Contemplation

Here am I

1* After these things God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” 2 He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering…” –Genesis chp 22

7 And Isaac said to his father Abraham, “My father!” And he said, “Here am I, my son.” He said, “Behold, the fire and the wood; but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?” 8 Abraham said, “God will provide himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.” So they went both of them together. 9* When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. 10 Then Abraham put forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the LORD called to him from heaven, and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” 12 He said, “Do not lay your hand on the lad or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.” –Genesis chp 22

11 Then the angel of God said to me in the dream, ‘Jacob,’ and I said, ‘Here I am! –Genesis 31

13 And Israel said to Joseph, “Are not your brothers pasturing the flock at Shechem? Come, I will send you to them.” And he said to him, “Here I am.” 14 So he said to him, “Go now, see if it is well with your brothers, and with the flock; and bring me word again.” So he sent him… –Genesis 37:12-14

God spoke to Israel in visions of the night, and said, “Jacob, Jacob.” And he said, “Here am I.” 3 Then he said, “I am God, the God of your father; do not be afraid to go down to Egypt; for I will there make of you a great nation. 4 I will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also bring you up again; and Joseph’s hand shall close your eyes.” –Genesis chp 46

God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here am I.” 5* Then he said, “Do not come near; put off your shoes from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” 6* And he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God. –Exodus chp 3

3 the lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down within the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was. 4 Then the LORD called, “Samuel! Samuel!” * and he said, “Here I am!” 5 and ran to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call; lie down again.” So he went and lay down. 6 And the LORD called again, “Samuel!” And Samuel arose and went to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call, my son; lie down again.” 7 Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD, and the word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him. 8 And the LORD called Samuel again the third time. And he arose and went to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” Then Eli perceived that the LORD was calling the boy. 9 Therefore Eli said to Samuel, “Go, lie down; and if he calls you, you shall say, Speak, LORD, for thy servant hears.'” So Samuel went and lay down in his place. 10 And the LORD came and stood forth, calling as at other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” And Samuel said, “Speak, for thy servant hears.”. –1 Samuel chp 3

…I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and his train filled the temple. 2 Above him stood the seraphim; each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. 3* And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory.” 4* And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. 5 And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” 6 Then flew one of the seraphim to me, having in his hand a burning coal which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 And he touched my mouth, and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin forgiven.” 8 And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” 9* And he said, “Go, and say to this people: ‘Hear and hear, but do not understand; see and see, but do not perceive.’ 10 Make the heart of this people fat, and their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.”. –Isaiah chp 6

…to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? 8 Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you, the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard. 9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, Here I am. –Isaiah chp 58

1* I was ready to be sought by those who did not ask for me; I was ready to be found by those who did not seek me. I said, “Here am I, here am I,” to a nation that did not call on my name. 2 I spread out my hands all the day to a rebellious people, who walk in a way that is not good, following their own devices. –Isaiah chp 65

9 And for three days he (Saul later to be known as Paul) was without sight, and neither ate nor drank. 10 Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” 11 And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and inquire in the house of Judas for a man of Tarsus named Saul; for behold, he is praying, 12 and he has seen a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight. –Acts of the Apostles chp 9

Commentary

Here am I. Here I am. Totally present, absolutely, to the best of abilities acutely aware, honest, open and willing. Stilled. Not petitioning, apologizing, nor even thanksgiving. The discursive mind quieted.

A sincere desire to cleanse the feet of Our Lord with tears, to kiss the wounds of His crucifixion, to hold my face to His Sacred Heart, witnessing, experiencing the beating, as did the beloved disciple.

Our Holy Mother acquiescing as a teenager, bowing to Gabriel, instantly, humbly, responding in the affirmative to the proposal from God. Her blessed fiat that brought forth salvation.

And Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done unto me according to your word.” –Luke chp 1

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Prayer Ending

Within and without
Alone with the beating
Faith
Hope
Charity
Beyond petitioning prayer
Infinite and Divine
Christ ending
Darkness alone
Discursive meditation
Despondent
Exterior and interior
Disinclined
Unfocused
Imagination wavering
Barefoot
No more walking
The journey is done
Why continue further?
A broken ending is enough
Alone in loving awareness
Contemplation
Soul with a mast
Emptiness filling
Now cast outward

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Warfare internal

‘…Do the works of justice, and you will surely have peace.  If you love not justice, you will never enjoy peace.  For peace and justice are linked together so closely, that if you love not justice, peace will not love you, or come near you.  Peace is not obtained but by war.’  So that if you will not make war with yourself, by mortifying and restraining your desires, and by getting mastery over your passions, you will never obtain this peace, which is so necessary for us to be able to apply ourselves to prayer.  ‘What is a greater hindrance and trouble to you,’ says a Kempis, ‘than the unmortified affections of your heart?’  Your irregular passions and evil inclinations trouble you, and hinder you from being devout.  They disquiet you in your devotions, and cause such disturbance in your soul, that the sweet sleep and repose enjoyed in prayer is continually interrupted;… –St Alonso Rodriguez ‘Christian Perfection’

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Intent

The intent of my effort is combining mystery with reality, the active and contemplative aspects of life brought together, forming a path to unification with God, embracing reality in order to transcend, balancing the natural with the spiritual.  I will build upon a lifetime of failure—the struggles of a man enduring severe alcoholism throughout his life, recovery, spiritual exploration vacillating between extremes of exploitation to ecstasy, a hidden life as a writer and poet, and most of all the desire to live the practical realities of a loving God.  Shunning intellectualism, sidestepping the vainglory of reputation, withstanding all desire to teach, realizing I cannot stay in continual meditation, committed to the Catholic Church, I seek to explore the idea of placing thoughts into action, placing enigmas pointing to something structured a part of my intent.

Desiring to explore other Blogging efforts, I came across a wonderful blog Contemplative in the Mud.  The scope of the blog embraced an approach I aim toward, while understanding that at this time I must work through identity in order to achieve the simplicity observed.  The absolute dedication, recognizing of the authority of the Catholic Church, must firmly be entrenched.  My foundation is built upon the solidest of rocks.  Younger, devoted to the Church, I still felt the need to present myself as open-minded, especially in secular and artistic social worlds.  Dabbling about within the friary, a conservative demand bellowed about.  Now worldly, learning to become enamored with the election of Pope Francis, I come out firmly and staunchly as a Catholic, placing myself under complete obedience to the Church.  I open my heart to compassion and empathy, while embracing orderly authority, comforted through dogma passing through centuries.   It is a relief, empowering, the practical reality of freedom overpowering enslavement.

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