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My Daily Bread

My child you will never face a greater battle than the battle against your unreasoning feelings and desires. These are your passions. They are your most stubborn and most dangerous enemies. This blind and lower self within you is so close to you that it is almost invisible to you. It tries to make you think and feel its way instead of My way. Treat this lower self as an enemy. Acts of mortification will help you to advance in self control. I will strengthen your efforts with My grace.

The fight for self control is harder than bodily or mental labors. Your lower self is more determined in pursuing what it wants than your will is, in seeking Me.

JMJ

Mortification means “putting to death”. The person who wants to live more for God, must live less for his blind natural appetite and unreasoning desires. He will look to God’s holy will and follow it ever better each day. His likes and dislikes, his feelings and moods will react whenever he tries to do what is unpleasant or difficult, but he seeks to follow his intelligence regardless of feelings and moods.

Words from ‘My Daily Bread’ by Anthony Paone, S.J. of the Confraternity of the Precious Blood. The most powerful daily meditation book I have encountered.

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John of the Cross quoting scripture on marriage and chastity

It would therefore be vanity for a woman or her husband to rejoice in their marriage when they know not clearly that they are serving God better thereby. They ought rather to feel confounded, since matrimony is a cause, as Saint Paul says, whereby each one sets his heart upon the other and keeps it not wholly with God. Wherefore he says: ‘If thou shouldst find thyself free from a wife, desire not to seek a wife; while he that has one already should walk with such freedom of heart as though he had her not.’ This, together with what we have said concerning temporal blessings, he teaches us himself, in these words: ‘This is certain; as I say to you, brethren, the time is short; it remaineth that they also who have wives be as if they had none; and they that weep, as them that weep not; and they that rejoice, as them that rejoice not; and they that buy, as them that possess not; and they that use this world, as them that use it not.’76 All this he says to show us that we must not set our rejoicings upon any other thing than that which tends to the service of God, since the rest is vanity and a thing which profits not; for joy that is not according to God can bring the soul no profit.7 –Ascent of Mount Carmel.

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More than words, an approach

The spiritual life is not an intellectual game.  To be enamored with things of the world is a distraction.  Avoiding competition, comparing and contrasting, the recognition that worldly matters, no matter how finely done, take me away from a concentration, dedication, commitment, to God.  Things persuading, pointing to individualism, beautifully conducted, conceived on a genius level, serve a lesser purpose than simple things that point to God.  Scripture establishes that scripture itself can be abused, perverted, manipulated through self-will.  Holiness is attained through faith, hope, and charity. Contemplation, continual conscious contact with God, is not accomplished through human intellect alone, no matter the level of high degree. God did not gift superior intelligence in order to outsmart Him. Inferior ways conducted brilliantly are still inferior.

2 Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. 3 What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun? 4 A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains for ever. 5 The sun rises and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises. 6 The wind blows to the south, and goes round to the north; round and round goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns. 7 All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again. 8 All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. 9 What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; and there is nothing new under the sun.
ECCLESIASTES chp 1

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Here am I

1* After these things God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” 2 He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering…” –Genesis chp 22

7 And Isaac said to his father Abraham, “My father!” And he said, “Here am I, my son.” He said, “Behold, the fire and the wood; but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?” 8 Abraham said, “God will provide himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.” So they went both of them together. 9* When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. 10 Then Abraham put forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the LORD called to him from heaven, and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” 12 He said, “Do not lay your hand on the lad or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.” –Genesis chp 22

11 Then the angel of God said to me in the dream, ‘Jacob,’ and I said, ‘Here I am! –Genesis 31

13 And Israel said to Joseph, “Are not your brothers pasturing the flock at Shechem? Come, I will send you to them.” And he said to him, “Here I am.” 14 So he said to him, “Go now, see if it is well with your brothers, and with the flock; and bring me word again.” So he sent him… –Genesis 37:12-14

God spoke to Israel in visions of the night, and said, “Jacob, Jacob.” And he said, “Here am I.” 3 Then he said, “I am God, the God of your father; do not be afraid to go down to Egypt; for I will there make of you a great nation. 4 I will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also bring you up again; and Joseph’s hand shall close your eyes.” –Genesis chp 46

God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here am I.” 5* Then he said, “Do not come near; put off your shoes from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” 6* And he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God. –Exodus chp 3

3 the lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down within the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was. 4 Then the LORD called, “Samuel! Samuel!” * and he said, “Here I am!” 5 and ran to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call; lie down again.” So he went and lay down. 6 And the LORD called again, “Samuel!” And Samuel arose and went to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call, my son; lie down again.” 7 Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD, and the word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him. 8 And the LORD called Samuel again the third time. And he arose and went to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” Then Eli perceived that the LORD was calling the boy. 9 Therefore Eli said to Samuel, “Go, lie down; and if he calls you, you shall say, Speak, LORD, for thy servant hears.'” So Samuel went and lay down in his place. 10 And the LORD came and stood forth, calling as at other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” And Samuel said, “Speak, for thy servant hears.”. –1 Samuel chp 3

…I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and his train filled the temple. 2 Above him stood the seraphim; each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. 3* And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory.” 4* And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. 5 And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” 6 Then flew one of the seraphim to me, having in his hand a burning coal which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 And he touched my mouth, and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin forgiven.” 8 And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” 9* And he said, “Go, and say to this people: ‘Hear and hear, but do not understand; see and see, but do not perceive.’ 10 Make the heart of this people fat, and their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.”. –Isaiah chp 6

…to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? 8 Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you, the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard. 9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, Here I am. –Isaiah chp 58

1* I was ready to be sought by those who did not ask for me; I was ready to be found by those who did not seek me. I said, “Here am I, here am I,” to a nation that did not call on my name. 2 I spread out my hands all the day to a rebellious people, who walk in a way that is not good, following their own devices. –Isaiah chp 65

9 And for three days he (Saul later to be known as Paul) was without sight, and neither ate nor drank. 10 Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” 11 And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and inquire in the house of Judas for a man of Tarsus named Saul; for behold, he is praying, 12 and he has seen a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight. –Acts of the Apostles chp 9

Commentary

Here am I. Here I am. Totally present, absolutely, to the best of abilities acutely aware, honest, open and willing. Stilled. Not petitioning, apologizing, nor even thanksgiving. The discursive mind quieted.

A sincere desire to cleanse the feet of Our Lord with tears, to kiss the wounds of His crucifixion, to hold my face to His Sacred Heart, witnessing, experiencing the beating, as did the beloved disciple.

Our Holy Mother acquiescing as a teenager, bowing to Gabriel, instantly, humbly, responding in the affirmative to the proposal from God. Her blessed fiat that brought forth salvation.

And Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done unto me according to your word.” –Luke chp 1

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Prayer Ending

Within and without
Alone with the beating
Faith
Hope
Charity
Beyond petitioning prayer
Infinite and Divine
Christ ending
Darkness alone
Discursive meditation
Despondent
Exterior and interior
Disinclined
Unfocused
Imagination wavering
Barefoot
No more walking
The journey is done
Why continue further?
A broken ending is enough
Alone in loving awareness
Contemplation
Soul with a mast
Emptiness filling
Now cast outward

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