Growing, maturing, into softness,
Gifting a grateful harmonious silence,
Others left alone, Carthusian tendering,
Malleability, pliability, forming hands from inward,
Day by day by day by day by day,
Over and over and over and over and over,
Repetition, doing the same things perpetually,
Subtle transformation, appetites and attitudes subdued, volume decreasing,
Desires ordered, afflictions turned over, instincts reigned in, discipline,
It took a lifetime of failure to produce illumination, grace overflowing,
Predilection, accepting mediocrity, recognizing misery, privation defining,
Reconstruction, repentance, refining, unadorned, avoiding madness,
Cynicism critiqued, revealing three fingers pointing,
Left alone, it is myself I should fear,
Left alone, it is myself who is miserable,
Fellowship, humility, observing others blossoming into friends,
Where can I go when I dissapear into disordered solitude?
Where can I go overwhelmed by fear?
Hiding is not an option, neither is sin a refuge,
Crashing into dramatics, wallowing within delusional childhood,
What was that about dreams?
A voice, Padre Pio admonishing reprehensible behavior,
Exhortation, scolding, berating habitual deterioration,
A celestial wind, a silent roar, two cherubs twining, emitting heartstrings,
Send forth an opening, a hallowing, calling upon Virgo Potens,
The impression of death, eternity, the loving expanse of an end.
All is quiet, all is good, all is humble, all is still,
Hope! The race can be won.

For many days I have sat tired and lonely, enduring alone,
No messages come, nothing new exchanged, nothing,
Nothing new under the sun, NO new normal, nothing,
World without end, breathing remains, still no change,
As it was in the beginning, it is now, and ever shall be,
Seated, sword in hand, slicing away random thoughts,
Steady candle burn, glass hurricane cylinder, set apart,
Hands enfolded, fingers pointed, bitter winds distorted,
Swirls surround, expansion protected, gracefully distended,
Witness others breathing fire, spitting blood, discord,
Chaotic reactive dancing, screaming riots, daily disease, events,
Spiritual turmoil posing as political strife, desperate demands,
You must make a choice, foolish commands, repeated warnings,
For many days I have sat tired and lonely, enduring alone,
Seated, sword in hand, slicing away random thoughts,
Abandoning into abandonment,
Detaching into a deeper detachment,
Walking slowly into unfathomable depths, icy waters lose their chill,
No desire, nowhere else to go, open arms encompassing,
Gathering those loved into a beating heart, multifold, accord,
I have been naked since I was born into blood, born into fear,
Necessary distance to be alone, quieting fears, quieting all,
Necessary distance, self-awareness in the eyes of God’s love.

The dove descending
Breaks the air with flame
Incandescent terror
Of which the tongues declare
The one discharge from sin and error.
The only hope, or else despair
Lies in the choice of pyre
To be redeemed from fire by fire.

Who then devised the torment?
Love.

Love is the unfamiliar name
Behind the hands that wove
The intolerable shirt of flame
Which human power cannot remove.
We only live, only suspire
Consumed by either fire or fire.

Organizing my notepad app on my phone, I came across these words and liked them–not sure of the author.

Crickets sounding in the darkness of night,
Wings rubbing, vibrations, and starlight,
The singular identity of listening with no fright,
A beckoning moon, cloudless skies, reflection bright,
Dissipation, released anger, knowing the lack of might,
Alone, spiritual exercises commenced, never ending,
Eternal inflection, a paradigm of words, contemplation,
The simple, the humble lack of aspiring for greatness,
Overcoming the affliction of familiar contempt,
Familial discord, disorder, dissent, and exhuming,
Touching a heart, beating and bleeding, forgiven,
Forgiveness, an infant’s soft breath, the softness of death,
A waterfall cascading, a prism dispersing, lightly laughing,
Into a spectrum, colors dancing, individuality merging,
A vertical axis intersecting a horizontal plane, a Queen,
Parallel and repetitive, a multitude of refrains, a chorus in Latin,
Salve Regina mater miseri cordiae, vita, dulcedo et spes nostra salve.

Reality exposing, recalcitrant, unrefined,
Etching and smoothing fine lines,
An angry core, malicious and self-devouring,
Momentary illumination, acceptance, blind,
Experience weathering, consumption,
Presence reflecting excessive ambition,
Nothing special, phenomenon unkind,
Nothing special, a mediocre mind,
Nothing special………

All this clutter,
Thoughts, opinions, desires,
Perceived needs,
Surviving lower instincts,
Unable to bear the restraint:
Authentic freedom,
Slavery entwined,
Heavenly bound while,
Earthly entrenched,
Within the muck and mire,
Little in comparison,
Diminutive and content,
Unrefined recognizing,
Painful,
Blossoming hurts,
As it begins.

Exhausted within the blinding,
Detachment, overflowing grace,
Brilliant light, fading fears,
Tears lacking emotion,
Void of immensity,
Red, blue, and black,
From the whiteness emerge,
Shapes, sounds, continuity,
Interiorly, everything has changed,
Disharmony, synchronicity,
A rebirth lasting decades,
Subtle pain, slow growth,
Impression, nothing has changed,
A wise one wanders,
Speaking unheard,

You are maturing,
I noticed within your breathing,
Your distant stare,
Lacking definition,
Your turning of the face,
A humble caring smile,

Reticent reciprocation, contrite,
The neverending reality of eternity,
Adjusting focus, bringing into view,

A failure, Father asking:
Did you use all your strength?
Little in response: Yes,
I tried.
You are wrong.
You did not use all your strength,
I am here,
You never asked me to help.