Today, I attended the second session at the Jesuit Retreat House: ‘Music and the Listening Heart & The Grace of Accompanying Others in a Divided World’, conducted by Christopher Pramuk. There is no doubt of the authenticity of the speaker. He is a moral man of academia, possessing the compassionate heart of a religious artist. Many things involving the encounter left me empty. I am concentrating upon the Four Absolutes: Honesty, Unselfishness, Purity, and Love in the pursuit of stability and recovery from alcoholism within my own life. Christopher identified three intense evils constantly working upon individuals: Fear, Delusion, and Hatred. I recall my contentious formation during my time with Father David Mary. His conservative opinions were harsh upon the Jesuit order. Within the complexity of life, the mystery of God, I reflected upon the fact Father David Mary’s ability to move and inspire young people. A man of extremes and conflict, his trudging toward holiness is absolute. He was never one to shy away from intense self-examination, brutal honesty. The conflict of ways arose when I understood the members of the Ignatian tradition focused deeply upon education. There is a conviction they are called to work profoundly with young people, especially black children, and beyond that their liberal political opinions weighed heavily upon their dispositions. Social Justice is forefront in their embracing of Catholicism. As a man leaning toward conservative values, possibly a paradox when it is considered that I relate experientially with a description I read of J.K. Huysmans’ main characters: an alienated man, at odds with his surroundings, unsure of himself, dragged down by unhealthy living, constantly on the lookout for something valuable in a worthless world. Catholicism has never been in doubt, anchored by Divine intercession; dismissed visions lovingly guiding toward security. Mary took it upon herself to ensure my wanderings would not be for naught. Undertaking detachment, I will explore troubling factors regarding the Ignatian spirituality met with today. I changed my mind. I will not waste my time. The passive aggressive delusion witnessed need not be dwelled upon, at least not in writing. Mentally, I am a seemingly hopeless man of obsession. I recall Christopher’s response regarding what a righteous one was to do regarding the political turmoil confronting the nation during the last week. He advised something akin to deep breaths and the envisioning of embracing, cradling. opponents with a deep love. It seemed cowardly and delusional. Instead of identifying accountability and personal imperfections—childish preconceptions blocking, he was really saying there is nothing more one could do. There was no bridging the divide for the opponent was insane. The opponent is so wrong and inferior, one can only share with them a superior love. Instead of granting those of opposing voices integrity, dignity, and a proper voice in a two-party system, he could only see the route of playing the sacrificing hero—a superior gracing his love to inferiors. I think of the serious voices within the conservative movement, a confrontational and divisive man like Rush Limbaugh. His ideas and intellect cannot be dismissed. He is a man of vision. Within a two-party system, respect is a two-way street. The humanist liberal mindset destroys left to its own devices—it must witness its part in the secular moral bankruptcy afflicting our nation and the horrendous warzone conditions of the inner-cities. The wisdom of Rerum Novarum and the novel ‘Lord of the World’ must be heeded. I recall in the Hindu masterpiece Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna and Krishna poised in their chariot, positioned between two warring armies. Rush Limbaugh is no worse than Christopher Pramuk. The passive aggressive nature to present a resolution as Christopher did bewilders. To witness the unethical assault, the reality that nothing was done properly in an all-out unsubstantiated attack upon the character of a good Catholic man. To witness the demonic onslaught levied against Brett Kavanaugh, a family man who conducted an honorable career, and find no fault is not a mindset deserving to grace its love upon others. To witness young fanatical agitating woman getting in the face, disrespecting, men of elected position, manipulating the political system while abandoning civil respectability—to respond with a superior attitude that I will play the hero and offer my self-proclaimed holiness, praying my wayward opponents see the errors of their ways, is spiritual immaturity. The polarization of our country will never be overcome with such blatant shallowness. Consider the fact, that with these enlightened Ignatians, we, a gathering of all white folks, spent almost the entirety of our day discussing racism. Isn’t there something delusional, divisive, and racist in that very fact? On top of the political confusion, a religious happening during the retreat must not be ignored. During the end of his program, Christopher announced there would be no Mass. The schedule for the weekend retreat stated there would be a Mass to end the gathering. I eagerly anticipated the Mass, positive it would be an ending with a proper love. At the last moment, Christopher casually announced there would be no Mass. I was startled. After everything that occurred, considering a preannounced retreat ending Mass, now the Mass was dismissed as if it were nothing. We would all be able to leave early. Priorities appeared strange. I thought of a woman, a sister in street clothes I assumed—a woman I think was once the secretary at St Paul Shrine—expressing a wish that young people would embrace meditation before the Eucharist. Another sister in street clothes countered, stating Eucharistic Adoration was good, yet one could encounter God walking in the woods, in conversation, in all places. The whole idea of ‘reimagining’ the Church, superiors figuring out ways to do things better predominated. I wondered if there was a subtle pleasure in stripping the Church of authority. The Ignatians would define, ‘reimagining’, what was holy and sacred. After all, others were hampered by their preconceptions, while the Ignatians are not. A sister in street clothes sitting with me presented the idea of women priest as if it was a given that the idea was a must for the Church to grow in fullness. Again, that passive aggressive childish arrogance that assumed, for whatever reasons, an Ignatian open mind could not be disagreed with. I am sure if confronted, she would take deep breaths and offer misguided opponents her love. There was an overall feminine nature to the spirituality, yet it was a femininity devoid of a consecration to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Within all its mystery, allure, and power the feminine nature also possesses a mischievous wicked side—a passive aggressive manipulating spirit whose memory is long and unforgiving. Hell hath NO fury as that of a woman scorned. Enough. A walking contradiction, I had decided to say nothing. I am grateful for the companionship. I ate lunch and took a walk around the grounds with an extremely talkative woman, a character with many ideas; a mind quick, kind, and nomadic. I am sure I will encounter her at St Charles Borromeo. Also, I consider my obstante and conflicting nature. The same severity of criticism I levy against the liberal mind of the Church, I also do toward the overly scrupulous and dogmatic conservative traditionalist of the faith. For all it faults and uselessness, it is who I am. I am prone to conflict. Maybe that is why J.K. Huysmans writing appeals tremendously. I want to leave on a positive note regarding Christopher Pramuk. He is a man I admire, living a life far superior to my own. He wonderfully shared his love of Stevie Wonder music. Let’s end with a Stevie Wonder song and some photos. The Steve Wonder song was written for his daughter, Aisha—Life.