Archives

Penetrating Writer: Francois Mauriac

Preparing for North Dakota, I am perusing a delightful French novel, ‘Woman of the Pharisees’, intrigued by the author Francois Mauriac.  A twentieth century writer, contemporary to Albert Camus and Elie Wiesel, Mauriac wrote as a devout defending Catholic.  Interestingly, his granddaughter is Anne Wiazemsky, lead in Bresson’s ‘Au Hasard Balthazar’, a film I recently enjoyed at the Cleveland Cinematheque.  Mauriac’s writing style trends toward stark realism, revealing the dark side of human nature, especially poignant when focused upon pious individuals corrupting through their commitment to faith.  He is fearless in exposing those dedicated to the Church based upon the imposition of free will.  Avoiding the stain of negativism and self-righteous judgment, his words present spiritual insight and enlivening lessons for those advanced in the spiritual life, a relief and recognition awaiting those experienced in Catholic socializing.  The characters are recognizable.  I am taking a break from spiritual reading, creating mental space before North Dakota, enthralled by being captivated by a novel.  I have also been listening to Fyodor Dosteyevsky’s ‘Notes From the Underground’ while driving.  A harsh quote from EWTN regarding Mauriac’s sensibility.  Keep in mind, within his sternness, I find a loving and compassionate nature tendered by Mauriac toward his characters.

Mauriac was a man of orthodox faith and constant practice…Yet many of his novels dismayed Catholics with their pessimism, their presentation of vice in all its turpitude, and his continual near obsession with sin. But there was no mistaking the fidelity with which he represented the realities of living and showed that no kind of happiness is possible without God. He displayed the squalor and emptiness of souls from which faith is missing. He exposed the misery and horror prevailing in some families which are outwardly in order.

It has been well said that Mauriac is not a novelist of the human condition, but of the human exile. He does not depict man’s humanity: he depicts his fall, his loss of grace, his deprivation of paradise, his concupiscence, and the sad weight of heredity which lies upon his free will. He showed the power of the flesh and its apparent incompatibility with love for God; he described the final vanity and despair of passion….Mauriac wrote: “Every human love sets up a block against the one Love, and so involves and marks its own destiny.” But the same human souls which he studied with such pitiless pessimism when at their lowest and in their greatest misery, are forced to raise their heads, to look up. His constant purpose was to show the contrary of all that sadness: to demonstrate the value of Christ’s words “Without me you can do nothing” and to do so by means of human decadence.

In the ‘Woman of the Pharisees’, Brigitte Pian, stepmother to the narrator Louis telling the story of his youth, is exposed as a woman preoccupied with religious domination.  Her greatest spiritual exercise is Lording over the destiny and thoughts of others.  A woman demanding recognition as a virtuous, impeccable leader of the Church, she is only happy and expressive in faith when controlling.  She puts much effort, thought, and time into her conniving and manipulating, extending herself into the authority of the Church in order to further personal agendas. She never took a step she could not immediately justify. Within brokenness, she forcefully determines it is her destiny to direct souls. Her words and advice provide grace for those placed under her guidance.  A woman who presents herself as one who cannot be questioned is revealed by Mauriac as one who must be questioned.  The quoted section is brilliant in subtle insight, the unmasking of repugnant spiritual corruption. It is astounding the novel fell into my lap.

…Brigitte Pian had plenty to occupy her.  The days were too short for her happy task of helping a man straighten the tangled skein of his private problems. She felt that she was not wasting her life, that she was to make clear to others what God had planned for them from the beginning of time.  Here, at her very door, was an unrivaled opportunity for her to show her mettle, though she fully realized the dangers involved.  She was perhaps, too satisfied in the part she felt called upon to play.  Not that she was guilty, even in the smallest degree, of self-indulgence: still, at first she did seem to be deriving too much satisfaction from Monsieur Puybaraud’s way of listening to her as to an oracle.  But, alas, his meekness was superficial only.  Very soon it was borne in on Brigitte Pian that she was dealing with a less submissive sheep than she had at first supposed.  “He is a wandering soul,” she told herself in the course of the second week.  She even went so far as to accuse him of deliberately setting his face against the operations of Grace—by which she meant her own advice.

It was Brigitte Pian’s way to drive reluctant souls on to the mountain tops (that was how she phrased it), and she made it her duty to open Monsieur Puybaraud’s eyes to that special trick of the Devil which takes the form of enlisting against a Christian sinner the very sense he has of his own humility.  My master was convinced that previously he had had too high an idea of his own strength when he had felt himself called upon to eschew the normal destiny of mankind.  He felt that it was his duty, while there might yet be time, to find his way back to the beaten track marked out by those who had gone before him and, like them, to take himself a wife, have children, and watch over them as a bird watches over its brood.  But Brigitte Pian knew well that it is sometimes necessary to tear from human souls that mask of spurious humility behind which they take refuge.  She declared, as though she had been the very mouthpiece of God, that Monsieur Puybaraud had been taken from his school work only because, from all eternity, he had been destined for the life of the cloister.  She assured him that he had to face one problem and one alone—at what door should he knock?  To what Order should he make his submission? 

 

127642

spacer

Weekend appraisal

I am looking forward to this weekend dominated by the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament. Sunday is the feast day of St. Peter Julian Eymard, founder of the Eucharistic community. The weekend presents three incredible saints for celebration. Friday, July 31st, honors St. Ignatius of Loyola. Saturday, the opening of August, the Doctor of the Church St. Alphonsus Liguori is granted acclamation. The weekend itinerary involving the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament presents a communal Holy Hour with prayer before the Blessed Sacrament Friday evening. Saturday will be a full day of instruction, concluding with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Sunday, Jim Brown will preach during mass. The approachable, amiable gentleman made the initial impression of a mature intelligent man of faith, humble within worldly success and authoritative position. Sunday the community will also open its doors to the public as a part of the Diocese’s concentration upon the consecrated life. It is really edifying to experience the various religious communities existing throughout the Cleveland area. My friend Carol and I have developed pleasing camaraderie in pursuit of the Diocesan agenda. I will be privileged with her company this Sunday. I am also going to extend an invitation to my therapist/spiritual director. Another community opening their doors is the Poor Clares of Colettine. I have not attended their Sunday Benediction in quite a while. Since moving to the East side, I have lost touch with this blessed Sunday afternoon tradition. The Poor Clares offer a quaint, bright white, holy chapel, truly a Thin Place, a space naturally to lose one’s self within prayer. The final community to be explored is the Evangelizing Sisters of Mary at the St Adalbert Parrish of Cleveland. I must say I am really intrigued to explore the sister’s life. Originating from Uganda, the sisters in 2014 began ministering through the St Adalbert Parrish. I found a video online that absolutely melted my heart. It should be a splendid weekend.

I met with Father Roger, my favorite Tanzanian priest, yesterday. Hopefully moving forward in resolution of a complexity proving to be an obstacle in my prayer life. Every aspect of my life is focused upon greater efficacy in worship and prayer. Alone, I can accomplish the endeavor, however, in truth and reality that is proving to be impossible. Cloaking myself with maturity, consultation is embraced. A determination is made with the respected priest. I belong at St Paul’s Shrine. If the abiding religious men and women question my authenticity or my ways in any regard, I want to know. I am small before all, especially the consecrated. I know who I am. I know who others are. If I am not welcome, I will seek solace within another church. I was touched when one of the extern sisters, seeing me walk past with Father Roger, came out to thank me so earnestly for providing and assisting with the open house Sunday. How could she not know, she provided so much by allowing me to be of service. So I will continue worshipping and adoring at St Paul’s Shrine, absolutely unsure I will be able to contain my wrath.

St Alphonsus Rodriguez spiritually directs:

Another advantage which temptation brings with it is, that it makes us more attentive to our duties of obligation, hinders us from being remiss in them, and causes us to stand more upon our guard; like men who are every hour on the point of engaging.

…one day St. Gertrude, bewailing bitterly a fault she was subject to, and begging of God most earnestly to free her from it; our Lord, with great bounty, answered her thus; “Why wouldst thou, my dear daughter, deprive me of great glory, and thyself of great reward? Every time that thou art sensible of thy fault, and dost purpose to amend it for the future, it is a new merit thou acquires; and as often as one endeavors to overcome any fault for the love of me, he does me the same honor as a brave soldier does his king, in fighting courageously against his enemies, and endeavoring to conquer them”.

Video of the Evangelizing Sisters of Mary now stationed at St Adalbert’s Parrish in Cleveland.

spacer

Divine Will

The mind a creature is, yet can create,
To nature’s patterns adding higher skill ;
Of finest works with better could the state
If force of wit had equal power of will.
Device of man in working hath no end,
What thought can think, another thought can mend.
–St Robert Southwell

Made in the image and likeness of God, man has the ability to create, to enhance the wonders of creation. Man can create beauty. In my story clip introducing the scriptural Bleeding Woman, Naomi is given a small home. The home represents her life, disordered, disheveled, and in the process of decay. Possessing the ability to create, undergoing a process of purgation, she brings her gifted home to a state of beauty. The home attains utilitarian and ascetic appeal. Relishing within her accomplishment, Naomi observes the sea. Ruminating upon the words of her friend regarding the new teacher and healer, a process of illumination is experienced, a voice internalizing. She is being prepared to meet Christ, to touch the hem of His garment amidst the thronging masses.

Within man’s ability to create exist the birth of evil. Relying upon free will man introduces perversion. Perversion being that which is not aligned with God, a wandering away from all that is good, the exercising of free will. Pope Francis writes in his encyclical Laudato Si’: “Once we lose our humility, and become enthralled with the possibility of limitless mastery over everything, we inevitably end up harming society and the environment. It is not easy to promote this kind of healthy humility or happy sobriety when we consider ourselves autonomous, when we exclude God from our lives or replace him with our own ego, and think that our subjective feelings can define what is right and what is wrong.”

The subtleties of losing the ability to discern God’s Will is truly the challenge. A nonbeliever confronts nearly impossible chances of creating consequences that in totality will bring about goodness. An extreme example would be Marx or Hitler, who in their hearts were convinced their ways were for the good of the world, yet in truth their diabolic scheming introduced horrendous consequences, intense suffering, acute miseries. On a smaller more intimate level, the deviations of being unable to coalesce with Divine Intent, an inability to comprehend who we truly are, we hurt each other. Within families, blood relationships of love, we hurt and wound one another. Children are devastatingly damaged by their parents. Parents, loving their children immensely, inflict severe psychological damage. In friendships based upon faith, we hurt and wound one another. In attempts at romantic relationships, we hurt and wound one another. In community activities, we hurt and wound one another. I cannot identify the fact as evil, while recognizing the consequences as distressing. Imperfect beings, broken, needing, trying to bring happiness about, self-protecting and fearful, we operate through that which is easiest and that is our schemes and manipulations. I think of a drowning man within a rough and tossing sea attempting to grasp a life preserver. Anymore for me, it seems all the saints writings end up focusing upon unifying with the Will of God, learning to interact with the world through the love of God.

Creation feeding upon an enhancement of man

Creation feeding upon an enhancement of man

spacer

Dona nobis pacem Domine

Broke the retreat, driving to Temperance, Michigan to attend a mass of intention for my deceased father. The mass was held at Our Lady of Mount Carmel church, over sixty people in attendance, a sublime Rosary and Divine Mercy before mass. A half dozen young mothers with a plenitude of children, I speculate a home schooling group, amongst the gathered. The mass accented my retreat orantly. Severe traffic congestion at the junction of the turnpike and interstates two-eighty caused for an unexpected delay, frustration avoided through established disposition, back roads endeavored. I longed for the retreat, grateful to return after brunch with family and friends. Driving apprehension emerged as I realized the retreat would be ending Sunday. I refused the negativity, seizing the moment. I thought of yesterday’s fond reflection upon my days with Father David Mary, the religious life, set apart in contemplation, visits and stays at Trappist monasteries. The life appeals. This week has been splendid. I recall a friend from Toledo who could not understand what I would do during my monastic sojourns–also people during the tour of the Benedictine monastery, St Andrews, imploring what the brothers did with all their time. I know what they do, and I am jealous. Thinking of the matter, a simple hackneyed poem came to mind.

Satisfied, I will sit still.
Watching pine trees grow in the wind,
Smelling the pungent sweet scent of pine needles.
The dampness touching all things.
Feeling the sun warming my face.
Hearing song sparrows nervously whistle.
A crow aggressively cawing.
Squirrels wrestling and scattering.
Silence within.
Tasting my aging breath.
It is not a declaration.
It is not a concept.
It is not an assertion.
It is not a poetic expression.
It is a conscious act of formation.
A being with God.

To sit aware, opening the senses, is enough. It is the path less traveled, a path of one who is awake, knowing who he is and who God is. I am convinced I could become whole–full within the Trinity, the Church, and Mary–a life of prayer and refining awareness, settling on into death within such a life. All other appetites and affections have been properly silenced. Marriage appeals, yet I embrace this retreat, unwilling and unable to make definitive decisions or discern drastic changes regarding the future. A conviction is affirmed. The pursuit of faith, immersion within prayer, is my solace. There is no place to go. There is no place else I would rather be. I also received a foot and calf massage. A quality amiable massage therapist visiting today. That was nice.

That is it. No more to say or quote.

Our Lady of the Pines Lourdes grotto

Our Lady of the Pines Lourdes grotto

spacer

Rending garments

Jacob rending his garment at the news of Joseph's demise, a portion of Joseph's multicolored coat presented as proof.

Jacob rending his garment at the news of Joseph’s demise, a portion of Joseph’s multicolored coat presented as proof.

After the death of Saul, when David had returned from the slaughter of the Amal’ekites, David remained two days in Ziklag; and on the third day, behold, a man came from Saul’s camp, with his clothes rent and earth upon his head. And when he came to David, he fell to the ground and did obeisance.  David said to him, “Where do you come from?” And he said to him, “I have escaped from the camp of Israel.”  And David said to him, “How did it go? Tell me.” And he answered, “The people have fled from the battle, and many of the people also have fallen and are dead; and Saul and his son Jonathan are also dead.” Then David said to the young man who told him, “How do you know that Saul and his son Jonathan are dead?”  And the young man who told him said, “By chance I happened to be on Mount Gilbo’a; and there was Saul leaning upon his spear; and lo, the chariots and the horsemen were close upon him.  And when he looked behind him, he saw me, and called to me. And I answered, ‘Here I am.’ And he said to me, ‘Who are you?’ I answered him, ‘I am an Amal’ekite.’ And he said to me, ‘Stand beside me and slay me; for anguish has seized me, and yet my life still lingers.’  So I stood beside him, and slew him, because I was sure that he could not live after he had fallen; and I took the crown which was on his head and the armlet which was on his arm, and I have brought them here to my lord.”  Then David took hold of his clothes, and rent them; and so did all the men who were with him; and they mourned and wept and fasted until evening for Saul and for Jonathan his son and for the people of the LORD and for the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.  And David said to the young man who told him, “Where do you come from?” And he answered, “I am the son of a sojourner, an Amal’ekite.”  David said to him, “How is it you were not afraid to put forth your hand to destroy the LORD’S anointed?”  Then David called one of the young men and said, “Go, fall upon him.” And he smote him so that he died.  And David said to him, “Your blood be upon your head; for your own mouth has testified against you, saying, ‘I have slain the LORD’S anointed.'”  –2 Samuel 1

“I adjure you by the living God, tell us if you are the Christ, the Son of God.”  Jesus said to him, “You have said so. But I tell you, hereafter you will see the Son of man seated at the right hand of Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven.”  Then the high priest tore his robes, and said, “He has uttered blasphemy. Why do we still need witnesses? You have now heard his blasphemy.  What is your judgment?” They answered, “He deserves death.”  –Matthew 26

As I was walking this morning the Biblical concept of rending garments played through my mind.  I toss out scripture, allowing the word of God to work for itself.  Pretending, portending nothing.  The idea of extreme sorrow, a severe affront to truth, an ending, death, demanding the shredding of one’s clothing, stripping the body of what once brought warmth and shelter.  It is a natural reaction I experience, mentally playing out the act in times of harsh consternation.  Maybe it is instilled through teachings, yet when something is a horrible affront, I feel the need to rip my shirt from my chest.  That which use to clothe is no longer appropriate.  I must strip myself naked before God because the deepest truths, those things that mean everything to me, have been altered.  I can no longer live the way I once did.  Everything has changed.  I stand exposed before God, pleading for assistance.  During meditation before the Eucharist there are times, I will involuntarily and violently wrench my head, matters internally being ripped asunder, a tearing away at myself, cutting loose obstacles.  I must be careful, weary of myself, allowing God to perform the extractions.  Rebellion for the sake of rebelling is an affront.  Typically rebellion is a knee jerk reaction arising from pride and stubbornness.  Within purposeful rebellion, obedience must exist.  It is a serious, grave, act to rend one’s garments.  The last example witnesses the High Priest conducting the act in rejection of Christ, demonstrating the destructiveness such a serious act can declare within faulty discernment.  In the face of truth, being alive, we cloth ourselves, sheltering our existence, moving forward in convictions.  Rending our garments, rebelling in the face of Christ for the sake of establishing identity, can be conducted in a multitude of ways. Rebellion against spiritual growth, the rejecting of truth, is the negative aspect of the rending of garments.  On the positive side, I am convinced, the rending of garments demonstrates growth.  Maturing psychologically and spiritually, there are times we need to rend our garments, rip clean from our bodies that which use to clothe us, to mature and grow up.  In the light of truth, under the protection of Mary, the saints abiding, the Church providing, Christ sanctifying: we must not fear, able to pass through and ascend while stripped bare; raw, sensitive, and vulnerable–understanding God will provide new clothes.  The rending of one’s garment properly done is the shedding of an old skin, the tearing away from that which we have outgrown, advancing in the sunshine of the Holy Spirit.  We must not fear detaching ourselves from that which no longer carries us toward Christ. May we aspire to one day be attired like Joseph of the Old Testament, to be so bold as to clothe ourselves in a multicolored brilliant coat of majesty provided by Our Lord.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life?  And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith?  Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.  “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day.  –Matthew 6

The mind of a storyteller, I cannot help but marvel at the Old Testament. There are sections that right from the first reading amazed–the tale of the marauding avenging Jehu, riding hard upon horses, another. Befuddling, abandoned to scrambling for a clue, I acquiesce to mystery, convinced my conviction that prayer is my ultimate solace is an absolute. ‘Be still and know I am God’ is a reality, a daily practice, meaningless as a concept. Anyway, as a storyteller, admiring Homer, embracing the longer quote from the start of second Samuel, I love the humanness, the confounding ambiguity within Divine Word. The man who comes from Saul’s camp, a defeated Amalekite honoring his victors, is put to death by King David. In defeat, he comes across King Saul who begs him to kill him. He seems to be an obedient man, astoundingly a man of sorrowful destiny. Displaying proper signs of mourning, respectful, he brings ceremonial gifts and news to King David, honoring a king he was just warring against, a war commander who just slaughtered his people. The man seems virtuous extending himself heroically, humbly doing the right thing, in fact a difficult thing, one contrary to his core beliefs and inner most loyalties. His flexible, willing to accept defeat, servitude brings forth his demise. David puts him to the sword for his audacity to raise his hand against God’s anointed. Dying, the man must have been perplexed. Most likely, I am wrong. I adore mysteries, allowing them to humble, establishing the fact human reasoning are plain and simple not the path to enlightenment. Truth is complex, errors prone for those quick to take action, those willing to declare truth. Christ did not sacrifice himself on the cross so I could figure everything out and espouse my way into transformation. St Thomas Aquinas, the highest of intelligence, rejected the exercising of definitive written expression. It was more important to transform himself through contemplative prayer. Prayer, humility, and obedience, the practicing of faith, hope, and charity unromantically offer the keys to a higher state of being. I prefer the act of rending my garment, then saying or doing something that would irritate God, especially in regards to Ann. To know someone is so wrong, an abomination within every breath, is excruciating in demand, forcing a new way of being–silence and surrender. The fact the only recourse is continual growth in the face of obstinate immaturity, wisdom the only solution to ignorance, that to love God even more, to turn the shattered being of another into a process of fulfillment remains as the only source of consolation, is a hard pill to swallow. God provides the symbolic act of the rending of garments as a proper physical and mental release; tears a means of physical cleansing. When a priest captures my ear, for myself becoming an anointed one, I hear repeated messages in their tune. Father Roger possesses a reoccurring theme, the idea of prayers, holiness earned through prayer and virtue, as able to provide healing for others. Scripture is rampant with examples supporting the nourishing.

spacer

Knowing myself is the beginning of all wisdom

We shall never succeed in knowing ourselves unless we seek to know God: let us think of his greatness and then come back to our own baseness; by looking at his purity we shall see our foulness; by meditating upon his humility, we shall see how far we are from being humble.

If we turn from self towards God, our understanding and our will become nobler and readier to embrace all that is good: if we never rise above the slough of our own miseries we do ourselves a great disservice.  –Teresa of Avila ‘Interior Castle’

Getting to know myself, it is good to return to routine and schedule, allowing my focus to effectively return to God.  Yesterday marvelous, extending myself socially exhausts me.  A wonderful day, it is good to return to that which brings the greatest depth to life: the Eucharist, prayer and meditation, mass with the Poor Clares.  Routine: morning coffee and today a cinnamon roll gifted from Carter’s girlfriend upon visiting a Toledo bakery we discussed; reflection upon my life, avoiding self-absorption, exercise—walk/jog in Cain Park and onto St Paul’s for mass and adoration.  It is good to return to that which provides structure, the establishing of closure.  Dr. Nichta defines my effective mode of living…primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

The negative aspect of my personality must be realized.  I am not naturally in tune with my feelings, nor the feelings of others.  Too much social activity reinforces unconstructive tendencies.  I lose a bit of focus upon propriety if I spend too much time with others. At St Paul’s, a celebration of baptism occurred after mass. There was a group of attractive proper young women attending, all in fine dresses, appearing exquisite. I was overwhelmed by the experience, distracted, uncomfortable, made weary by the women. Later at the Cathedral, a woman wearing yoga pants assisted the young man selling olive wood finery from Bethlehem. It took a serious effort not to stare at the assistant. For all the spiritual progress I make, concentrating my Lady Undoer of Knots novena upon loneliness and lust, a warfare still takes place. I should add these struggles occurred while thoroughly enjoying the companionship of Carol, whose trust, admiration, support and friendship grows with every encounter. Prayer, quiet time, reading, writing allows my natural tendencies to center myself upon God.  There is a delicate balance establishing healthy mental effectiveness.  I feel blessed to have discovered the retreat, a week focused upon reflection and prayer—religious pursuits; study, writing and prayer, while centered amidst a structured Catholic environment: scheduled meals, daily activities, mass with the sisters, overall a healthy large social gathering, including group meals.  My expectations are low, demanding only seclusion and Catholic structure: a balancing between isolation and community.  Anything beyond and above, I am considering a bonus.

The title Our Lady of the Pines originates from a fifteenth century Mary apparition on the Canary Islands, located between Morocco and Spain.   A link to the Basilica del Pino official website.

Our Lady of the Pines from the basilica

Our Lady of the Pines from the basilica

Basilica del Pino

Basilica del Pino

spacer

God’s Will: where I am, is exactly where I need to be.

The victory of suffering from ‘All We Know of Heaven’, wisdom within bedtime reading—the ultimate story of the Son of God: the Triumph of Weakness, the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.  Antoine observes a visiting Tibetan abbess smash crabapples with her heel into the earth.  She, the Venerable Cello–spiritual mother to over six thousand nuns, feeds herself with the dirty created mush.  The simple religious woman entered the Cistercian monastery with a group of visiting Tibetan monks.  The Trappist were unaware she was a woman until her nickname, Cello, was explained.  The holy woman, saying over a thousand rosaries a day, is an immense survivor.  When the Chinese occupied Tibet she fled through the Himalayas with thirty of her religious sisters.  Only three would survive the mountainous trek.  With respect to her gender, she was removed from the Catholic monastery, placed in the guesthouse.  Antoine worried she would be insulted.  The other Tibetan monks laughed at his concern, expressing the fact Cello would contently sleep upon the sidewalk if asked.

As sunlight drew away from the orchard, it came to him (Antoine), the thread that bound their lives together.  Cello was abandoned by society.  She was marginal.  The abbess was as defenseless and as irrelevant to the world as an orphan.  And as a monk, so was he.

The experience of many days clicked into a clear order in his head.  Antoine saw before him a Cello who had survived immense suffering in the Himalayas to offer a living witness to anyone interested: nothing less than the reversal of world order.  As weak as she was—as weak as all humans are—Cello was fully awake.  The wisdom of peace was hers, an old woman grounded in “suchness,” her smile shining through all things and meeting no opposition.

He (Antoine) saw that his own behavior was to blame for his sour discontent.  His growth as a monk had been checked by his own longing for a better place to live, better people to live with. 

Marginalized, yet dignified--magnificence within poverty and worldly exile.

Marginalized, yet dignified–magnificence within poverty and worldly exile.

spacer