Several things came together within recent time to further define self-knowledge. The Sunday with my family, a blessed event with the flavoring of children, set a tone of loving distance. Without explanation, with a bit of disappointment, with a dedication to prayer and the contemplative life, I am firmly becoming convinced my destiny does not exist in the intimate care-taking of my mother. No obstinate determination, yet a recognition of who my mother is as an individual. I love my family, however the love centers upon God only through necessary distance. I cannot spread myself to thin. I know who I am. I watched a discernment video for a Benedictine community in North Dakota espousing upon the necessity of knowing one’s self in order to flourish within a religious community. A monk must accept himself, grasping his imperfections, his lacking, at peace with his limitations. An unrealistic self-identity, a life of delusion and rationalization, an overly-serious distorted spiritual aspiration, places unsatisfied demands and expectations upon one’s self and the world. The acceptance of that which is not truth will never be fulfilled. One living under such a grave misconception wages internal warfare upon the world, constantly enduring conflict, criticizing and judging others, seeking attention or hiding in isolation, wasting energy in a state devoid of peace. The monk speaking simplified matters down to humility. It is a message I have been concentrating upon. I also played basketball yesterday for the first time in several weeks. I was badgered in an email to attend. I am grateful I did. It was a blast. However, once again a distance. My competitive spirit is just not there. I must force myself to defend vigorously, to seek victory. While appreciating the fellowship and exercise, I find no pleasure in competition. I enjoy my solitary running, disappointed I was forced to cancel the 5K due to a work schedule conflict. Overall, I comprehend the men I play basketball with are important to me, and I am important to them. I reassert a commitment to play every Tuesday. My desired social activity is focused upon volunteer efforts. I have not received the necessary Hospice of Case Western paperwork to apply for proper volunteer patient care status. Patience. God knows my thoughts. I trust in Him. Returning to Cleveland, I felt a severe apprehension for not visiting Janette while in Toledo. I felt an overwhelming urge to call her. I have never called her before, simply stopping by at the nursing home when a visit is convenient. She was excited to hear from me, informing me of her hectic birthday weekend. I apologized for not visiting while in Toledo. She just laughed, excited to tell me about her big weekend. She hosted over twenty people. Distant cousins and people from her husband’s family all stopped by to wish her a happy 96th birthday. I thought she was already ninety-six, however I asked no questions, elated to discover her in such a good mood. She is such an authentic woman of God. She told me about the wonderful ice cream cake her cousins Edith ad Rita gifted her and how much all her visitors enjoyed the frozen cake. The telephone conversation reinvigorated my desire to be of service to those facing the reality of an eminent death. Overall, my intent beginning this post, was my stressing of a worldly detachment, a peace within a state of grace, a solace only within those things centered upon God, the expanding of faith, hope, and charity. No more words.