You must draw near to our Lord, and speak to Him of something else, until your spirit is restored and tranquilised. For whilst the trouble lasts, you ought not to say or do anything, but remain firm and resolute not to consent to your distress, whatever reason there may be for it; for you will never want reasons at such a time; they will come in crowds; but you must not listen to one of them, however good it may seem to you; but keep yourself nigh unto God, speaking to Him of something else, as I said, and diverting your mind from the subject of your sorrow after you have humiliated and submitted yourself before His majesty.
But observe this remark, which I take pleasure in repeating because of its utility: humiliate yourself with a sweet and peaceful humility, and not with a sad and troubled humility; for it is our misfortune that we bring before God acts of humility full of vexation and sorrow; and so doing, we do not assuage our spirits, and we render those acts fruitless. If, on the contrary, we perform these acts before the Divine goodness with a sweet confidence, we should come out full of peace and serenity, and would very easily reject all the reasons, very often and generally speaking unreasonable, which our own judgment and our self-love suggest to us, and we would go and speak to those who corrected us with as much ease as before. – – Saint Francis de Sales, Advice on receiving and giving correction.
Without needing to elaborate or define further, simply presenting, I was struck by words from Abbot William in his autobiography. Ideas pronounced relevancy, themes and words repeating within a different story, something familiar and ordinary happening.
First a Gospel repeat, spoken words of Jesus: Truly, truly, I say to you, we speak of what we know, and bear witness to what we have seen;
Over the years I had pleaded with the Lord to show me His holy will–whatever He really wanted of me. His inspiration became clear to me that He had been “hiding” me over those past several years, here and there in this ministry or that, and in this work or that, until I arrived at the maturity of life and spiritual growth that allowed me to begin this special calling. I am quite as convinced of His “hiding” me as I am convinced of the need of this hiding for arriving at the required spiritual growth. – – ‘A Calling: An Autobiography’ Abbot William
Words from Jesus to Nicodemus, concentrated upon during the ‘Arise’ meeting this morning after mass at St Clare. There were many illuminations received during the reading and commentary on Nicodemus encountering Jesus, one-on-one, during the night. I will just present the words that struck the hardest:
Truly, truly, I say to you, we speak of what we know, and bear witness to what we have seen;
I add a text to the man of prayer, in response to his gratitude for assisting him with his electrical issues. I just finished the ‘Arise’ gathering at St Clare’s. It is phenomenal. God is healing me through proper fellowship. My experience with Ann and the recovery world really wounded me. God is showing me his power through community. It is a message I needed. I am thankful for both you and Mary, our time together Sunday. You are both important to me and a part of God’s revelation. Thank you for allowing me to help you.
Another matter coming together nicely is a telephone conversation with my son driving home from work. He assisted his older step-sister, catering to her desperate situation of having nobody who would drive her from prison to a rehab center. Most have given up on the young lady, however my son said to me: ‘she has never done anything to me, always loving to me, and I could only respond that I would be there for her’. He spoke about being with her as she was admitted into the rehab facility, the fact she leaned heavily upon him while they waited. It struck him she had no one. Meeting the authorities at the rehab center he became fearful, convinced the women were psychologically unsound. He could only observe the women and disappointingly wonder how in the hell they would be able to help his step-sister. It is a brutal fact of the recovery world that the majority of people willing to dedicate their time to the recovery of others are so broken themselves. I have moved beyond all of that, allowing a greater life to be defined through obedience to God’s will. Thankful the recovery world has been removed from my life. In the void, greater things emerge.
Father Estabrook presented, and I pursued, a continuation of the expansion of my communal faith life, my Lenten divine mission, a fulfilling of capabilities and potentialities. This weekend at St Clare I will attend a program sponsored by groups associated with the church identifying themselves with the names: ‘Families in Christ Jesus’, ‘Catholic’s Men Fellowship’, ‘Men of Praise’. The weekend program is titled ‘The New Way of Living’. I am so taken aback by the obvious affront by God upon my worship that I am praying and discerning cancelling my Easter retreat to Massachusetts. The vacation days, Thursday and Monday, are scheduled. I will enjoy a five day work free Easter weekend. I am now asking God if he wants me to spend this time with my new community and my family. Should I concentrate my worship locally instead of journeying back to the Maronite Monks of Adoration? I am so humbled by the profound communal experiences I am encountering, I advance my surrender to the will of God. Let me do as You please Lord. One of the points mingling about everything, for there were many thoughts I felt I wanted to express in this post, yet now they elude me. I wanted to stress that what is happening is not theoretical or contriving. It is not an effort of my scheming and planning. There is a flow, a spontaneous happening that delights, an experience and encountering that I will compare to Nicodemus venturing through the night to speak with Jesus.
A final note. As this post burst forward, it was interrupted by the Hospice. A bedside vigil with a Roman Catholic is scheduled for tomorrow from 10 AM to 2 PM. Prayer at the bedside of a passing Catholic sister calls forth.
I looked for that which is not, nor can be,
And hope deferred made my heart sick in truth:
But years must pass before a hope of youth
Is resigned utterly.
I watched and waited with a steadfast will:
And though the object seemed to flee away
That I so longed for, ever day by day
I watched and waited still.
Sometimes I said: This thing shall be no more;
My expectation wearies and shall cease;
I will resign it now and be at peace:
Yet never gave it over.
Sometimes I said: It is an empty name
I long for; to a name why should I give
The peace of all the days I have to live?—
Yet gave it all the same.
Alas, thou foolish one! alike unfit
For healthy joy and salutary pain:
Thou knowest the chase useless, and again
Turnest to follow it.
I perceived the suggestions which the enemy of your progress (Satan, worldly ways) makes upon your heart, and I also perceive the grace which the most holy Spirit of God gives you to maintain you strong and firm in pursuing the path wherein He has placed you.
The evil one cares not about our mortifying the body (exterior behavior), provided we do always what he wishes (interior life): he fears not austerity, but obedience. What greater austerity can there be than holding one’s will continually subject and obedient? You are fond of these voluntary penances (false humility); if, after all, the works of self-love can be called by the name of penances (contrived spiritual efforts).
When you gave yourself to God, after many prayers and much consideration (authenticity), it was found good that you should enter into obedience and the denial of your own will, rather than be left to your own judgment and to yourself: do not, then, let yourself be overcome, but remain where our Lord has placed you (patience, trust, and submission).
It is true, that you there have great mortifications of heart, perceiving yourself so imperfect in that path, and so worthy of frequent correction and reproof; but is not this the very thing you ought to seek, mortification of the heart, and the continual sense of your own abjectness? (Brutal honesty, penetrating self-knowledge)
But, say you, you cannot do such and such a penance…Tell me, I reply, what better penance could an erring heart have, than to endure a continual cross and denial of its self-love? But I say too much: God Himself will hold you with that same hand of His mercy with which He placed you in this vocation; and the enemy will have no victory over you…. (within failure God succeeds) –The Saint Francis de Sales Collection.
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