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Jul302015

Weekend appraisal

I am looking forward to this weekend dominated by the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament. Sunday is the feast day of St. Peter Julian Eymard, founder of the Eucharistic community. The weekend presents three incredible saints for celebration. Friday, July 31st, honors St. Ignatius of Loyola. Saturday, the opening of August, the Doctor of the Church St. Alphonsus Liguori is granted acclamation. The weekend itinerary involving the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament presents a communal Holy Hour with prayer before the Blessed Sacrament Friday evening. Saturday will be a full day of instruction, concluding with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Sunday, Jim Brown will preach during mass. The approachable, amiable gentleman made the initial impression of a mature intelligent man of faith, humble within worldly success and authoritative position. Sunday the community will also open its doors to the public as a part of the Diocese’s concentration upon the consecrated life. It is really edifying to experience the various religious communities existing throughout the Cleveland area. My friend Carol and I have developed pleasing camaraderie in pursuit of the Diocesan agenda. I will be privileged with her company this Sunday. I am also going to extend an invitation to my therapist/spiritual director. Another community opening their doors is the Poor Clares of Colettine. I have not attended their Sunday Benediction in quite a while. Since moving to the East side, I have lost touch with this blessed Sunday afternoon tradition. The Poor Clares offer a quaint, bright white, holy chapel, truly a Thin Place, a space naturally to lose one’s self within prayer. The final community to be explored is the Evangelizing Sisters of Mary at the St Adalbert Parrish of Cleveland. I must say I am really intrigued to explore the sister’s life. Originating from Uganda, the sisters in 2014 began ministering through the St Adalbert Parrish. I found a video online that absolutely melted my heart. It should be a splendid weekend.

I met with Father Roger, my favorite Tanzanian priest, yesterday. Hopefully moving forward in resolution of a complexity proving to be an obstacle in my prayer life. Every aspect of my life is focused upon greater efficacy in worship and prayer. Alone, I can accomplish the endeavor, however, in truth and reality that is proving to be impossible. Cloaking myself with maturity, consultation is embraced. A determination is made with the respected priest. I belong at St Paul’s Shrine. If the abiding religious men and women question my authenticity or my ways in any regard, I want to know. I am small before all, especially the consecrated. I know who I am. I know who others are. If I am not welcome, I will seek solace within another church. I was touched when one of the extern sisters, seeing me walk past with Father Roger, came out to thank me so earnestly for providing and assisting with the open house Sunday. How could she not know, she provided so much by allowing me to be of service. So I will continue worshipping and adoring at St Paul’s Shrine, absolutely unsure I will be able to contain my wrath.

St Alphonsus Rodriguez spiritually directs:

Another advantage which temptation brings with it is, that it makes us more attentive to our duties of obligation, hinders us from being remiss in them, and causes us to stand more upon our guard; like men who are every hour on the point of engaging.

…one day St. Gertrude, bewailing bitterly a fault she was subject to, and begging of God most earnestly to free her from it; our Lord, with great bounty, answered her thus; “Why wouldst thou, my dear daughter, deprive me of great glory, and thyself of great reward? Every time that thou art sensible of thy fault, and dost purpose to amend it for the future, it is a new merit thou acquires; and as often as one endeavors to overcome any fault for the love of me, he does me the same honor as a brave soldier does his king, in fighting courageously against his enemies, and endeavoring to conquer them”.

Video of the Evangelizing Sisters of Mary now stationed at St Adalbert’s Parrish in Cleveland.

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May112015

Simple discerning

Something has been bothering me regarding mass attendance. If I am drawing undo attention to myself during mass, whether received or detached, I am wrong.  I cannot call forth extensive investigation, justifying myself emancipated from wandering thoughts. To stand out, to be an extreme in any regard is erroneous. I must blend in, absorbed within the body of the Church. I am finding it beneficial to be seated amidst a comfortable, familiar group. A mature couple, the older gentleman, Norm, reads during daily mass. Him and his wife, a friendly face, unobtrusive, not overly-friendly, allowing me space while accompanying during mass, voices to harmonize with, are becoming routine in seating themselves directly behind me.  People of serious faith, they do not take their identity overly serious. In front of me, is a man attending St Paul’s for fifty-five years, so he says, yet mental stability does not seem to be his strongest asset. His friendly face is always a pleasure. His awkward singing due to being deaf never ceases to charm; an absolute loving heart, adoring mass and the Eucharist. Then two pews behind me a delightful elderly couple often repose. If I notice them pull in I find myself watching them exit their vehicle and make their way into mass. He utilizes a walker, identical to my deceased father’s. It takes the couple quite an effort and a lengthy time before they are able to seat themselves. I marvel at their patience, fortitude, and determination to attend daily mass. She sports fashionably elegant attire. Others tell me they are the parents of fourteen children. Their presence stirs my soul. Their voices humble. To worship with them is a tremendous blessing. I think she senses how much they mean to me, and with humility tolerates my admiration. St Paul’s is a true spiritual home. Mass is the high point of my day. Part of the blessing is sharing mass with the Poor Clares. The hymnal leader, Sister Mary Joseph, has added a dimension to my mass participation with her leading of the Hosanna, the prefiguring to kneeling for the miracle of transfiguration: Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Hosts. Heaven and earth are full of your glory. Hosanna in the highest. Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest. Her singing to the responsorial prayer allows me to synchronize my soul with the cloistered sisters, captivated by the body of Christ in the Church, preparing myself for the Eucharist and receiving communion. It is a profound dimension to mass I have never experienced before. I love it.

Today during post-Sunday mass coffee and treats, I enjoyed a special moment I felt demonstrated the proper following of Divine Will. In a simple way declarative. I saw an Italian woman I spoke with last week, desiring to sit with her again. I relish characters and she is one. Somehow she pulls off carrying her poodle throughout the celebration of mass, and on into the gathering afterwards. She came to the United States in 1962, approximately the same time my mother came over from Europe. Invigorating conversation easily flowed during our initial meeting, I favored her company once again. However she was already seated, and the table she choose was full. I sat alone at an empty table, thinking about forcing myself upon her table. A couple sat with me, conversation not coming easily. Feeling awkward, I relaxed into the idea that God was involved in some way I did not comprehend. Attempting to converse, the couple and I struck gold as it was revealed they were Sister Mary Joseph’s parents. From there the blessings blossomed and I learned of the history of Sister Mary Joseph. Her mother, a serious perfunctory woman, was overjoyed with my interest in her daughter. She told me how serious her daughter was as a child, and the fact she was a practicing RN before entering the cloistered life. Her father told me how he missed his daughter as she lived with them, possessing incredible gardening skills. He teased that he took credit for the wonderful landscaping she conducted, however with her departing his lack of a green thumb was exposed. It moved me that her mother made a point of explicitly pointing out how happy her daughter was. A daughter of many brothers and sisters, the Poor Clare was her most contented child, a true receiver of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. They visited her once every two months and it never ceased to amaze her how joyful her daughter was. It made her proud. Driving to see my mother, I realized patience provided the sharing with Sister Mary Joseph’s parents. If my will would have dictated, I would have forced myself onto my Italian acquaintance. Not that it was a bad thing, however it’s happening would not have allowed what God intended.

Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, so that you may judge what is God’s will, what is good, pleasing and perfect.  –Romans 12

“. . . Heaven upon earth through Perpetual Adoration of the Most Blessed Sacrament  solemnly exposed in the spirit of Thanksgiving and Reparation on behalf of the world”  –-from their website.

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May102015

Obstacles Upon the Path

There are some souls, and some minds, as unruly as horses not yet broken in. No one can stop them: now they go this way, now that way; they are never still….Some people are either like this by nature or God permits them to become so….they seem…like people who are very thirsty and see water a long way off, yet, when they try to go to it, find someone who all the time is barring their path–at the beginning of their journey, in the middle and at the end. And when, after all their labor, and the labor is tremendous, they have conquered the first of their enemies, they allow themselves to be conquered by the second, and they prefer to die of thirst rather than drink water which is going to cost them so much trouble. Their strength has come to an end; their courage has failed them; and, though some of them are strong enough to conquer their second enemies as well as their first, when they meet the third group their strength comes to an end, though perhaps they are only a couple of steps from the fountain of living water, of which the Lord said to the Samaritan woman that whosoever drinks of it shall not thirst again….In this life the soul will never thirst for anything more…How the soul thirsts to experience this thirst! For it knows how very precious it is, and, grievous though it be and exhausting, it creates the very satisfaction by which this thirst is allayed. It is therefore a thirst which quenches nothing but desire for earthly things, and, when God slakes it, satisfies in such a way that one of the greatest favors He can bestow on the soul is to leave it with this longing, so that it has an even greater desire to drink of this water again. –St Teresa of Avila ‘The Way of Perfection’

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Apr272015

Discernment

One dark night,
Fired with love’s urgent longings
ah, the sheer grace!
I went out unseen,
my house being now all stilled.

Stilling my house within a socially active life is more difficult than if I were graced with the path of a cloistered monk. Every life has its challenges, identifying the unique difficulties is important. When I started this blog, I concentrated upon finding an individual path within the vastness of the Church, being able to connect to Christ while finding my proper role within the Church. I must soundly establish Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, while abiding, adoring, in obedience to the Church, and thus within everything surrendering to the love of my Holy Mother, also turning to the strength and inspiration of the saints.  A strong prayer life and devotion to the Eucharist are my greatest weapons. It is a complex process leading to simplicity that allows love to reign supreme in my life.

My thoughts go in this direction after several recovery experiences. The demands well intended people in the recovery world make upon one another can be overwhelming. To be able to absorb what is good for me to keep me socially active, alert and thriving in the real world, also brings forth complexities and demands that are easy to wage war upon. In an early Monday morning meeting there is a gentleman intent upon establishing himself as my guru, a spiritual director, a knower of all things that must be adhered to if one is going to successfully recover from a life of severe alcoholism. I relish the man’s input, yet serious flaws easily emerge. He could never be my spiritual director. Today, observing him aggressively attempting to convince a new young man court ordered to attend meetings I felt sorry for the man. He is so intent upon others recognizing his spiritual superiority it is distressing to observe. He is an intelligent, successful man, however his demand to establish himself as a teacher hinders his spiritual life. My challenge is not to fight him, while remaining open and willing to listen to him. He possesses wisdom. The greatest lesson he may provide is the practicing of the principle of being vulnerable while also strong, malleable yet distinct in purpose. I would also like to add that the easy comment of praying for someone one finds offensive while loving them can be superficial and shallow; a subversive, passively aggressive way of avoiding interior reflection, raising one’s self above, while allowing perceived righteousness to nurture negative growth. God does not want my prayers and love for others that I have judged inferior and wrong. I am positive he would rather I accept the honesty of the situation, especially regarding my faults and accountability. How does God truly see the situation, the judged will be judged.

The idea of finding my place within the Church, able to grow spiritually demands that with growth I maintain proper perspective, not allowing advancement to allow pride to fertilize ambition that seeks only personal satisfaction or sweet spiritual consolations. I relate everything to another gentleman I encountered, a strange man with a complex story I have not fully digested, still sorting through the details, accepting mysteries and incongruities. I like his presence. I know he is a holy man just shaking his hand, blessed to hold hands with him praying the ‘Our Father’. The man an extreme business success, maintaining years of sobriety, a solid family life, and active within the Church, was sentenced to eight years in prison due to a critical indiscretion with a young lady. He stated once his innocence and a disastrous plea bargain. A heavy hitting lawyer I spoke with later told me he never saw such a sentence, and the fact current law would not allow the sentence due to the nature of the crime and the fact he possessed no criminal record. By current law, the man could not be sentenced to more than a year in prison. Regardless of justice or injustice, the man now sees his time in prison as a grace, a time of ascetic monasticism he needed. Imprisoned older, in his late fifties, he served his time amongst an elderly group–some lifers focused upon their Catholic faith. In prison, concentrating upon the Church, turning to Mary, seeking Jesus with all his heart, the man revealed the wisdom of God within his life, advancing everything to the most remarkable story of a heart attack in prison. The physical dramatics and pain of suffering a heart attack brought forth joy and visions of the divine. It is an extraordinary story, supernatural. Disregarding the overwhelming dramatics of the man’s story, told in such a simple peaceful manner, level-headed—no need at all for acceptance by others, produced a profound message regarding grace. This man authentically saw God’s grace as an eight year prison sentence, a sentence others quickly point out as unjust, and a heart attack. The stilling of his house occurred within the Big House and was maintained through a near fatal heart attack

God’s ways are mysterious, may I remain strong while becoming weak, in the process learning to properly discern God’s voice.

One dark night,
Fired with love’s urgent longings
ah, the sheer grace!
I went out unseen,
my house being now all stilled.

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