Monthly Archives: March 2016

Ask Anything

“Ask anything.” My Lord said to me.
And my mind and heart thought deeply
for a second, then replied
just one word, “When?”
God’s arms then opened up
and I entered Myself.
I entered myself
when I entered Christ.
And having learned compassion
I allowed my soul
to stay.

–St Thomas Aquinas

spacer

Friday more than halfway through Lent

I have been putting together serious thought on the homework project Jim Nagle presented, defining a religious community based on my spirituality.  I will post efforts today.  In the ongoing pursuit of recovery, discerning a life conducive to contemplative expansion, I realize that during a high point of Lent, a personal religious time strong in practice, I am gaining confidence.  The fact is being challenged at work.  I am not fearing confrontation, nor the possibility of moving forward based upon my terms.  I have become cash strong, easily able to survive three plus months on savings alone.  I will not live in fear, nor attached to prideful endeavors.  My employment is negotiable.  I trust my decision making at this time.  I look back on my Cleveland experience, able to comprehend, long ago I should have parted ways from a delusional demented situation.  I hung on for the sake of change that in my heart I knew could never take place. I am proud that once the ridiculous and immature situation tried to reemerge in my life, I smashed it.  At work, avoiding detail, I will not be afraid of confrontation.  I will not live in fear, nor allow the environment around me to be tainted by manipulation and inferior ways.  I will stand upon integrity, unafraid to stand alone, while always being flexible, able to identify my own weaknesses within imbroglios.  Rationalizations, aberrations, and other forms of self-defense I will forsake.  I am reasonable in my demands.  On a more straightforward level, I will clearly identify my life as unstable, in flux in regards to permanency.  The religious life still calls strong.  Yesterday morning, following a wonderful day of fellowship at ‘Arise’, I woke from a deep slumber dazed, unsure of everything.  I did not know where I was?  I was unclear regarding details of my life?  Everything about my life was a haze.  I suffered a deep loneliness, longing, and emptiness.  I experienced God calling, establishing the fact underneath everything nothing existed except my relationship with Him.  A part of the discernment, serious reflection, regarding working is the fact I am being forced to work seven days again, producing a run of twenty-one consecutive days without a day off.  I am getting older, clearly of the mindset that I do not want to work this much.  I can structure my life on forty hours a week.  If life as a layperson is established through spiritual direction my volunteer time with the Hospice of the Western Reserve will emerge essential.  I am positive God approves and guides in this direction.  The remarkable experiences being presented to me are happening for a reason.  I will eagerly and happily sacrifice income in order give more time to the Hospice.  Right now, I am patient, residing in prayer, unafraid to state my mind, clear in direction, eagerly looking forward to the Maronite Monks of Adoration Easter retreat.  The startling morning of clarity yesterday, actually of confusion and darkness, called forth the retreat to Massachusetts as necessary, the fulfillment of my Easter celebration. Now for my ideas on a religious community, restricted to one page, direct influences residing with St Francis de Sales, St Jane de Chantal, and Abbot William.

Healing through consecration, separation, adoration, and prayer on into purity within community. Unification the aim.  Pull back the bow.  Hold steady, unification waiting upon the pleasure of God.  God gives flight to the arrow.  ‘Prefer nothing to the love of Christ’! –St Benedict

“In the building up of Christ’s Body there is engaged a diversity of members and functions. There is only one Spirit who, according to his own richness and the needs of the ministries, gives his different gifts for the welfare of the Church.” In accordance with and through the Church, a religious community, modern in birth, will be established, abiding in the grace of God, with respect to the complexity of the world two thousand years after the resurrection and assumption of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The charism, the spiritual influence unique to the community, will concentrate upon the sacrifice of daily Mass, healing through imitation of Christ and a devotion to Our Holy Mother Undoer of Knots, a prayer life centered upon Eucharistic Adoration, and discipline within the sacramental life and the fellowship of religious brothers. The community honors the need for fellowship, taking inspiration in the Visitation of Mary with Elizabeth, catering to those exhausted from the world, experienced in the need for acquiescence. Solitary in nature, worn and tired, individuals will be nurtured by communal religious practice. We are not hermits, rather damaged sinners in need of healing through healthy relationships, structure, and discipline. Left alone impaired by the disastrous imprinted of the world, religious individuals trend toward exhaustion, dissipation, and most horribly self-destruction. Abandoning the noise of the world, proper fellowship provides bolstering. A wise surrendering, acceptance of a personal calling, abolishes attachment, rebellion, and other delusional forms of damaging reactive thought and behavior.  A relieving immersion into the community as a whole proves sanctifying. Older men from all walks of life are welcomed. Together, we become whole, creating individually emboldened interior dispositions worthy of the infusion of God’s love. All for the glory of God and the salvation of souls. Put off your old nature which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new nature, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. 

Worship will be aligned traditionally with the chanting of the Liturgy of the Hours, the singing of hymns, and selected readings during meal times. Mass will be the cornerstone of the day. Confession will be weekly. Spiritual direction monthly. A morning and evening communal Holy Hour before the Eucharist will provide scheduled and ritualistic silence. The evening Holy Hour will be followed by a communal Rosary. Individual paths of private worship will be determined through consultation with a spiritual director. Supporting individuality, strength and soundness of mind and body, the plague of singularity will be thwarted. The devilish influence of obstinacy, anti-authoritarianism, over-sensitivity, and self-dependence–intellectual reliance, must be disciplined. These negative personality traits, as well as a host of others, are recognized as a natural consequence emblazoned by the world upon the individual inclined toward contemplative ways. Being holy and prayerful are placed above intellectual pursuits. Spiritual competition, passive aggressive nonsense, brutal egotism, and other subtle and bold forms of fiendishness, will be warred against as a community. Confrontation will not be feared. Disputes discussed as a community. Community members must recognize their need for healing as they pass lovingly beyond the world. The strenuous work to be done is individual and interior. Conversation, simple in nature, will be encouraged during lunch and dinner after readings. Breakfast will be silent. A Grand Silence will rule after evening prayers until the start of the work day. The work day will be nourished by conversation. An exercise hour will be scheduled three days a week, with brothers encouraged to enjoy a daily walk. Communal recreation, healthy competition, such as volleyball and soccer are encouraged. Technology will not be shunned, laptops permitted within personal cells. Television will be limited to communal enjoyment. The internet broadcast only when the sun shines.  There will be no closed doors during the day, all behavior open to witnessing. Lectures and learning opportunities will be ongoing. Younger men will be placed through a rigorous examination discerning the priesthood. The community will be nurtured and survive only through the will of God. New members will be closely scrutinized. Growth for growth’s sake will not be engaged. The community will not fear nonexistence, nor small numbers, if God calls forth such a demand.

spacer

Usurpation

In truth, I would not have neglected to tell you to trample under foot all your feelings, your interests, your fears, your aversions, if I had not had that confidence in the goodness of the heavenly Spouse, that He would give you strength and courage to take the side of inspiration and reason against that of nature and aversion. Behold you, then, all dead to the world, and the world all dead to you.

That is one part of the holocaust, and there remain two more yet. The first of these is to flay the victim, stripping your heart of itself, cutting and tearing away all those minute impressions given us by the world and nature; and the second is to burn up and reduce to ashes your self-love, and convert your soul, all in flames with celestial love.  –‘Practical Piety’ The Saint Francis de Sales Collection.

18209202-mmmain

spacer

Furthering fellowship

God, an active omnipotent presence, works wonderfully through fellowship in the healing process.  The incidents descend plentifully.  One I am intrigued with, coming deep from left field, is my own Spanish tutor.  I called the woman a couple months ago, yet she was in Austin, Texas, informing me she would call me once back in Cleveland Heights.  She called last week, the two of us texting in between.  I was convinced after our first conversation God sent her my way. I care not to speculate on specifics, yet I am convinced it pleases God to advance forward.  We had our first Spanish session yesterday, meeting at a restaurant.  Thoroughly enjoyable, the woman is remarkably good, proving pleasant in conversational Spanish, encouraging me to answer her in Spanish.  Her background is interesting with Spanish heritage, her grandparents and mother Basque country people from the city of Bilbao.  My mother calls such people the troublemakers from the north.  I find it funny, since I like to trouble my mother myself.  The interesting part, the area possessing spiritual maturity, is the fact the woman is my age and attractive.  We have fun together.  She is a mature woman, strong in disposition, cultured in interest, worldly in experience, while remaining aloof regarding her personal life.  The lasting impression is she is single. She mentions a daughter and mother, yet nothing about a husband nor boyfriend.  We both enjoyed the first lesson.  We will meet every Tuesday at ten O’clock.  Her presence definitely assures advancement in my Spanish and an increase in quality people in my life.  I have thought about the possibility of furthering the interaction to romance, carefully dissecting my thoughts.  It is natural.  I find the greatest drive to pursue romance is pride, a needy part of my personality demanding acceptance and approval on an intimate and deep level from a respectful sophisticated nice-looking woman.  There is a strong part of me that has no interest in romance, focused upon the religious life.   I am watching myself closely on this one.  The area of conflict is not severe, nor austere, not a battle demanding defeat.  It is only natural and proper to attain discernment through politeness and prayer.  Maturity comes with patience, allowing God to define matters.  To accomplish Spanish fluency is a remarkable achievement.  If the two of us manage this feat, that is enough, and quite enthralling in possibility.  Before God, I am grateful and astounded by the appearance of the woman in my life. It is humorous that arriving at the restaurant, a mini-Cooper, the same vehicle as my son, drove up and street parked in front of me.  I knew it was her. I read her two bumper stickers, one detailing the power of love while approaching the vehicle, greeting her as Lilly as the door opened.  She smiled and said James. It was simple and nice.  My goal for the entirety of our interactions.

spacer

His Heart an Open Wound

Applied Spiritually to Christ and the Soul.

A lone young shepherd lived in pain
withdrawn from pleasure and contentment,
his thoughts fixed on a shepherd-girl
his heart an open wound with love.

He weeps, but not from the wound of love,
there is no pain in such affliction,
even though the heart is pierced;
he weeps in knowing he’s been forgotten.

That one thought: his shining one
has forgotten him, is such great pain
that he bows to brutal handling in a foreign land,
his heart an open wound with love.

The shepherd says: I pity the one
who draws herself back from my love,
and does not seek the joy of my presence
though my heart is an open wound with love for her.

After a long time he climbed a tree,
and spread his shining arms,
and hung by them, and died,
his heart an open wound with love.

–Twenty Poems by St. John of the Cross

StJohnCross

spacer

All glory to God

Something special has been in the air throughout the day. Louise proved special in a divine way. God offered a choice. Her brother came out to me grateful, speaking kindly, informing me I could leave if I wanted to. I asked for assurance that him and his sister would be there until two o’clock for I did not want to leave Louise alone. He said that it was up to his sister and that he could never determine what she would do. Twenty minutes later he came out informing me his sister said the visit was done. It was time to go. I sat with Louise holding her arm praying a Rosary. We were interrupted by the Eucharistic minister I saw earlier, now bringing the Eucharist to Louise.  She was from the St John of the Cross Parrish.  I continued holding her arm. It was the first patient I felt so strongly the need to touch and maintain contact with.   A hospice case worker came in and sat with us. Upon entering the room, she immediately opened a slide window, allowing a breeze to enter. Moments before, I removed my sweater. The heat was overwhelming. The breeze was immensely pleasing. I am positive Louise felt the same way. Sitting still, a moment came, I felt distant staring at nothing, continuing to hold Louise’s arm. The hospice worker interrupted the moment, asking me to put my hand on Louise’s chest, to check for a heartbeat. I looked at Louis, aware something happen. I placed my hand on her chest, feeling for a heartbeat. There was nothing. I held my hand on her chest, assuring myself there was no heartbeat. There was none. I stared at Louise, feeling immense grace. God is good and all giving. Today was a good day.

spacer

Fellowship flowering

I was asked to take a break. I am sitting with the Hospice patient I sat with last week. Bedside vigil patients are recognized as actively dying. Prognostics identifying final moments. The patients are basically expected to pass within the next forty-eight hours. This one has been hanging in there over a week. Today she is  burning up with a fever. Her sister, whom she lived with just arrived. Neither sister married, living together after the death of their parents. Their brother also arrived. Three siblings together sharing the passing of life. The brother pushed his sister in a wheelchair into the room. The sister called out to me, asking if I was a Eucharistic minister. I answered, yet she did not acknowledge me, continuing onward to call out in a loud voice  to her sister: ‘Sweetie, Sweetie,  I am here’.  Her brother explained she honestly hears very little, making everything up in her own way. God is good and all giving. The fellowship blessing my life is astounding. This morning  at the St Clare Mass,  I sat marveling at all the new people emerging. Exiting, providence provided the opportunity to hold the door for Mary and Barb from ‘Arise’. Mary taking hold of my arm for balance, asking if I would mind her bringing snacks Wednesday. Breakfasting at Casa Dolce,  Rosalie recommended a roast beef, eggs, and potato breakfast when I told her I desired a large meal. I told her about the couple from Saturday’s gathering telling me how much they enjoyed taking cooking lessons at Casa Dolce. The owner often schedules classes teaching cooking techniques she acquired in Italy. Rosalie encourages me to take one of the classes. The demonstration here is the grace of God. Expanding upon the theme,  exiting Adoration after breakfast, I came across this vehicle waiting to lead a funeral procession. Once again the Church was packed with a funeral. I found the vehicle captivating. Here is a photo from my phone. The funeral home providing was Fioritto.   Before I end, a final note. As I  entered this on my phone, the Lord’s prayer interrupted my thoughts. I looked up to see a Eucharistic minister tendering to a gentleman in a wheelchair. It was presented to me yesterday at St Paul Shrine by lawyer Jim to become a Eucharistic minister. The thought has been ruminating for sometime, obvious signs now pointing toward affirmation.

20160307_103443

spacer