Many psychologist have studied pathology (disease and abnormality defining)…we cannot really understand human nature when we look at it in a fragmented state; only a healthy integrated person can give us a true picture of what it means to be human (Jesus, divine in nature, provides the greatest example of humanity lived fully—His mother providing the example of the closes a human can follow in imitation and intimacy)…emphasis on the healthy person allows a focus on human possibilities, including the development of virtues, with its implications of spiritual development…“the Romans meant by virtue what made a man a man, and Christianity added spirit to men and soulfulness to women”…(to) begin with health rather than illness, he echoes our Christian belief that good is prior to evil, that human beings are created good and are meant to develop into the fullness of Christ (Eph. 3:14-21, 4:13-16). As I have prayed with Linda (a wife) and become her friend, I’ve learned the single most important thing I do for her is to see the goodness and potential for health within her. As I see her in this way—something I believe I can do because Jesus has helped me to see my wife as He sees her—she becomes more and more the person I see (the person with, through, and in Christ). –Healing the Eight Stages of Life.
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,
From whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,
That according to the riches of his glory
He may grant you to be strengthened with might through his Spirit in the inner man,
And that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
That you, being rooted and grounded in love,
May have power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
And to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge,
That you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think,
To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations,
For ever and ever. Amen.
Letter to the Ephesians from St Paul the Apostle
A morning of beauty, porch sitting at Carter’s. It has been a while since I sat on the Cleveland Height’s porch writing, enjoying the splendor of being reflective. I have not seen Carter in months, not sure how he is doing, assuming all is good in Virginia with his sister. I have been concentrating on a recent tantrum, exploding while stuck in an awful traffic jam trying to get to work. I left late, occupied with the significant other in cuddling and kissing, not ready in the least for the monstrosity of chaos and inconvenience awaiting me at the intersecting of Chagrin and interstate 271. I should have known since I have been greeted twice with the unpleasantry in the last three days. I assume it is the coming Republican National Convention causing all the road construction issues. Driving home the same tribulation inflicted itself as the highway presented a mess of cones, misdirection, and overall conflagration due to the massive line painting being conducted. Yet I have control only over myself. I failed miserably in this regard. Being late to work troubles me greatly, fear inducing extreme expression. I was speaking lovingly to the significant other on my car-speaker phone as the construction presented itself. I instantly recognized the severity and reality of the life intrusion. I stood no chance of being on time. Immensely irritated, I blew-up, exploding in wrath, screaming vindictives, swearing I had it with city-life, yelling with all my might, unable to stop myself. The ubiquitous construction, the endless dealing with traffic, I could no longer stand. Declarations, determinations, and conclusions were violently shouted from my mouth, my mind overwhelmed with impossibilities and insanity. I allowed myself to go, continuing on the phone, allowing the significant other a glimpse into the worst of me. I recall staying with the Rescuerer in Middleburg Heights, becoming so angry and upset with her that I would scream at her endlessly, giving myself a headache. I would be absolutely consumed with wrath, anger vomiting from the core of my being, spewing neurotic psychosis about all over my existence. I recall my father, the son of an alcoholic, an abandoned and fought over child witnessing the death of a mother before the age of five—torn away from tendering grandparents, removed from an idyllic farm-life to live with a battering drinking father and new mother. My father would throw tantrums throughout his life. Fathering sober, with complete love and attention, he could not control his temper. Family events would always start with him throwing fits assembling everyone together properly. It was insane. He would make tremendous plans, purchasing proper supplies, tending to matters with great detail and intention of supplying something wonderful for his family, only to put everything together with the upmost anxiety and anger. As a child it was funny, yet also scary. So now I am an adult and I know how to throw an extreme exterior implosion myself. The slightest annoyance of convenience brings forth intense consternation. The significant other provided the sweetest, kindest, and gentlest companionship, a friend troubled, wanting to comfort and help, while believing and trusting in me. She is authentic and sincere. I showed her my worst, letting myself go and she still nurtures. I am touched. I am a deep man of prayer, graced with the wonder of losing myself in prayer–God is good and all giving. It provides proper confidence and direction, spiritual discernment. That is a part of me. Being an all or nothing type of recovering alcoholic, I recognize the blessed aspects of my life as well as the shattered, pleading with my Lord to help bring me together in health and sanity, to allow me to become a whole being, allow me to allow the proper healing to occur, imploring My Lady Undoer of Knots to be so kind as to ceaselessly tender her healing compassion and love. It is now wonderfully and efficaciously being enacted within my relationship with my significant other. Painfully, I am surrendering, allowing myself to grow above fear on a deeper social level. I am a loved child of God, and within such a reality I want to love. A significant other, others always about, and me a man stumbling through life, desiring to be socially responsible. A tear in one eye, a crutch propped under my right shoulder, looking up wearily, I can only do my best. I accept companionship, simply and openly receiving love–it is hard for me. Fortitude, perseverance, patience, all supporting and building upon my conviction to faith, hope, and charity.
Music listened to while preparing and writing, the sixties NYC counter-culture pop band The Velvet Underground.
