I purchased a new Rosary today at St Paul Shrine.  The decade beads are pearl colored with stainless steel ‘Our Father’ beads.  The large crucifix drew my attention, comprehending immediately the larger cross would fit meaningfully in my grasp while reciting prayers.  It had the perfect size for digging into my palm when held tightly.  I had not seen the extern sisters for some time.  Purchasing the Rosary allowed a bit of private time with the two.  Sister Claire Marie sent me off to Father Roger with a bottle of Holy Water in order to have the Rosary blessed.  During the blessing, Father Roger fumbled with the Holy Water, squirting me in the face and chest due to the stubborn bottle.  His blessing brought peace.  I noticed several individuals watching.  I am pleased, while detached, with my reputation at the Shrine.  I felt the need to purchase the new Rosary due to the Christmas season implosion.  It is a new year and bringing it in will be a new blest Rosary.  Immersed in Adoration, sitting before the Eucharist, sitting amidst splendid Christmas decorations, praying with my new Rosary, it overwhelmed me what a horrid Christmas I experienced.  God is good and all giving.  During my stay at Harbor Springs, I worked with an amazing psychologist who felt the focus must not be put on the relapse in sobriety.  It was important to understand what happen.  Putting aside details, an overwhelming emotional situation floored me, forcing me to collapse into previous poor behavior.  The sobriety will come once again.  There is no need to panic.  Although the financial toll will be significant, it is not devastating.  A restructuring of my personal life will occur, yet it will commence with patience and prayer, allowing proper time and space for development.  At this time, there are no conclusive declarations being pronounced.  There are no passionate apologies or self-incriminations dramatically wept, while the recognition of silent tears before the Eucharist cannot be denied.   There will be no cowering nor running to others, while a priest from the recent past may be brought back into the process—if he is willing.  There will be gratitude and acknowledgment for what God has blessed in abundance.  My prayer life and the pursuit of the contemplative life will carry me forward.  My faith, hope, and charity will remain as my foundation.

Jusepe de Ribera: The Adoration of the Magi