Sometimes I feel the tears of my father, times gone by, past, present and future, needing, never satisfied, searching throughout, within,
Earthly, for real, really a longing for love all the way through, a miss, a lack of connection, self-will directed affection stock piling, remission, the accountability of sin,
Indirect desiring, a broken child upon death, lusting, a missing mother, replaced by her own mother, a tender farming grandmother, a lifelong dream of a husband, grandfather, building upon the burden of familial love, self-wills imposed, courts intervene–lawyers, guns, and money,
My father strove to love beyond the call of duty, to smother with care, to right all the wrongs inflicted, justice the highest being redeemed, a violent hard drinking father part of the reception, busted beatings charity, improper retaliation, fairness to the extreme, forgiving,
Frailties exist, brokenness unhealed, a lack of resentments not enough, subconscious and over attempts, a leaking vessel, frustrations, anger and a marriage miscued, a cold hard foreign wife, craving forgiveness, rejection once again upon Godly terms,
God’s love unknown, sins of the father return, violence rearing, chaos ensues, broken back fist pounding upon a daughter, rejection resurfaces, the whip of the beast stings hard, smacking her face, tears splashed, a bully disgracing the grace of an innocent child is one who once had his innocence defiled, the child of a truck driving alcoholic acts out,
Generation upon generation, my father was once a child, his father was once a child, his father was once a child, begat and begat and begat, all the way back to the long forgotten yet talked about garden of graves, Adam and Eve, innocence at birth known not, the eternal chore of being a parent, knowing God upon God’s terms, cloud of unknowing,
A flowering upon a tree, a new life, my father sang songs, loving the tune of cats in the cradle, teaching the best he knew how, not asking too much, while never giving less than he could, sober and human, tenacious in absolute imperfection. fortitude,
In death, I love you Dad, how could I not?