St John of the Cross

Prayer expansion to the passive

…the soul at this point now has both the substance and the habit of the spirit of meditation.  The goal of reasoning and meditation on the things of God is gaining some knowledge and love of God.  Each time that the soul gains this through meditation, there is an action.  And just as many actions, of whatever kind, end by forming a habit in the soul, many of these actions of loving knowledge that the soul has been making one after another from time to time come through repetition to be so continuous in it that they become habitual.

God wants souls to achieve this end without the intervention of actions by setting them at once in contemplation.  So what previously the soul was gaining gradually through its labor of meditation on particular facts has now through practice changed into a habit of loving knowledge, of a general kind, and not distinct as before.

Therefore, when the soul gives itself to prayer it is now like one to whom water has been brought, so that he drinks peacefully, without labor, and is no longer forced to draw the water through the aqueducts of past meditations and forms and figures.  Then, as soon as the soul comes before God, it makes an act of knowledge, loving, passive, and tranquil, in which it drinks of wisdom and love and delight.  –St John of the Cross ‘Ascent of Mount Carmel’ presented by Henry L. Carrigan Jr.

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A return to the Ascent

Natural knowledge in the memory consists in all the kinds of knowledge that the memory can form concerning the objects of the physical senses—hearing, sight, smell, taste, and touch. The soul must empty itself of all these forms of knowledge and strive to lose their imaginary achievements, so that there may be left in it no impression of knowledge or the trace of anything at all.  Rather, the soul must remain barren, as if those forms had never passed through it, and in total forgetfulness and suspension.

This cannot happen unless the memory is reduced to nothing in all its forms in order to be united with God.  It cannot happen except by a total separation from everything that is not God.  God does not come under any definite form or kind of knowledge in dealing with the night of the understanding.  Christ says: No one can serve two masters.  So the memory cannot be united both with God and with knowledge.  Since God has no form or image that can be comprehended by the memory, then when the memory is united with God it remains without form.  Divine union empties its imagination, sweeps it clean of all forms of knowledge, and raises it to the supernatural.

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The operations of the soul in divine union are from the Holy Spirit; the actions of such souls are only those that are seemly and reasonable.  God’s Spirit teaches them what they ought to know and causes them to be ignorant of what they ought not to know, to remember what they have to remember, and to forget what they should forget.  It makes them love what they have to love, and not to love what does not pertain to God….  This spiritual person needs habitually to practice caution: Everything that he hears, sees, smells, tastes, or touches, he must be careful not to store up or collect in his memory, but he must allow himself to forget them immediately.

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The first evil (through memory) and, which comes from the world, consists in the souls subjection, through knowledge and reflection, too many kinds of harm, such as falsehoods, imperfections, desires, opinions, loss of time, and many other things that breed impurity in the soul…..The soul is free from all these things if the memory enters into darkness with respect to every kind of reflection and knowledge.

Imperfections meet the soul at every stop if it sets the memory on what it has heard, seen, touched, smelled, and tasted.  If it does, some sort of feeling has to cling to it, whether pain, fear, hatred, vain hope, or vain enjoyment…..Many occasions of judging others will also come, since in using its memory, the soul cannot fail to discover the good and the bad in others…..  There is no one who can completely free himself from all these kinds of evil, except by blinding the memory and leading it into darkness with regard to all these things.

Let the soul, then, remain “enclosed,” without anxieties and troubles; and the One who entered in physical form to his disciples when the doors were shut and gave them peace, though they neither thought that this was possible nor knew how it was possible, will venture spiritually into the soul without its knowing how he does so, when the doors of its faculties—memory, understanding, and will—are enclosed against all things.  He will fill them with peace coming down on the soul, as the prophet says, like a river, taking it from all the misgivings, suspicions, disturbances, and darkness that caused it to fear that it was lost or was or was on the way to being so.  Let it not grow careless about prayer, and let it wait in detachment from the world and in emptiness, for its blessings will not be long in coming.

–St John of the Cross ‘Ascent of Mount Carmel’ presented by Henry L. Carrigan Jr.

St John of the Cross Adoring

St John of the Cross Adoring

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Precaution and Counsel (Repost)

The first precaution is to understand that you have come to the monastery so that all may fashion you and try you. Thus, to free yourself from the imperfections and disturbances that can be engendered by the mannerisms and attitudes of the religious and draw profit from every occurrence, you should think that all in the community are artisans…present there in order to prove you; that some will fashion you with words, others by deeds, and others with thoughts against you; and that in all this you must be submissive as is the statue to the craftsman who molds it, to the artist who paints it, and to the gilder who embellishes it.

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…counsel is wholly necessary for a religious, that he fulfill the obligations of his state and find genuine humility, inward quietude, and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you do not practice this, you will neither know how to be a religious nor even why you came to the religious life. Neither will you know how to seek Christ (but only yourself), nor find peace of soul, nor avoid sinning and often feeling troubled. .

–St John of the Cross

St John of the Cross Adoring

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Precaution and Counsel

The first precaution is to understand that you have come to the monastery so that all may fashion you and try you. Thus, to free yourself from the imperfections and disturbances that can be engendered by the mannerisms and attitudes of the religious and draw profit from every occurrence, you should think that all in the community are artisans…present there in order to prove you; that some will fashion you with words, others by deeds, and others with thoughts against you; and that in all this you must be submissive as is the statue to the craftsman who molds it, to the artist who paints it, and to the gilder who embellishes it.

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…counsel is wholly necessary for a religious, that he fulfill the obligations of his state and find genuine humility, inward quietude, and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you do not practice this, you will neither know how to be a religious nor even why you came to the religious life. Neither will you know how to seek Christ (but only yourself), nor find peace of soul, nor avoid sinning and often feeling troubled. .

–St John of the Cross

St John of the Cross Adoring

St John of the Cross Adoring

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A weekend of defining, living, concluding

The breathing of the air,
the song of the sweet nightingale,
the grove and its living beauty
in the serene night,
with a flame that is consuming and painless.
–St John of the Cross, ‘Spiritual Canticle’

Patience a virtue. Christ awaits the return of His children. Forgive my trespasses Lord Jesus. Many times I have tested You. I deserve the wrath of Your hand, But You see greater things: Your patience enormous! Grant me a droplet of Your endurance. Grant me the fortitude and strength to abolish my impious impatience, able to reflect Your serenity. Great is the Lord Jesus in wisdom! Holy Mother, sheltering with your mantle, accompany me.

A time of living, solid in faith, building upon hope, loving all the time. I felt the need to live strong this weekend, experiencing and aware, healthy while building, prayerful the whole time. Silent and still before the Eucharist is easy. Living in the world is the difficult part. This weekend I consumed and participated, remaining distant, knowing God calls at all times. I am no Saint Faustina. In all my awkwardness, I have begged for a sign. Some have been given, signs appearing, yet definitive direction remains amiss. Life unfolds as a mystery.

St Faustina tells of marvelous spiritual direction:

“Once I was at a dance with one of my sisters and while everybody was having a good time, my soul was experiencing internal torments. As I began to dance, I suddenly saw Jesus at my side, Jesus racked with pain, stripped of his clothing, covered all over with wounds, who spoke these words to me, “How long shall I suffer and how long will you keep on deceiving Me?” At that moment a charming music stopped, and my company vanished from my sight; there remained Jesus and I. I took a seat by my dear sister, pretending to have a headache in order to cover up what took place in my soul. After a while, I slipped out unnoticed, leaving my sister and all my companions behind, and made my way to the Cathedral of Saint Stanislaus Kostka (Lodz). It was almost twilight; there were only a few people in the cathedral. Paying no attention to what was happening around me, I fell prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament and begged the Lord to be good enough to give me to understand what I should do next.

Then I heard these words, “Go at once to Warsaw (Poland), you will enter a convent there”.  I rose from prayer, came home, and took care of things that needed to be settled. As best I could, I confided to my sister what took place within my soul. I told her to say good-bye to our parents, and thus, in one dress, with no other belongings, I arrived in Warsaw

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More St John of the Cross and an overcast Sunday

Extinguish these miseries,
since no one else can stamp them out;
and may my eyes behold you,
because you are their light,
and I would open them to you alone.

Reveal your presence,
and may the vision of your beauty be my death;
for the sickness of love
is not cured except
by your very presence and image.

Today I am shell shocked. The evening of entertainment psychically affected me more than I considered. The loud music, entertaining for the evening, in totality was sensory overload. Mass this morning, followed by a Bible study left me still rattled. The Bible study needs explored in the sense that good people administered and attended, yet overall it left me hollow. Clever insights into scripture have become superfluous, meaningless in the sense that a deeper way has become etched into my soul. Humble participation, not being critical, not needing to provide astounding insight, not needing in anyway, just simple fellowship is what God graced upon the experience. Benediction with Poor Clares, a communal Rosary, and adoration finally restored a sense of order. It is firmly becoming apparent that prayer, silent and communal, is my path toward perfection. I am content and accomplishing the most in silence, acquiescence and divine adulation. In terms of recovery from alcoholism and spiritual fitness, discursive thinking and conversation are healthy in regards to constructive social interaction, gracefully wasting time, however something deeper occurs when I open myself in prayer. God is working upon me in ways I cannot share with others. A spiritual director is abiding, constructive in understanding and advice, yet intimacy does not exist. It is dangerous territory, yet profound. Patience and the understanding that a sense of grieving is necessary right now in order for proper cleansing is his message. Novel writing is flourishing and for this I am grateful. My former spiritual partner I have been encountering. It is difficult, yet I place it in proper perspective. I have entered into a phase that demands leaving her behind, yet I am so convinced I have so much to offer her. I properly love her. My heart and mind yearns for her. She will never feel the same. She will never truly see me for who I am. She needs to see me in alignment with her delusions and within her brokenness. As one moves forward in spiritual maturity, I am convinced there becomes a detachment with others on the deepest levels. Loving, still able to connect socially, few will be able to match the intensity of growth for those immersed within a deep prayer life. For the chosen, God speaks the loudest in stillness and silence, and that message does not translate to worldly affairs. Presence is the only visible consolation. People will be able to see it, yet comprehension on a deeper level will evade. My former spiritual partner will be among them. She will witness me in mass, knowing in her heart something is happening to me, yet she will never properly understand. Her distance is monumental. I grow stronger, confident in identity, accepting of myself, spiritually prospering, while sadness dominates my disposition. People come at me in waves. I feel them, loving, embracing, however internally I recognize a greater longing. I will not replace her simply for the sake of covering over the pain. I accept the pain, offering my heart, authenticity, and tears to God. I loved her in a way God understands. I am confident He approves, even if my passion became verbally unruly. I knew I had something on the deepest level to offer, yet she could not receive. It hurts, and to see her now only screams of brokenness, an inability to interact in a profoundly spiritual manner. During the Bible study, healthy camaraderie transpired. My social world within the church expands. A Vietnamese woman showered photo album after photo album upon me. The intriguing photos documenting her friend in Houston experiencing the Eucharist in marvelous supernatural ways. The photos display hallucinatory Hosts floating through the air, light rays beaming in extraordinary ways, talk of angels visually descending and ascending, three days of darkness, earthquakes and thunderstorms, Our Holy Mother and Christ’s face appearing within the Eucharist—all of it tremendous and animated conversation. The photos must be seen to be appreciated, yet still it all just makes me smile lovingly. The woman’s enthusiasm I cannot share, while her attention and company I cherish. The supernatural just makes me chuckle quietly, not scoffing just finding it ridiculous in need. She is a splendid woman and I am happy we will be friends, however a deeper spiritual connection will never take place. My former spiritual partner and I will no longer be connected.  There is nothing I can do yet continue forward upon my path of prayer, never once questioning the wisdom of God, working only towards internal cleansing.

St John of the Cross Adoring

St John of the Cross Adoring

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St John of the Cross after a House of Blues reggae night on the town

…the tranquil night
at the time of the rising dawn,
silent music,
sounding solitude,
the supper that refreshes, and deepens love….

Spent a day and evening of leisure exploring Cleveland downtown after an afternoon of mass, Eucharistic adoration, and communal prayer. Beautiful weather, I enjoyed being a part of a bustling crowd alone. In solitude, I enjoy encountering large secular crowds, a part yet distant. The thought occurred that through immense and intense love, God allows freedom and the spiritual wildness of free will to run riot through time and space. God is the one heartbroken. Mary weeps as souls are lost. All that is good in the spiritual realm is silent in profound sadness regarding the misery we children of God bring upon ourselves.  The angels keep vigilant unceasing focus upon God. Father Rodger, my favorite Capuchin Tanzanian priest, spoke in his homily today about the resurrected Christ still possessing the wounds of the Cross. The glorified body not completely assumed to the Father, the resurrection wounds Thomas stuck his fingers in declare the unending brokenness of mankind. Christ’s victory over death would not be victory upon the earth for man. Man could accept Christ, be saved, yet still he would struggle, immersed within lives of sin.

Holy Mother pray for us sinners now and in the hour of our death. Amen

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