I am blessed with a full seven days in North Dakota. The extended visit allows deeper insight into the community as an individual community. I was thinking about the friary, comparing for the sake of understanding, honest, penetrating within for the sake of revealing the still small voice of God.

And he said, “Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. And when Eli’jah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Eli’jah?” –1 Kings chapter 19

The schedule and routine of the Abbey I recognize as mature, avoiding the extreme of harsh discipline for the sake of trying to be something. In attempting to force matters, imposing free will, vanity naturally rears its head. In the friary, we went to bed after evening prayers, around ten o’clock, this being after flagellation, collapsing into sleep upon the floors of our cells—no beds. We were roused at midnight for compline. Stumbling to prayers, we concluded with a return to collapsing upon our floors for under four hours of sleep, before being roused once again for morning prayers and the first Holy Hour of the day. The lack and disruption of sleep was discombobulating. Here in North Dakota, evening prayers end the day, a monk able to retire around nine, sleeping in his bed until five in the morning. Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. In regards to maturity and permanency, I find value in the structure. I am confident God blesses my prayer life. There is my strength through God. Reserving my strength and energy for prayer usurps the need for community asceticism. Inward rather than outward dominating.

It is the maturity of North Dakota overall that appeals to a call, allows the still small voice of God to be heard. Yesterday, Sunday, was a day of hiking. In the early afternoon six of us, three older monks, and two younger, went for a hike to the lake residing to the north. It was a splendid time of good cheer and fellowship–simple and accented by the beauty of North Dakota. Defining the excursion by what it was not, I reflect upon such an encounter with the friars. There was always an over discussion of spiritual matters, voices searching for validity pushing agendas upon one another. Cliques would form, feelings and pride hurt thus the need for alliances and coalitions. Childish really, not a fault more than a lack of growth, it is understandable when one considers not only the age of the friars, yet also the fact the order itself was not even five years old. Everyone, including the community, was focused upon establishing identity.

I see my own fault in friary days in that my focus concentrated upon the community. I was too consumed with everyone surrounding. As a community, conflict was continual. It is a slippery slope. I value St Teresa of Avila’s commentary in ‘The Way of Perfection’ that favorites, singling fellow religious out, is dangerous. Religious individuals must be considerate in not waging internal wars upon one another, silent antagonism is just as effect as temper tantrums. Even more than this, I must focus my concentration upon my prayer life. My spiritual growth, grounded firmly in faith, hope, and charity, takes precedence. I am loyal and devoted to the path I have carved out for years. I suffer from the fault of being overly friendly, trying to make others happy to a fault of neglecting personal edification. My religious life transforms interiorly. I must be careful not to place too much importance upon being perceived as being holy more than becoming holy. Once again, becoming is more important than a reputation of being.

Yesterday, a second hike entertained the setting of the sun. Father James took me for a walk away from the abbey, driving to a natural reserve designated by the state. He is from North Dakota. I am amazed by the knowledge the men from the Dakotas, Minnesota, and Montana possess regarding their natural environment. It is educating to encounter. Plant life is identified, attributes distinguished. Invasive species are troubled over. Aggressive plants, those inedible to cattle and flourishing in growth, thus able to take over and dominate the land–controlled fires explained. The various kinds of prairie grasses pointed out. The tendencies and natures of trees. The wildlife. Erosion and the effects of water, snow melts and heavy summer rains. It is all quite interesting to encounter. Father James is one of many whose spiritual life impresses. I am encouraged with the invigoration to bolster my spiritual endeavors through respect, admiration, and interest. I relate the matter to basketball. The quality of my basketball skills are sharpened and exercised the greatest when performing with men exceeding my skill level.

I must prepare for a day of work with Brother Louis. I have more thoughts I want to exercise through journaling. The reason for the St Alphonsus Rodriguez quote last night and the Eucharist—a Maronite community in Massachusetts dedicated to the Eucharist. Overall, I am pleased, humble in the sight of God for having the courage to make this week possible.

A North Dakota ant mound.