Contemplation

Jul042015

Moments of understanding

The novel by Remy Rougeau ‘All We Know of Heaven’ swept softly upon a utilitarian path of perfection with the ending of a chapter in which the main character, Antoine, concludes his solemn vows.  After six years as a Cistercian monk, a vow of permanency is performed. He chooses his mother’s birthday as the date of the ceremony. She never accepted his religious choice. Grandchildren her imagined perfection, emotionally, she suffered tremendous angst over her only child giving himself to the cloistered life. During celebrations, Antoine’s mother’s mother, his grandmother takes center stage,weeping in gratitude, endlessly praising and hugging Antoine, stating how she suffered since none of her numerous sons entered the priesthood. His mother makes a grand speech, expressing her displeasure within her acknowledgment she was proud of her son. Within her overwhelming sorrow, she identifies joy. Aunts and uncles, cousins, many attend the ceremony. Antoine’s quiet farming father loses himself during the boisterous gathering after formalities. Antoine finds him in an alcove under a stairway with one of his brothers, the monk in charge of the cattle. The two men are talking of cows as if they have known each other all of their life. Antoine realizes his father would be content within the monastery walls, and not as a slight to his mother.  Everything comes together to allow God to grace him with the understanding his discernment is divinely pleasing.

He knew he was not responsible for the day; how could he accept credit for having come from a good French-Canadian family?  And he knew that it was not for his intelligence or virtue that the Cistercian monks had taken him in. Even after he swallowed several times, his tears stubbornly flowed. 

The emotion Antoine felt was broader than gratitude. He was appreciative, yes, but he also wanted to be better than he was: more virtuous, more sympathetic, more responsible to the world. He had an idea about what holiness meant–something the size and shape of Brother Bernard–and he struggled toward it.  He wanted to make that shape his own somehow. He wanted to wish that shape upon the world.

All We Know of Heaven

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Jul032015

Afternoon meeting and maturing through submission

Met with Father Paul Bernier this afternoon. Nice, simple, a presence of holiness within an elderly priest, white hair and beard, a serious maturing adult in spiritual formation, a date for Monday, a cookout in the early evening, associates of the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament in attendance, gathered for an entertaining meeting. Father spoke about the huge complex housing the first order of the Aggregate of the Blessed Sacrament. It was originally built as a dormitory for seminary students for the previous Cleveland Seminary on Euclid Ave. He spoke of glory days, the history of Euclid Avenue and the sharp decline in seminary students with the passing of time. Things just did not work out as planned by those envisioning a thriving prospering future of many priests in formation for the Cleveland Diocese.  Years spent in Asia: the Philippines, Thailand, and wonderful wooden statues, stories of loving, caring a priest active in the lives of many.  I was charmed by a wooden kayak oar posed above his desk.  He told me of the purchase, his pride in attaining the beautifully crafted means of water propulsion.  He said he took it out to the river for use, however many more proficient kayakers were startled he would actually put to use such an elegant piece of craftsmanship.  It should be hung on a wall they proclaimed.  So he hung it on his office wall and agreed that it made for pleasurable viewing.  Yes his office is a place of holiness, serious thought, and most telling a man who has lived an intelligent, educated, generous, rewarding through giving, life as a priest.  i was intrigued by an image he supplied me with.  I mentioned my mother being from Spain, knowing his extended time in the Philippines and Spanish imperialism, inquiring if he witnessed a Spanish influence. He laughed saying Filipinos, eighty-five percent of the population Catholic, declare they spent five hundred years living in a Spanish convent and the last fifty years in Hollywood. Under Spanish control a deep Catholic imprint was made, and with the coming of General Douglas MacArthur, cameras rolling, the influence of Hollywood engulfed the islands. For good or bad, American influence and movies dominant. I think of the grand past of Euclid Avenue’s Millionaire Row, the admiration my Romanian friends possess for the United States, the Filipinos looking with hope to the United States, and now a generation of Americans who despise their own country. A casual thought entertains, asking whether we have become a nation of spoiled children. A selfish self-absorbed consciousness selling short its own past in order to elevate emotional short-sighted childish comprehension. Are we experiencing an immature generation in constant revolt against authority, a generation fixated upon free will, seeing only the faults of a patriarchal society? Do those who could never build a country as known by those residing upon Millionaire’s Row wish to destroy the means to prosperity, deconstructing a civilization of success in order to instill a society of misery, chaos, immorality, and lawlessness?  Is there truly a lasting vision to the attack upon the American way of life that can lead to anything besides communism? Life is a mystery, and I cherish reposing within the mystery of God and creation.

I would like to clarify what I mean by an adult spiritual life. A childish spiritual life is the constant imposition of self-will, a lack of depth due to dependence upon one’s broken self, a clinging and attachment to those things that brought comfort when we were children or teenagers. We are all broken, acceptance and thus understanding graced are the necessary building tools for maturing, utilitarian tools able to contemplatively craft and carve through surrender, stillness, pain and patience, prayer, detachment, and devotion to the Eucharist. Like a child, the one unable to grow, no matter age, nor devotion, the amount of reading and study, nor years of effort, or the intensity of application, self-will has always, and remains to dominate the worshiper’s life. They approach God and interact with others based upon the manipulation of their desires, thoughts, aspirations, and concerns. They are always busy; building, scheming, conniving, bigger and better ways to know God, new approaches, different methods and plans employed, new people and churches sought, spiritual directors and others telling and informing, important people high within the hierarchy, others to instruct and impose ideas upon, constantly conversing, sharing and imposing.  Everything of childish doing, acting and perpetrating. It has nothing to do with intelligence, talents, responsibility, worldly success or failure, nor dedication. Due to a lack of penetrating honesty, a true understanding of themselves, they work through delusion in futile attempts to do everything themselves. Many even become articulate expert speakers of faith, knowledgeable Bible scholars, intellectual masters of the intricacies of Catholicism. However they approach life as a teenager for that is the only further they have been able to spiritually and emotionally grow. All of their intense effort is not producing growth induced, infused, by God. It is so very very difficult.

  …the angels are a type of the union of the highest intelligence and freedom with perfect submission. They are the messengers of God, employed continually in obeying the Divine Will, yet doing it with the fullness of knowledge do to dwelling continually in the presence of God, beholding face to face his  glorious perfections, enjoying the light, not given to man on earth, of the Beatific Vision, and in the exercise of the freedom which flows from the conformity of their wills with the will of God. So again, in the perfect acquiescence of Mary in the divine purpose announced to her by the Angel Gabriel, we have another instance of the identity of submission, perfect submission to divine authority, and intelligent freedom. When informed of God’s merciful design, as comprehend in the mystery of the incarnation, in the free exercise of her will she assented: “Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it done unto me according to thy word.” Again, our divine Lord is the highest exemplification of the union in Himself of most absolute submission and of the most perfect intelligence freedom, submitting in all things to the Divine Law, yet doing it voluntarily and with the clearest, fullest knowledge.  –Catholic Quarterly

The angels and Christ, the highest of intelligence and devotion, knowing intimately the love of God to the highest extreme, possessing wisdom and understanding above human understanding, place themselves in obedience to Divine Will.  In all their splendor–their desires, impositions, and self-will are futile if exercised away from Divine Will. Satan opted for the exercising of free will. All is truly good except that which wanders away from the designs of God. Perversion is the corruption of creation, the infliction of self-will, a wandering from the path of God. Childishness is the reliance upon one’s self, an inability to grow up and rely upon God. There is the image of angels constantly facing God. I am not so sure it is a physical act, rather than a definitive statement in regards to their essence, everything about their being, perpetually aligned with God.  Below is an image from the former Cleveland Seminary, Mary as the Throne of Wisdom, Mary in obedience to Divine Will becomes the seat of wisdom, the loving, caring mother of her Divine Child.

St Mary's, former seminary, Euclid Avenue, Cleveland, Ohio.

St Mary’s, former seminary, Euclid Avenue, Cleveland, Ohio.

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Moving into a new way of being through proper self-awareness

I received a call from an AA gentleman, a good man, a devout authentic Catholic man. He honored me by asking me to lead a special Catholic recovery meeting at St Vincent’ Charity Medical Center, the hospital in downtown Cleveland Sister Ignatius performed her groundbreaking service work at. There are wonderful black and white photos outside the cafeteria documenting and defining the history of the recovery and healing institution. In the cell phone conversation, we determined I would not give the lead for the July meeting. An amicable and quality conversation, we both understood the necessity of the decision and action. I identify it as my final parting from the social life of Alcoholics Anonymous. Message infused, prayer litany increased, I define myself. Many people, places, and things edify through the clarity of determining who we are not. Understanding who I am is also understanding who I am not. Within the discernment, rebellion plays no part. I am not a man of dignity based upon the severe rejection, bitterness, or refuting of another. It is in the Catechism, a quote from a saint, I use it on this blog, regarding the proper vocation of being wedded, single or consecrated. Something good only based upon superiority or identified shortcomings of something else is truly not good. Being good, divine in making or formation, is not based upon the evil within other things for God created all things and nothing God created is evil. It is why when greeting others I pronounce a question, inquiring, ‘All is good?’–attempting to establish the other identifies all is truly good. I also relate the greeting to the Old Testament, second book of Kings and King Jehu. Riders from conflicting kings ride out ahead of their respective armies in order to parlay with Jehu. Reaching intimacy upon their horses, the riders, messengers, call out to Jehu, ‘All is good Jehu?’ They recognize the warrior, the man of might and justice, before them. They fear him. They want to know everything is alright between them. Within the interpretation, Jehu answers, ‘No all is not good. Many things have happened and people, namely Jezebel lives. There will be war before there is peace, and Jezebel will die’. St Francis embraced a humbler greeting: ‘May the Lord grant you His peace.” A final word on my decision to divorce myself from AA the social world, thoughts of Dr Nichta. Regarding all matters, I reach a mature adult decision through prayer, consolation, deep consideration, discerning a final decision, recognizing nothing is final. Within my determination is the honesty, openness, and willingness to be wrong, to allow God to manifest Divine Will even within my strongest convictions.

Regarding discernment, I reflect upon the movie ‘Ida’ touched upon yesterday, a scene that brings to the forefront being human, accepting and growing within the Universal Church of Christ. Catholic in heart, depth and soul the confrontational scene is not for those seeking a warm fuzzy blanket. It will be of an intense disquieting for those unable to truly know themselves, an affront to imaginary perfection. For those unable to conduct brutal honesty, interior reflection able to nurture the strength necessary to overcome obstacles of the greatest magnitude, for those on a path of comfort rather than perfection, the scene should not be witnessed.

Ida, within final discernment, knows the tragic history of her family. The unjust wartime murder of her father, mother, and siblings is personal knowledge. Her Jewish heritage is revealed. Her aunt, her lone surviving family member, the only family member she has known, has committed suicide. Her aunt an alcoholic lived with the torment of being a communist manipulator, ruthlessly inflicting brutish self-will upon the world, hurting others through communism, and ultimately abandoned by comunism. Away from the convent, Ida seeks comfort in the arms and bed of an intelligent, worldly, skilled Jazz musician, a saxophone player of good looks, compassion, gentleness, kindness, and care. The man wants to be with her. The seeds of genuine love are planted. Ida stares forth, being alive, thinking, feeling, figuring out who she is. She clothes herself in her nun’s habit. She walks away from the young man, moving out onto the street, the world alone, a car passes, brake lights coming on, a change in direction hinted at, uncertainty registers within Ida’s intelligent beautiful eyes. Finality and decisions of magnitude are not made from rebellion. A smile slightly blossoms, a hop comes to her step, confidence registers. She comprehends she is a consecrated woman, a bride of Christ. One thing I did not like in the review in Emmanuel was the excellent reviewer defined the ending as open to interpretation. I am convinced there is one ending. Ida returns to the convent, a religious woman of profound depth, aware, knowing herself, living a full life with, in, and through the Church.

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Jul022015

Affirmation

Up and at’em, the second of the month and three Rosary mysteries at Tilma for the conversion of the world. Inspiring, uplifting communal prayer, fittingly coinciding with thought on community essential to prosperous practicing of the Catholic faith. During the prayers, before a wonderful nearly life-sized Immaculate Conception statue, a confidence centered in my being. An identity established, I trust in the Lord, poised in faith, hope, and charity. Everything being conducted affirms to the assertive. Frailties existing, self-patience enduring, I fear nothing. Details lacking, clarity refusing, optimism prevails. God is up to something, and I am pleased to smile in anticipation. A presence essential, St Paul’s resides within my reposing. More accurately, the Eucharist is constructing internally. I visualize the monstrance and presentation provided by the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration, yet precisely it is the Eucharist being celebrated. The Eucharist dominates my life, the source and summit of my strength. Now Lord, help me to discern proper service to my brothers and sisters. Use me please Lord, I am properly aligned, only growing stronger with the passing of time. I purchased a wonderful smaller collage of Father Solanus Casey. I felt drawn to it. It was a part of Jan Marie’s holy bartering section, a collection of items donated to her that she sells for whatever one can contribute. Regarding Father Solanus, I recalled staying at St Felix in Huntington, Indiana, now a retreat center.  I slept across the hall from Father Solanus Casey’s room.  The light was continuously left on in the room, with Father Solanus’ Capuchin habit draped across the bed. I felt privileged, establishing a connection with the simple friar of great reputation, praying for his protection throughout the night.

God’s plans are always for the best, always wonderful, But most especially for the patient and humble who trust in Him, are His plans infinitely holy and sublime.  –Venerable Father Solanus Casey

Father Solanus Casey, Capuchin priest and porter

Father Solanus Casey, Capuchin priest and porter

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Jul012015

Imaginary perfection

…take the time to think about the vanity of the human mind and how easily it becomes confused and wrapped up in itself. I’m sure you can readily see how the interior trials you have experienced were caused by the multiplicity of reflections and desires that came about in your great hurry to attain some imaginary perfection. By this I mean that your imagination had formed an ideal of absolute perfection which your will wanted to reach, but, frightened by the huge difficulty, or rather, impossibility of attaining it, remained, as it were, heavy with child, unable to give birth. On this occasion your will multiplied futile desires which, like bumblebees and hornets, devoured the honey in the hive, while the true and good desires remained starved of all consolation….

Know that patience is the one virtue which gives greatest assurance of our reaching perfection, and, while we must have patience with others, we must also have it with ourselves. Those who aspire to pure love of God need to be more patient with themselves than with others. We have to endure our own imperfections in order to attain perfection; I say ‘endure patiently’ not ‘love’ or ‘embrace’: humility is nurtured through such endurance.  –St Francis de Sales in a letter oi spiritual direction to Mademoiselle de Soulfour.

St Francis de Sales

St Francis de Sales

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Jun302015

Rending garments

Jacob rending his garment at the news of Joseph's demise, a portion of Joseph's multicolored coat presented as proof.

Jacob rending his garment at the news of Joseph’s demise, a portion of Joseph’s multicolored coat presented as proof.

After the death of Saul, when David had returned from the slaughter of the Amal’ekites, David remained two days in Ziklag; and on the third day, behold, a man came from Saul’s camp, with his clothes rent and earth upon his head. And when he came to David, he fell to the ground and did obeisance.  David said to him, “Where do you come from?” And he said to him, “I have escaped from the camp of Israel.”  And David said to him, “How did it go? Tell me.” And he answered, “The people have fled from the battle, and many of the people also have fallen and are dead; and Saul and his son Jonathan are also dead.” Then David said to the young man who told him, “How do you know that Saul and his son Jonathan are dead?”  And the young man who told him said, “By chance I happened to be on Mount Gilbo’a; and there was Saul leaning upon his spear; and lo, the chariots and the horsemen were close upon him.  And when he looked behind him, he saw me, and called to me. And I answered, ‘Here I am.’ And he said to me, ‘Who are you?’ I answered him, ‘I am an Amal’ekite.’ And he said to me, ‘Stand beside me and slay me; for anguish has seized me, and yet my life still lingers.’  So I stood beside him, and slew him, because I was sure that he could not live after he had fallen; and I took the crown which was on his head and the armlet which was on his arm, and I have brought them here to my lord.”  Then David took hold of his clothes, and rent them; and so did all the men who were with him; and they mourned and wept and fasted until evening for Saul and for Jonathan his son and for the people of the LORD and for the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.  And David said to the young man who told him, “Where do you come from?” And he answered, “I am the son of a sojourner, an Amal’ekite.”  David said to him, “How is it you were not afraid to put forth your hand to destroy the LORD’S anointed?”  Then David called one of the young men and said, “Go, fall upon him.” And he smote him so that he died.  And David said to him, “Your blood be upon your head; for your own mouth has testified against you, saying, ‘I have slain the LORD’S anointed.'”  –2 Samuel 1

“I adjure you by the living God, tell us if you are the Christ, the Son of God.”  Jesus said to him, “You have said so. But I tell you, hereafter you will see the Son of man seated at the right hand of Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven.”  Then the high priest tore his robes, and said, “He has uttered blasphemy. Why do we still need witnesses? You have now heard his blasphemy.  What is your judgment?” They answered, “He deserves death.”  –Matthew 26

As I was walking this morning the Biblical concept of rending garments played through my mind.  I toss out scripture, allowing the word of God to work for itself.  Pretending, portending nothing.  The idea of extreme sorrow, a severe affront to truth, an ending, death, demanding the shredding of one’s clothing, stripping the body of what once brought warmth and shelter.  It is a natural reaction I experience, mentally playing out the act in times of harsh consternation.  Maybe it is instilled through teachings, yet when something is a horrible affront, I feel the need to rip my shirt from my chest.  That which use to clothe is no longer appropriate.  I must strip myself naked before God because the deepest truths, those things that mean everything to me, have been altered.  I can no longer live the way I once did.  Everything has changed.  I stand exposed before God, pleading for assistance.  During meditation before the Eucharist there are times, I will involuntarily and violently wrench my head, matters internally being ripped asunder, a tearing away at myself, cutting loose obstacles.  I must be careful, weary of myself, allowing God to perform the extractions.  Rebellion for the sake of rebelling is an affront.  Typically rebellion is a knee jerk reaction arising from pride and stubbornness.  Within purposeful rebellion, obedience must exist.  It is a serious, grave, act to rend one’s garments.  The last example witnesses the High Priest conducting the act in rejection of Christ, demonstrating the destructiveness such a serious act can declare within faulty discernment.  In the face of truth, being alive, we cloth ourselves, sheltering our existence, moving forward in convictions.  Rending our garments, rebelling in the face of Christ for the sake of establishing identity, can be conducted in a multitude of ways. Rebellion against spiritual growth, the rejecting of truth, is the negative aspect of the rending of garments.  On the positive side, I am convinced, the rending of garments demonstrates growth.  Maturing psychologically and spiritually, there are times we need to rend our garments, rip clean from our bodies that which use to clothe us, to mature and grow up.  In the light of truth, under the protection of Mary, the saints abiding, the Church providing, Christ sanctifying: we must not fear, able to pass through and ascend while stripped bare; raw, sensitive, and vulnerable–understanding God will provide new clothes.  The rending of one’s garment properly done is the shedding of an old skin, the tearing away from that which we have outgrown, advancing in the sunshine of the Holy Spirit.  We must not fear detaching ourselves from that which no longer carries us toward Christ. May we aspire to one day be attired like Joseph of the Old Testament, to be so bold as to clothe ourselves in a multicolored brilliant coat of majesty provided by Our Lord.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life?  And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith?  Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.  “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day.  –Matthew 6

The mind of a storyteller, I cannot help but marvel at the Old Testament. There are sections that right from the first reading amazed–the tale of the marauding avenging Jehu, riding hard upon horses, another. Befuddling, abandoned to scrambling for a clue, I acquiesce to mystery, convinced my conviction that prayer is my ultimate solace is an absolute. ‘Be still and know I am God’ is a reality, a daily practice, meaningless as a concept. Anyway, as a storyteller, admiring Homer, embracing the longer quote from the start of second Samuel, I love the humanness, the confounding ambiguity within Divine Word. The man who comes from Saul’s camp, a defeated Amalekite honoring his victors, is put to death by King David. In defeat, he comes across King Saul who begs him to kill him. He seems to be an obedient man, astoundingly a man of sorrowful destiny. Displaying proper signs of mourning, respectful, he brings ceremonial gifts and news to King David, honoring a king he was just warring against, a war commander who just slaughtered his people. The man seems virtuous extending himself heroically, humbly doing the right thing, in fact a difficult thing, one contrary to his core beliefs and inner most loyalties. His flexible, willing to accept defeat, servitude brings forth his demise. David puts him to the sword for his audacity to raise his hand against God’s anointed. Dying, the man must have been perplexed. Most likely, I am wrong. I adore mysteries, allowing them to humble, establishing the fact human reasoning are plain and simple not the path to enlightenment. Truth is complex, errors prone for those quick to take action, those willing to declare truth. Christ did not sacrifice himself on the cross so I could figure everything out and espouse my way into transformation. St Thomas Aquinas, the highest of intelligence, rejected the exercising of definitive written expression. It was more important to transform himself through contemplative prayer. Prayer, humility, and obedience, the practicing of faith, hope, and charity unromantically offer the keys to a higher state of being. I prefer the act of rending my garment, then saying or doing something that would irritate God, especially in regards to Ann. To know someone is so wrong, an abomination within every breath, is excruciating in demand, forcing a new way of being–silence and surrender. The fact the only recourse is continual growth in the face of obstinate immaturity, wisdom the only solution to ignorance, that to love God even more, to turn the shattered being of another into a process of fulfillment remains as the only source of consolation, is a hard pill to swallow. God provides the symbolic act of the rending of garments as a proper physical and mental release; tears a means of physical cleansing. When a priest captures my ear, for myself becoming an anointed one, I hear repeated messages in their tune. Father Roger possesses a reoccurring theme, the idea of prayers, holiness earned through prayer and virtue, as able to provide healing for others. Scripture is rampant with examples supporting the nourishing.

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Jun292015

Inventory: where am I?

I am pleased, feeling I am growing, learning about myself, through this blog. One of the things I hope to accomplish with the upcoming time off work, during the retreat, a time of religious concentration, writing and reading, is an organizing of this blog. I will conduct no work, not even work around the house or cooking. My time will be dedicated and focused upon God, therefore channeling activity creatively. I am proud, pleased to perceive, God working through my writing efforts, fiction and poetry both blossoming. I do fear my writing mind, due to it previously being a source of waywardness. Writing can lead to severe drinking. Now, I am convinced it can assist in sobriety. The desire to write is not evil in and of itself. If creative efforts, any efforts, draw me away from God, distract and negatively affect my prayer efforts, they are useless, something to be abandoned. I will not remain attached to anything that leads me away from God. I remember in a previous post, months ago, when I was working with Abbot Lehody a lot, I think it was him, who made the remark that the greatest, no it was Henry Suso, that the greatest spiritual exercise is to abandon the pursuit of God. That is, an effort to pursue God can be in truth nothing more than the pursuit of one’s self, a detrimental attachment to egotism. Self-love futilely drives many toward God. Can I give up God in order to allow God to reveal Himself to me? The point I want to make clear is that I am proud of my writing efforts. My writing is properly associated with a healthy identity. In the coming week, I want to organize more, linking back to previous posts, categorizing better. I will also add a page. A one year sobriety inventory will be taken, exploring where I am, and what the future holds, even if that is a declaration I lack complete clarity regarding the future. In the blogging beginning, one of the points stressed was the importance of finding our individual way within the vastness of the Church; revealing our effective role within the magnificence and immensity of the Church. Not allowing the intense magnitude of everything the Church is to overwhelm our smallness. How do we become properly small, as the Little Flower teaches, within the enormity of the Universal Church? An incident Sunday with the Benedictines focused my attention in this direction. My friend Carol commented during a slide show with one of the brothers, an intimate viewing limited to Carol, myself, and the Benedictine monk, quaint and personal. Carol pointed out a priest in one of the sixties looking photos as the former Bishop Pilla, stating she recalled as a child playing with him. It made me comment that it is amazing the intimate stories we all have with Church hierarchy or other powerful assets of the Church. Though the Church is immense, vast, intricate, complicated to the highest degree, its simplicity touches us all profoundly; tenderness and closeness for every individual. The monk smiled, stating, ‘yes, it is so true’. That is why I find it so moving to be taking the retreat to the Our Lady of the Pines retreat center. Once, I conducted research regarding the origins of the title for Our Lady, I felt invigorated that I discovered a Spanish touch to the matter. When I told my Spanish mother, about the Canary Island apparition, she became excited, informing me how when she was young her brother took a vacation to the Canary Islands. The islands seemed so exotic, remote and mysterious to her. The world was a much larger and unknown place in the fifties. She said her brother Tony brought back photos, telling her of black molten rock, volcanic activity, and how different the islands were from the home they knew as children. So once again, I feel Our Holy Mother moving about, playing out Her grace-providing role, touching with love the life of myself and my mother. That also connects back to an earlier post I did. One I link back to now. My parents were married in the El Pilar Basilica. The church honors the first apparition of Our Holy Mother, actually a bi-location as she was alive during the appearance to the apostle James. Bottom line, I am pleased with blogging efforts, although there will be another page added and more interconnectedness with previous posts during the upcoming retreat.

An early image revisited. Purity, high fashion to the divine extreme

A favorite early image revisited. Purity, high fashion to the divine extreme, a beautiful bride of Christ.

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