My point, then, is that it is not the natural qualities of temperament and upbringing which are the marks of a genuine and solid spirituality. It is rather those qualities, those virtues (like a love of the Cross) which transcend the natural and cannot be explained by any merely human formation. Similarly, to turn to the second group of people mentioned above the lack of natural virtues is not necessarily a sign of a faulty spirituality. Let me give an example which the person in question has permitted me to share and which is actually typical of several experiences I have had. Some years ago a sister who was evidently a very strong personality asked me to be her spiritual director. As we shared I was more and more aware of her domineering temperament, and yet at the same time of her sincere desire to be truly given to the Lord. (At the beginning. I think, she tried to dominate him, too! ) He made it clear to her, with a few helpful hints from me, that this could not be. She found herself more and more willing to surrender to him and to let him be the boss. It was a hard fight! At one point her superior (not knowing, of course, or having any right to know what Sister X and I had shared, but knowing I was her director) said to me: *You have said in your conferences to the community that the fruit of a good interior life is growth in the virtues. How can Sister X have a genuine prayer life when she is so difficult in community? Would this not imply that something is wrong with her prayer?” At first sight the answer would seem to be a clear “Yes”. I was not so sure. I find, as a director, that such situations are very tricky to handle, since the absolute confidentiality of the direction situation must be respected. I usually respond by asking a question of the superior (e.g. “What precisely makes you feel Sister X is so difficult in community?”), and thus restrict the discussion to what the person now sitting in front of me knows and wishes to share. In this case I asked further whether there had been any improvement over the past year or two, and the superior said there had been definite improvement but certainly not total change. Sister X could still be quite overbearing, demanding, insensitive to others – obviously not good symptoms. And yet I made an interior judgment, admittedly hesitant and tentative, that Sister X was probably genuinely prayerful and on the right path to God.
What made me think so? Such judgments of a director are often “intuitive” (analogous to a doctor’s, they depend much on his total experience as a director) and they depend much on his own prayerful discernment of how the Lord is working in a given situation. As such they are difficult to rationalize. But I think I can indicate certain factors that were good “signs'” in the given case. First of all, Sister X seemed to have been very open to me and quite candid. She saw things from her own point of view, of course, but the picture the superior gave me of the community life did not essentially differ from the picture I already had from Sister X. Secondly, I was able to be quite frank with Sister X and she accepted this frankness humbly and with grace; moreover, the Lord seemed to be equally frank with her in her prayer, as she shared it with me. Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, when external difficulties and frustrations arose, she was able to see them and accept them (though not without much frustration and occasional bouts of self-pity) as precisely what she needed to be purified, to be “tamed.” There was a final sign which may. seem small but which I have come to value highly as a director: When Sister X and I talked, she focused on her own life, her own failings, the ways I could help her to grow. She was not like the wife who confesses everybody else’s sins–the husband’s, the children’s—in the process of ostensibly confessing her own. To me this is very good sign and a solidly based spirituality.
‘When the Well Runs Dry; Prayer Beyond the Beginnings’ by Father Thomas H. Green, S.J.
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