We shall never succeed in knowing ourselves unless we seek to know God: let us think of his greatness and then come back to our own baseness; by looking at his purity we shall see our foulness; by meditating upon his humility, we shall see how far we are from being humble.
If we turn from self towards God, our understanding and our will become nobler and readier to embrace all that is good: if we never rise above the slough of our own miseries we do ourselves a great disservice. –Teresa of Avila ‘Interior Castle’
Getting to know myself, it is good to return to routine and schedule, allowing my focus to effectively return to God. Yesterday marvelous, extending myself socially exhausts me. A wonderful day, it is good to return to that which brings the greatest depth to life: the Eucharist, prayer and meditation, mass with the Poor Clares. Routine: morning coffee and today a cinnamon roll gifted from Carter’s girlfriend upon visiting a Toledo bakery we discussed; reflection upon my life, avoiding self-absorption, exercise—walk/jog in Cain Park and onto St Paul’s for mass and adoration. It is good to return to that which provides structure, the establishing of closure. Dr. Nichta defines my effective mode of living…primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.
The negative aspect of my personality must be realized. I am not naturally in tune with my feelings, nor the feelings of others. Too much social activity reinforces unconstructive tendencies. I lose a bit of focus upon propriety if I spend too much time with others. At St Paul’s, a celebration of baptism occurred after mass. There was a group of attractive proper young women attending, all in fine dresses, appearing exquisite. I was overwhelmed by the experience, distracted, uncomfortable, made weary by the women. Later at the Cathedral, a woman wearing yoga pants assisted the young man selling olive wood finery from Bethlehem. It took a serious effort not to stare at the assistant. For all the spiritual progress I make, concentrating my Lady Undoer of Knots novena upon loneliness and lust, a warfare still takes place. I should add these struggles occurred while thoroughly enjoying the companionship of Carol, whose trust, admiration, support and friendship grows with every encounter. Prayer, quiet time, reading, writing allows my natural tendencies to center myself upon God. There is a delicate balance establishing healthy mental effectiveness. I feel blessed to have discovered the retreat, a week focused upon reflection and prayer—religious pursuits; study, writing and prayer, while centered amidst a structured Catholic environment: scheduled meals, daily activities, mass with the sisters, overall a healthy large social gathering, including group meals. My expectations are low, demanding only seclusion and Catholic structure: a balancing between isolation and community. Anything beyond and above, I am considering a bonus.
The title Our Lady of the Pines originates from a fifteenth century Mary apparition on the Canary Islands, located between Morocco and Spain. A link to the Basilica del Pino official website.
God is good and gracious, supplying fellowship and exhausting activity upon the eve of a celebratory retreat week God teach me to relish and live within the moment. A Slovakian Benedictine monastery, blessings, the companionship of those humble in faith, a significant sprouting, the abundance of splendor in simple refrain, a Cathedral, Coventry, Moroccan food, and always St Paul’s centering, the expression of faith, hope, and charity. Sometimes we are given approval for all that we are doing. The Eucharist again pronounced in proclaiming majestically its presence, carrying the offering in mass to a priest awaiting, a friend abiding, others watching, friends amassing, Benedictines offering salutatory words of honor and petitioning–the company of those focused in faith, a Friday date for adoration promised. Brother Mario serious and solid in direction. Brother Louis amiable, courteous and humorous in sharing. Rev. Michael Brunovsky, a Benedictine high school principal, well-versed, articulate, ora et labora, espousing history, a glowing. An abbot, Reverend Gary Hoover, knowing, guiding, smiling and shining brilliance with eyes. The Church is a wonder. Humble in servitude, quiet in preparing, knowing the subtlety of prayers being answered, happy to receive the fortunes of properly alms giving. Some days are better than others. Lord I have so much to offer, please use me. I am Yours, please receive me, gaze upon me, allow me to learn from those who give so much to Your glorious body here upon the earth. Hail to the Catholic Church.
Admirable Saint and Doctor of Humility, you practiced what you taught, assiduously praying for God’s glory and lovingly fulfilling all work for God and the benefit of all human beings. You know the many physical dangers that surround us today often caused or occasioned by human inventions. Guard us against poisoning of the body as well as of mind and soul, and thus be truly a “Blessed” one for us. Amen.
St Benedict medal
The splendors of a youthful Mary. The Pillar of Fire Tabernacle sitting aside, unseen, at St Andrew’s Benedictine monastery
A minimalist Benedictine house of worship, choir stalls a plenty at St Andrews.
St Andrew, a Slovakian saint, as well as his namesake the apostle, blesses the Benedictines.
The prettiest of Slovakian mannequins, history and culture preserved from the wrath of communism.
The most handsome of postulates, a day away from solemn vows. Good luck kind and wise black Irish brother. Carol, you are not still talking to him are you?
The novel ‘All We Know of Heaven’ moved me. The young man, having entered the monastery, enjoying a solid novitiate, suddenly struggles mightily with lustful thoughts, bringing to a halt his ability to sleep and the endurance of inner turmoil. His days become drudgery and toil. Even more devastating is the fact his severe temptation is homosexual in nature, calling into question his very worth as a man. His fearful thoughts force him to nearly attempt self-castration, going as far as cutting himself before stopping himself. Within our personal struggles, battling our deepest demons, exist the greatest opportunity for grace, within our wounds Christ comes at us the strongest, within our brokenness is the greatest opportunity to know the love of God. “…where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord”. (Romans 5). An area Dr. Nichta and myself discussed in depth yesterday was the idea of self-knowledge elevating contemplative efforts. To know who I am is to become a more effective seeker of God. Brutal honesty is necessary in realizing my weaknesses, for within my weaknesses is the area for the greatest growth, and therefore the pouring down of the greatest graces. Ultimate victory must come through the defeating of that within us which is the furthest from God. Freedom comes from the expanding of faith, hope, and charity, opening ourselves to the gifts of the Holy Spirit, acquiring the understanding to know the things that take us away from God, the wisdom to to discern the difference between enslavement of the flesh and the freedom of spiritual expansion. Immediate sensual gratification, the indulgence of all our wants, desires, fantasies and worldly desires is placing ourselves in slavery to immaturity, an undisciplined childish approach to life, a diet of candy and sweets. Everlasting freedom is spiritual warfare, the task of doing the things in our heart we know are righteous. God’s ways are not foreign and unknowable. We are gifted with a conscious. It is the discipline, the accomplishing of the difficult that is our demanding task.
In the novel, contemplate this episode. After a community vote, the young man is accepted, personally by the abbot, to swear solemn vows. Previous to the scene, the young man sat outside the meeting, slightly able to hear, distinguishing a heated argument. The loud voice of Martin, the Irish monk the main character developed an infatuation with, experiencing an episode in which he expressed his feelings to Martin, became audible. They had not spoken since. Martin ignoring him intensely. Martin could be heard yelling and arguing with the abbot. Relying upon reason, self-conscious, the main character prepared to be rejected, dejectedly aware of his failings.
“This is the grand silence. Forgive me,” Dom Jacques (abbot) whispered as he sat down at his desk, “but I wanted you to know that the lengthy chapter had nothing to do with you. We took the vote before any shouting began. In five minutes, that was all over. We’ve accepted you. Congratulations.” He pointed to a chair, and Antoine (main character), shaking in the knees, went to sit. Relief washed over him so suddenly that he nearly missed the chair and fell on the floor.”
“You should know,” the Abbot continued, “that Brother Martin and I have been at odds.” His expression was sober. “An argument broke out between us over the possibility of his transfer to another abbey. I was thrown off balance. I’m afraid. Not prepared for an outburst in chapter, I lost my temper.” The Abbot folded his hands. “And as it stands, I think Martin is resolved to leave religious life altogether.”
Antoine’s mouth dropped. Though tension had melted when he learned of his acceptance, this was now checked in thinking that he might have had something to do with Martin’s leaving.
“Reverend Father,” he said, “There’s something you should know.” He blinked several times. Straightening his back, he stumbled on, hardly knowing what to say. “When I asked to be moved in the dormitory because of my mattress, I told you a lie. My request had nothing to do with a mattress. Truth is, I am strongly attracted to Brother Martin.”
“The matress?” Dom Jacques asked.
“Yes. I told you that my mattress was shaped for someone else and kept me from sleeping. But you see, it was really Martin who kept me awake.”
“Martin?”
Antoine closed his eyes for a moment and tried to rephrase his tumble of words. “Yes. Please understand I’m…I think I’m attracted to Martin. What I mean is…I think I’m a homosexual.”
The Abbot waited for more, but Antoine had nothing more to say. A moment went by and the Abbot looked at his watch.
“Yes,” he said. “Each of us has his burden to bear. Listen, Brother, it’s getting late. You’d best get to bed.”
Antoine stood and walked to the door on unsteady legs. He hesitated, thinking the Abbot had not heard correctly. Perhaps he should repeat the confession. The Abbot spoke again.
“Antoine,” he said. “Pray for Brother Martin. Pray for God’s blessing upon him. You of all people might be in the best position to do that.”
“Yes, Reverend Father.” Antoine stood at the door for a moment, then he left the office and made his way to bed. There it was, simple and straightforward: a request for prayers. Nothing more. His heart pounded as if it slipped into a higher gear. He felt winded. Even if the Abbot had completely misunderstood his confession, the deed was done. He had claimed something sexual about himself, and what was more, had announced it aloud. There was no going back. He did not want to go back. A new sense of identity had begun to bloom, and he felt he knew himself far better than before. The confession left him stronger.
That is a powerful scene. The young man’s anxiety was unfounded. His fears stronger than reality. He would come to terms with Martin, understanding Martin’s clashing with the Abbot had nothing to do with him. Even deeper the psychological healing of understanding himself, developing a profound sense of who he was allowed him to overcome his personal inclination toward sin. Ambiguities replaced with certainty, self-knowledge allows for personal growth upon a deeply spiritual level.
Other thoughts mingle, yet I want to leave everything. Let that resonate. An ending with something lighter. Now for something different. My secret garden, Cain Park provided mesmerizing, tantalizing meditation, exotic in nature as Chinese acrobats entertained, beauty displayed, the joy of life played out upon the stage. The Golden Dragon Acrobats. Here is a video clip. Wonderful night of observing physical grace refined. These remarkably athletic and skilled young men and women naturally put a smile upon the face. Spellbinding, this young lady was a personal favorite. I met her after the show. She was with a group selling memorabilia. Her beauty, exuberance, strength, joy, and innocence were captivating, disarming, invigorating and a blessing from God to encounter.
A session with Dr. Nichta today. Going in, I felt there was nothing of consequence to discuss. After what seemed like a couple breathes and a flood of words, the fifty minutes concluded. The overall message established: I am being moved into a new realm of maturity. Afterwards sitting in front of the Eucharist at St Paschal Baylon, a woman, Shirley, approached me asking if I would repose the Eucharist at nine. The person signed up to come in at eight texted her, informing her they could not make it. I was honored, truly humbled and touched. Shirley showed me the routine, proper placement within the Tabernacle, providing keys, showing me around the sacristy, how to extinguish candles and turn off lights. Once, she left me alone with the Eucharist tears burst forth, my heart beating with joy, adoration, and a sense of wonder. I feel God is trying to tell me something, yet I am not quite sure regarding details. Sitting for the final hour, I pleaded, praying, begging for understanding. To be made aware how He wanted me to serve Him. Abstinence and sobriety I am proud to offer, yet there is so much more I feel I have to give. I was not sure about time since I did not bring my telephone into the church, however bells at the half hour made me confident there would be hourly bells. Sure enough, a wonderful sounding occurred, before nine distinct individual tones announced the arrival of 9:00 PM. Reposing, positioning myself behind the monstrance and altar, kneeling, looking up at the Eucharist, I just felt an overwhelming love to serve. It was a marvelous way to end a day.
Driving home, listening to Pope Francis expound upon Mercy, a prayer concept was presented: the gaze of Jesus, allowing Jesus to look upon us:
“I found three different manners of Jesus’ gaze upon Peter”.
The first is found at the beginning of the Gospel according to John, when Andrew goes to his brother Peter and says to him: “We have found the Messiah”. And “he brings him to Jesus”, who “fixes his gaze on him and says: ‘You are Simon, son of John. You shall be called Peter”. This is “the first gaze, the gaze of the mission” which will be explained “further ahead in Caesarea Philippi”. There, Jesus says: “‘You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my Church’: this will be your mission”.
…in the meantime, Peter has become an enthusiast of Jesus: he follows Jesus…Gospel of John, chapter 6, Jesus speaks of eating his body and so many disciples say at that moment: ‘This is hard, this word is difficult’”. Thus, “they begin to withdraw”. Jesus then “looks at the disciples and says: ‘Do you want to leave too?’”. And it is “Peter who responds: ‘No! Where would we go? You alone have the words of eternal life!’”. This is “the enthusiasm of Peter”. This is the first gaze: the vocation and the first declaration of the mission”. And, “how is Peter’s spirit under that first gaze? Enthusiastic”.
The second gaze we find late at night on Holy Thursday, when Peter wants to follow Jesus and approaches where He is, in the house of the priest, in prison, but he is recognized: “‘No, I don’t know him!’”. He denies Him “three times”. Then “he hears the cock crow and remembers: he denied the Lord. He lost everything. He lost his love”. Precisely “in that moment, Jesus is led to another room, across the courtyard, and fixes his gaze on Peter”. The Gospel of Luke recounts that “Peter cried bitterly”. Thus, “that enthusiasm to follow Jesus has become remorse, for he has sinned, he has denied Jesus”. However, “that gaze transforms Peter’s heart, more than before”. Thus “the first transformation is the change of name and of vocation. Instead “the second gaze is a gaze that changes the heart and is a change of conversion to love”.
“We don’t know what the gaze (third) was like in that encounter, alone, after the Resurrection. We know that Jesus encountered Peter, the Gospel says, but we don’t know what they said. The third gaze is the confirmation of the mission; but also the gaze in which Jesus asks for confirmation of Peter’s love. Indeed Jesus ask three times—three times. Peter denied Him three times; and now the Lord for the third time asks him to show his love. Each time when Peter says yes, that he loves Him, he loves Him, He gives him the mission: ‘Feed my lambs, tend my sheep’”. Moreover, at the third question — “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” — Peter “was grieved, nearly weeping”. He was sorry because “for the third time” the Lord “asked him, ‘Do you love me?’”. And he answered Him: “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you”. And Jesus replied: “Feed my sheep”. This is “the third gaze: the gaze of the mission”.
Three gazes of Jesus upon Peter. The first is the gaze of the choice, with the enthusiasm to follow Jesus. The second is the gaze of remorse at the moment of that sin so great of having denied Jesus. The third gaze is the gaze of mission: ‘Feed my lambs, tend my sheep, feed my sheep”. It doesn’t end there: ‘you did this for love and then? Will you receive a crown? No. I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you would; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish to go”
Franciscan lay brother and mystic. Born to a peasant family at Torre Hermosa, in Aragon, Spain on Whitsunday, he was christened Pascua in honor of the feast. According to accounts of his early life, Paschal labored as a shepherd for his father, performed miracles, and was distinguished for his austerity. He also taught himself to read. Receiving a vision which told him to enter a nearby Franciscan community, he became a Franciscan lay brother of the Alcantrine reform in 1564, and spent most of his life as a humble doorkeeper. He practiced rigorous asceticism and displayed a deep love for the Blessed Sacrament, so much so that while on a mission to France, he defended the doctrine of the Real Presence against a Calvinist preacher and in the face of threats from other irate Calvinists. Paschal died at a friary in Villareal, and was canonized in 1690. In 1897 Pope Leo XIII declared him patron of all eucharistic confratemities and congresses.
Reviewing Thomas of Celano’s ‘Life of St Francis’, exhausted from a personal poisoning–spiritual draining, content within the simplicity of sitting before the Eucharist (leaving my wallet in the pew–made aware by Andrew), today’s post will idealize the Christian fellowship shared by the first friars. I feel God has wiped clean my world, creating space, allowing grace, demanding patience, trust, contentment, not the shallow filling of emptiness due to brokenness, vanity or shame. In order for a higher calling to endure, I must prove I can sit silently still, amassing love within a sanctified pace, virtuous and proud, unwanting while longing, purposefully a better crowd will divinely emerge. May we always inspire and uplift our brothers and sisters in Christ. I learned today I will have the week, following the 4th weekend, off due to customer shutdowns. I am trying to put together a week-long retreat, centering upon someplace fresh and new. In the process of searching, I discovered a discalced Carmelite monastery, Holy Family, right in my front yard. Thy will be done. A quick poem concludes. I also expanded yesterday’s Thomas of Celano quote. It truly is interesting when considering St Francis’ upbringing. By societal standards his childhood was above average in every manner. His parents were attentive, loving, and providing. Possibly perceived as an overly-critical and harsh summation by Brother Thomas, I propose, thus the juxtaposition, the Deuteronomy quote, the Shema, must be used to illuminate proper perspective. Eternity is at stake. Therefore standards for measuring proper child raising are based upon such severity.
For holy simplicity had so filled them, innocence of life was so teaching them, purity of heart so possessed them that they were utterly ignorant of duplicity of mind. For as they were one in faith so they were one in spirit, one in will, one in charity: agreement in disposition, harmonious behavior, the practice of the virtues, conformity of mind and piety in action ever prevailed among them…
Early friars
Defeat
I surrender, voiced internally,
A new love found, authentic authority, full fledged,
Beyond the twofold nature, primary colors blend within trichromatic vision,
Duplicity returning, unkind in regret, centered upon One in being three, colorful,
Tired of waging, progressing into peace and gentleness, disposition flowers,
No place to be, no one to be, no one to meet, no one…
Heaven sent, happy and content, four corners, a cross, a cloud amidst,
Bountiful prayer, the refined creating of interior space,
Victory at last, conceding, relieving.
And Brother Juniper answered: “When I feel the approach of a diabolical suggestion, I run at once and shut the door of my heart, and, to secure its safety, I occupy myself in holy desires and devout meditations; so that when the suggestion comes and knocks at the door of my heart, I may answer from within: `Begone; for the room is already taken, and there is no space for another guest’; and so I never suffer the thought to enter my heart; and the devil, seeing himself baffled, retires discomfited, not from me alone, but from the whole neighborhood. –Little Flowers
Walking in Cain Park, pondering, I thought deeply about my son and his housemates in Ann Arbor. The young adults made a positive impression. I truly enjoyed the encounter. Millennials, a generation for a new age, are cutting edge smart. Intellectually they are acute, exploring every and all ideals, picking and choosing that which is wisest: Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teachers, Buddhist thought, Eastern thought, writers galore, doctors amazing, artist creating, musicians advancing, actors embracing, psychological self-advancement, business acumen enhancers, management gurus, thinkers that penetrate with accuracy, high education, and an overall nonjudgemental approach to conquering life. They believe themselves to be highly intelligent and they are highly intelligent. Practically, financially, academically, physically-fit, adventurous, they want to conquer life. They demand a new way of life. Everything must be fair or they reject it. I hear them speaking, convinced they have had it with liberalism, and politics based upon big government. They grasp government will never solve the world’s or individual problems. They are an impressive generation searching and finding truth. How can my faith, hope, and charity effectively move them? I relate this to the Bible study. With minds as educated and as sharp as the millennial minds you are never going to hammer scripture into their heads. You are never going to convince them they are wrong. You cannot label them as wayward and evil, possessed by demons, misguided and brainwashed by a leftist agenda, hopeless individuals centered in selfishness and egotism, and expect them to convert to your way of thinking. They will never be defeated by reasoning. You can only impress them with gracious moral meaningful intelligent living. Weakness, vulnerability, and open mindedness marks them the greatest. There is an intellectually awesome evangelical website that destroys all other ways of thought, including Catholicism, through scripture calling itself: ‘Holier Than Thou’. The title itself would make millennials vomit. I enjoy browsing the site as the man’s ideas are impeccable and amazing in depth and articulation. Rejecting the premise and projections, I admire his knowledge of scripture and many ideas he touches upon. Such a remarkable mind convinced of possessing ultimate and final truth, stands absolutely no chance with the millennials. The millennials have minds to match and even more than this his very premise that he is right and all other forms of thought are wrong instantly negates his thinking. They demand fairness and an openness to all avenues of thought. In fact, the one avenue of thought they jointly reject is fundamentalist Christians. Bible thumpers are one of the few lines of reasoning they discard, absolutely convinced of its ignorance and short-sighted thinking. They mock and ridicule Christian thinkers. Before these young brilliant minds are dismissed keep in mind their imposing morality. It is impressive. I am speaking about my son and his friends. I am a street smart older man, able to perceive penetratingly into individual ways of thinking. I know what motivates people. I have been around the block many times, witnessing people from all levels of life. These young adults are different. They reject drugs and alcohol over-indulgence. They take care of their bodies, closely monitoring their diets, exercising, and pursuing holistic preventive approaches to good health. Another line of thinking they mock is hippies. Young or old, they deride potheads, crack smokers, and heroin users. Studies definitely establish heroin usage rampant amongst the younger generation, the proliferation of OxyContin and other prescription drugs contributing, however I am convinced there is also a younger generation healthy in a remarkable manner. A generation that has witnessed the burnout of hippies, the devastating effects of alcohol abuse, and the ravages of divorce. Raised upon ways that do not work, they search for ways that do work. In regards to families and sexual morals, their morality is interesting. In the previous week, I was consumed with Catholic ideals regarding marriage and being single. The millennials I witnessed reject marriage, while also rejecting the promiscuity of the free love generation. It is easy to target them with the gay marriage issue, bashing them over the head with strict, uncompromising dogma, however I saw young adults extremely sensitive to a sense of fairness, not hurting others. They viewed communal living, a safe non-confrontational environment respecting the rights and opinions of everyone as the essential building block for proper living. They themselves place strict demands upon one another for not only proper behavior, yet also proper thought and speech. There is a maturity to their singleness. The young ladies are not flirty, and the young men make a point of not viewing women as objects. There is not a ‘single’ mentality playing at male/female interaction that I believe occurs even in Catholic single groups. They are serious young adults living meaningful profound lives. They take their effects and interactions with others on a deep level consumed with not hurting others. They are truly trying to do something never done before. Through time we have witnessed such revolutionary periods. I am convinced St Francis ignited a new way of life, as well as others St Dominic to name another. St Francis reenergized the Church after a dramatic turning of a thousand years after the death of Christ. Simplifying: feudalism and an authoritative practically corrupt Church was broken by the emergence of individuals, dispersed wealth, merchants, freedom of trade, trade fairs, travel (crusades), exchanging of goods, authentic religious authorities, it was a time of great cultural change. There were others: the renaissance, enlightenment (time of revolution), the industrial revolution and the times of world wars. Culturally the world changes, a collective unconscious established within mankind. I think the millennials are a generation of great change. Better minds, than my own I am sure are thinking the same thing–important to note good and evil minds. How does the Catholic faith fit into everything? Truly the Catholic faith is the body of Christ, under the protection of the Queen of Heaven. If we possess such power are we to read scripture and anticipate a severe abandoning of the Church? I do not know. I do know I really enjoyed the millennials I encountered. They are sincerely a generation like I have never seen before, much smarter and aware of spiritual and worldly things than my generation. Cultured, refined in taste, technically savvy, responsible, caring, nonmaterialistic, beyond a rock-n-roll hippie shallowness, rejecting the selfishness of goodtime seeking singles and sexually promiscuous lifestyles, they have a tremendous moral value they yearn to offer to the world, a maturity of spirit and intellect, and most important behavior. I am convinced within their life’s is the seed for Catholicism. Pope Francis is a man they are listening to. They like Pope Francis. I am convinced the depth of Catholicism can sweep them away. Thinkers like St Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, St John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, Alphonso Liguori, the Little Flower, many others–those able to communicate truth rather than dogma they will open up to. Catholicism has a rich array of worthy intellectuals consumed with truth rather than being right. The lives of saints like St Francis, Little Flower, Damien the Leper, Joan of Arc, Philip Neri, John Bosco, Maximillian Kolbe, Edith Stein, Joseph of Cupertino, Mother Teresa—saints who lived lives of sacrifice and servitude, rather than the promoting of dogma and self-righteousness the millennials will embrace. We have the beauty, majesty and power of the Queen of Heaven. I know they would perceive her tremendous love and compassion. Their hearts are proper for reception. I had a nice moment in the true crime, detective, mystery Ann Arbor bookstore. Aunt Agatha something was the name of the store. Prejudice in thinking, assuming the store was liberal in agenda, therefore focused upon embracing all avenues of thoughts rather than the profound daily practicing of a single way of thought, I was amused when checking out to look up and see a beautiful Immaculate Conception statue perched atop the owner’s personal bookshelf. A smile blossomed upon my lips. Detecting my elation, the owner followed my eyes to identify my focus upon her Mary. She turned, sharing a smile. Here was Our Lady the whole time reigning over the store. I am proud the Michael Dibdin book, I purchased from the store, my son’s roommates fought over in regards to who was going to read it first. That is the way powerful authentic Catholics can reach the millennials. They must sincerely like us as people, be attracted to the hidden glory of God we worship and shape within our souls. They have penetrating vision amidst a mature mindset. It is not only an obstinate arrogant self-righteousness that will negate Catholicism. If they perceive immaturity, shallowness, and selfishness, we stand no chance of earning their respect. Even if not comprehending details, they must perceive the mature formation the Eucharist has conducted upon our hearts, minds, and being. We must be people of depth they naturally and easily respect, admire, and like. We must be people of depth for they are people of depth. Rather than tell them who they are or should be, we would be wiser to allow them truly to experience a person in imitation of Christ. It is not about being right, rather more importantly being Christ-like. They must see our weaknesses more than our need to dominate them in thought. We cannot dominate them in thought. These are young clever adults who have seen everything. They know divorce. They know alcoholism. They know drug abuse. They know the excess of sexual irresponsibility. They know the things that do not work. Intellectually, they are mature, having explored and ventured into many ways of thoughts, and keep in mind the Catechism teaches that other forms of thought possess seeds of truth. Truth exist outside of Catholic teaching. Catholicism contains the fullness of truth, yet parts of truth exist within other ways of thought. These young gifted minds know truth when they witness it. God blessed them with dazzling, vibrant minds. They have hearts that long for what works. Catholicism does work. Let us pray we can all do our part to inspire young minds to know the love of Mary, the wisdom of the saints, and the saving grace of Jesus.
Thoughts after mass today. I cannot dismiss the bond I have developed with the cloistered Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration. Meeting with them yesterday was an odd moment. I cherish such odd moments. One of the sisters wears thick lens glasses. The strongest visual image is her huge magnified staring eyes. The sister’s abnormally big eyes aware established an otherworldly ambiance. I became nervous, spellbound, dazed, while introduced. Expected to say a few words, I awkwardly stammered appreciation for celebrating mass with them. The idea struck me to show them my Eucharist necklace. It seemed I could not grip the necklace properly, fumbling as my Miraculous Medal and monstrance became entangled. Finally presenting the necklace the sisters gathered, whispering, one announcing, ‘It’s a monstrance like ours’, another adding ‘also a Miraculous Medal’. I felt deeply proud they saw my necklace. Looking up, I met eyes with my special sister. She penetrates me, foreign, dark skinned, I assume Indian. I could not hold her vision, dropping my eyes to the ground, a smile arising from my heart blossoming upon my lips–the Holy Spirit bellowing within. Without looking, I knew she smiled also. The cloistered life, I cannot dismiss. Amidst my discerning, my intense devotion to the sisters is identified as central to my formation. The sisters produce immense love in my heart. I sit able to observe them, never seeking attention, yet acutely aware. My place of worship is their home. I am a guest. I follow their lead during hymns, responses, and prayers. Voicing, I search for their voices, tuning to the best of my abilities. In prayer, I seek their hearts, pleading the sisters are emboldened with fervor and peace, able to save souls and produce graces with their lives of sacrifice, obedience to the Church and the ways established by St Clare, and their adoring of the Eucharist. The Eucharist reigns supreme in my beloved sister’s home. I cannot imagine celebrating daily mass anywhere else. I questioned improper motivation on my part, vengeance upon Ann the reason I anchored at St Paul’s. I am positive that is not the case. I made plans to center my life and worship with the Mercederians, yet it did not work out. God wants me at St Paul’s. Speaking of Ann. She was at mass today. I purchased a Rosary today from Sister Clare Marie. I left my Lourdes Rosary in Toledo visiting my sister. The Rosary Ann made me, my favorite, is broken. The new Rosary caught my eye. It is green. I have never had a green Rosary before. While holding my new Rosary, Father Roger happen to walk into the store. Sister asked him to bless the Rosary, and sprinkle holy water upon it. I told father it will be my car Rosary, never removed except for at St Paul’s. While blessing the Rosary, he also blessed my car. I was thankful. As crazy and impatient as I can drive, and now constant city driving, I figure it is very good to have my car blessed. I told sister I felt drawn to the green color, yet I did not know why. I asked her what does the green symbolize to you. She instantly responded HOPE. The first Rosary prayed upon my Rosary of Hope, the Joyful mysteries, I offered to Ann. Not in a disgraceful way, God you know she is a worthless piece of crap, yet I am so magnanimous I will pray for this vile worm. I offered nothing, no intentions, simply her name. After mass, I noticed Ann seated. My heart was deeply calm cleansed for the moment. I will do nothing against her. I cherish the victory today, patiently waiting upon each day as it comes. It is very hard. I am a little disappointed in the new Rosary. The cross is excellent in my hand. I must feel a solid quality cross in my right hand, while praying. The body of Christ crucified a physical tangible presence. My disappointment is with the Our Father beads. I prefer a distinct large bead, an obvious announcement a decade is complete. The Rosary of Hope beads are all the same. The Rosary Ann made is excellent. It will be repaired and placed back into service.
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