The last couple days the Gospel readings have centered upon prayer. Jesus edifying his disciples on proper prayer. Conducting the Our Lady Undoer of Knots novena, and the previous post regarding proper fellowship—the care and concern not to drain one another during the seeking of sanctifying grace, I was moved during the reading of the day four meditation. Absorb these words petitioning Our Holy Mother to unravel us from within: You know how it robs me of peace in my heart, but also my resources, paralyzing my entire being, impeding me from walking toward You and Jesus, in order to love You, to love myself, and to serve You with joy. Mother of mercy: undo this knot that I may be healed in both body and soul. During the prayers, contemplation focused upon the obedience of Mary. Hopefully not too pretentious, here is a touching upon of the awareness gracing before the Eucharist. Our Holy Mother’s continual acquiescing to Divine Will was more than servitude. Love dominated the Mother of Christ’s obedience. Obedience without love is enslavement; a master/slave relationship. Our Holy Mother knew a lover and beloved divine relationship, a spousal knowing of God. In love, constantly aware of the presence of God, she moved through life never casually, nor seeking shallow attention. I am positive Our Lady in life did not stand around insouciantly discussing theological or dogmatic concepts with others. Defining, articulating, expressing, being affirmed as correct, and explaining were not her ways. She was not a spiritual director, while interacting as a refined Christian exemplar. She is the ultimate model for the contemplative life. Her strict and serious hidden obedience erupted from an overflowing of love. A heart of love pouring forth, joy ruled her life of obedience, even her sorrows contained an underflow of joy. Love ruled interiorly. Within her womb the creation of an ultimate love formed. Within her womb, the essence of salvation sprang forth. How could not such an intense love being birthed from your body nourish and shape you? Her prayer life would be impressed by the experience, sanctioning charity, ensuring that not only did she obey God, yet she conducted every effort through sheer love. Her sorrow from the crucifixion of her son arose from a profound love, a love so penetrating it would pierce her heart eternally. It would fertilize her strength, assisting her in becoming the Queen of Heaven able to smash the head of the serpent. She loved Christ as only a mother could. A mother’s love broke her heart, yet it also established her as the Queen of Heaven. Through, with, and in everything love galvanizes the being of Our Holy Mother, defining her obedience in splendor. She loves as only the Mightiest of Mothers can.
My prayer life must be emboldened with love or it is of no consequence. I think of Ann. Many of the arguments we have are profound, worthy of inspection. I am not obsessing, rather exploring pertinent issues. Ann possesses great potential. She feels I am overly proud of my prayer life, and I have made claims of pride in my prayer life, yet the pride is based upon humility, a knowing that I am able to follow the instructions set forth by Our Lord and the saints, St. Jane Francis de Chantal instructing in yesterday’s post. Humility, the blocking of everything surrounding from attention is essential to my prayer life. Psychological and interior obstacles are a deeper matter, thus the turning to Our Lady Undoer of Knots. I think of the friary and a brother who I considered our prayer master, one able to lose himself in prayer, one able to enter his inner room, closing the door to others even amidst a crowd. One does not have to become physically isolated in order to go deeply and solitary into prayer. Strangers must have found the brother absurd. At times, he appeared ridiculous. Pulling his Capuchin hood over his head, disappearing amongst others. I have seen him kneel, clutching his heart, eyes closed, holding still for lengthy periods amidst a crowd, usually before the Blessed Sacrament. A casual observer would have to find his performance unadulterated attention seeking, yet I knew the brother. Being overly concerned about being perceived as hidden did not rule his hiddenness. He hid, while looking like a fool. What is the axiom about something hiding right in front of us? He also did such things in the privacy of the chapel, and I am sure he conducted even further extravagances alone. A greater concentration upon the Lord motivated his methods. He was not playing games, sincerity inundated everything he did. I can attest to the depth of his spiritual maturity from a personal experience. During a group visit to a nursing home, the two of us went off together visiting rooms. We entered the room of a bedridden morbidly obese African-American woman. She was only in her forties, yet her physical condition landed her in the nursing home. The woman possessed a sweet disposition. Open, reflective, sharing, a heart bursting for attention, she greeted us with sheer joy. Brother Pio slipped into the mystical right in front of me. I could only watch in amazement. He spoke to the woman of heavenly things, divine love, mercy, salvation, pulling prayer cards from his pockets, a Rosary, a crucifix, kissing hands, touching. I cannot even explain what I saw, a light enshrouding his head, words whispered screaming in volume. The culmination came when I finally took my eyes from him, moving my attention to the woman in the bed. Smiling, tears flooding, she radiated the most loving reception of Brother Pio, peace overwhelming the woman. Leaving the room, staring at Brother Pio, I asked him, ‘what was that?’ He just laughed and winked at me, saying ‘let it be our secret’. That was years ago, so now the secret is out. My point is Ann. It is not bragging to know you are properly conducting prayer efforts and expressing it. The ruling element is the heart, and there is no denying the factor in regards to performance. It is not bragging. Telling a cherished friend is not bragging, rather it is informing. Regardless, the criticism registers and only makes one grow stronger in prayer. That is the beauty of one advancing toward God. Nothing can stop them. In truth, the opposite is truth. As St Teresa of Avila teaches, those advancing toward perfection grow the strongest through adversity. Prayer is our building block, and the Gospel readings provide Jesus’ instruction. This is the means to establish the necessary presence and ability to adhere to Divine Will, the mastering of ways that will allow the conversion of millennials, or at least a son.
Padre Pio
