Monthly Archives: May 2015

Benediction: Corpus Christi

To go beyond formality and tradition, to see the truth and essence of words, thoughts, conceptions, possibilities and the deepest penetrating realities, I find the words of the the Benediction hymns profound, worthy of continual contemplation.  Terms to consider: saving victim; immortal Godhead, one in three; native land; down in adoration falling; ancient forms departing; newer rites of grace prevailing; feeble senses fail; faith for all defects supplying; the Trinity beautifully unveiled.

O Saving Victim, opening wide
The gate of Heaven to man below:
Our foes press on from every side,
Thine aid supply, Thy strength bestow.
To Thy great Name be endless praise,
Immortal Godhead, One in Three:
Oh, grant us endless length of days
In our true native land with Thee. Amen.

All heavenly and saintly beings hail the Lord present upon the earth.

All heavenly and saintly beings hail the Lord present upon the earth.

Down in adoration falling,
Lo! the sacred Host we hail;
Lo! over ancient forms departing,
Newer rites of grace prevail;
Faith for all defects supplying
Where the feeble senses fail.
To the Everlasting Father,
And the Son Who reigns on high,
With the Spirit Blest proceeding
Forth from Each eternally,
Be salvation, honor, blessing,
Might and endless majesty. Amen.

Thou hast given them Bread from Heaven.
Containing in Itself all delight.

Let us pray (oremus)
O God, Who in this wonderful Sacrament
has left us a memorial of Thy passion,
grant, we implore Thee,
that we may so venerate the sacred mysteries of Thy Body and Blood
as always to be conscious of the fruit of Thy Redemption,
Thou Who livest and reignest forever and ever.

Old Testament prefiguring.   The Mercy Seat, the Monstrance.

Old Testament prefiguring. The Mercy Seat, the Monstrance.


Corpus Christi novena on the feast of the Trinity

To prepare better for Holy Communion, a soul should be disposed on two main points: it should be detached from creatures, and it should have a great desire to advance in divine love.

1. First, a soul should detach itself from all things and drive everything from its heart which is not God. “Whoever has bathed,” says the Lord, “has no need except to have his feet washed” (John 13:10). This signifies, as St Bernard explains, that in order to receive this sacrament with great fruit we should not only be cleansed from mortal sins, but our feet should also be washed, that is freed from earthly affections.

St Gertrude asked our Lord what preparation he required of her for Holy Communion and he replied, “I only ask that you come to me empty of yourself to receive me.”

2. It is most meritorious in Holy Communion to have a great desire to receive Jesus Christ and his holy love. In this sacred banquet only those who are famishing receive their fill. The blessed Virgin Mary had already said this: “He has filled the hungry with good things” (Luke 1:53).

–St Alphonsus Liguori ‘The Holy Eucharist’

Mass downtown at the Cathedral today provided a blessing regarding communion.  Two young girls received their first communion together.  I found it moving to notice that the extensive families supporting and celebrating with the girls seemed unfamiliar with each other, yet the two girls possessed a special bond.  I felt they practiced together.  Called to stand aside the priest as he prepared to serve the congregation, prepared to be the first to receive, one girl called out to the other before advancing upon the sanctuary.  The two joined hands smiling with delight before ascending steps.  The priest spoke in his homily about the sanctity of receiving the body of Christ for the first time, the significance of advancement for a child within the Catholic Church. What a pleasure to witness two beautiful girls so excited to receive their first communion.  A true wonder for the entire familes gathered to witness two loved young ones advancing with, through, and in Christ.


I thank You, Jesus, my Divine Redeemer, for coming upon the earth for our sake, and for instituting the adorable Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist in order to remain with us until the end of the world.
 I thank You for hiding beneath the Eucharistic species Your infinite majesty and beauty, which Your Angels delight to behold, so that I might have courage to approach the throne of Your Mercy. 
I thank You, most loving Jesus, for having made Your- self my food, and for uniting me to Yourself with so much love in this wonderful Sacrament that I may live in You.


Dr. Nitcha and Day 2 Corpus Christi novena synchronizing, a strange awful Caribbean Island sharing

Corpus Christi

Corpus Christi

Our most loving Redeemer, knowing that he must leave this earth and return to His Father as soon as He had accomplished the work of our redemption by his death, and seeing that the hour of his death had now come–“Jesus knew that His hour had come to pass from this world to the Father (John 13:1)–would not leave us alone in this valley of tears, so what did he do?

He instituted the Most Holy Sacrament of the Eucharist in which he left us His whole self.

–St Alphonsus Liguori ‘The Holy Eucharist’

I met with my spiritual director today, an impromptu visit, scheduled in during an idle week of therapy. Processing the return to Fort Wayne, Dr Nitcha left me with the contemplative thought that the best we can hope to do within a parting is to leave the other with a greater capacity to love. We accomplish something divine if we part from another having increased their ability to properly love. If we have crippled or crushed another’s sense of love we have imposed self-will, resorting away from Divine Will. The idea of Christ parting from the world and leaving the Eucharist behind became intensely profound.

After the session, graciously granted twenty minutes of socializing, I opted for adoration at a wonderful east side church St Paschal Baylon, a church Dr Nitcha referred me to. I am blessed with his guidance, saying no more, touched he invited me to his millennial daughter’s artwork display. Proud, humble, while hesitant to praise, he informed me his daughter, as a young adult, is recognizing and presenting herself to the world as a serious artist. I responded, ‘to be an artist is a blessing and a curse’. He quickly added, ‘that is the case with all things’.  I cannot not stress the invigoration he brings to my life, supplying confidence, a reassuring of my spiritual life, and encouragement on the natural level. I was able to share a personal experience that occurred before the Eucharist, a bit hesitant regarding the matter.

Also a strange incident with a new coworker, one haunting me throughout the day.  Jose is a man from Puerto Rico new to our Maintenance department.  He is engaging and intelligent.  I enjoy the minds of others and today I spent the day with him.  I must warn readers to proceed with caution.  Prepare yourselves, yet I feel this is important.  It was strangely and difficultly edifying when it occurred.  I could not avoid it.  Struggling with his English, Jose became excited, wanting me to watch a video from the internet.  He informed me it was taken by a webcam posted above the entrance of a nightclub from his country.  Several men were hanging out in front of the nightclub, when suddenly two cars came to a screeching halt, men jumping out, beating one of the men with clubs.  The other gathered men fled in sheer terror.  The most horrific thing happened as the attacked man’s arm suddenly dangled absurdly.  “Jose what are they doing?”  “They hit him with machetes.”  “I thought they were clubs.”  “No they are machetes.”  Making the sign of the cross, falling into prayer, aghast, I felt I had to watch, suffering intense compassion for the man being hacked to death, empathizing, trying to understand the insanity and shock that had to be gripping his mind, also feeling overwhelming compassion for the men doing the hacking.  If one were not strong with the Lord how could one expect to handle such an extreme travesty?  The brutality of the death would be impossible to handle properly.  What a horrific thing to do to one’s soul and mind to hack another man to death with a machete.  What a sickening hardening of the heart and sense of decency, an absolute blocking of the fruits of the Holy Spirit.  What fear children must possess within their consciousness knowing such savagery is a reality and possibility, something they could endure or have to inflict, something their mind processes while alone in bed at night.  Jose, not being sensational, authentically telling me in a way that he felt I had to understand, told me about coming across his neighbor as a teenager after his neighbor suffered a machete attack by three men.  It was important for him to tell me the story.  He was working when he decided to return home for lunch in order to eat with his mother.  Walking back to work, he heard desperate cries, discovering his neighbor calling out for help.  His hands were severely gashed from trying to ward off the machete blows, and he suffered awful gashes upon his head.  Jose ran for the man’s brothers and they all wrapped him in a blanket and took him for medical help.  The man lived, still walking and talking the day Jose left his country.  It was not until prayers, a Rosary, and a Holy Hour could I be free of the video images and the story Jose told me.  The things people suffer in this life are immensely gruesome, overwhelmingly abominable.  Oh Lord please help us.  This is not an inconsequential game we have gotten ourselves involved in.  Lord please have mercy and assist us in this tremendous endeavor of life.  At times fearful, with courage and confidence, I plow forward in building a life complimenting my contemplative efforts, nurturing my prayer life.

Dr Nitcha had test results from a personality style test he gave me, a long hundred and fifty question test. The conclusion he presented: I am devoted personality type.  Devoted types care, and that’s what makes their lives worth living.  You won’t find anyone more loving, more solicitous of you, more concerned for your needs and feelings or for those of the groups as a whole.  At their best, individuals with this style are the loyal, considerate, ever-so-helpful members of the family or team…their happiness comes from the fulfillment of other’s directives and goals.  Devoted people are the ones who tell you, “I’m happy if you’re happy”–and mean it.

The negative side of the Devoted personality style creates the neurosis of dependent personality disorder.  People suffering from dependent personality disorder, the pathological extreme of the Devoted style, have the misfortune to experience themselves as helpless, weak, empty, and inferior.  By attaching themselves to another person they gain strength and self-esteem to survive.  Yet they live in fear of losing the person that is so necessary to them.  They can’t bear the very thought of being without the other.   

I just report what is given to me whether I like it or not.  Absorbing, moving forward, fearing not mistakes.  Building upon the gifts of the Holy Spirit, prayerful and mindful, may the Eucharist be glorified through a passionate novena allowing greater understanding.  All hail the omnipotence of the Trinity.


Corpus Christi novena

O Lord, You have given us this Sacred Banquet, in which Christ is received, the memory of His Passion is renewed, the mind is filled with grace, and a pledge of future glory is given to us You have given them bread from Heaven. Having all sweetness within.

The Holy Spirit novena progressed into such a powerful effort, another novena erupts in procession.  Corpus Christi novena has been ignited, a celebration leading to the Feast day of Corpus Christi, the body of Christ, the Eucharist, present through, with, and in the Catholic Church, brought into birth through the tabernacle of Mary.


Opening Myself

Neither the gravity of their faults nor their multiple relapses into errors should overwhelm them…..

Nothing is more just than that the evidence of our own misery keeps us humble. That it should make us lose confidence would be a catastrophe more dangerous than so many falls into error.

Weakness is great, I well know, but He will help you. In spite of having goodwill, you will perhaps have falls and relapses into evil, but the Lord is merciful. He only asks that you not let yourself fall asleep in sin, that you fight against bad habits.

Promise Him to confess promptly and never to pass through a night with a mortal sin on your conscience….

“Father,” He exclaims in the anguish of the agony. “forgive them, for they know not what they do.” During the passion, the Master had such a desire to save us that He did not cease for an instant to think of us.

On Calvary, He gives His last gaze to sinners; He pronounces one of His last words in favor of the good thief. He extends His arms wide on the Cross in order to indicate with what love He receives each repentant soul in His most loving heart.

The Book of Confidence’, Father Thomas de Saint-Laurentcover_book_of_confidence (1)

There is an honesty to these thoughts that needs examining. I think of a decision I enforced to break with an online influence who declared his prayers for those still purifying. Effeminate in nature, overly-sensitive and most impassionate about being perceived as an extremely intelligent individual, I tolerated his imperfections as he was quite perceptive and insightful regarding religious matters. Yet the declaration that he prayed for those still purifying forced me to acknowledge he worked through a delusional spiritual mindset that could be dangerous. Those religiously interacting with others based upon a self-perceived superiority may provide moments of extreme knowledge, yet I become more and more fixated upon the Trinity, the Church, and those submissive in authority. Too many religious authorities have let me down. With all due respect to everyone, I place my confidence, in faith, hope, and charity, upon the Trinity (contemplative unification) and a prayerful personal relationship with Mary and the Saints.

The idea of spiritual confidence emerges essential in spiritual growth, my personal path of contemplative pursuit. The Fort Wayne reconciliation proved quite complex, fortunate to be experienced. I will process everything through my spiritual director, open to counsel, pleased it will be with a spiritually humble individual that will call forth confidence in myself. Rather than establishing himself as my superior, he seeks to strengthen and elevate my spiritual life. My spiritual director stresses the importance of empowerment, independence, fearless courage to exert myself, while always accepting the possibility I may be wrong. In fact, I will be wrong often, yet that is ok. It is nothing to fear. I act strongly, while remaining vulnerable. Personal victory and/or glorification is not the reward. In the midst of warfare, I acknowledge limitations, fearful of delusional individuals clinging to self-protection, afraid of being wrong, unable to deal with brutal honesty. For myself, to learn to fight for myself through confidence is a gigantic step on the natural level.

Regarding sin, the battle is evermore. I will stumble, yet even worse is to lose courage, to forego confidence in the mercy of the Lord. He did not sacrifice His life in order for me to crush myself through guilt, or to grow arrogant, proud, and delusional within my Catholicism. He gave His life because he knew my weakness, because he truly loved in perfection. A warrior for Christ is not one who rationalizes victory, or seeks righteousness through the perceptions of others. Rather a warrior for Christ is one willing to acknowledge he is immersed within a battle he can never win based upon his own accord. Lord, I will fight for You, yet You know how wrong I can be. Know that I am trying, yet I keep falling and falling, sometimes barely even able to crawl. I will place confidence in my faith and hope, abandoning fear, unafraid to make attempts to be the man You want me to be.

You know my mortal weaknesses: drunkenness and lust. The drunkenness, You have defeated, myself remaining awestruck by alcohol’s power over me. Not for a second can I forget the depravity it inflicted upon my soul and life. If indulged, alcohol has unreserved mastery over me. I am truly powerless over alcohol. The lust I also admit absolute powerlessness over. I am so confused, entangled within years of waywardness. Celibate for decades, my mind is awful in fantasy, redirecting stress, subconscious dilemmas, and loneliness into poor behavior. You know how it breaks my spirit, crushes me, and humbles me. The humbling I accept, acknowledging it is virtuous in clearly demonstrating I am human. Defeat, I will not accept. I take confidence in Your mercy, knowing your insight into my heart, establishing fortitude and the awareness of the gradualness of proper perfecting. It hurts me deeply to offend You. I know I can never hide from You. You know, I pray for a wife, proper courting, not for lust–physicality completely usurped by healthy Christian contemplative companionship. Proper healing, to soothe away the years of being alone, improper thoughts, unrequited longings, through the sanctifying sacrament of marriage. My former spiritual partner, I was proper in longing, offering celibacy, desiring truly Catholic unity, a husband and wife joined through, with and in the Church. I have been through too much to find pleasure in teenage relationships, broken childish games; confused, complex, aimless immature, self-willed sickness regarding male/female interactions, even if draped in the guise of spiritual companionship, I reject spiritually perverse relationships. Through strength and relentlessness, I stand upon Your mercy. Prayerful, Lord I plead for spiritually and emotionally mature women to interact with. In sincere Christian friendship and fellowship, I desire purposeful women to enter and remain within my life. Do You Lord want me for religious service? I am utterly confused, yet not overwhelmed, willing to repose with confidence in faith, hope, and charity. Let the future come forth.


Supreme Confidence

O voice of Christ, mysterious voice of grace that resoundeth in the silence of our souls, Thou murmurest in the depths of our hearts words of sweetness and of peace. In response to our miseries, Thou repeated the counsel so often given by the Divine Master during His mortal life: “Confidence, Confidence!”….Saint Thomas Aquinas defines confidence: a hope fortified by solid conviction…confidence has its source and root in faith..sacred writers designated these two virtues (faith and hope) by the same word: fides.


Your souls wounded by misfortune, do not murmur over the abandonment in which you find yourselves reduced. God does not ask of you a sensible joy, impossible to your weakness. Just rekindle your faith, have courage, and, according to the expression dear to St Francis de Sales, in the “innermost point of your soul”, try to have joy.

Providence will eventually give you the right sign by which you shall recognize Its hour; It deprived you of all support. Now is the moment to resist the distress of nature. You have reached that hour in the office of the interior of the soul in which you should sing the Magnificat and put incense to burn. “Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I say, rejoice…The Lord is nigh!” Follow this counsel, you will feel the benefit of it.

–‘The Book of Confidence’, Father Thomas de Saint-Laurent


“My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has regarded the low estate of his handmaiden. For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. And his mercy is on those who fear him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm, he has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts, he has put down the mighty from their thrones, and exalted those of low degree; he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent empty away. He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy, as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his posterity for ever.”



Settling into maturity, a quieting

Little Song

Rainbow song in the rain
The magic of dying light
Joy like a sweet refrain
Fading in the night
The Madonna’s face in pain
Life’s bitter delight…

The wind that blasts the bloom
The wreath laid on the tomb
Pleasure all too brief.
Star to darkness hurled:
Veil of beauty and grief
Over the depths of the world.

–Hermann Hesse

A return to Fort Wayne, other things, makes me feel old. This is not bad. It made me think of the collection of Hermann Hesse writing titled ‘Hymn to Old Age’. A time and a season for all things, growing old is God given. Everything from God is good. To accept aging, to find contemplative beauty within is the movement toward wisdom, the enjoyment, savoring, of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Acceptance, living within a Divine enfolding, moving deeper into unity, the Trinity emerges supreme, a goal for the attaining.


As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.
Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The Cosmic Spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave-taking
Or else remain the slaves of permanence.
Even the hour of our death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races.
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.

–Hermann Hesse

Avoiding sensationalism, halting the over-thinking of common daily activities, content with not forcing the interpretation of signs from the Holy Spirit, I was amused by an incident after entering the above concentration upon old age. Walking back from the grocery store a ghetto cruiser stopped in the middle of a turn to address me, calling out, ‘Hey young man’. I chuckled. It was my neighbor with a car load of brothers. ‘What did you think of the Cavs game? Championship all the way I’m thinking’. I smiled deeply, happy to be called a young man, easily, instantly breaking into excited basketball chat. Spiritually, psychologically, maturity ripens into an advanced age, yet the child within, detached, stills takes pleasure in roaring.