Holy Spirit novena marching forward

The Gift of Fortitude

By the gift of Fortitude the soul is strengthened against natural fear, and supported to the end in the performance of duty. Fortitude imparts to the will an impulse and energy which move it to under take without hesitancy the most arduous tasks, to face dangers, to trample under foot human respect, and to endure without complaint the slow martyrdom of even lifelong tribulation. “He that shall persevere unto the end, he shall be saved.”

Prayer

Come, O Blessed Spirit of Fortitude, uphold my soul in time of trouble and adversity, sustain my efforts after holiness, strengthen my weakness, give me courage against all the assaults of my enemies, that I may never be overcome and separated from Thee, my God and greatest Good. Amen.

Once when he was sitting there…it happened, as in a vision, as if he were somehow led into a different land. It seemed to him that his angel was standing very kindly in front of him to is right. The servant got up quickly and embraced the beloved angel, hugging him and pressing him to his soul as lovingly as he could. There seem to be nothing at all separating them. From a full heart he began to speak with a lamenting voice and weeping eyes, ‘Alas, my Angel. Whom dear God has given me for consolation and protection, I beg you by the love you have for God not to abandon me. “The angel answered and said, “Do you dare to mistrust God? Look, God has embraced you so lovingly in his eternity that he shall never leave you”. –Henry Suso ‘The Exemplar, the Life of the Servant’

May072015

The Knight of God –Henry Suso poetry

“For I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake.” Acts ix. 16

As the song of him who singeth,
Playing on a harp of gold,
So to me was Christ’s evangel
In the days of old.

Thus across the lake of Constance
Went I forth to preach His Word,
And beside me sat the squire
Of a noble Lord.

None in all the ship so knightly,
None so bravely dight as he-
“Tell me,” I besought, “thine errand
Yonder o’er the sea.”

“I go forth,” he said, “to gather
Many a knight and noble bold;
They shall tilt at joust and tourney,
Whilst fair eyes behold.

“And the bravest and the noblest
He shall win a glorious prize,
Smiles to boot, and courtly favour
In the ladies’ eyes.”

“Tell me what shall be the guerdon?”
“Lo, the fairest in the land
Sets a gold ring on his ﬁnger
With her lily hand.”

“Tell me how the knight may win it?”
“Scars and bruises must he boast,
For the knight shall be the winner
Who endures the most.”

“Tell me, if when ﬁrst assaulted,
He in knightly guise shall stand,
Shall he win the golden guerdon
From his lady’s hand?”

“Nay, right on, till all is over,
Must a worthy knight hold on;
Bear the brunt, and stand a conqueror
When the ﬁght is done.”

“And if he be wounded sorely,
Will he weep and will he mourn?”
“Nay, in place of winning honour,
He would win but scorn.”

Then my spirit sank within me,
And within my heart I spake-
“O my Lord, thus ﬁght the knightly
For their honour’s sake.

“Small the prize, and stern the battle,
Worthless gain, and weary ﬁght-
Lord, a ring of stones most precious
Hast thou for Thy knight!

“Oh, to be the knight of Jesus!
Scorning pain, and shame, and loss;
There the crown, the joy, the glory,
Here, O Lord, Thy Cross.”

Then I wept, with bitter longing
Thus the knight of God to be;
And the Lord, who saw me weeping,
Gave the cross to me.

Bitter pain, and shame, and sorrow
Came upon me as a ﬂood-
I forgot it was the tourney
Of the knights of God.

And again I wept, beseeching,
“Take the Cross, O Lord, from me!”
Till a light broke like the morning
Over the wild sea.

Then there spake the Voice beloved,
Still and sweet my heart within-
“is it thus, O knight of Jesus,
Thou the prize wilt win?”

“O my Lord, the ﬁght is weary-
Weary, and my heart is sore!”
“And,” he answered, “fair the guerdon,
And for evermore.”

“I have shamed Thee, craven-hearted,
I have been Thy recreant knight-
Own me yet, O Lord, albeit
Weeping whilst I ﬁght.”

“Nay,” He said; “yet wilt thou shame Me
Wilt thou shame thy knightly guise?
I would have My angels wonde
At thy gladsome eyes.

“Need’st thou pity, knight of Jesus?-
Pity for thy glorious hest?
On! let God and men and angels
See that thou art blest!

In the middle ages, the knight was the heroic figure men aspired to be in fantasy and deed–a life of bravery and honor. Chivalry demanded a code of ethics–manliness included virtuous conduct and thought, fighting the good fight, speaking words of wisdom, generosity, and kindness. In a world of brutality and wicked tongues, the knight righteously matched violence with violence, cruelty with compassion and intelligence. The defenseless were to be protected, the weak to be venerated, respected and sheltered. A true knight’s every effort was to God and others. In tournaments, the battlefield and life, a knight dedicated his efforts to a chosen damsel. The lady of honor acknowledging his respect by tying a scarf to the knight’s jousting lance or armory. St Francis aspired to be a knight in his younger days, before turning his heroic efforts over to the religious life. His lady of honor became Lady Poverty, captured so lovingly, allegorically, and fantastically in ‘Sacrum commercium Sancti Francisci cum domina Paupertate’ (The Sacred Bond of Saint Francis with Lady Poverty). The idea leads so fittingly into a devotion to Our Holy Mother.

May052015

The Finding –Henry Suso poetry

Now have I seen Thee and found Thee,
For Thou hast found Thy sheep;
I fled, but Thy love would follow–
I strayed, but Thy grace would keep.
Thou hast granted my heart’s desire–
Most blest of the blessed is he
Who findeth no rest and no sweetness
Till he rests, O Lord, in Thee.

O Lord, Thou seest, Thou knowest,
That to none my heart can tell
The joy and the love and the sorrow,
The tale that my heart knows well.
But to Thee, O my God, I can tell it–
To Thee, and to Thee, Lord, alone;
For Thy heart my heart hath a language,
For other hearts it hath none.

In the wide world, speechless and lonely,
For me is no heart but Thine;
Lord, since I must love Thee only,
Oh reveal Thy heart to mine.
“Wouldst thou know My glory, beloved?
Know Me, the great I AM?
First must thine eyes behold Me,
The slain and the stricken Lamb.

“My visage so marred more than any,
My form than the sons of men;
Yet to the heart I have won Me,
I am the fairest then.
Thou knowest the sun by his glory–
Thou knowest the rose by her breath,
Thou knowest the fire by its glowing–
Thou knowest My love by death.

“Wouldst thou know in My great creation
Where the rays of My glory meet?
Where to My awful righteousness
The kiss of My peace is sweet?
Where shine forth the wisdom and wonder
Of God’s everlasting plan?
Behold on the cross of dishonour
A cursed and a dying Man.

Apr302015

Morning introspection

O infinite God, how sweetly have you now poured out your goodness in me! When I did not exist, you gave me being. When I left you, you would not leave me. When I tried to escape you, you so gently took me captive. O eternal Wisdom, my heart would now like to burst into a thousand pieces and, embracing you in its bliss, consume all its days with you in constant love and full praise. This is the desire of my heart. That person is truly blessed whose desire you so lovingly anticipate that you never let him rest until he seeks his rest in you alone.

O exquiste, lovely Wisdom, since I have found it is you whom my soul loves, do not despise your poor creature. Look how numb my heart is to the whole world, in joy and sorrow. Lord, is my heart ever to remain mute to you? Permit, beloved Lord, permit my wretched soul to speak a word with you, for my full laden heart can no longer carry on alone. It has no one in this wide world with whom to share its burden except you, tender, belvoed Lord and Brother. Lord, you alone see and know the nature of a heart filled with love. You know that no one can love something he cannot at all know. Therefore, since I shall now love you alone, let me get to know you better so that I can learn to love you completely.

–Henry Suso ‘Little Book of Eternal Wisdom’.

Words from Suso jumped out at me this morning. Life conditions have confused the idea of love. My vision becoming cloudy. Allowing mysteries to remain stronger than conclusions, I adhere to patience–prayer and adoration my focus. The other night I slept listening to St Teresa of Avila’s ‘Way of Perfection’. A chapter was looping and I kept hearing over and over that God is a jealous God, being so He sought certain souls strictly for His own. At times, it is an idea that torments. I am amazed how much stern attention St Teresa gives in instructing the sisters of St Joseph’s upon the proper tempering of love in the nurturing of their cloistered souls. Again the theme is presented of an extraordinary love centered upon God. I am in the world, and my heart grows weary alone. My life has been difficult. No self-pity, accountability registering, yet a conviction has entrenched itself within, firmly opening my heart to the sacrament of marriage as a final repose of sanctity within my complex life. It is why I posted the header painting of an early Catholic wedding, Holy Spirit hovering and blessing from above. Am I being selfish, obstinate, weak and immature? Absolutely convinced I acted properly in demanding more from my spiritual partner, I am now not sure where to go. Uncomfortable and flustered, I am confident it is right where God wants me to be right now. The empty longing channeled into efficacious prayer, peace and discernment, still seeks worldly attention thus a looking back occurs. I desire a reconciliation with Father David Mary. Attempting to arraign an appropriate visit, I want to worship with the friars once again. Never was I happier in my adult life. Childhood allowed wonder and accumulated moments of sheer joy, yet reaching adulthood the wheels absolutely fell off my vehicle of unrequited delusional over-attempts at life. I want to post words from St Teresa, directed toward the cloistered life, they properly demonstrate the tender mercy we must render to one another when interacting through the bonding of religious conviction. Virtue is beautiful. Godly things are beautiful. Beautiful things naturally call forth love. Spiritually healthy, love is alluring. Love in all its depths brings forth a smile to the wicked mind of Satan, a firm resolution God armed him with a weapon of mass destruction.

The important thing is that these two kinds of mutual love should be untainted by any sort of passion, for such a thing would completely spoil this harmony. If we exercise this love, of which I have spoken, with moderation and discretion, it is wholly meritorious, because what seems to us sensuality is turned into virtue. But the two may be so closely intertwined with one another that it is sometimes impossible to distinguish them, especially where a confessor is concerned. For if persons who are practicing prayer find that their confessor is a holy man and understands the way they behave, they become greatly attached to him. And then forthwith the devil lets loose upon them a whole battery of scruples which produce a terrible disturbance within the soul, this being what he is aiming at. In particular, if the confessor is guiding such persons to greater perfection, they become so depressed that they will go so far as to leave him for another and yet another, only to be tormented by the same temptation every time. –St Teresa ‘Way of Perfection’ instruction of the twelve sisters on proper interaction with a confessor (a male).

An unfinished poem, sometimes I start and lose the fire. I do not believe in creating just to create. If not cleansing or enlightening I must stop. I easily know the difference between effort and effusion.

Before the Eucharist

Sensitive to the touch, an open wound, a core calling forth, proper healing amassing time, redundancy and new wineskins, it was not the first time tears were exposed,
War hounds bellowing, battles waging, seeking no victory, open and steady, bloodbath and ready, rode hard, scarred, worn, and torn, entrenching during a stalled retreat,
Cast not thy pearls before swine, efficacious prayers, obstacles removed, virtue the aim, unification accosted, it is the best I can do, taking what I can within silence and stillness, a thief amidst the dark night, stolen grace makes no sense, that which does not exist does not exist,
Lord exposed before my heart adores, revealed not ugliness, pain, utter intense, hurting immense, no answers, no questions, all hope, no regrets, fundamental, central, that which is given, granted, presented, aching since birth, I never knew how to properly love.

Apr242015

A perception of Henry Suso

Henry Suso is a bundle of contradictions, and a person, moreover, who has gathered legends about him like a snowball rolling downhill. He was a poet, which is not always a key to happiness in this world; a mystic of the highest order; a hard working Dominican; and a man with a positive genius for getting into embarrassing situations… It will require many years of exhaustive research to sort out the diverse elements in his personality, if, indeed, it can ever be accomplished. Poets are not easy to analyze, and Henry, before all else, was a poet…Henry was born in Switzerland, in 1290, the son of a warlike family of counts and crusaders. His father said more than once that he wished Henry had been a girl and some of his spirited daughters had been boys; for Henry was not a type to carry a sword. Henry was a gentle, dreamy lad, who liked to accompany his mother on pilgrimages and read about heroic deeds. He had taken his mother’s name of Suso, perhaps out of sheer inability to live up to the warlike title of the Count von Berg…The best known work of Henry Suso is his Little Book of Eternal Wisdom, which is a classic of spiritual writing. He also composed many other short treatises on the mystical union of the soul with God, all written with the same poetic language and the same intensity of feeling. The man who had carved “the lovely name of Jesus” into the flesh over his heart was just as intense in his spiritual life. –Marie Jean. ‘St. Dominic’s Family’

I have the feeling Henry Suso would relish this not so flattering portrayal of his individuality.

Apr232015

Prayer guidance and inspiration from Suso

Form the suffering of Christ crucified within oneself, His sweet teachings, His gentle conduct, and His pure life, which He led as an example for us to follow, and thus through Him press further within. Afterward, as exterior preoccupations disappear, one should sit in the stillness of one’s spirit in vigorous detachment, as though one is dead to one self, never leading to oneself or being one’s own goal, but having Christ alone and the honor and glory of the heavenly Father as one’s goal. Toward others, both friends and enemies, one should act humbly and friendly.

Now when the spirit, unconscious of itself, really begins to dwell in this transfigured resplendent darkness, it becomes free of all obstacles and all that is its own, as St Bernard says….This losing of self is something divine that somehow becomes all things for him….the spirit withdraws, but not completely. It takes on certain qualities of the Godhead…it does not become God….What happens…happens by grace…something created out of nothing that remains forever…as the soul is taken in, it is freed from doubt as it becomes lost when it is separated from its individuality and is joined to what is divine while being unconscious of itself….the power of resplendent divine being, the spirit is pulled upward beyond its natural capacities into the nakedness of this nothing because it is bare of creatures of any kind….The spirit loses its own knowledge because it loses itself, lacking any awareness of self and forgetting all things. And this happened when the spirit in itself turned away from the created nature of its self and all things toward the naked uncreatedness of nothingness. –Henry Suso

Apr202015

An airplane flight and important words from Henry Suso

I discovered a new passion today. Flying is wonderful. At fifty, I have never flown. I found the experience exhilarating. Wonderful.

I want to preface this quote from Henry Suso’s ‘The Exemplar: The Life of the Servant’ with the comment it is important, words to consider deeply. Take them slow.

…Brother John, showed him in a vision the delightful beauty by which his soul had been transfigured. From him also the servant begged for the answer to a question. This was: Which of all the exercises was the one that caused a person the most hardship and was most useful? He received the answer that nothing was more painful and profitable for a person that for him, with an attitude of detachment, to go out from God with patience toward himself and thus leave God for the sake of God.

Let’s repeat that ending. …leave God for the sake of God.

For the sake of internal cleansing, a feat complex in proper doing, can I forget about God and focus upon myself. Avoiding selfishness and self-absorption, concentrating upon weaknesses, psychological frailties, personal shortcomings, character defects can I abandon self-righteous conduct and thoughts focused upon God and look sternly in the mirror? With the assistance of qualified others can I conduct painful insightful self-examination? Is a personal inventory more important than personal glorification in God?

Humbly and honestly, I feel gifted with a strong prayer life, yet I realize psychological conditions, worldly matters cannot be left behind during prayer. I cannot escape into God in order to ignore myself. It is not proper to pray devotedly while not growing as a man. My former spiritual partner stressed to me Aquinas thought that grace builds upon nature. I am going through an intensely emotional and troubling time with that former spiritual partner. As much as she has done for me, we are absolutely destroying each other right now. It was so difficult to go into prayer today. During the plane ride, I observed the marvel of seeing the skies for the first time from above. The sights filled me with awe and wonder, intensifying my love for God. I love flying. However through the splendor of high flying, while praying the Rosary, Divine Mercy, and holding silence, my head felt like it was going to split from the stress and pressure that overwhelms my life. Lack of sleep troubling horribly today. Necessary actions hurt. My eyes had trouble focusing, my whole sense of being is discombobulated, disjointed, and off kilter. I despise it, however it must be endured, passed through and properly dealt with. Aggressive, I seek solutions. I love on a deep and passionate level, taking the Song of Songs serious. I remember leaving the friary how intensely Father David Mary and myself fought. Like lions fighting over a fresh kill, we tore at each other. I am not saying it is right. It is human and the way we encountered. Neither of us being truly a bad guy. We were two men of God absolutely in collusion–I use that word specifically Collusion defined:a secret agreement, especially for fraudulent or treacherous purposes; conspiracy and Law. a secret understanding between two or more persons to gain something illegally, to defraud another of his or her rights, or to appear as adversaries though in agreement: example collusion of husband and wife to obtain a divorce. There is so much more to it than just circumstances with Father David Mary, myself and the former spiritual partner: Subconscious issues from individual lives. Mine: a life of severe alcoholism, parental issues, and intimate relationship issues. Father David Mary a volatile blue collar New York City upbringing. We must be so careful when interacting with each other in a deeply spiritual manner. I saw it in the friary so piercingly. We are vulnerable in a brutally damaging way when we open ourselves spiritually to one another. I am positive the majority of people trying to guide others do as much damage as good. Unfortunately, the damage usurps the good. True teachers are few and far between. That includes myself!!! Be careful, kind and tender with one another’s souls. This is no game. Can we leave God in order to allow others to move closer to God? I remember homily words from a priest: be careful when you are crowding around the tabernacle that your greatest achievement is not blocking others from the Eucharist.

Can I abandon evangelizing in order to grow interiorly? Can I forsake being a Bible scholar, a recognized knowledgeable man of scripture, in order to allow scripture to penetrate those things that block me from Christ? Can I detach from my religious reputation in order to strengthen humility and understand myself better? Do I cling to the idea of being a spiritual superior over reducing my pride in order to draw closer to God? Do I see myself as a provider of graces for others, rather than an honest sharing equal to my brother and sisters in Christ? Can I disown seeing myself as a spiritual director in order to cleanse my fleshly vessel? Can I quit the idea of giving others advice how to properly follow Christ in order to purify the temple of my body? Can I stay silent when others ramble about spiritual matters? Do I see myself as a teacher amongst others rather than servant of Christ? Do I judge and use God as a weapon to bolster myself? Can I remain hidden, focusing upon my devotion to Mary, relying upon Her assistance in approaching Her Son, rather than being a clanging gong? Do I allow Mary to dispense graces? Do I use religion to elevate my self-esteem? Can I quietly receive communion, absolutely absorbed within the presence entering my body, avoiding self-consciousness, thoughts of God and Holy matters? Can I sit before the Eucharist quiet and still.

…leave God for the sake of God.

Catholic Contemplative Life

A journey of recovery within Christ and His Church

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