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Spiritual Direction

We read in the Chronicles of St Francis, that a secular asked a good religious, why St John Baptist, having been sanctified in his mother’s womb, should retire to the desert, and lead there such a penitential life as he did. The good religious answered him, by first asking this question: pray why do we throw salt upon meat that is fresh and good? To keep it the better, and to hinder it from corruption, replied the other. The very same answer I give you, says the religious, concerning the Baptist; he made use of penance as of salt, to preserve his sanctity from the least corruption of sin as holy Church sings of him, “that purity of his life might not be tarnished with the least breath.” Now, if in time of peace, and when we have no temptation to fight against, it is very useful to exercise our bodies by penance and mortification, with how much more reason ought we do so in time of war, when encompassed with enemies on all side? St Thomas, following Aristotle’s opinion, says that the word chastity is derived from “chastise,” inasmuch as by chastising the body we subdue the vice opposite to chastity; and also adds, that the vices of the flesh are like children, who must be whipped into their duty, since they cannot be led to it by reason. –St Alphonsus Rodriguez ‘The Practice of Christian and Religious Perfection’.

Chastise: 1. To discipline, especially by corporal punishment. 2. To criticize severely. 3. Archaic to restrain; chasten. 4. Archaic. To refine; purify.

St Alphonsus Rodriguez writes guidance for the religious, yet I find his harsh, demanding perspective practical in contemplative pursuits as a layperson, while also touching upon a consideration into living a fully consecrated life. We are either fully in, or we are out. No dabbling. This is not a game of casualness, times of allowing explorations into the secular and nonreligious without salting ourselves. If we are not fully in, we must respect those fully in. Consideration and kindness are deeper than being casual and brash. Defenses must be up, ramparts in place, when journeying through life. I am reading a novel, ‘All We Know of Heaven” by Remy Rougeau, a Canadian Benedictine monk writing about a nineteen year old entering a Cistercian monastery. The novel captures me with its concise matter-of-fact, drab delivery; a boringness to the entire endeavor that pleases. Brutally honest realism, I suppose, with respect to Thomas Merton’s ‘Seven Story Mountain’. Poignantly ironic, I find the work of fiction realistic, and the biography delusional. In the novel there is not an underlying need for the author to establish himself as a recognized intellectual, an academic authority, a pop culture religious/literary celebrity. This is simply a monk telling a simple story. There is no great exploration of larger than life ideals, no religious history, nor romanticizing through flowery language, no desiring to expose the mystical and supernatural (a criticism I should consider reflectively), no tendency toward psychological self-absorbing introspections, no exposing of one’s inner-most being, no long sentences—saying so many things in a quick spewing. It is a simple realistic view into the occurrences within the life of a young man entering a Canadian Trappist monastery. Ordinary, yet set apart, an original thing in the world. Things can be defined by what they are not. “He walked into the house (his parent’s home after a week at the monastery) and felt as though he had returned from a foreign country; the television seemed a very odd contraption.”

No time, and thoughts are not coming out. I was aiming for the idea that God did not sacrifice His Son over two thousand years ago, and aside from the Church, basically disappear from the ways of man accidently. A God of order, there is a divine plan in place. It is difficult, demanding penance, mortification, and dedication, obviously trust and confidence, as well as obedience and surrender, the following of the ways of the Church if serious depth is to be achieved. Within and through the ordinary, the boring and mundane, we come into actualization, yet the process is difficult, the ways of the saints rigorous, brutal, and nearly impossible in regards to application.  Divine assistance please subtly abide. The extraordinary existing within the ordinary takes a fine process of revealing; romantic traps, emotional enticements, egotistical needs, the desire for intellectual gratification, artistic expression, boredom, and the flesh are always posed for a gradual or immediate devouring.  Not sure I am pleased with this entry, struggling personally with respect to perfection and longing for Ann–some days are difficult, yet never will I fully concede defeat, for as St Liguori teaches, the greatest defeat is to lose hope. My friend with the Catholic bookstore has a sign above her front door, above a holy water dispenser, ‘All yee who enter, abandon despair’. Always through faith, hope, charity and GRADUALNESS within fortitude, perseverance, and understanding–‘gratefulness for progress achieved’ maintained as a driving force, I move forward. To dabble or sit casually still is to die.  The sitting still must be done with precise purpose, adorably and prayerfully in the presence of the Eucharist. Dentist appointment this morning, natural world calls, salting performed.

All We Know of Heaven

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Acceptance: Strife of Life

…he  has placed his confidence in God alone and has accepted in advance all that his good Master may be pleased to ordain.  This obviously is not the peace of paradise, but it is the most perfect peace possible here below.  God does not will that we should enjoy absolute repose here on earth or enduring happiness.  We cannot avoid tribulation.  The cross will pursue us wherever we go. –Abbot Vital Lehodey.

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A piece of the ‘Four Quartets’ T.S. Eliot

III

Here is a place of disaffection
Time before and time after
In a dim light: neither daylight
Investing form with lucid stillness
Turning shadow into transient beauty
Wtih slow rotation suggesting permanence
Nor darkness to purify the soul
Emptying the sensual with deprivation
Cleansing affection from the temporal.
Neither plentitude nor vacancy. Only a flicker
Over the strained time-ridden faces
Distracted from distraction by distraction
Filled with fancies and empty of meaning
Tumid apathy with no concentration
Men and bits of paper, whirled by the cold wind
That blows before and after time,
Wind in and out of unwholesome lungs
Time before and time after.
Eructation of unhealthy souls
Into the faded air, the torpid
Driven on the wind that sweeps the gloomy hills of London,
Hampstead and Clerkenwell, Campden and Putney,
Highgate, Primrose and Ludgate. Not here
Not here the darkness, in this twittering world.

Descend lower, descend only
Into the world of perpetual solitude,
World not world, but that which is not world,
Internal darkness, deprivation
And destitution of all property,
Dessication of the world of sense,
Evacuation of the world of fancy,
Inoperancy of the world of spirit;
This is the one way, and the other
Is the same, not in movement
But abstention from movememnt; while the world moves
In appetency, on its metalled ways
Of time past and time future.

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Man Tower witnesses the baptism of St Francis before setting out for the old man of the mountain

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Towers

There was another also witnessing. Alberto saw Pietro making his way to the stables as he exited in the morning. Rarely sleeping, up before others, falling asleep after others, Man Tower dominated through perception and awareness. Something about the merchant bothered him greatly. The man schemed. He intended espionage through his squire. Never would Man Tower have kissed his very footprint, giving thanks to God for the existence of anything close to resembling the merchant represented. Certain men reviled him. Convinced he possessed no choice in the matter, he deployed to counter attacks, preparing for the demise of those who acutely agitated. When the merchant emerged from the stables with Ricco, he followed. Trusting his squire, he had to know what the wily shop owner was up to, such a man did nothing without motive for profit.

It was not long before Pietro was escorting Ricco into the cathedral of St Rufino. Man Tower stood outside unobservantly observing, before following into the interior. In the stealth manner he was able to attain despite his size, Alberto snuck into the cathedral, witnessing the baptism himself. It was innocent enough. He perceived the intent of the textile merchant. The shop owner was attempting to gain his favor through Ricco. Alberto trusted Ricco, fearing nothing the crafty shop owner, usual with unclean spirits, could conceive.

About to stealthy depart, the crying of the baptized baby drew Alberto’s attention. The thought struck he never witnessed a baptism before. He observed the baby as he was handed to his godparents. An iridescent aura radiated. The strangeness of ordinary things that occurred upon the unordinary battlefield struck the moment. Details became acutely apparent, time transparent to unfathomable profoundness, meanings manifested that could not be obviously stated, nor appropriately comprehended. The baby’s eyes turned toward him, closing the distance between them, a vertiginous moment soothing. Alberto found it difficult to stand, to hold his place upon his feet. Strange, foreign interior words came forth evil spirit come out of her.

Alberto, always preparing for an attack, constantly entertaining conflict, felt the need to raise defenses. Something unseen confronted. What was happening during the baptizing of the merchant’s son? Everything; perception, reality, thought, physicality, all seemed to be an illusion pointing to something greater, to almighty God, yet there was no comfort, only collusion. Unknowable knowledge became apparent. God knew this baby, through the works of all things. The palpable indefinite conviction announced eternal salvation, something set apart becoming a part. The intuition blanketed his mind, covering mental sores and wounds of the mind, smothering. Acquiescing, he settled into admiration of the beautiful baby who would become the man of God, like a grandparent admiring their first grandchild; the acceptance of aging through the exquisiteness of infancy, polar opposites uniting in authentic conception; the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the needing—to be set free and to be with Christ. He prayed for his mother, wishing she could see this baby. People, that are in the world, gathering around the baby, blocked Alberto’s vision, eliminating the moment of sublime revelation.

Making the sign of the cross with holy water, reminding him of a washing, somewhat slightly dazed, Alberto exited the cathedral. The face of the baby, its aura, etched in his mind; the eyes and perpetual smile lasting. In the clefts of the rock, in the hollow of the wall, his eyes unfocused, wandered past.

Emptied of himself, walking through Assisi, Man Tower, reposing back into demented knightly persona, sought Lord Montaninus, his former comrade in arms, hand in hand, with Barbarossa. Montaninus made arraignments to meet at a tavern near Minerva’s Temple. Alberto was to eat at the tavern. The cost would be of no concern. What was of the Lord? Following the meal, he would be led to the back of the establishment where Montaninus would be waiting. They would then venture to a castle hidden amongst the wilderness of Mount Subasio, a castle hosting an aged nobleman whispered to be insane, as well as a mystic, the word of God upon his lips, a man of worldly and spiritual extraordinariness.

An unseen female voice spoke from a table in close proximity. “That old man gives me the creeps. I don’t care what you say I am convinced he is a pervert.”

“It does not matter what he is. What has been wrong with you? For weeks now you have proven impossible, snapping at everything. The old noble provides means we could never attain. Trusting to the mercy of the almighty. You are so quick to grow angry in time of need. I worry about you. Look deeper. The old one truly asks very little of us. We know worse debauchery for less pay—only the younger ones are handsomer and hearty, yet that does not seem to bother you as much as the old one who never asks for deplorable things. Though he began to speak, you should not despise him.”

“Maybe he gives wealth, providing jewelry and gold as easy as others give promises, however we pay through the debasing we endure acquiescing to his, to his…I am not even sure what it is the old man burdens us with. Unspoken demands—that is what he procures. I cannot figure the old one out.”

“You feel him to be a burden. Those who were touched in their hearts, amazed with his deeds, tell of his goodness.”

“Yes. He is insane. How often he resorts to a juvenile nature. I cannot stand looking at his decrepit face. Determination, I cannot maintain. Sometimes, the way he speaks to us, as if we were children just learning to walk, makes me desire to scratch his eyes out. His patronizing is so demeaning. And you fall into the childish talk he so enjoys, speaking to one another as if you were children. I have to force my mind into other places, fearing his insanity will infiltrate my mind. Tainted are his ways. He must know I hate him.”

“Why would you hate him? Over the saints household, he perseveres. I feel sorry for him for being so gullible, a son…an only child to its mother. A story here, emotion espoused, a tear, and the old fool is opening his coffers. It is too easy sleeping in the lap. I even find it fun, like playing a part in the theater. There is no reason to hate him. Seriously sweetie, you just have not been yourself for some time now. The new planting of a fresh attitude you must embrace.”

“I guess…I do not know…it is too easy. I feel my soul is at stake in unknown ways. For this very reason alone, everything is wrong. One day, he will discharge his guards upon us. His chosen vineyard protected. Then we will know death and maybe he will have arraigned everything so our souls are sucked down into the depths of hell. They will say about us their efforts came to naught. We will lose our heads and suffer eternally. It is so creepy to be blindfolded en route to provide for their needs. Still, I hate it even more when he visits the city, sent down to the earth.”

“You worry too much. Please him. Open his heart to the experience of a daughter, be joined to the soul. That is all he wants from us, the pleasure to love a child, his own child. Rejoice greatly, falling at his feet. His sons are dead, the father of the poor. He has no one, for empty glory. He provides so well. A gift horse must not be examined too closely. A curse, he is not. To masquerade as a daughter is not such a horrid thing. The father of the poor, let him be. Christ made himself poor for us in this world. Let us not suffer a similar fate. We have done far worse than the old man. Heartbreaking stories, lies of sorrow, dreams unrequited, tears of tribulations; that is all we must provide in order for the sweet old one to open his treasure chest. He loves to preach the word of the Lord. Allow him his liberties.”

“I catch him, the appointed minister of a faith I hold not deeply in my heart, looking at me as no proper father observes a daughter. Do not make him out to be so innocent. Every time we call, his leering grows. I expect soon, I will have to sleep with him.”

“Again, the nasty attitude, I have slept with him. It is only sleep he demands and touched with sorrow in his heart, he dreams.”

“He does not touch you? I should have known. The old fool is impotent.”

“I do not care, or know. He holds me, meek and humble. That I do know. Lead this little one from the midst of these goats. He means no harm.”

“He must reek of old age. God, the wretchedness his breath must contain. I get sick just thinking about him. Men are wretched beast. He must snore and grind his teeth, sounding like the devil himself in sleep.”

“I must admit he does stink, yet he slumbers silently. He gives thanks to God.”

“I despise that old fool. I give thanks to God every time we depart from his abode. I love playing him for the fool he is. He makes bold in his claim to be the man of God, yet I offer no solace for his intent.”

“Oh stop. You are wicked Beatrice my child. I know, I was touched in his heart. He gave thanks to God, the last time you allowed him to kiss you goodbye.”

The two young ladies burst into laughter. Seated behind the women, a partition between them, Alberto, continually on guard, listened to the conversation. He assumed the two were prostitutes. The crowd in the tavern was thin. It was early. The majority of Assisi slept late, recovering from the excess of the festival. He nibbled upon bread, slowly sipping his wine, allowing his meal of lamp stew to settle as he waited. There was no sign of Montaninus. The tavern worker, a man previously speaking of Ricco’s deed of killing the bull with some morning drinkers, approached.

Whispering, he spoke, barely missing a step as he passed. “My lord you are requested in the back.”

Rubens_old_man

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Cutting Torch

As a true Savior, as a Physician as firm as He is wise and discreet, He applies the fire and the iron now to this place, now to that, but particularly there where His practiced eye sees faults to be expiated, defects to be corrected or a weak point to be strengthened.  In spite of the protests of nature, He will continue the treatment with a merciful severity, so long as He judges it necessary to complete our cure and to dispose us for the reception of His gifts…God wills to temper and to tame it (self-will)….There can be no greater or livelier faith than to believe that God is managing our affairs with admirable wisdom and love when He seems to be destroying and annihilating us, when He frustrates our holiest designs, when He exposes us to calumny, obscures all our lights in prayer, dries up our devotion and fervor with aridities, ruins our health with infirmities and languors, reduces us to incapacity for doing anything at all.  –Abbot Vital Lehodey.

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A Lifetime Occupation

WE want to save our souls and to tend to the perfection of the spiritual life. That is to say, we want to purify ourselves thoroughly, to make progress in all the virtues, to attain to loving union with God, and so in a sense to transform ourselves into Him ever more and more. This is the sole occupation to which we have exclusively consecrated our lives. It is a work of incomparable grandeur, yet also one that involves almost endless toil. It offers us liberty of spirit, peace and joy of heart, and the sweet unction of the Holy Ghost; but, on the other hand, it demands of us sacrifices innumerable and the patient labour of a lifetime. An undertaking so colossal would assuredly be not only difficult but utterly impossible to us, were we left dependent upon our own resources, for it belongs to the purely supernatural order. But “I can do all things in Him Who strengtheneth me ” (Phil. iv, 13). Without God, we are absolutely powerless, unable to do anything at all meritorious of eternal life; as St. Paul says: we cannot of ourselves even think or will what is good, much less bring it to accomplishment (2 Cor. iii, 5; Phil. ii, 13). –Abbot Vital Lehodey.

Dom Vital Lehody

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Mary Hidden

Can I offer myself to God solely based upon pure intent, simple and humble in nature, seeking no accolades or self-glorification on the deepest level. Unworthy servant I am, do I truly understand who I am and who God is? Forsaking self-promotion, abandoning faith focused upon personal elevation, I touch upon truth. Praying in a hidden alcove, loyal to the Church, collapsed upon the shoulders of saints, reposed within ritual and tradition, adoring the cross, resurrection, and Eucharist, the nature of grace reveals herself. A loving Mother hovering tenderly above dispenses abundantly.

Mary lived in obscurity most of her life. Her humility was so great that she desired to hide, not only from all other creatures, but even from herself, so that only God should know her. She asked Him to conceal her, and to make her poor and humble. God delighted to hide her; in her conception, in her birth, in her mysteries, in her resurrection and assumption. St Louis de Montfort ‘True Devotion to Mary’

Mary’s unknowing: “How shall this happen, since I do not know man?” Luke 1:34

So often God performs his greatest work in silence. Mary is alone. As the Holy Spirit comes upon her, and the power of the Most High covers her with its shadow (Luke 1:35-36), she conceives the Holy One to be called Son of God. The whole world was to be affected by this event which God worked in seclusion and silence. So, too, does His grace work in one’s soul. Mary’s was a secret joy until God willed to reveal it to others.

Mother Mary, pray for us that we may always allow God’s grace to work silently in our soul

Mary Assumption

Mary Assumption

During mass, am I consumed with adoration, gratification for the miracle of the Eucharist? Am I participating fully, or am I focused upon others, perhaps imagining others admiring, reducing the most sacred of time down to worldly imperfection? Does my mind wander, unfocused, consumed by fantasy, imagination running wild? Am I intellectualizing, perceiving myself an authority of the Church, judging the piety of others, reasoning, delusional in thought, seeing myself as a Bible scholar. Am I consumed with myself or have I stilled my mind? There before me, willing to be consumed, is the Presence. Opening heart and mind, the left hand unaware of the right, I must offer my brokenness to Christ, concentrating upon who Christ is? Who are you Lord? Lord who are you? Please, I beg Lord, let Yourself be known to me? I am quiet, stilled, empty, constantly engaged in the process of transforming myself into a vessel worthy of filling. I hear the Gospel–the Good News. I ingest the Host. I verbalize responses? I have prepared myself for mass through proper conduct, maintaining sanctifying grace, devoted to contemplation, cleansing psychologically, I wait upon You, my Lord. Lord, authentically, I approach. I am willing to acknowledge ignorance in order to know You better my Lord. Allow me to understand who you are. Lord I want to know You, to accept You in your fullness. Fill me Lord–my heart, soul, body and mind are Yours. All I am is Yours.

Oh Great and Glorious God, enlighten the darkness of my heart. Give me true faith, certain hope, and perfect charity. Grace me with understanding and knowledge so that I may carry out Thy commandments. The simple prayer offered by Saint Francis of Assisi before the cross of San Damiano. Christ responded.

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