Knights of Columbus.

4:00 PM MASS with parishioners in the Church.

I love it!!!

I have been thinking about my experience at the ‘Negative Space’ today. I am reminded of reading about the experiences of a reformed homosexual man. Convinced of a need to save souls, the man insisted upon returning to the homosexual community he once populated in order to carry the message of Christ. His efforts proved humiliating, causing him to fall into mortal sin. He became like those he sought to transform. Finally, a spiritual director scolded him harshly, informing him a great weapon of Satan is compassion. The desire to save others through one’s solitary efforts can be used to destroy the one attempting to do good. God must be the One carrying forth the message. The man was ordered to stay away from the community he once celebrated sin within for ‘their glory was his shame’. I considered such matters, while discerning the public reading of poetry. I have lost my thrill, determined to pray throughout the week on the matter. I do not go there to minister, not at all, yet the imploring of St Ligouri to flee from sin resonates. Jesus could dabble and mix amongst sinners, however we are not even close to the saints.  We, as sinners, must learn to flee from sinners.  I look myself in the mirror.  I discover fascination.  There is a radical element of the spiritual life I recognize within a mature artistic effort–a solitary effort of creativity proving profound. The artist becomes a creator.  Once moved beyond the realm of adolensce, the romantic, shallow and juvenile, passing through hard times, enduring financial insecurity, persevering in effort, discipline, and failure, able to establish an identity, everything is scary, yet authentic in developing strength and interior space. Few can pass through the test with sanity and integrity, remaining viable as an artist. Most fall hard and tragically.  I am convinced there are absolutly way too many individuals identifying themselves as artist and serious musicians. It is a definitive statement about the modern reality regarding the death of the adult. Individuals are just not maturing spiritually, emotionally, nor intellectually. I recall going through the 1929 high school yearbook of my ninety something Jewish Hospice patient. The students, especially the seniors, all appeared so grown up, true adults graduating from childhood, a view into the Great Generation.  The current turn of the century witnesses a scarcity of maturity, a lacking of individuals properly developing. The proliferation of those perceiving themselves to be brilliant artists coincides.   I recall a highly intelligent and talented artist and musician from Toledo, a man interesting with electronic skills, creating effects pedals and sound generating circuits, a master of musically macabre emanations. There was a disturbing and dark side to the wealthy spoiled child. He is now doing time for a bizarre hideous crime, unmentionable in depravity. The gifted young man of privileged upbringing allowed himself to slip into a deplorable state of sin. The whole time clinging to the idea of being a misunderstood genius. His self-identification as an artist proved his undoing. If called on with sincerity, I would support the young man.   Wandering and exploring where angels fear to tread is a dangerous life. I know for I have lived such a life during alcoholic times, the days of wine and roses. Gadi’s work disturbed visually at moments, a self-portrait of him seated on a throne of skulls, staff in hand, a serpent ring, a look of power and might. My thought was ‘No! my friend you mistook the glory of God within you as the grandeur of self. The grotesque images capture your filth, yet the majesty to transcend reposes with God, transformable through the death of Jesus, not in yourself.  In truth, you are powerless, not powerful. All true power rests in God ‘.  His hypnotizing depiction of his wife as a Hindu goddess dancing kept me spellbound, again serpents highlighting.  His work was all large, life sized or bigger, conducted on wood, the grain patterns creating depth. The young African-American refugee boy piece seen in the posted photo demonstrates the effect. Comprehending my deep faith, the artist led me to two hidden works, one a cross of railroad ties, surprisingly done with complete respect and admiration for the death of Jesus. Gadi is Jewish by birth. Atop the cross was a carved and painted face of Jesus. The eyes stuck out in uniqueness. Gadi told me they were nails, his Jesus was looking out through nails. He was proud of the statue, informing me of his admiration for the Catholic Church. He then led me to another room in ‘Negative Space’, a dark area, revealing to me his extensive woodwork and painting devoted to Mary. It was dark and difficult to establish detail. I am positive of his sincerity. There was no mocking of Our Holy Mother, however I will be honest. I could not make the effort of clearly observing the work. I did not focus my eyes.  I trusted in God and the artist, yet I did not want to take the chance of observing Mary not properly honored. My head really wants to return and do a reading. I enjoyed the married couple, reflecting upon a sense God guided me to ‘Negative Space’. I am thrilled with a full schedule of healthy mature Catholic fellowship for the coming week. Wednesday, I will provide treats for the ‘Arise’ gathering, purchasing of course from Casa Dolce. By the way, I spoke with the attractive young Italian woman responsible for the bakery displays. She thanked me for my desire to photograph her efforts. The visual presentation of excellence and beauty were important to her. She was formerly employed with the Cleveland Museum of Art, involved in setting up displays. I would also like to point out, in demonstration of healthy recovery, that I am assisting in organizing a presentation by the Hospice of the Western Reserve for the Franciscan third order associated with St Paul Shrine. It is exciting. And of course the bedside vigils are always anticipated, mystery surrounding occurrences.  The poetry reading possibility is situated amidst a healthy sober life.

Interesting Sunday afternoon.  First a line from Father Sam’s homily today, striking with solidity, “Their glory is their shame’.  Reflectively upon myself, I approach with caution attached meaning, understanding that in truth the things I glory in may just be my shame in the eyes of God.  Two weekends in a row, I have spent time meandering about the Asian Town Center on Superior and 38^th streets.  It is an old industrial building, or possibly a school, that has been renovated into a commercial space.  Last week, my therapeutic foot massage healingly took place at the location.  The Vietnamese restaurant inside is owned and serviced by a family I finding pleasurable, usually ordering their special of the day.  Today they made a delicious and hearty beef stew served over rice noodles.  On the second floor, I discovered displayed artwork, a section of stimulating oriental reverse paintings.  Reverse painting is done on glass.  The artist reverses the glass when displaying his work.  The effect is subtle yet pronounced.  It was pointed out to me that an artist is forced to work with their mistakes for they cannot be painted over.  The surface to be viewed is the bottom layer.  Mistakes cannot be compensated for by painting over them.  Captivated by the viewing of the glass reverse paintings, a man’s voice broke the silence.  He was an artist inviting me into his ‘Negative Space’ studio.  We easily fell into conversation as I viewed two extensive galleries by Gadi, the man speaking to me, and a female artist Heather something or other.  This was a serious bohemian art studio with myself privileged to be escorted about by the owners, Gadi and his wife.  Building bridges, avoiding sheltering myself behind walls, I allowed the couple to mesmerize with words and images. Mostly haunting, I held firm to the disposition of peace, trusting in God.  Upon leaving, there was handshaking, and an invitation for myself to return next Saturday to read some poetry.  I am pleased to a high degree, secure in my humility, meditating upon the thought: ‘Their glory is their shame’.  Next Saturday will be spent with the men of Sacred Heart, and then in the evening ‘Negative Space’ will call forth a public reading of poetry amidst a serious mature Cleveland modern art crowd.  For the glory of God and the salvation of souls.

Reverse oriental painting on glass

Gadi Zamir- Negative Space Gallery