Now I have found the ideal of my hoping and striving, bursting with energy, shining with dedication, saturated with the blood of sacrifice. Now I know what I want to, can, and should attain. Up until now I lived without a clear-cut goal, and the discomforts of the way made me tired and discouraged. Now, however, I see clearly, I am sure of my way and my goal, and nothing should hold me back from now on. I will not rest until I have found God in the innermost region of my heart. “I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go” (Song 34). Love lends me wings, “for love is strong as death” (Song 8:6). I will no longer shrink back from difficulties, for “I can do all things in him who strengthens me” (Phil 4:13).
When I look over my past life, I must admit that I have made such little prowess in the spiritual life because I was lacking in the proper goal.
I didn’t understand how greatly our divine Savior was thirsting for souls who would give themselves to him without reserve and to whom he could give himself with the same fullness. The degree of our trust and unity with him is by the extent of the generosity with which we follow the invitations of grace. Jesus did not set any limits to his love. He only longs to give himself wholly and to be able to possess souls without any reservations. But souls fear him, since they shy away from the requirements that this intimacy demands of men and women: sacrifice and self-denial.
From now on I shall be honest and upright with myself. I know that God wants to take complete possession of me and that he has predestined me to be transformed into the image of his Son Jesus. He wants me to be his child despite my unworthiness. Who can consider themselves worthy of such favor?
But it is not “in spite of’ my unworthiness that God longs for my soul. Rather it is precisely because of my misery that he wants to make me a masterpiece of his love, mercy, and glorification. The more unsuitable the material is, the greater the fame and prowess of the artist, who succeeds despite everything in making a work of art out of it. Our divine Savior wants to bring this truth to us more clearly and help us to grasp it through the parables of the prodigal son and the lost sheep. For there is more joy in heaven over a single converted sinner than over the perseverance of a whole multitude of the just.
Since I have resolved, from now on, to strive for this ideal, I must recognize in all of my thinking, willing, and doing that I am nothing of myself, so that I can give myself over to him with my whole being and all that I have.
The important thing is to believe effectively in his love. “Your faith has made you well” (Lk 8:48).–A. Carthusian ‘Life in God’s Presence’
