Monthly Archives: December 2014

Edification through humiliation

In truth, the humiliations we design for ourselves are always too delicate and too infrequent to cause the destruction of self-love. What we require is that others should put us to shame, should bluntly tell us the truth about ourselves, should expose us, should repeatedly denounce us and make us feel the world of misery and corruption that is seething within us… But if they (humiliations) were more powerful and enduring, they would also be, through the mercy of God, in fuller measure “a compensation for our sins of the past, the means to the pardon of our daily offenses, a remedy for our infirmities, a treasure of merits and virtues, a proof of our loyal devotion to God, the purchase-price of intimate relations with him and the means of our perfection.

Humiliations foster pride when they are rejected with anger or excepted with discontent. This fact explains why ” So many are humbled without becoming humble,” as St Bernard remarks. He alone profits by humiliations who receives them with gratitude… Hence, far from regarding the humiliation as an evil, I ought rather to look upon it as a remedy. I ought to bless God who deigns to cure me. I ought to feel thankful to my brethren for the assistance they give me in conquering self-love. Besides, what I should really consider a proper subject for shame, confusion and humiliation is to feel myself still so full of pride after my many years spent in the service of the King of the humble

–Abbot Vital Lehody

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Abbey of Gethsmane presentation

Abbey of Gethsemane is a Power Point presentation I put together many years ago. It covers my first visit to the monastery, a five day vocational discernment process. To view the photos is difficult. It reminds me of distant years, times of active alcoholism. The pain, struggles, loneliness, alienation are harsh upon the memory. In my heart, there was so much love, energy bursting to see the light, to give witness and testify, to authentically believe I possessed a vocation as a consecrated contemplative, and yet in reality I was a man unable to put my life in order, unable to bring others into my life, unable to allow God to become a loving and living reality. Reviewing the photos, the people I met I remember distinctly, everything about the first visit is precise in recollection, filled with wonder and hope. I remember the painter from Boston Ms. Walsh, conducting pencil drawings during her retreat, commenting to me that I seemed so sad. We would go on walks together, and I just could not verbalize. She was a beautiful woman, pleasant disposition, peaceful manner, honored she chose me for walks. I wanted to talk with her, yet words would not come forth. I wondered why she kept looking for me for walks when I was so dumbfounded and silent. I could not express myself. It reminds me of a scene I just watched in a film. I am making my way through the Teresa of Avila miniseries once again—a favorite viewing on so many levels. In the opening episode Teresa’s uncle gives her Francisco de Osuna’s “The Third Spiritual Alphabet”. The book would transform her spiritual life, introducing the idea of an interior castle. After receiving the book, clutching it to her chest, she tries to explain to her uncle what is bothering her. “I don’t have time to explain. I don’t understand myself….I always think things will be different. More bigger, you know, more…” Lost for words, her uncle provides his own response, “more heroic. Yes my child. The same thing happens to me. It’s hard to believe things are what they are.” I love how the film captures Teresa often looking about her normal environment, marveling, perceiving the miracle of existence, the totality of reality. I remember once as a young adult walking amidst a snowstorm. The falling snow, the accumulated snow, the historic neighborhood, the night, streetlights, and Christmas decorations all synchronized into a beautiful vision of existence, traversing the divide was comprehension, a momentary coalescing… It reminds me of a feeling of wonderful sadness that often fills me. Contemplative in the Mud posted words by an influence who touched on a profound sadness that is filled with joy. That is perfect. I did not mean to get started on the Teresa of Avila miniseries. I love it. An important point to take note of in this spectacular epic is the fact that Teresa, a mystic of renowned accomplishment, lived so actively and passionately in the world. The opening episode has nothing to do with convents, or cloistered religious being isolated from the world. Teresa is a Carmelite totally engaged in the world. I love the caravans Teresa and her cohort travel amongst. Everywhere she goes she travels with a crowd, people of diverse backgrounds, an abundance of things: wagons, luggage, and animals. Venturing through the world with Teresa is a conglomeration of people, animals and things, including song. Someone is always at her side, conversing advising or being advised. Her and her traveling entourage are greeted with welcome, and heightened expectation upon arrivals. Life is a grand extravagance for the drama queen, filled with people, experiences, and spectacle, yet still life is not satisfying her interior calling. Her exterior life is filled in abundance, yet it is not enough. Teresa is always open to life and individuals, while longing for more. Children climbing on her back, playing upon her, as she lies upon the ground reading mystical books. I love her companionship, intimate connection bordering on codependency with Juanita, recalling the companeros Don Quixote and Sancho Panza. Teresa more than loved people. An accomplished mystic, a contagious loving and effective imprint, she could not live without people. She was always witnessing others, or being witnessed herself. Back to the Gethsemane PowerPoint presentation. I dug it up after viewing the Cistercian encyclopedia detailing the profile of Dom Vital Lehody. I became nostalgic for my experiences with Trappist communities. I did not anticipate the melancholy sweeping over me as I recalled those distant years. Words of Father Lehody come to mind. “Furthermore, regrettable as our faults may be in themselves, they become still worse in their consequences, when they give rise to uneasiness, discouragement or perhaps even despair. On the contrary, peace in repentance is a thing very desirable”. Excessive guilt is a trap. God is a forgiving God. To trust in God is to understand his mercy is absolute. On the path of perfection, there is no need for wallowing in misery. Amongst a conviction to expanding faith, hope, and charity, is the belief that hope surpasses personal experience. My hope in God is greater than my past.

Abbey of Gethsemani

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Dom Vital Lehody

Dom Vital Lehody

Vital Lehodey
Baptismal name: Alcime-Jude
Born: Dec. 17, 1857 in Hambye (France)
Higher education: Grand séminaire in Coutances
Ordained priest: Dec. 18, 1880 in Coutances
Begin of monastic life: July 28, 1890 in Bricquebec. August 15, 1890 novice. August 20, 1892 monastic profession. responsibilities. Nov. 1, 1893 superior ad nutum of Bricquebec. July 8, 1895 elected abbot of Bricquebec. August 1, 1895 abbatial benediction. 1929 demission as abbot of Bricquebec
Died: May 6, 1948 in Bricquebec. Buried. –Cistopedia

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My Cross

Thy will be done. God determines my cross, my appropriate suffering. Self-imposed misery, self-induced suffering is not redemptive. Despair, hopelessness, are perversions, diverse from God’s order. Self-seeking and rationalization inflict personal elevation, spiritually devastating, blinding understanding. To ask God to forgive those who I perceive to have sinned against me, yet in truth have done me no harm, is an affront to God. To play the victim over and over is to be a spiritual coward. To be a martyr when God does not call for one is poor discernment. My faith is not a means of self-justification. My trust in God simplifies, inducing kindness, a disposition others are able to trust. If complexity, strangeness, and a vacillating nature are the results of my spiritual efforts, self-will rules. If people find me vague, incomprehensible, moody, difficult to deal with my spiritual life is out of balance. Do not create suffering. Allow God to provide proper suffering. He will oblige.

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Sorrowful Mysteries

 Suffering: the temporal finality of Divine Birth

sorrowful-mysteries

I have been liberally utilizing images from the web.  I am a bit concerned regarding ethics.  There is absolutely no intent of profiting.  I would like to acknowledge the blog this collected work of images embracing the Sorrowful Mysteries was borrowed from.  Verbum Blog  (Verbum=word)  The final mystery: Crucifixion, Seen from the Cross, by Jacques Tissot, 1890.

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Doing nothing, enduring suffering, and on into love

The way in which they are to conduct themselves in this night of sense is to devote themselves not at all to reasoning and meditation, since this is not the time for it, but to allow the soul to remain in peace and quietness, although it may seem clear to them that they are doing nothing and are wasting their time, and although it may appear to them that it is because of their weakness that they have no desire in that state to think of anything. The truth is that they will be doing quite sufficient if they have patience and persevere in prayer without making any effort. What they must do is merely to leave the soul free and disencumbered and at rest from all knowledge and thought, troubling not themselves, in that state, about what they shall think or meditate upon, but contenting themselves with merely a peaceful and loving attentiveness toward God, and in being without anxiety, without the ability and without desired to have experience of Him or to perceive Him. For all these yearnings disquiet and distract the soul from the peaceful quiet and sweet ease of contemplation which is here granted to it. –St John of the Cross “Dark Night of the Soul”

St John of the Cross stresses doing nothing during times of spiritual strife, in times of darkening the senses, abandoning attachment to one’s life amidst the world. Settling into a peaceful, even if it is a struggle to achieve, state of mind, is the appropriate action for the contemplative. Preparing the vessel for filling—all that can be done, nothing is to be done, in faith, hope, and charity awaiting Divine Will. When reason and discursive meditation are void of meaning, doing nothing is the proper path. No other action suffices. Honest, open, and willing, I place myself in the presence of God.

Being still.
Cleverness ceasing.
Brokenness dominating.
Healing ensuing.
I wait upon God.

The past has proven that when worldly conditions overwhelm, I lose my ability to persevere in prayer. The dryness I can take. It is the tumult of life that knocks me off my path. I do not cope well with worldly matters. A faithful friend, the lawyer whose Christmas party I attended, called me a ‘practical atheist’. I had a deep love for God, the ability to consume myself with God, yet I never believed God was active in my life. I was convinced my life was doomed. Suffering, even if it was self-imposed, was my spiritual path. Loving God was no problem. Carrying my cross was the burden too difficult to endure.  The world is my battleground; the contemplative life my love.  It must not be an escape or insane, rather everything focused upon its furthering.  Leading a normal quiet life, I repose hidden in contemplation.

During these times of adversity in life, I find myself trending toward doing nothing, simply seeking the presence of God through stillness—a Rosary recited and in hand. Once complete, I like to wrap the beads around my left Hand, caressing the cross with my right, sitting in the aftermath of worshiping Our Holy Mother. A physicality existing between my Rosary and my senses. Opening myself to love, silently pleading for understanding and strength, confessing weakness and ignorance. The saints have endured much greater difficulties forced upon them by worldly conditions and persevered. St Maximillian Kolbe and Edith Stein prime examples.

I recall reading a biography of Joan of Arc. During her trial, her prosecutors despised her. The intelligent, highly educated, worldly men in favor of England took the matter of convicting Joan of heresy personal, determined to have her executed and denounced. They made it their mission in life to crush everything Joan was. During the early stages of her public trial, Joan maintained her strength, her conviction of being aligned with Divine Will shining through. Her answers were penetratingly clever, displaying fortitude and confidence—a woman aligned, fearing, and loving God, while respecting and under obedience to the Church. The prosecutors advanced their diabolical methods to interrogating Joan in her cell. They denied her words from being heard by others. None would witness her ways. Starved, sleep deprived, confined to a tiny inhospitable space, chained while harassingly interrogated by her hateful accusers, she began to break.

“…confused and exhausted; although she remained adamant on the essential points of her life, her work, and her visions, she was no longer the calm and confident girl of the open court. Her replies were now frequently vague, often contradictory, sometimes extravagant…Malnourishment, lack of sleep, constant anxiety and physical confinement were taking a dreadful tool on her stamina”.

I garner great inspiration from Joan at this time of lacking. Awaiting burning at the stake, I am positive it is when she pushed herself into sainthood. The woman of God endured horrible suffering, losing her capabilities and clever retorts, unable to defend herself, completely overwhelmed by her attackers. She never lost hope. Her dignity and love of God remained unscathed, focused acutely.

It is accepted knowledge that the most painful of deaths is to burn to death. In France, executioners were known to secretly cut the throat of one to be burned. Such was not the case for Joan. Kindness was extended by an executioner who fashioned a cross out sticks from the pyre. Joan clung to the cross as she was exhumed, ascending directly to heaven for dying a martyr’s death.

Joan of Arc

Our Lord during his crucifixion pleading the beginning of Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” There are many interpretations and thoughts regarding this monumental moment in the salvation of mankind. I will present one offered to me by the priest founding and leading the Franciscan friary I was involved with.  He stressed that at the time the Psalms were not numbered. There was no famous Psalm 23. The Psalms of David were introduced by their first line. What the Lord was doing while dying on the cross in sacrifice for the sins of all men and women was pointing to a particular Psalm. It is the ending of the Psalm that is essential, not the beginning. Let’s examine the words. They are words of victory, not abandonment.

All the ends of the earth shall remember
and turn to the LORD;
and all the families of the nations
shall worship before him.
For dominion belongs to the LORD,
and he rules over the nations.

The Lord did nothing at the time salvation for mankind was earned. He endured death on a cross.  He accepted His suffering, ultimate victory the consequence. The quote yesterday from Abbot Vital Lehodey touched on perfect love. Advancing the reading, he moves into the true test of that love as the acquiescing to suffering. Through suffering, submitting, conceding to the will of God, perfect love, the union of wills, grace abounds. The lovers become one, producing graces beyond their shared love.

Crucifixion

Crucifixion

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