The mother of six passed away during the night.  I arrived before six in the morning, only to be told by staff of her passing.  Our prayer time was precious.  Reflecting upon moments, a concentration, I offer quick words from St John of the Cross in remembrance.

Pregnant with the holy
Word will come the Virgin
Walking down the road
If you will take her in.

Del Verbo divino
La Virgen prenada
viene de carmino
si le dias posado.

St John of the Cross. Euclid, Ohio.

I was left there so absorbed,
so entranced, and so removed,
that my senses were abroad,
robbed of all sensation proved,
and my spirit then was moved
with an unknown knowing,
all knowledge there transcending.

He who reaches there in truth
from himself is parted though,
and all that before he knew
seems to him but base below,
his knowledge increases so
that knowledge has an ending,
all knowledge there transcending.

St John of the Cross. Euclid, Ohio.

Work is continuing seven days a week, unrelenting for months to come.  I accept the exhaustion, the mental discombobulation, the weariness unable to be abandoned during prayer.  Prayer basically reduced to recovery, a reconfiguring of the noise withstood throughout days of work and city life.  The accumulation of cash within purity, prayer, and presence my embraced reality.

En la noche dichosa
en secreto que nadie me veía
ni yo miraba cosa
sin otra luz y guía
sino la que en el corazón ardía.

Aquesta me guiaba
más cierto que la luz del mediodía
adonde me esperaba
quien yo bien me sabía
en sitio donde nadie aparecía.

On that glad night,
in secret, for no one saw me,
nor did I look at anything,
with no other light or guide
than the one that burned in my heart.

This guided me
more surely than the light of noon
to where he was awaiting me
him I knew so well —
there in a place where no one appeared.

a oscuras y segura
por la secreta escala disfrazada,
¡oh dichosa ventura!
a oscuras y en celada
estando ya mi casa sosegada.

In darkness and secure,
By the secret ladder, disguised
Oh fortuitous chance!
In darkness and in concealment,
My house being now at rest.

A surprise call from the Hospice, something I understand I will have to appreciate and respect.  My anticipated Willoughby, Ohio Wednesday routine will not develop into a routine.  The patient passed away over the weekend.  It is good the Poor Clares are praying for him and his wife.  He passed on Saturday, the day of Roger’s funeral.  I will return to the Bagel Buddy though, attending mass at Our Lady by the Lake, purchasing Christmas baked goods on Wednesday in honor of the patient.

St John of the Cross. Euclid, Ohio.

Anonymity above all things, a veil of mystery always remains, yet I will say amidst professional confidentiality, regarding the tendering of care–to be of service to brother and sister, a retired priest has been assigned. I am humbled. A priest in need, God, You send my way? Mother Josephine pray for me. I open myself to the mysteries of life, worldly existence and the eternal, allowing an honest, willing heart to be shared. God allow me to be a minuscule lamp, a worm burning, amongst your mighty wonders.

Oh, Lamps of Fire,
In whose splendors the deep caverns of sense,
Which were dark and blind,
Oh, Lamps of Fire
With strange brightness
Give heat and light together to their Beloved!

…The soul gives deepest thanks to its Spouse for the great favors which it receives from union with Him, for by means of this union He has given it great and abundant knowledge of Himself, wherewith the faculties and sense of the soul, which before this union were dark and blinded by other kinds of love, have been enlightened and enkindled with love, and can now be illumined, as indeed they are, and through the heat of love can give light and love to Him who enkindled and enamored them and infused into them such Divine gifts. For the true lover is content only when all that he is, and all that there is, the greater is the pleasure that he receives in giving it. In the first place, it must be known that lamps have two properties, which are two give light and to burn.

…From this it follows that the delight and rapture of love which the souls receives in the fire of the light of these lamps is wondrous, boundless and as vast as that of many lamps, each of which burns with love, the heat of one being added to the heat of another, and the flame of one being added to the heat of another, and the flame of one to the flame of another, as the light of one gives light to another, and all of them become one light and fire, and each of them becomes one fire.  The soul is completely absorbed in these delicate flames, and wounded subtly in each of them, and in all of them more deeply and subtly wounded in love of life, so that it can see quite clearly that that love belongs to life eternal, which is the union of all blessings. So that the soul in that state knows well the truth of those words of the Spouse in the Songs, where He says that the lamps of love were lamps of fire and flames.

St John of the Cross. Euclid, Ohio.

And here it behooves us to note why it is that there are so few that attain to this lofty state. It must be known that this is not because God is pleased that there should be few raised to this high spiritual state—on the contrary, it would please Him if all were so raised—but rather because He finds few vessels in whom He can perform so high and lofty a work. For, when He proves them in small things and finds them weak and sees that they at once flee from labor, and desire not to submit to the least discomfort or mortification, or to work with solid patience, He finds that they are not strong enough to bear the favor which He was granting them when He began to purge them, and goes no further with their purification, neither does He lift them up from the dust of the earth, since for this they would need greater fortitude and constancy…..’If thou hast run with those who went on foot and hast labored, how canst thou contend with horses? And as thou hast had quietness in the land of peace, how wilt thou do in the pride of Jordan?’ (Jeremiah chapter 12) –St John of the Cross, ‘Living the Flame of Love’

The last thought from the Jeremiah quote implies the greatest danger to spiritual growth for many. The demand to stay simple, humble, malleable and prayerful, while advancing in effort and devotion to the spiritual life. Progress must center upon faith, hope, and charity. It must remain simple. It is enlightening to observe those concentrating upon the spiritual life and the fact so many fall victim to the temptation for power. The need to be right, a perceived authority, a voice of esteem within the Church, crushes good souls. Control, even amidst an authentic desire for humility, cannot be loosened. The need to dominate usurps the practicality of acquiescence. As knowledge, practice, years of serving the church accumulate, even moral behavior amassing, I am convinced, God is forced to forsake many do to their absolute insistence that they must wield control over others and within the church. The spiritual life is easy when things come easy, sweet consolations flowing, and one sees one’s self as wise. The opposite direction, trending toward littleness, is the proper path of self-knowledge. In the interior of our being, knowledge and wisdom dutifully attained can create an understanding lacking in spiritual growth. In our minds we become immense. In the interior of our being, morality, behaving according to all the laws and mandates of the church, subscribing slavishly and scrupulously to the finest details of the Church can create a disposition lacking in spiritual maturity. I heard it said once that the way of Christ is not for those convinced they are doing it right, rather it is for those intent upon doing it wrong. Beyond an intellectual rebellion, it is a commitment to follow God, rather than self-advancement—to follow God without defining and manipulating God. To go beyond the law and dogma, while abiding and obeying. ‘Think not that I have come to abolish the law and the prophets; I have come not to abolish them but to fulfil them.’

St John of the Cross Adoring