Monthly Archives: August 2015

Aug142015

Maturing self-knowledge

“Jesus, help me to simplify my life by learning what You want me to be – and becoming that person.” 

“Our Lord needs from us neither great deeds nor profound thoughts. Neither intelligence nor talents. He cherishes simplicity.”  –Little Flower

Lectio Divinia, advancing simple thoughts to the profound, the understanding of my perceived needs in contrast to Divine Will.  The things I think I need, self-esteem and the bolstering of interior lacking, oppose the acceptance and love God graciously extends.  God loves me exactly the way I am.  My imperfections, wanderings, and weaknesses only call forth distancing complications.  Oh Mary Undoer of Knots unravel the twisted complexities entangling my life.  Even in my most authentic approach to God there is a bothersome separation.  Even in the genuine acceptance of myself there is pain and wounds.  Even amidst the strengthening of an independent confident individuality there is a recoiling, diverting back into wrath and fear.  Even in my sincerest and humblest prayer there is such an awareness of estrangement.  Even in the acute perception of Your presence before the Eucharist there is confusion. Help me to comprehend I am not a mistake. Strengthen me Lord to continue the stripping down of myself, the embracing of the simplicity the Little Flower expounds upon.  It is not such a simple matter to attain such divine simplicity.

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Aug132015

Inquisition

The question was quite difficult, complex, onerous,
Problematic, painful, presented not in jest, no humor,
No tears, yet trending toward despair, the oppression of fear,
Challenging, broad in scope, laborious and demanding,
Sounded in a scream, fist clenched and pounding, piercing with intent.

The answer was quite simple, unexpected, disarming,
Presenting an apology, admitting possible error, smiling,
Disqualifying certainty, suspending the senses, elevating hope,
A finger pointing upwards, eyes cast down, focusing and loving,
Breathing into sound, heart open and erupting, foreknowing while forgetting.

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Aug132015

Detachment, fine tuning focus

It is certainly permitted and even expedient for beginners to find sweetness and pleasure in images, oratories, and other visible objects of devotion, since they have not yet weaned their desire from things of the world, so that they can leave one pleasure for the other. They are like a child holding something in one of its hands; to make it loosen its hold on it we give it something else to hold in the other hand in case it should cry because both hands are empty.

But the spiritual person who would make progress must rid himself of all the pleasures and desires in which the will can rejoice. Pure spirituality is bound little to any of those objects, but only to interior recollection and mental conversation with God. Although he makes use of images and oratories, he does so only fleetingly; his spirit at once comes to rest in God and he forgets all things of the senses. –St John of the Cross ‘Ascent of Mount Carmel’ presented by Henry L. Carrigan Jr.

St John of the Cross Adoring

St John of the Cross Adoring

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Aug122015

Self-reflection

Several things came together within recent time to further define self-knowledge. The Sunday with my family, a blessed event with the flavoring of children, set a tone of loving distance. Without explanation, with a bit of disappointment, with a dedication to prayer and the contemplative life, I am firmly becoming convinced my destiny does not exist in the intimate care-taking of my mother. No obstinate determination, yet a recognition of who my mother is as an individual. I love my family, however the love centers upon God only through necessary distance. I cannot spread myself to thin. I know who I am. I watched a discernment video for a Benedictine community in North Dakota espousing upon the necessity of knowing one’s self in order to flourish within a religious community. A monk must accept himself, grasping his imperfections, his lacking, at peace with his limitations. An unrealistic self-identity, a life of delusion and rationalization, an overly-serious distorted spiritual aspiration, places unsatisfied demands and expectations upon one’s self and the world. The acceptance of that which is not truth will never be fulfilled. One living under such a grave misconception wages internal warfare upon the world, constantly enduring conflict, criticizing and judging others, seeking attention or hiding in isolation, wasting energy in a state devoid of peace. The monk speaking simplified matters down to humility. It is a message I have been concentrating upon. I also played basketball yesterday for the first time in several weeks. I was badgered in an email to attend. I am grateful I did. It was a blast. However, once again a distance. My competitive spirit is just not there. I must force myself to defend vigorously, to seek victory. While appreciating the fellowship and exercise, I find no pleasure in competition. I enjoy my solitary running, disappointed I was forced to cancel the 5K due to a work schedule conflict. Overall, I comprehend the men I play basketball with are important to me, and I am important to them. I reassert a commitment to play every Tuesday. My desired social activity is focused upon volunteer efforts. I have not received the necessary Hospice of Case Western paperwork to apply for proper volunteer patient care status. Patience. God knows my thoughts. I trust in Him. Returning to Cleveland, I felt a severe apprehension for not visiting Janette while in Toledo. I felt an overwhelming urge to call her. I have never called her before, simply stopping by at the nursing home when a visit is convenient. She was excited to hear from me, informing me of her hectic birthday weekend. I apologized for not visiting while in Toledo. She just laughed, excited to tell me about her big weekend. She hosted over twenty people. Distant cousins and people from her husband’s family all stopped by to wish her a happy 96th birthday. I thought she was already ninety-six, however I asked no questions, elated to discover her in such a good mood. She is such an authentic woman of God. She told me about the wonderful ice cream cake her cousins Edith ad Rita gifted her and how much all her visitors enjoyed the frozen cake. The telephone conversation reinvigorated my desire to be of service to those facing the reality of an eminent death. Overall, my intent beginning this post, was my stressing of a worldly detachment, a peace within a state of grace, a solace only within those things centered upon God, the expanding of faith, hope, and charity. No more words.

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Aug122015

Spiritual Combat

…you must not attempt to acquire patience by immediately seeking crosses in which to delight; rather seek first the lowest degrees of this great virtue.  Similarly, do not aim at all sorts of virtue—not even many—simultaneously, but cultivate one firmly, then another, if you wish such habits to take deep root in your soul with greater facility.  For in the acquisition of a particular virtue, and in the focusing of thought upon its cultivation, the memory will be exercised more in this one line of endeavor; your understanding, enlightened by divine assistance, will find new means and stronger motives for attaining it, and the will itself will be invigorated with fresh ardor in the pursuit.  Such concentrated power of action is not possible when the three faculties are divided, as it were, by different objects. –Dom Lorenzo Scupoli ‘The Spiritual Combat’

St Dominic painting El Greco

St Dominic painting El Greco

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Aug112015

Images, memory, and a perceived insufficiency

Imagine that you are in an apartment–I fancy it is termed camarin (or private museum)–belonging to a king or a great nobleman, in which are placed numberless kinds of articles of glass, porcelain, and other things, so arranged that most of them are at once seen on entering the room.

While on a visit to the house of the Duchess of Alva (where at her request I was bidden by obedience to stay during a journey) 9 I was taken into such a room. I stood amazed on entering it and wondered what could be the use of such a jumble of knick-knacks; then I thought that the sight of so many different things should lead one to praise God. It is fortunate I saw them, for they offer me a suitable comparison in this case. Although I was in the room some time, there were so many objects in it that I forgot what I had seen and could no more remember each object, nor of what it was made, than if I had never seen it, though I recalled the sight of the whole collection.

Something of this sort occurs when the spirit is very closely united to God. It is introduced into this mansion of the empyrean heaven which must be in the centre of our souls for since God resides in them, He must own one of the mansions. While the soul is in ecstasy, our Lord does not appear to wish it to apprehend these mysteries and its inebriation of joy in Him suffices it. But sometimes He is pleased to withdraw it from this rapture when it at once perceives what the mansion contains. On returning to itself, the mind can recall what has been seen but is unable to describe it, nor can it, by its natural abilities, attain to see more of the supernatural than God has chosen to show it.  –St Teresa of Avila ‘Interior Castles’, sixth mansion, chapter 4.

I admire the passive, the silent observer, methodology the wise doctor of the Church expounds upon.  Allowing God sovereign majesty, free will acquiesces.  It is not my comprehending that is essential, rather the open and willing experiencing of that which God provides.  The attempt to grasp destroys, a slippery eel I believe St John of the Cross compares it to.  Joy, or infused graces are received, not earned or learned.  The revealing respects the mastery of the Holy Spirit.  That which I do not deserve can only be given as a gift when I humbly sit silent and still–the Eucharist adored.

On a natural level, I relate matters to acceptance, a willingness to allow details to become blurred within a greater reality.  Impressionistic, the beauty of a painting, transient in effect–matter transforming, usurps a dedication to detail.  That which is seen by the eye is not painted.  Impressions, subtle hints, and an overall softening of boundaries, objects fading into one another, replaces the stark reality of human understanding.  Black and white is replaced with otherworldly vibrant coloring.  And yet within truth, contradictions point toward progress, black and white photographs can also provide a glimpse of something greater–an interpretation of reality guiding beyond.  Images, that which is taken in by the eye, can also lead us away from the stagnating effect of images and memory, assisting in the creation of a divine reality of mystery and wonder.

Claude Monet

Claude Monet

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Aug112015

Hymn to St Clare

O Light from Light, all splendor’s Source,
Whose clear beams shine with heaven’s joy,
We give You thanks for Mother Clare
And ev’ry form of praise employ.

Enticed by Francis’ preaching sweet,
Christ Crucified became her Spouse;
She gathered sisters to her side
Where Poverty would grace the house.

She left behind all earthly gain
That riches true might be her all;
In poverty, obedience,
And chastity she heard Christ’s call.

As mother to her flock, she lived
And modeled Christ to ev’ryone;
In loving service spent herself
In toil from dawn to setting sun.

As she has shown us, Lord,
Your way, So give us grace like her to be,
That we may turn from self to You
And in your Way be truly free.

Most high, omnipotent, good God,
O Father, Son and Spirit blest,
With Mother Clare and all your saints Bring us,
Your Church, to endless rest.

cropped-cropped-st-clare-of-assisi-susan-clark.jpg

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