However, we must note that in this privileged milieu (consecrated religious life), man does not have to practice exactly the same virtues, or in the same way….In the family, and still more in the city, he has to cultivate especially the great moral virtues…These compromise the four cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance, as has been noted, and the other moral virtues immediately related to them; in a word, all the virtues that develop man’s true human values and prepare him to perform his function in society. These are at once the great human virtues and the great social virtues.

…Gospel virtues: humility, patience, meekness, and so on….consecrate religious life….somewhat lacking in dignity and nobility, they are rightly called the “little” virtues….precisely because of their lowliness and poverty…they have a very close bond with the theological virtues. There is less danger in esteeming them for themselves and stopping at them….They add a tone of sweetness and humility to the moral virtues; they keep them from closing in on themselves and bring a sort of deep aspiration toward God and supernatural realities.

…live in the world but feel impelled to advance further, have an excellent practice…they select some monastery or convent…as a second home—a home for their spiritual life. A few days, or better still a week or more, once or twice a year, when the duties of their calling allow, they withdraw to their second home, their spiritual home, to live the spiritual live more fully and deeply…In short moments wrested from a life of work that is more and more engrossing and agitating, they go back in memory and imagination to that ideal setting of solitude and silence where the Heart of Jesus made itself felt so near, where they tasted the sweetness of His endearments, where Mary, his Mother, was so prodigal of her caresses. The memory of these Holy, familiar places, still perfumed with graces received, helps them to rise above their daily turmoil, to bring a little light and peace to their souls, to dispel the thousand distractions that almost inevitably assail those who can consecrate only a few moments each day to mental prayer.  –Father Thomas Philippe, ‘The Fire of Contemplation’

Yesterday, the idea tantalized throughout that I am living a life I do not want to.  My will glorifies in a retreat to the monastic life in North Dakota.  It would be a splendor.  I am positive God would bless the endeavor.  A full concentration upon the expansion of faith, hope, and charity within the mature confines of Assumption Abbey would produce good contemplative fruit, a disposition seeking the source and summit of Catholicism through daily life centered upon the Eucharist.  The comfort of wide open spaces geographically assuaging; dominant sky and expansive rolling tundra offering an ambiance of grandeur.  The purposeful community provides stellar developed religious fellowship.  There is not the slightest questioning of authenticity.  I would pack my bags tomorrow if it were of my doing.  I have become convinced that certain chosen contemplatives must desire in their heart and mind the monastic life.  The consecrated life under total obedience to the Church, vows and permanency rigidly entrenched, must be held as a fantasy presenting ultimate freedom; a possibility of sublime potentiality.  Thoughts of the cloistered monastic life have always existed within the mind of the contemplative.  The realization that a full attentiveness to faith, hope, and charity, isolated from the world, protected by the Church, gratifies their deepest needs—strengthens and invigorates their every breath.  It is a rhythm, a heartbeat, within the madness of the world.

Sad eyes, sad eyes, where you going with that confidence?  I am going to where the call divides…Still waters laying over, still waters laying over….wild eyes in the wilderness where you going with the devil in hand?  Going to build the bridges high for work and money…building bridges high…the river far away…going to where the rain falls to find my brother, to find my brother. 

Concretely establishing the consecrated life as a healthy lovely longing, I open myself to the voice of God, imaginary perfection no longer entertains.  The devil does not deceive through good intention and imagination.  My ways become closer to the ways of God.  Within this doing, I clearly recognize the solidity to a presence; deeper thoughts and behavior emerging, when I embrace working with the Hospice of Western Reserve.  Now is a time of further waiting, patience.  My paperwork is being processed, demanding further days passing.  I bite upon the chomp, hungry to begin, aching to offer myself in servitude.  Life demands I wait longer.  I see the time as critical (maybe all time is critical).  It is a time to further establish virtue, to prove my genuineness; the conducting of proper thought and behavior, attending to daily mass, prayer, and adoration, while also giving myself to my new employer.  The effort loses selfishness, becoming something done for brother and sister, a calling allowing devotedness to blossom within acts of love and giving, fellowship and sharing nurturing amidst the structure and organization of the world, philanthropic while remaining dependent, lowly as I answer to hierarchy and authority, troubled by the demands of the world, struggles and exhaustion from work and worries, unsatisfied demands and loneliness all placed lovingly upon the burdens by the most loving of Creators.

Carried away by the gentle wind of the Spirit of God, the soul breaks through the limits of knowledge (i.e. speculative knowledge) to let love have full play.  Freed from every hindrance, charity penetrates more deeply than intellect.  Charity has confidence in the Spirit of Love, trusts in Love’s initiatives, is carried along into the deep mysteries clouded in the darkness of faith.  Love no longer stops short at the concepts or propositions by which the Divine is revealed to us, but rather goes deep into its mysterious and hidden reality.  –Father Thomas Philippe ‘The Fire of Contemplation’.

Before the Eucharist, these words identified a reality emerging. Being called into service, my contemplative life matures into a living reality beyond concepts, surpassing intellectualism, disconnected from linear thought, disassociated from reason, something set apart, on into a world of its own, a world of the Creator Himself.  I am living a contemplative life activated by Divine Will, set into purposeful motion with, in and through the Trinity, obedient to the Church and worldly organizations.  A perennial existentialist, an isolator and misfit, I come into greater fruition by abiding by the structure, guidance, and authority of the Hospice of the Western Reserve, true to the Church above all things, trusting in God, content with lowliness and simplicity, following the footsteps of Jesus, invigorated by the Holy Spirit–armed with His gifts and fruits attained through purging, psychological healing, …if it dies, it bears much fruit, always striving for purity, Neither is new wine put into old wineskins, making progress within imperfections, patient with myself, renewing strength continually under the mantle of my Holy Mother Mary.  Expecting nothing, while open to giving everything, I can, remaining responsible, maintaining sanctifying grace, sacrificing both great and small, inspiring in the world, contribute to God’s greater glory.  What more is there to do?  Instead of reading and writing, suckling upon the breast, I venture out into the world, hidden as a contemplative, outrageous to a likable degree, unafraid to be different, yet unassuming, diverting attention, remaining quiet, seeking anonymity.  Clarity within moments, my every thought becomes accountable, my behavior even more: holiness a consequence.  A strict demand is made upon myself, always willing to forgive myself, starting the next moment refreshed, vigorously focused upon servitude.

His mind no longer reposes in the contemplation that theology makes possible. It is not acquired contemplation (a thing of human doing) that directly nourishes his life of love. The more his interior life develops, the more his theological knowledge and mystical knowledge tend, each, to become specifically distinct. We might say that they become more specialized. Prayer becomes more and more simple, more and more divine and filled with love; it is stripped of a too human intellectualism that impedes love’s upward thrust and hinders it simple openness. –Father Thomas Philippe ‘The Fire of Contemplation’

Father Thomas Philippe with a special needs child.