No identity, stripped bare to the wound, a hollow center gravitating eternal,
Witnessing you drift into the manipulations of your own mind,
Exercising free will, unabashedly thrashing about, forcefully wrenching, imposing, pretending,
It’s all obvious when the Eucharist stands still, it hurts, you are there within the pain, attending I feel you behind me, I cannot look,
Gracelessly announcing the working of God, mouthing words removed from obvious perception, saying things you desperately hope to be true, I am listening,
Truth for the making, reality released upon broken taking, recklessly brave you impatiently stomp upon creation, beautiful in courageous falling,
Kneeling, clutching my Rosary, beads wrapped and counting, I see you through the early morning tears of a new day,
My love so intense it consumes, devouring and aching,
Numb and dumb, I stare forward, unable to move,
I am patiently advancing,
I cannot tear my eyes away, awkward while graceful, I should have took it as a warning, as a warning,
Waiting, a stranger in a strange land, a foreigner seeking asylum beyond the great divide, intent stumbling upon salvation, I know you, I do,
Internal combustion imploding away the remnants of misapprehension polluting the breathe of a life desperately lived, anxiety and tension pulling taut the extreme, a lifeline never appears,
I cling to faith, hope, and charity within the darkness of loving you,
Relief, now stands a nobody amidst the sacrifice of a holy mass, another comes day upon day, brick upon brick, notch by notch, moments passing, the reading of scripture, a priest from Tanzania speaking within a Homily of commitment, communion follows the singing of Hosannas, Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, be real, within reality be real, I needed you and you disappeared, superseding transgressions, following folly, misperceptions, misdeeds, misalignments, misty eyed weeping: Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, simple being, doing nothing,
Tired of trying conceptual contriving, futile attempts at spiritual conniving, debris smattered upon dirty unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed consciousness, the accumulation of years, spiraling it’s all added up within love and grief,
Enchained destiny whispers, providence sublime,
Poor Clares cloistered away from the madness of those who know everything concluding the existence of being someone immersed amongst many dividing, unique individuals multiplying, subdividing the wreckage of universal masked discontent,
Falling faces thinking thoughts into little tiny pieces make everything up for the fashioning of intricacies within a web of delusional deceit, and you are there with them dancing and happy, sporting the mask of being normal,
Doing the best one can while existing upon the energy of hungry denizens feeding the fuel of snowflakes falling within flames, a fiery finish to a burnt out extinguishing, you use to be here amongst the desperate called out and praying,
What was that about?
One can only ask questions when the demand for answers insist upon silence, the chattering of chins attached to tongues wagging, sound irritating, annoying the senses into directing the mind into fantastical realms of invented creation,
This I can do so be it be done, the sake of possibility enough for the fun, I can be my own master, a source and a leader, the destruction of ripples transferring upon ripples spreading upon authentic creation subject to levels of distinction,
It means more to lead than to honestly be healed, easier to guide than to properly be guided, softer to assume the mantle of master, in control you declare disaster,
Going out in waves, noisy and strong, burbling babble, unwavering in confused confirmations, the justifying of a lack of opprobrious designs to deceive, all within potentialities unconcieved, an abortion, an abomination upon many abominations, a broken life lived into old age, staring above dumbfound at high places, altars crumbling from a lack of foresight,
How did I get here watching you so closely?
No looking back to advance, no brilliant insight proves elusive to the peace of prayer commenced at the foot of the Savior,
Unafraid to declare the love of the heart, unafraid to throw it all away, unafraid of a broken heart, unafraid to breathe while bleeding from needing,
Content and contrite, I am learning to be without being busy.