Scripture

Final Discourse meditating

Gospel of John chapter 14

18 “I will not leave you desolate; I will come to you. 19* Yet a little while, and the world will see me no more, but you will see me; because I live, you will live also. 20 In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you.

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Farewell Discourse

Gospel of John Chapter 14

1 “Let not your hearts be troubled; believe * in God, believe also in me. 2* In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? 3 And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. 4 And you know the way where I am going.” * 5* Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?” 6* Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me. 7 If you had known me, you would have known my Father also; henceforth you know him and have seen him.” 8 Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and we shall be satisfied.” 9* Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you do not know me, Philip? He who has seen me has seen the Father; how can you say, ‘Show us the Father? 10 Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority; but the Father who dwells in me does his works. 11* Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father in me; or else believe me for the sake of the works themselves. 12 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I go to the Father. 13* Whatever you ask in my name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son; 14 if you ask * anything in my name, I will do it. 15* “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16* And I will pray the Father, and he will give you another Counselor, to be with you for ever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him; you know him, for he dwells with you, and will be in you.

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Mortification and Bearing my Cross

Jesus told his disciples,
“If any man would come after me,

let him deny himself

and take up his cross and follow me.

If any man would come after me,

let him deny himself

and take up his cross daily and follow me.

carry.cross

–Matthew 16:24

–Luke 9:23

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Angels proclaiming

Shepherds

“Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy which will come to all the people; for to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a babe wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.”

Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus Dominus Deus Sabaoth. Pleni sunt caeli et terra gloria tua. Hosanna in excelsis. Benedictus qui venit in nomine Domini. Hosanna in excelsis

“Behold, this child is set for the fall[d] and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is spoken against (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), that thoughts out of many hearts may be revealed.”

Montfort

I saw an angel beside me toward the left side, in bodily form. He was not very large, but small, very beautiful, his face so blazing with light that he seemed to be one of the very highest angels, who appear all on fire. They must be those they call Cherubim. I saw in his hands a long dart of gold, and at the end of the iron there seemed to me to be a little fire. This I thought he thrust through my heart several times, and that it reached my very entrails. As he withdrew it, I thought it brought them with it, and left me all burning with a great love of God. So great was the pain, that it made me give those moans; and so utter the sweetness that this sharpest of pains gave me, that there was no wanting it to stop, nor is there any contenting of the soul with less than God. –St. Teresa, ‘Life’

BerniniTheEcstasyofStTherese

Adrift in a nebulous void, an abyss undefined by darkness, sensing the quality of light beyond, I am aroused by a sensation below. Slothfully, I identify myself in a lucid dream. Looking downward, viewing my naked body, I notice a chord emanating from my chest. A winding twining thing, comprised of two distinct strands bursting forward.

Exiting, originating from my heart, the chord is constantly drawn from my body. The force pulling the chord is consistent and firm. It does not move my body—the chord sliding forth while not pulling my body. Gliding outward, the distinct chord is apart from my body. It is something connected, yet detached; similar to a magician pulling a seemingly endless napkin from his pocket.

Visually, I follow the chord to its source, discovering two beings pulling forth. Their form is that of humans, however, their appearance is shrouded by a mysterious cloud of illusion. I notice wings, tiny bodies: cherubs a playing, filled with joy, laughing and singing. I can not clearly focus upon the sweet tiny angels. They swim in and out of focus. I am able to distinguish both cherubs are absorbed in the effort of pulling at the chord, or rather pulling at individual ends. The twining strands couple to form the single chord passing from my heart.

At the point of contact with my flesh, the mystical chord creates friction, igniting a burning sensation throughout my body. Energy exchanged. Fear erupts. I panic, fighting against the heavenly exterior efforts. Opposition ingrained, I reach out to grasp the chord in order to strengthen my resistance. As I grab the chord, my perspective suddenly changes, my consciousness exiting my body. I am now able to perceive, simultaneously, from the opposite originating points. I am looking back at myself, the pulling cherubs now my two eyes, two eyes seeing as one. I watch my body struggle as I sustain the effort of drawing the chord outward, from my current perspective inward.

Incredibly, my emotional state achieves an abnormally peaceful state with my change of perception. The tension of my physical body assuaged. I acknowledged the serene state of being as a hand holding a dagger extends outward from my current position. The singular hand is huge in perception. Unemotionally, I realize the intention of the dagger. A driving force plunges the dagger directly into my heart. The moment the dagger penetrates my flesh, my perspective snaps back to my body.

An emotional upheaval erupts. I am pierced, overwhelmed, finding it difficult due to the flooding of thoughts. Anxiety forces the desire to move. Deluged with fear, hysterical with the thought of death, I cry out to the surrounding emptiness.

Remarkably, I am stunned by an incredible lack of sensation within the overwhelming. The dagger does not pierce inflicting pain, rather it soothes, gratifies, burning with an extreme coldness, cauterizing. My chest is an infected, seriously abscessed wound now being relieved of its painful pressure. The supernatural relaxing sensation comforts, causing a complete inner collapse, or is it possibly a return to a natural unknown state? All my muscles release.  Miraculously, physical tension is eliminated. I am shocked by the feeling of complete release. I never realized there was so much tension existing within my body.

As the dagger settles deeper, blood begins to pour out and over my body. Striking the center of my heart, the dagger produces a thick stream of dark red, almost black blood. Bathing my body, the blood stimulates a primordial warmth, blanketing innate fear and ignorance. The profoundness of the act advances into a practical awareness. This must be done. The subtle thought of a womb never completely develops as it is overwhelmed by the image of a red orchid blossoming upon my open chest.

Slowly awakening, slothful and groggy, I emerge from the dream. Whispering. “Should have dug the dagger deeper.”

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

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True Humility

Mary_Mother_of_God_Incarnation

The Prayer Of Mary

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.

He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
he has scattered the proud in their conceit.

He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.

He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he remembered his promise of mercy,
the promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children forever.

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A tumbling story

Jesters

An abbot from a Benedictine monastery near Bologna visited Troupe Tripudiante in order to witness the acrobatics of Beatrice. Word spread throughout the region of the strange camp of performers traveling with Man Tower. Wanderers, especially performers, actors, were viewed with suspicion, however times were changing and traveling men were becoming more common in the region of Lombard, the northern lands leading to Frankish and German territories. Men moving about were becoming associated with trade, the exchanging of goods. It was good for all for men to travel and interact.

After confessing her sins to the abbot, Beatrice spent timed conversing with the priest. Cassandra joined them, enjoying the sunshine and the absorption of conversation.

“Father, do you enjoy my tumbling?”

“Yes. I have a special place in my heart for such activity. Beatrice you are so graceful and skillful with the body God blessed you with.”

“You honor me. Yes. It is God I thank for my joy and abilities. I see that so clearly. What did you think of the children singing? I saw you listening.”

“Their voices are those of angels.”

“Yes it will be a grand show. You must return to the abbey, retrieving your monks. The more the merry. Bring all the consecrated men in order to bless and witness our show.”

“We will see my child.”

Cassandra joined the conversation. “Father there is more to your admiration. Please speak.”

“It was when I was a younger monk, long before I was an abbot, although even during those times I strayed toward the abbacy, being a leader amongst the consecrated. I sought the friendship of the abbot above all others. He was a man of power. Now, I see it was the errant behavior of a young man enamored with authority, an individual glorifying hierarchy onto itself. I wanted to lead not for God, rather for vainglory. I valued the abbot because he was an abbot, someone who surpassed his peers. During those early days in the monastery, I reported to the abbot the things I observed, events and behavior I noticed as I watched my brothers. Through nervousness, I became a judge. Why waste words? I know the truth. I was a self-appointed spy. I never felt I fit in with my brothers so I secretly turned on them, defensiveness causing me to take offense. Ignorantly, I tried to prove my piety by overseeing my brothers, wielding hidden authority. One brother, I determined, demanded severe immediate attention. He was dumb, hopeless with his horrendous Latin. The novice was a dunce, a disrespect as he previously tramp about the earth as an acrobat and actor. His behavior had been suspicious for some time. I did not like the dumb looking brother the first moment I set eyes upon him. My first impression denouncingly convinced he was an absolute lowering of standards. He was not participating in prayers properly, appearing gloomy and downtrodden, missing sessions. I had my eye severely upon him the whole time. The man was desperate and did not belong. It was obvious. Then suddenly to my chagrin, his demeanor changed. His participation in prayers and chanting did not improve, yet he was smiling, losing the dismal nature everyone associated with him. The hopeless man somehow gained hope. I was dumbfounded. I keenly noticed he was missing matins regularly. Mysteriously, none of my brothers or superiors made an issue of the fact. I determined the abbot must do something. Underhandedly, I conducted every effort to ensure proper action was taken. The abbot, whom I considered my best friend, decided the two of us would follow our wayward brother. We saw him enter a private storage area, a large room of no consequence, simply used for storage. The following day we investigated the room, discovering the deeds of our puzzling brother. Behind crates and items in storage, he created a secret open space with a forgotten statue of Our Lady overlooking matters. The abbot and I created our own space, a place for hiding. We would uncover matters completely. We occupied our spying spot that night. We hid ourselves well, waiting for the appearance of our mischievous brother. When he showed himself, we watched. Our stupid brother dropped to his knees in prayer, begging Our Holy Mother for forgiveness. His inability to master communal prayers disturbed him. His memory was miserable. His lessons were impossible to keep in his head. He admitted he would never learn Latin. He moved on to plead for understanding regarding his difficulty in learning, his poor reading skills, apologizing for his overall intellectual inferiority. I admit it was difficult to observe, especially in regard to the fact, that I was one of the harshest critics of the brother. My poor brother was falling apart at the seams. Addressing the Holiest of Mothers, my pitiful brother explained that the only thing he was good at was tumbling and acrobatics. He told the Virgin Mary that he would perform for her as he did in the carnivals for men. He dedicated his deeds and heart to her Immaculate Heart, the loveliest of women as he named her, expressing the desire she find joy in his efforts. He shed so many tears during this difficult to witness confessing. Then to our astonished amazement our brother began flipping about, turning summersaults in the air, walking upon his hands. His deeds from the traveling carnivals, he performed for the Mother of God. We knew not what to think, and then things advanced to the supernatural. The most Blessed Lady stepped down from being merely a statue. Angels appeared from the very air. Our Lady was a lady before us. The angels danced about with our brother, performing the tumbling and gymnastics along with our brother. The angels laughed, rolling about upon the ground in sheer delight as our brother threw himself about the room. The angels who were not tumbling with our brother were flying about conducting applause. The Blessed Lady, in awe, stood clapping, her mouth radiating with the most beautiful smile. She elegantly laughed. Our brother noticed nothing of the heavenly amusement he was creating. The abbot and I could only watch, spellbound, overwhelmed with humility. When our brother finally completed his blissful performance and departed, we sulked back to the abbot’s office, falling upon the ground begging for mercy. We both shed many tears of sorrow. We prayed throughout the night, until morning came, when the abbot had our acrobatic brother brought before him. We begged forgiveness from our brother. We told him of everything we observed. He marveled at the vision of the angels and Blessed Mother adoring his performance. We assured him they loved his efforts, and the abbot promised that from now on the brother would be granted every moment he desired to perform for the Holy Mother. I was fortunate to be allowed to watch our brother every now and then as he entertained for his heavenly audience. From the night forward, he was the one I desired to have as my best friend. Someone in such favor with Our Blessed Lady I wanted as close to me as I could establish. Never did I see the fantastic again, yet I knew they were enjoying. A Divine ambiance adorned the space. One morning, about seven years later, our tumbling brother was found dead in the space of his performances. There were no signs of death, and most mystifying, the smile upon his face expressed sheer joy. The abbot whispered to me that he was positive Our Holy Mother took our brother up to heaven so he could perform for all of the attending.”

“So my friends, this is the reason I am so found of the art of gymnastics. One of the children, visiting the abbey, described a young lady, in company of a troupe of traveling actors, who possessed the gymnastic skills of Brother Andrew. So grand are my memories of my brother that I had to witness the young woman myself. I will positively affirm that Beatrice, you do possess talent on par with my blessed brother.”

“Thank you father.”

“I should thank you. You have ignited exceptional memories.”

Cassandra spoke. “Father please come watch the children sing some more. They have practiced diligently for days. They are getting quite good. I have them positioned properly so their tones and pitches harmonize, creating a unified voice of beauty. They will perform for their families and neighbors during the upcoming show. We have performed only a few times since departing from Assisi. This will be our first series of performances. We are sinners who now find pleasure in teaching children, performing for people of good will, and even those of complex will. The crowds grow bigger. The attention our leader, Man Tower, attracts is substantial. I am nervous, yet confident we will prove worthy. You must come hear the children sing, and then I will describe some of our acts. You have not met Jacopone. He is amazingly gifted in all the arts of performance; skilled in the most simple and complicated practical tasks. The plays our elder writes, especially those of a Biblical nature, you will find enlightening. I hope that is the case for there is nothing heretical in his ideology. He is an intelligent layman of the church.”

“Young lady you say many things at one time. Please let us return to the children. One matter at a time. From there we will allow God to guide our steps.”

2 Samuel chapter 6

12 And it was told King David, “The Lord has blessed the household of O′bed-e′dom and all that belongs to him, because of the ark of God.” So David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of O′bed-e′dom to the city of David with rejoicing; 13 and when those who bore the ark of the Lord had gone six paces, he sacrificed an ox and a fatling. 14 And David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. 15 So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting, and with the sound of the horn.

16 As the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window, and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart. 17 And they brought in the ark of the Lord, and set it in its place, inside the tent which David had pitched for it; and David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord. 18 And when David had finished offering the burnt offerings and the peace offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the Lord of hosts, 19 and distributed among all the people, the whole multitude of Israel, both men and women, to each a cake of bread, a portion of meat,[g] and a cake of raisins. Then all the people departed, each to his house.

20 And David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, “How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants’ maids, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!” 21 And David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me above your father, and above all his house, to appoint me as prince over Israel, the people of the Lord—and I will make merry before the Lord. 22 I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in your[h] eyes; but by the maids of whom you have spoken, by them I shall be held in honor.”

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Prophets

Isaiah chapter 6:6-10

Then flew one of the seraphim to me, having in his hand a burning coal which he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth, and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin forgiven.” And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” And he said, “Go, and say to this people:
‘Hear and hear, but do not understand;
see and see, but do not perceive.’
Make the heart of this people fat,
and their ears heavy,
and shut their eyes;
lest they see with their eyes,
and hear with their ears,
and understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed.”

Within the grasping of intellectual inadequacy is the prophets to baffle and confuse properly in the mystery, and complexity of God. Burning coals cleansing, the Gospels, wheels and seraphim.

Ezekiel chapter 1

…the heavens were opened, and I saw visions of God.

As I looked, behold, a stormy wind came out of the north, and a great cloud, with brightness round about it, and fire flashing forth continually, and in the midst of the fire, as it were gleaming bronze. And from the midst of it came the likeness of four living creatures. And this was their appearance: they had the form of men, but each had four faces, and each of them had four wings. Their legs were straight, and the soles of their feet were like the sole of a calf’s foot; and they sparkled like burnished bronze. Under their wings on their four sides they had human hands. And the four had their faces and their wings thus: their wings touched one another; they went every one straight forward, without turning as they went. As for the likeness of their faces, each had the face of a man in front; the four had the face of a lion on the right side, the four had the face of an ox on the left side, and the four had the face of an eagle at the back. Such were their faces. And their wings were spread out above; each creature had two wings, each of which touched the wing of another, while two covered their bodies. And each went straight forward; wherever the spirit would go, they went, without turning as they went. In the midst of the living creatures there was something that looked like burning coals of fire, like torches moving to and fro among the living creatures; and the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning. And the living creatures darted to and fro, like a flash of lightning.

Now as I looked at the living creatures, I saw a wheel upon the earth beside the living creatures, one for each of the four of them. As for the appearance of the wheels and their construction: their appearance was like the gleaming of a chrysolite; and the four had the same likeness, their construction being as it were a wheel within a wheel. When they went, they went in any of their four directions without turning as they went. The four wheels had rims and they had spokes; and their rims were full of eyes round about. And when the living creatures went, the wheels went beside them; and when the living creatures rose from the earth, the wheels rose. Wherever the spirit would go, they went, and the wheels rose along with them; for the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels. When those went, these went; and when those stood, these stood; and when those rose from the earth, the wheels rose along with them; for the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels.

Over the heads of the living creatures there was the likeness of a firmament, shining like crystal, spread out above their heads. And under the firmament their wings were stretched out straight, one toward another; and each creature had two wings covering its body. And when they went, I heard the sound of their wings like the sound of many waters, like the thunder of the Almighty, a sound of tumult like the sound of a host; when they stood still, they let down their wings. And there came a voice from above the firmament over their heads; when they stood still, they let down their wings.

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