Yesterday during Mass, it became evident separating from St Paul Shrine will be monumental.  The last two years of intense grace occurred associated with the Church.  Moving to first shift will no longer allow attendance of daily Mass with the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration.  I have decided to write them a letter, addressing matters to Mother Superior, seeking prayers.  The sisters have spiritually penetrated my heart.  A one-on-one meeting with Sister Mary Thomas will be pursued.  The bond with the rescuer will be further annihilated.  With respect to ongoing maturity within recovery, the situation is viewed as an uplifting transition, an opportunity for emotional restraint and growth.  In honor and glory of all that has taken place, I move forward confident God will open new doors, places of worship presented, allowing continued dedication to the Eucharist.  It has been months since I populated the Friday Holy Hour and Divine Office evening prayer session at the Benedictine monastery.  There are other homes of Christ, Catholic Churches, presenting themselves.  Sunday worship will still be anchored at St Paul Shrine.   Interestingly and lovingly, driving away from the new employer, I discovered a Church only blocks away.  St Mary’s of Collinwood, a Slovenian Church, tying in nicely with the biography ‘Our Lady’s Knight’, the story of a Slovenian family.  Every Thursday, the Church exposes the Eucharist for Adoration.  The day before I start a new chapter in my life, the parish will celebrate their summer picnic.  It appears to be a marvelous and expressive event.  The significant other always willing to fully engage.  God is good and all giving.

Words of Leo Lovasik in a letter he wrote to his brother, presented in his biography written by his brother Father Lawrence Lovasik.

“Untutored as I have been, I never forgot those Two, so dear to my heart.  Who, I knew, were waiting for me with welcoming arms.  These were none other than Jesus and Mary, to Whom I now owe my deepest gratitude for my restoration. Restoration indeed, because once in past years, I had that desire to become a priest, and as time went on, I became careless.  And what was the result?  It was my failure in everything I did.  I left the main road to Christ’s vineyard to take a side road, which ended with a dead-end sign.  Where was I to go next?  Could I force my way through this dead-end obstruction?  I saw that it was impossible, so I just sat there for nearly two years, waiting for something to happen….

A reflective peaceful morning, during a time of transition within transformation, many things are to be considered, while reposing into trust and patience. Forefront, an employment change looms imminent. I am excited, yet nervous. Following the Mystic, Connecticut vacation, the week at work proved intense and stressful, especially when I was forced to work Saturday and Sunday, a seven day work week once again establishing a standard. During that time, a recruiter contacted me, enthusiastic about a job offering he was trying to fill. I conducted the interview based solely on the hours, a guaranteed first shift position. I have extended incredible effort and energy toward my current position. It is a huge deal to depart. Gratefully, I recognize it has served me well. In recovery terms, it toughened me up, allowing greater insight into identity. The potential employer intrigues with the promise of first shift hours and a location less than five miles from home. Touring the plant, I perceived an excellent business niche in the automotive industry being filled, an enthusiastic and strong industrial leader of the Cleveland area controlling the plant as one of his entrepreneurial efforts. Though doubt lingered for various reasons, I discerned the will of God. Exiting the interview, observing the East Cleveland home sitting across from the industrial facility, abiding within a struggling neighborhood, I delighted to find a well-cared for statue of the Immaculate Conception standing upon an ingenious mount, spotlighted by two ground lamps, the American flag raised behind Our Holy Mother. For some reason, I thought of the vigil on the East side of Cleveland with the over-the-road truck driver where I discovered a unique Marian autobiography, the story of a devout Catholic family told through the life of a son who died in WWII, shot down in his fighter plane he christened ‘Our Lady’s Knight’. The story is written by his brother, a fine Catholic priest. I am enjoying the book, a renewed interest in a simpler way of life, an enduring and endearing time when Catholic Americans amidst great turmoil, the Great Depression and a world war, subscribed to maintaining humility and purity. Individuals who did not perceive themselves as knowers of all things–innocence meant more than arrogance, self-serving great deeds, or false wisdom. It coalesces nicely with a rekindled interest in books. ‘Moby Dick’ has reawakened a sense of fiction anrd adventure, and yesterday driving to and from Toledo, the significant other and myself listened to an insightful primer to Shakespeare’s Macbeth. This coming weekend we will view the play at Sugarloaf Mountain amphitheater in Chillicothe, Ohio, part of a Hocking Hills splendid weekend centered on completing my lifelong dream of witnessing Tecumseh the Outdoor Drama. The Monday following will be the Feast of the Assumption celebrated all day long in Little Italy and the Holy Rosary Church, an evening procession culminating events. The Tecumseh play was scripted by Allen Eckert, a University of Dayton history professor who has written extensively on the period of Tecumseh’s life. I read many of the professor’s books as a young man, enthralled with the life of Tecumseh, the settling of the Northwest Territory, and the War of 1812. I must wrap this up for time is short. There is so much more I wanted to express. The bottom-line is I have become convinced God wants me to concentrate upon my personal life, my faith, contemplative life and volunteering efforts central. My employment is to supplement and provide for a greater interior and personal life. The Hospice calls are becoming frequent again. It is pleasing. Yesterday with family and the significant other proved sublime. In fact, to cut this shorter, I will post an email from the significant other. The words reveal.

Good Morning. This weekend opened a lot up for me and driving in I felt that I needed to journal. Though I prefer to write on paper, I didn’t have time. Thought of you and that I would just type up my words. Want to share them with you….please take them with the love and grace that they are intended. I do feel so very blessed by you

I feel so very blessed by Jim…what a good day yesterday was. Spending time with his family; Brandon, Tabitha, Tyler, his gorgeous Spanish Mom. And on Saturday sitting in the car and talking, talking about grace and being able to say to God that I need you, I have bumbled, please teach me how to follow you. I have messed things up, failed you, made mistakes. Teach me how to be. Open my heart and mind, cleanse my heart Oh Lord.

This is a complete reversal from how I felt two months ago, even a month ago. Then, thoughts preoccupied with all things I found wrong with him. Worried about introducing him to John, Dee, Steve. Not sure if I was compromising my core, ignoring issues. Though his anger flared up a bit yesterday with cars/traffic.

But now, as Jim so eloquently yet simply said on Saturday, lifting healing/nurturing up to God. I need healing/nurturing too. Being that for each other. This is what I pray for.

I am so grateful that I gave everything time. Listened to Gina’s words that he was a good man, is a good man.

Contemplating my own selfishness. How I have been narcissistic, self centered. Trying to fill myself with things, always more things to make me better when what I need is at hand. Taking care of myself. Spiritually, physically. Self-pity, oh poor me. I am owed this. I need these things to feel good, look good, when what I truly need is from above, from God. To be happy with all God has blessed my life with . Jane, John, Vivienne, Jess, Jim……To take care of my body. I don’t need more clothes. Need to take care of the clothes I have. And lose weight. Lighten up on things.

And the issue of shame. Creating shame. Recreating shame always. Can I let go of that? I am not that