The soul therefore, requires at least indifference of judgement and of will. Then, penetrated with the conviction that God is all and the creature nothing, one will desire to see and embrace in all things only the God whom one loves and yearns for and his holy will which alone can conduct one to one’s end. Happy the person, if one has also acquired what may be called indifference of taste, so that the world and its pleasures, the goods and honors of earth, everything, in short, that might estrange one from God, now inspires one with disgust, and on the contrary, whatsoever brings one closer to him, even suffering, delights one. So has it been with the saints who hungered and thirsted after God. Oh, how such indifference facilitates the practice of holy abandonment! — –Abbot Vital Lehodey, O.C.R. ‘The Way That Leads To God’.
I must be able to discern all matters through the love of God. Is a matter drawing me deeper into God, or even on the most subtle level attaching me to worldly pleasure? Regarding suffering, internal and external conditions, am I able to stay focused, remaining, at least indifferent to pain. The levels of practitioner are relevant. “The beginner, influenced by fear, endures with patience the Cross of Christ. The proficient, animated by hope, bears it willingly. He that is perfect in charity embraces it with the ardor of love. The process is intense and difficult, demanding prayer, the sacraments, and counsel of others. The difficulties of life must not sweep me into despair. Hope reigning supreme.
Yet in one way suffering may be easier. In regards to discernment, suffering’s challenges are apparent. More difficult to recognize is pleasure luring one away from God. Addicting, pleasure soothes the senses into comfort, allowing attachment to develop deeply emotionally and habitually. Relationships with others can be complicated. Relationships, dynamic–shifting through time, present a myriad of emotions, aspirations, and experiences A relationship with someone leading deeper into the spiritual life can evolve into a dangerous emotionally confusing imbroglio. Based upon opposing discernment or brokenness on either part, the relationship can grind into conflicting expectations. Avoiding the need for conquest, superiority, or defensiveness (over-sensitivity) can I stay focused upon the will of God, not imposing my will in a manner that leads me or the other away from God. Turning matters over to God, trusting in my Lord, I must be able to forego concentration upon reputation or impression, accepting the role of fool or inferior, in order to love God greater. Loving God does not involve defeating my brothers and sisters. God must always remain my ultimate goal, Personal advancement amongst friends, acquaintances, and coworkers must mean nothing. In religious services and gatherings, I must seek no attention or undo recognition. Accolades are unnecessary. I must not satisfy the need to be recognized as a knowledgeable man of God, a teacher who is not a teacher. Socially, I repose into listening, saying as little as possible, while not becoming conspicuous in silence. I do not fear appearing stupid, or remaining unnoticed. If a topic is broached that I am knowledgeable about, I do not need to demonstrate my acumen. Self-seeking and self-consciousness are usurped by faith, hope, and charity.
An interesting experience I recall that I feel relates to the subject at hand. I remember a social Church gathering, eating dinner at a table filled by strangers and acquaintances. During festivities, a widow was being encouraged to attend older singles dances. The encourager, a lifetime single in her fifties, attractive, carefree and casual, bubbly and bright in a crowd, intent upon making an impression, a frequenter of singles dances, elaborated how it was all for fun. Simple light-hearted dancing and conversation between men and women. The widow insisted she had absolutely no desire to seek a mate. The encourager, never wed–describing herself to close friends as a bride of Christ (a consecrated single the term she fashioned) pushed further, stressing it was all about happy-go-lucky flirty fun. The widow became pensive, thinking deeply, responding, “no that is not the case. I could never bear the idea I might be leading someone on. That I could possibly break someone’s heart. My husband was the only man I ever dated. Since I was a teenage girl, I feared breaking a man’s heart. I could not abide by that.” I marveled at the woman’s response, the maturity, the insight to understand the complexities of human interactions. She would easily forego personal pleasure if seeking that pleasure presented the opportunity of harming another. That was a woman remaining focused upon God.
