Freedom to be a child, once again weary and torn,
A restraint removed, crossing a threshold, oblivious,
The surrender of will, returning a gift to the Creator,
That which is granted is given back, troubled, unaware,
Prodigal soul perceiving the ever-present hold,
Omniscient, forgiving, omnipotent, defining true love,
Authentic on a level Divine, surpassing the fears,
Surpassing the temporal mind, the immaturity,
The ego desperately needing, hell bent upon identity,
One amongst the many, lonely, singular and blind,
Within a crowd distant and unkind, bitter and cynical,
Studying theology, possessing no capability of loving mankind,
The smell of rotten breath, a disgusting taste left upon a tainted tongue,
Passionately trying, abandoning intuition, too much exertion,
Effort hostile, effort broken and breaking, external and internal, the aftermath
All is good, all is grace, after Mass, the despairing whole-hearted remains,
Seeking, knocking, crying to Our Holy Mother, marveling,
The omnipresent mercy of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Habituation once again inflicting, stubborn,
The still moments of emptiness, obstinate,
Burdened with the weight of self-formation,
I taught myself how to grow old and hurts,
The ways of waywardness being purged, bleeding,
Unaware pain troubling throughout the years, a life,
A headache, a heartache, thoughts dissipating,
Disappearing within an emerging, decreasing,
Increasing response to the Holy Spirit, Divine Will,
The creation of salvation, the love of being loved.

When I am at my worst,
Holy Mother, you are at your best,
Unbridled in love, unfathomable,
Sweet eternal kindness,
Salvific maternal compassion,

Dazed and staring, I cling,
Every fiber being undone,
Destructive, determined,
Hurtful, I dared to be someone,
An identity of my desperate doing,
Inferior and overly complex,
Submerged within sin,
Wounded, searching about the world,,
For years and years, I roamed,

Holy Mother, you never faltered,
When I curled up crying,
Saturated with tears, sweat and blood,
Fearful of my tendency toward filth,
You strengthened your presence,
A vision presenting,
Never judging, nor scolding,
Holding your mantle above,
Sheltering, allowing a refuge, a hideout,
Panting, I recognized,
What is love, and what is not,
What nurtures, and what does not,
Mother of Wisdom, patient teacher Divine,

A dream, I dream,
The hopeful moment in heaven,
I will be blessed to hear you sing,
Your melodious voice praising your Son,
To hear the Queen of Heaven glorify in song,
Overwhelming the angels,
Sounding out through eternity,
Saving souls.

Their is a story,
A tale of woe,
I try to follow,
Deciphering a plot,
Indistinctly viewing characters,
Foreshadowing, overshadowing,
Conflict unresolved ,
Internal, external, eternal,
Subterfuge and grace,
Lift up your hearts,
Rejoice,
Enduring and short,
My life and an end.

Self-propulsion, kicking against the pricks,
Driving the prick further into the skin,
An ox yoked and burdened,
A master prods and demands,
Rebellion inflicts greater suffering,
A dog feasts upon its own vomit,
Beyond satisfaction, satiated by filth,
That of its own doing is wretchedly consumed,
Lesser than Intent, lesser than deserved.

Loins girded, a catheter, concupiscence forcefully denied,
A donkey harnessed and blind,
A dove, three lilies, water pouring from the heavens,
Unable to follow, a wanderer stumbles,
A foe pretending to be a friend,
The mind rambles, worldly and habituated,
No longer a need for cleverness,
For cleverness no longer appeals,
A weapon for the cleverest of fools,
Pretense, impressions, outward appearances,
Visual stimulation, the appetites and hearing,
Weariness rendered, an undeniable thirst grows,
Three-fold, underneath, a small voice soothes,
A castle, many assembled, a choir chants,
Alone being a struggle, a war, a clash,
Discipline sought through surrender,
Emptying, opening within failure,
Wiping the mind with tears,
Confessions, healing, consecration,
Setting apart,
Jesus through Mary.

Topple the pillar,
You are left standing,
Still.
Eternity is long.