The more common error is that the will of the child gets stamped out by a parent being too firm, and constantly saying no, so that the child never makes her own choices. This opens the child up to many hurts. Psychologist Martin Seligman says the main factor in whether a person gets permanently hurt or not doesn’t seem to be the severity of the situation. People go through tremendous crises–prison camps,  murders, rapes—and they can grow from them. Others get wiped out by just a minor thing. They fall down the stairs and for the rest of their life they’re afraid of everything. According to Dr Seligman it isn’t the severity of the situation but whether people feel helpless and out of control. If they don’t sense they have a will, that they’re in charge, then anything can just come in and wipe them out. That’s why this stages is so important. It builds that inner confidence and resiliency. Because I have a self, I can bounce back on my own two feet. Nothing is going to wipe me out. With my will I can say no to all the ways a situation is paralyzing me and begin to grow by making the choices I can make rather than be passively depending on the situation to change.

A healthy will fosters physical and emotional health. Many believe that dependency illnesses (addictions) have roots in a wounded sense of autonomy. –Healing the Eight Stages of Life