Contemplation

Jul282015

Start of a week, the wise St Francis de Sales to guide

But be of good heart, I beg you; little by little train your will to follow God’s will, wherever it may lead you; see that your will is strongly roused when your conscience says: God wants this. Gradually the resistance you feel so strongly will become weaker and soon disappear altogether. But especially, you must try to stop acting out your inner struggle or, at least, to do so in moderation. There are persons who when angry or annoyed, show their displeasure by simply saying: “What is all this?”; but there are others who speak sharply and show, not only displeasure, but a certain arrogance and spite. What I mean is that you should gradually correct such outburst, moderating them every day.  –St Francis de Sales

Within the quote, the idea of the gradualism Dr. Nichta introduced is gently dealt with. Yesterday during and shortly after mass a confrontation exploded. Wrath dominated my being, an absolute conviction I was justified in venting anger. Following the will of God, surrendering through self-awareness, in a certain sense, only means we are vulnerable to the immaturity of those living entirely on free will. I possess confidence in my efforts, sincere in humility and charity. Consolations are not sought, yet they are being received. I am proud of who I am and where God has taken me. I have the strength to stand up for myself—the determination to preserve my energy in spiritual pursuits. I fear nothing in regards to taking my every thought, action, and interpretation of experiences to the church for validation or correction. I am fearless in my pursuit of God, understanding I will make mistakes. I do not fear the mistakes for my heart grows bolder through, with, and in Christ. I know who I am. I know my weaknesses. I see the weaknesses of others. If I do not know myself, I really have no chance of knowing others. I see others through delusion, brokenness, and manipulation. I am a spiritually immature person incapable of grasping the world honestly, rationalization riots. It takes such an incredible amount of energy to live a life dominated by free will that truth becomes inaccessible. The truths I do come upon are all of my doing. I may as well be watching TV evangelists for that is all the further I will be able to advance. My spiritual life is limited to what I can bring into being, fullness forsaken. I place myself in the role of creator, perversions pervading. Imagination, reasoning, scheming, plotting, making plans, conducting mental debates, arguing within exhausts profound potentialities. Infusion is impossible. The Holy Spirit is blocked. I cannot quiet myself during prayer since I am so busy accessing my imagination in order to interpret, dominate, and impose my will upon the world. Even during prayer my mind is busying putting into action scenarios and happenings in my favor.

Exclude the world from traffic with the mind:
Lips near to God, and ranging heart within,
Is but vain babbling, and converts to sin.
–St. Robert Southwell

There is no peace of mind when I am left alone. When I am alone my mind is constantly racing about putting everything in my order, the controlling unceasing. I praise God I have been lifted from such a mindset. A psychic change. I was so proud that during and after the confrontation I did not allow my imagination to run away with me. I easily calmed myself, upset I allowed the outburst, yet I will not beat myself up. The inner-turmoil concerns more than exterior events. I concentrate upon progress. Within imperfection, I seek diligently for perfection. I utilize the experience to strengthen resolve, to know myself even deeper. Peace reigns in order to drawer closer to God. Garnered and graced growth relied upon not to build pride, yet to instill confidence. I end with another St Francis de Sales quote:

In all things and everywhere we must live peacefully. If troubles, either interior or exterior, come upon us, we should receive them peacefully. If joy comes our way, we must receive it peacefully, without getting all excited about it. If there is some evil to avoid, let us avoid it peacefully, without anxiety; for otherwise, in running away from evil, we could fall and give the enemy time to do us in. Is there some good to be done? Let us do it peacefully, “Thus is my bitterness transformed into peace,”…

St Francis de Sales

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Jul232015

Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring

Jesu, joy of man’s desiring, Holy wisdom, love most bright; Drawn by Thee, our souls aspiring Soar to uncreated light.

Word of God, our flesh that fashioned, With the fire of life impassioned, Striving still to truth unknown, Soaring, dying round Thy throne.

Through the way where hope is guiding, Hark, what peaceful music rings; Where the flock, in Thee confiding, Drink of joy from deathless springs.

Theirs is beauty’s fairest pleasure; Theirs is wisdom’s holiest treasure. Thou dost ever lead Thine own In the love of joys unknown.

This hymn sweeps me away every time it is sung.  The words poetically express personal yearnings.  Beautifully, succinctly, it praises the majesty of God beyond human understanding.  That which can be perceived in the deepest of prayer, quietness and stillness before the Eucharist.  That which is hoped for every moment reposed within the presence of God.  That which is tasted during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.  That which is touched when our hearts are opened through the acquiescing of pride and free will, holding tightly to the virtues of love and humility.  That I hear within the singing of this hymn. The words are from the poet laureate Robert Bridges, centering the words upon the last movement of Bach’s “Heart and Mouth and Deed and Life”.

During meditation before the Eucharist, I felt the desire to stress my interior vision of Christ the majority of time I am quieting myself.  It is the resurrected Christ in all of his magnificence, radiant in luminescence, I visualize in prayer.  The Divine Mercy Christ, touching his heart, rays of bluish white and red pouring forth.  The infant Jesus is recognized at times, the Liturgical season and the Rosary guiding imagery.  Yesterday, I posted a video with microscopic images of sperm cells actively swimming about, life striving, passionate to become embodied.  Such a delightful mystery to observe.  The Holy Spirit within the miracle of life.  The splendor enlarges when the realization of the Holy Spirit impregnating the obedient Mary.  What a wonder.  A Polish priest I knew remarked that there it was, that was the defining moment of mankind.  Mary’s fiat, and then within her womb the conceiving of Jesus, One of Three.  The Word incarnate.  The Divine baby poor in utter simplicity, during the travels of holy common, poor working parents, Saint Joseph and the eventual Queen of Heaven.  How could she not become the Queen of Heaven after all of that?  The Infant of Prague provides blessing, a testament to my friend Janette in Toledo. Sister Patricia told me, vague on why, or sources, yet she said “James you realize Jesus, eternal in being, was always going to come. God always intended His Divine Incarnation. Before original sin, Jesus was destined for birth, the ultimate grace to mankind”. The teacher Jesus, the man Jesus, the wise, unassuming, kind, compassionate, obedient, insightful, and also passionate when it came to His Father is also an image.  The proclamation of the Kingdom of God is the third mystery of the Luminous mysteries.  The Beatitudes.  Then the most striking, the most penetrating image of Jesus within prayer is the Passion of Christ.  The crucifixion propels forward the deepest message of the life of Jesus, the piercing of the heart of Mary.  His death defines the greatest. Sister Patricia remarks “His death, His passion and crucifixion was not God’s intent. It was a consequence”. May the blood of Jesus always wash over my heart nurturing love and humility within my disposition.

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Jul232015

A pleasing statue

Staying in God’s presence and placing ourselves in God’s presence are, to my mind, two different things.  In order to place ourselves in His presence we have to withdraw our soul from every other object and make it attentive to that presence at this very moment….But once we are there, we remain there, as long as either our intellect or our will is active in regard to God.  We look either at him or at something else for love of Him; or, not looking at anything at all, we speak to Him; or again, without either looking at Him or speaking to Him, we just stay there where He has placed us, like a statue in its niche.  And if while we are there, we also have some sense that we belong to God and that He is our All, then we must certainly thank Him for this.

If a statue that had been placed in a niche in some room had the ability to speak and were asked “Why are you there? it would answer, “Because my master, the sculptor, has put me here.”  “Why don’t you move about?’  “Because he wants me to be perfectly still.”  “What use are you there?  What do you gain by staying like this?”  “I’m not here for my own benefit, but to serve and obey the will of my master.”  “But you don’t see him.”  “No, but he sees me and is pleased that I am here where he has put me.”  “But wouldn’t you like to be able to move about and to get closer to him?”  “No, not unless he ordered me to.”  “Isn’t there anything at all that you want then?”  “No because I am where my master put me, and all my happiness lies in pleasing him.”  –St Francis de Sales letter to St Jane de Chantal
Venice church St Mary Assumption

St Peter statue Venice church St Mary Assumption

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Inventory and some music

A birthday comes and years pass.  I feel my age, comfortable with life, interiorly reposing into a life of sobriety and the pursuit of God.  Many details demand further definition, yet I do not allow fear to command.  I know who I am and my self-knowledge penetrates further.  Gratitude, a sense of extreme blessing extended over a subtle time, the realization kisses on a birthday, following with the whispering: ‘you did not marvel that concupiscence has been lifted, the blinding of lust removed’.  The voice chuckling, continuing in the tone of Mary: ‘You have always been such an odd one.  Be happy.  You have been given a great grace.’  My spiritual exercises expand, settling into profound ritual, guided by the Eucharist.  On my birthday, I received an authoritative welcoming email from the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament that intrigues.  The August 1st date is more than I anticipated.  There will be a continental breakfast followed by a full eight hour day of instruction, concluding with mass.  The curriculum is defined:

1. Eucharist as Nourishment and Reconciliation
2. Eucharist as Transformation
3. Eucharist as Abiding Presence Calling Us to Mission

I discern with respect and admiration the gradual process of the organization becoming a reality of worship and service.  My initial reaction that it is a group of mature pursuers of faith impassions, yet I temper, trusting in patience, allowing my imagination not to run away from God.  I think of the words of Teresa of Avila.

… (If) this soul (a seasoned practitioner) invariably followed the will of God, it is clear that it would not be lost. But the devil comes with his artful wiles, and, under colour of doing good, sets about undermining it in trivial ways, and involving it in practices which, so he gives it to understand, are not wrong; little by little he darkens its understanding, and weakens its will, and causes its self-love to increase, until in one way and another he begins to withdraw it from the love of God and to persuade it to indulge its own wishes.  –Interior Castle

I visited with my friend, Jan Marie, owner of the Marian Catholic bookstore.  Her prayer room is a holy space, a Thin place.  A Thin Place is a space in which the veil between heaven and earth is greatly reduced, allowing the light of heaven to shine on through to the realm of time and space.  It is an Irish term, referring to the wonders of nature: mountaintops, waterfalls, an ocean with the sun rising or setting above, and sacred places.  St Paul’s Shrine is a Thin Place.

My friend gave me a packed envelope of things she gathered for me.  She collects Catholic antiquities and stuff of all kinds.  I do not know where she gets all the items.  She has quite a reputation.  People bring her stuff while closing estates, and in other such ways she comes across amazing stuff.  Within her offerings was a novena.  I liked its aged look.  I took it into St Paul’s for further inspection during mass.  Reading it before mass, I realized the totality of what it was.  It was a Perpetual Novena in honor of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal from 1936 as put together by the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration at St Paul’s.  That would have been fifteen years after the Catholic diocese under Bishop Scremps, and the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration under Mother Mary Agnes Eichler purchased the church for the settlement of Poor Clares at Euclid and 40th Street.  During the Millionaire Row days of Euclid Avenue the church was an evangelical church.

I showed the precious Novena to an extern sister who immediately grasped it as hers, or more properly the convents, exclaiming Mother Agnes.  I laughed to myself thinking I was only showing it to her, however now it is obvious I am giving it to her.  I did not mind since there were two in the envelope.  I scolded myself a bit for not thinking of giving it to her in the first place.  I did have two of them why would I not share one.  In truth, beyond scolding, I was so stunned by the find I was just showing her out of amazement.  I never expected her to become so excited.  Pleasant experience.

On to the physical conditioning aspect, the natural arising to match the spiritual, I am in the tenth day of the Master Cleanse diet, determining I am going to continue.  I will cease the fast when deemed appropriate.  Right now all aspects appeal immensely.  I will be running a 5K August 8th, speaking of Millionaires Row.  The urban running course will start at Garden View Park passing through the historic Rockefeller Park and the Cleveland Cultural Gardens then through the historic East Boulevard neighborhood.  It should be a thrill.

While putting this together, I heard a song that captivated.  I watched the video amazed.  How can one watch the beginning and not be left spellbound by the wonder of God, the vigor and determination of life to be born.  Utterly astounding, the hairs on my neck stood in joy, my heart marveling at the sovereignty, grandeur, and majesty of God.

I recognized the song playing on Pandora to be a cover of this original by Iron and Wine, a Sam Beam song.  Listen to these words. A quaint cozy love song is something never to shirk away from.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCYWymG9fSs

 

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Jul202015

Freedom into obedient openness

St Francis de Sales on aligning with Divine Will, in respect to the freedom sweetly offered through the following of Christ, the opening of the heart of a Catholic man or woman to the necessary flexibility to unify with God’s will.  Rigidity, hardheadedness, or haphazard, flighty, efforts will not suffice.  The quotes moves forward from the freedom the previous St Francis de Sales quote established.

This freedom (of the Children of God) has two opposite vices: instability and constraint or, in the extreme dissoluteness and slavishness.  Instability is a kind of excessive freedom which makes us want to change our practices or our state in life for no good reason or without knowing if to do so is God’s will.  The least pretext is enough to make us change a practice, a plan, a rule; for the filmiest excuse we give up a rule or a good custom; it becomes like an orchard open on all sides, where the fruit is not for the owner but for all who pass.

Am I really pursuing God to satisfy my whims and boredom in life?  Do I use faith to suit my fickle interests and desires? In truth, am I really doing whatever I want, doing everything to suit me?

Constraint or slavishness is a certain lack of freedom that causes the soul to be unduly anxious or angry when it cannot carry out what it had intended to do, even though it could now do something better. 

My daily spiritual exercise is the attendance of mass and Eucharistic adoration at St Paul’s.  It is a demand, yet flexibility exist.  If I break my leg.  I must tend to my broken leg, missing mass and adoration without anxiety.  I may feel sorrow, yet not stress out about the matter.  If my work schedules me for first shift, I am obedient to work, again missing mass with no consternation, altering plans to attend an evening mass.  Doing something better is a more difficult discernment.  I place a session with Dr. Nichta in that category, again altering plans so an earlier mass obliges.  I would also consider involvement with the Blessed Sacrament Congregation, or such properly discerned efforts within the Church.

St Francis de Sales elaborates.

First of all, I must point out two rules which must be observed if we are not to fail in this matter.  First, we should never neglect our exercises and the common norms of virtue unless to do so appears to be God’s will.  Now the will of God is indicated in two ways: through necessity or charity. 

Necessity is obvious.  The broken leg a suitable example.  Charity needs consideration.

…when we use our freedom for charity’s sake it must be without scandal or injustice.  Example: I am certain I could be more useful somewhere far from my diocese.  I must not use my freedom to follow through with this, for I would give scandal and act unjustly since my obligation is here.  Therefore, it’s a false use of freedom for married women to absent themselves from their husbands without a legitimate reason, under pretext of devotion or charity.  Our freedom must never take us away from our vocation.  On the contrary, it should make us content each with our own calling, knowing that it is God’s will that we remain in it.

This example I cherish as sublime.  Meditate upon it.

…now I want to show you a “sun” that shines more brilliantly than any of these: a really open, detached spirit who holds on to the will of God alone.  I’ve often wondered who was the most mortified of all the saints…after much reflection, I decided it was St John the Baptist.  He went into the desert at the age of five, and was aware that our Savior was born in a place very close by, maybe two or three days’ journey away.  God only knows how much his heart, which had been moved to love his Savior from the time he was still in his mother’s womb, would have wanted to enjoy the Lord’s sweet presence!  Yet, he spent twenty-five years in the desert, without once coming to see Him; then leaving the desert, he went about catechizing without going to visit the Lord, but waited for the Lord to come to him.  Afterward, having baptized Him, he didn’t follow him but stayed behind to do his appointed work.  What mortification!  To be so close to his Savior and not to see Him!  To have Him so near and not to enjoy His presence! (Not to be recognized as an apostle!)  Isn’t this having one’s spirit completely detached, bound to nothing, not even to God, in order to do His will and serve Him; to leave God for God, and to not love God so as to love Him better?  –St Francis de Sales

St Francis de Sales

St Francis de Sales

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Jul192015

An individual amidst the Holy Sacrifice of Mass

Two seemingly contrasting thoughts that I would like to bring together.

…no one who was searching the same way for the same thing he was called to. And so he went about, an unloved stranger, and with great self-discipline he stayed away; but doing so caused him much joy later on. –Henry Suso

–Now Father Paul Bernier, Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament, from his book “Living the Eucharist: Celebrating Its Rhythms in Our Lives”.

…On Sundays, perhaps the most important event that takes place is the gathering of the community to share in Christ’s own sacrificial meal. It is easy to skip over this fact and concentrate on the liturgical action whereby we are fed at both the table of Christ’s word and of his flesh. Central to a proper understanding of the Eucharist, however is a proper appreciation for the significance of the community that gathers for the celebration….The early church focused instead on what happens to the people who share that bread and wine in memory of Christ.

….For the past few hundred years we have been influenced by a spiritual individualism that has had an insidious effect on our proper understanding of what the church is all about. It leads us to imagine God’s reign as an interior reality in the souls of individual believers scattered over the face of the earth. However, it is not as individuals but precisely as a people that the church can be a credible sign of salvation to the rest of the world.

I do not mean to dive in over my head, yet there is a point that seemed essential this afternoon, instructive in defining my path. A contemplative pursing a three step transformative process, one central to the ancient church, one furthered in the sixteenth century through St John of the Cross and St Teresa of Avila, many others picking up from there. The Spanish saints invented nothing. They revealed and expressed through written word a truth exercised within the ancient church. The transformative process is threefold in nature. The first being purgation, a cleansing beyond confessional absolution. Psychological damage incurred, self-afflicted and inflicted, is brought to the surface, allowing faith, hope, and charity to center within my heart. The vessel cleansed, never perfect, for within imperfection I will always be. However I am aware of who I am. I am aware of who I am not. I know myself. I am content with myself. I do not want to be someone else. Denials and delusions are defeated. I am not overly sensitive, nor reliant upon others in ways that diminish my centering upon the Trinity, Mary, and the saints. Within weakness, vulnerability, surrendering, a strong prayer life devoted to the Eucharist, I am self-dependent, able to always protect my enlightened self. Knowing who I am, nurturing my soul through prayer and the Eucharist, I come into the second process that being illumination, the gifts of the Holy Spirit graced into my life. My effort is rewarded. God, a loving God, bestows generously. Photosynthesis through the Eucharist experienced. Interiorly my work has been intense, austere as Henry Suso defines. Yet now the words of Father Paul Bernier become important. I remember telling Sister at Our Lady of the Pines that there are times my heart is so filled with love during mass, I am so inspired and lifted by the Poor Clares, that I just want to shower love upon others, yet I am not sure what to do. My heart overflows with an immense love. I plead with Mary to dispense properly, being the Throne of Wisdom, I bow before her majesty. Sister assured me it was a very good sign. She knew what I was talking about. She smiled deeply. Her eyes radiated. I knew when I pleased her, yet let me stress I was not focused upon pleasing her. I was brutally honest. I will say something else. She enforced a strict rule of no apologies, no should of, no maybes, no attempts at false humility, no constant confessing, or defacing myself. Matters were discussed straightforwardly. If she affirmed it was not pop psychology trying to make me feel ok. It was a pat on the back to encourage proper direction. She expanded, stressing the experienced overwhelming infused love during mass must develop into an awareness of those surrounding me, and also those not present: my family, coworkers, basketball friends, those in my life. Focusing upon the Eucharist allows me to love profoundly. This is what Father Paul writes about. That is what the ancient, as well as modern, church accomplishes. To be aware of the incredible fact that celebrating mass with me are creatures made in the image and likeness of God. Gathered together in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass we are all equal, one body as St Paul declares. Others want to get to heaven. Others are smart, many smarter and more accomplished than myself. Some are holier and some are not so holy. I am not concerned with damaging nor complimentary details. Particulars, inevitable to a certain degree, deserve no serious attention for I am content in who I am. I am not trying to be anything more. I do not need to feel I am special in any regard, nor am I apologetic for striving upon the contemplative path. I am at peace. I am not isolated, closed as Pope Francis would say. Closed also in the sense that I am only open to those willing to nurture delusion. I do not manipulate. I am content to play the fool if need be. Above all of that thinking is nothing, an emptiness leaving acute awareness. A void created, a focus upon the Eucharist, passive, open, I am able to be filled, highly tuned to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Faith, hope, and charity blossoming into a divine expression. The joy of mass is elevated to the third step of the contemplative process as recognized by the ancient church that being unification, theosis, a transformation in which the will of God becomes an individual’s will. Reaching unification one sees himself and others, all things, as God does, and thus acts accordingly. That one I will leave alone, although I think in everything I have stated the opening to unification is evident. I recall the image of a fireplace poker being left in the burning fire. The poker unifying with the fire, taking on the properties of fire, attains the same luminosity and heat of the fire. It becomes one with the fire.

A perfect photo in concept. I pray this gentleman would be complimented by my usage. It appeared perfect.

A perfect photo in concept. I pray this gentleman would be complimented by my usage. It appears apropos.

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Jul182015

Breathing eternal light into freedom

Every good person is free of committing mortal sins and has no willing attachment to them. Such freedom is necessary for salvation, but that is not what I am talking about here. The freedom I’m referring to is the ‘freedom of the children of God’ who know they are loved. And what is that (freedom)? It’s the detachment of a Christian heart from all things so that it is free to follow the known will of God. You will readily understand what I’m trying to say if God gives me the grace to explain to you the characteristics and effects of this freedom, and the occasions when it is practiced.

…this freedom is not attached to consolations, but accepts affliction with as much docility as nature can manage. I’m not saying that the person doesn’t like or long for these considerations, but just that her heart isn’t bound to them….a person who has this spirit is not emotionally bound to her spiritual exercises…Again I’m not saying that she doesn’t like them, but that she is not attached to them. Third, she hardly ever loses her joy, for no deprivation can sadden a person whose heart is attached to nothing. –St Francis de Sales

Exploring the profound letters of St Francis de Sales and St Janes de Chantal I came across these words of guidance from the former. They expand upon the idea of spiritual maturity, and the idea of freedom and enslavement—broadening the idea of freedom beyond free will. Freedom eternally magnified to salvation. Freedom is not just doing what pleases. I am free to do whatever I want. Because I want to do certain things, things others are doing, even being glorified, does not mean I should do certain things. It is not the desire, yet the act which enslaves. Instant pleasure and redemption in the eyes of the word is enslavement, a duplicity created. Individuality becoming a habit, a struggle to be someone in the eyes of the world. Such an existence in all truth is impossible for one to smash, roots becoming so deep ruination seems inevitable. How can one fighting for survival and identity truly surrender? How can one pursuing faith for years remove one’s self from stagnation, an inability to mature? An individual of duplicity identifies, fights with everything, compares and contrasts, demands others to be stacked up against one another, forces others to fight with others, Everything based upon salvation sought exteriorly through the eyes of others, The interior life, barely breathing, reposes in critical condition, acting upon the world in a destructive broken manner, needing to define and inflict restrictions upon others. Everything, even within the greatest efforts of kindness and compassion, is a form of division through the attachment to identity and the need for consolations appeasing individual delusions and brokenness. Maturity goes beyond confrontation through the inducing of unification, a fullness breathing into being, an expansion through passive surrendering of individuality, nurturing the graced power to conquer the mighty strength of passions, concupiscence, and brokenness, released from self-identity, attaining a state of grace within imperfection. Thus a mature seeker learns to sit still before the Eucharist, heart open and aware, needing yet detached.

Lost within unification

The Eucharist: Lost within unification

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