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Apr282015

Purposeful prayer

Prayer…is not the end we propose to ourselves in a spiritual life; it is only a means by which we help ourselves to make progress in virtue, and to obtain a victory over our passions and evil inclinations, in order that, having surmounted all the obstacles that hinder us from approaching God, and having made straight the path that leads to Him, we may unite ourselves inseparably with Him. When St Paul had the eyes of his soul entirely opened by God, by that light which flashed on him from heaven, and by that divine voice that said to him, “I am Jesus whom you persecute”, what a change was made upon a sudden in him? With what promptitude, with what submission, did he then abandon himself to the will of God, as his own words testify—“Lord, what would you have me do?”…-–St Alphonsus Rodriguez

…as he went on his journey,
it came to pass…
a light from heaven shined
round about him….
falling on the ground,
…heard a voice…
Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?
…Who art thou, Lord?
…I am Jesus whom thou persecutest.
It is hard for thee to kick against the goad.
…trembling and astonished…
Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?

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Apr262015

Christ the Shepherd

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Shepherd me, O God, beyond my wants,
beyond my fears, from death into life.

God is my shepherd, so nothing I shall want,
I rest in the meadows of faithfulness and love,
I walk by the quiet waters of peace.

Shepherd me, O God, beyond my wants,
beyond my fears, from death into life.

I recall in the friary reading the prophet Ezekiel for what seemed like endless days. There was something strange about the reading. Intent upon completing the book, words began to drag, sentence after sentence meaningless in interpretation. Holy Hours went by with nothing happening, my efforts seemingly futile. I persevered, moving forward with or without consolations. Then I came to chapter thirty-four. Lights turned on, everything became profound, self-consciousness disappeared, awareness emerged. The idea of God being the shepherd, the ultimate necessity of Jesus expanded. The words took on life, protecting and sheltering, bringing forth tears of relief.

Thus says the Lord GOD…shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves! Should not shepherds feed the sheep? You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fatlings; but you do not feed the sheep. The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the crippled you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd; and they became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered, they wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill; my sheep were scattered over all the face of the earth, with none to search or seek for them. “Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: As I live, says the Lord GOD, because my sheep have become a prey, and my sheep have become food for all the wild beasts, since there was no shepherd; and because my shepherds have not searched for my sheep, but the shepherds have fed themselves, and have not fed my sheep; therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: Thus says the Lord GOD, Behold, I am against the shepherds; and I will require my sheep at their hand, and put a stop to their feeding the sheep; no longer shall the shepherds feed themselves. I will rescue my sheep from their mouths, that they may not be food for them. “For thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I myself will search for my sheep, and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock…I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I will make them lie down, says the Lord GOD. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the crippled, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will watch over;…

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Apr242015

A perception of Henry Suso

Henry Suso is a bundle of contradictions, and a person, moreover, who has gathered legends about him like a snowball rolling downhill. He was a poet, which is not always a key to happiness in this world; a mystic of the highest order; a hard working Dominican; and a man with a positive genius for getting into embarrassing situations… It will require many years of exhaustive research to sort out the diverse elements in his personality, if, indeed, it can ever be accomplished. Poets are not easy to analyze, and Henry, before all else, was a poet…Henry was born in Switzerland, in 1290, the son of a warlike family of counts and crusaders. His father said more than once that he wished Henry had been a girl and some of his spirited daughters had been boys; for Henry was not a type to carry a sword. Henry was a gentle, dreamy lad, who liked to accompany his mother on pilgrimages and read about heroic deeds. He had taken his mother’s name of Suso, perhaps out of sheer inability to live up to the warlike title of the Count von Berg…The best known work of Henry Suso is his Little Book of Eternal Wisdom, which is a classic of spiritual writing. He also composed many other short treatises on the mystical union of the soul with God, all written with the same poetic language and the same intensity of feeling. The man who had carved “the lovely name of Jesus” into the flesh over his heart was just as intense in his spiritual life. –Marie Jean. ‘St. Dominic’s Family’

I have the feeling Henry Suso would relish this not so flattering portrayal of his individuality.

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Apr222015

Love

I am going to insistent upon exploring to the minutest detail the complications with my former spiritual partner.  It all has to do with love.  The further I go the more convinced I am correct in everything I do with her. She has been hard and demanding on me and now in return, through absolute love, I return the favor.  The love she offered, indifference actually, she defines as Godly, a love away from the perverted love my mother offered.  Her indifference is a love on the level God loves. God is pure love, above the emotional, selfish, sappy, crap I approach her with.  I have no idea how to love, thus it was her spiritual responsibility to reshape my distorted opinions on love.  Lacking emotion, getting absolutely nothing from me, in fact not even liking me as a person, at times stating she despised me, she was confident in her approach as a spiritual superior that she was capable of battering me with a higher love, pummeling me with harsh conditions, conversation, and ideas in order to reshape my understanding of a deeper love.  She would scream how if I wanted to leave her there were others who would receive her graces.  She views her interactions with others as an opportunity for those she chooses to encounter to receive blessings.  Those fortunate to receive her attention are capable of garnering special favors from God.  Where in scripture Matthew tells us that where two or three of us are gathered in His name, there He is, she discerns that due to her spiritual superiority she is the one bringing the graces to holy gatherings.  Disrespecting me, screaming at me, intentionally hurting me when she sensed romantic feelings flowering within me, stating to me she was in love romantically with various other men, telling me she was dating, she did everything she could to rattle me.  Hurting me allowed me opportunity for growth and graces.  I had to accept and endure.  She believed in me, while feeling absolutely nothing for me.  My love for her only grew.  This must read dramatic, insane even, yet it is truth, a lived reality.  It must be understood the woman is remarkably intelligent, spiritually insightful, responsible in every regard, detail oriented in life, positive attributes flow from her.  Miracles occurred in my life during my interaction with her.  Her positive attributes, my love for her, and above all God’s blessings produced phenomenal results.  However now that maturity has been firmly established within my life a new playing field is presented.  New ways dictate further growth.  Love needs further defining, and I am positive my concept of love is the correct one.   I want her to know my love.  Her concept of love is her spiritual downfall.  The more I saw it, the more signs poured in that her accepting of a romantic love between us was fundamental to her spiritual growth, the deeper in love I fell.  I am in love with her as I comprehend that love is healing for both of us.  It is not a selfish endeavor.  The love I offer is Godly in the sense it provides healing for both of us, while guiding toward a greater mutual unification in Christ.  Three in one—through, with, and in as a couple we merge with Christ, the sacrament of marriage approached on the deepest level.  I saw all this.  I knew all of this.  However she had to accept all of this.  I will never cease in my love.  Everything is too clearly laid out before me.  Where she turns to self-will and self-defense in protecting herself from a deeper love, I open my heart, becoming vulnerable, becoming weak, allowing God to witness me offering my heart in faith, hope, and charity to another.  Where she shuns emotion and passion, I point to the Song of Songs and observe God embrace these very powerful ideas.  I know cloistered men and women, St Bernard of Clairvaux leading, adore the poem of passion play between lovers.  Love is all about emotion and passion.  Her sense of indifference and scoffing at emotion is not a higher love, but a lesser love of defense and manipulation. Self-will crushing Divine Will.  All these truths are so apparent, yet if she rejects them what am I to do?  Heartbroken, I move forward the best I can.  Overwhelmed, sadness becomes a reality.  To love on the highest level does not allow you to walk away as if nothing matters, turning to others, moving away as if nothing of consequence happened.  Everything happened.  The passion play God desires to enrapture our lives within has been extinguished before it could ever truly be started.  Everything must mean something, for if it does not then where is the hope and love?  If indifference and hardness rule at its best shallowness and superficiality are achieved.  At its worst frustration, fear, hatred and other psychological dilemmas are created.  Disorder builds upon disorder.  Spiritual masters may become so immersed within such a powerful and overwhelming love for God that indifference becomes their predisposition toward all things worldly, however for those of us who are not spiritual masters I think indifference is a sign of brokenness.  I am confident that throughout my life, I have not encountered a single lay person who is a spiritual master.  Any lay person who offers indifference to their brothers and sisters under the guise of a higher love must be treated kindly, yet with great caution.  Odds are astronomical that is a person who has wreaked havoc in the lives of others throughout his or her life.

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Apr222015

Quick hit for the skies and a dedicated clip from Song of Songs

Return flight home lots of turbulence landing and flying over Lake Erie.  Loved it.  What have I been missing all of these years never flying.  I want to fly over the Rockies.  A west coast pilgrimage will be sought. The Cistercian monastery Abbey of Our Lady of the Holy Trinity in Huntsville, Utah comes quickly to mind.  Another is the Colordado mountain Trappist retreat provided by St Benedict’s Monastery, the home of Father Thomas Keating.  My immediate and intense attraction to flying makes me think I should have considered being a pilot.  My mother would have never let it happen.

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Song of Songs for Ann Marie Najjar, for everything she has done for me.

Come with me from Lebanon, my bride; come with me from Lebanon.
…from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards.
You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride,
You have ravished my heart with a glance of your eyes,
With one jewel of your necklace (rosary).
How sweet is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much better is your love than wine,

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Apr112015

The Essence of Prayer Perfected

This divine knowledge of God never deals with particular things. This sublime knowledge can be received only by a person who has arrived at union with God, for it is itself that very union. It consists in a certain touch of the divinity produced in the soul, and thus it is God Himself who is experienced and tasted there… –John of the Cross

St John of the Cross Adoring

St John of the Cross Adoring

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Mar302015

Farewell Discourse

Gospel of John chapter 15

12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide; so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.

17 This I command you, to love one another. 18 “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you; if they kept my word, they will keep yours also.

20 Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you; if they kept my word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all this they will do to you on my account, because they do not know him who sent me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates me hates my Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would not have sin; but now they have seen and hated both me and my Father. 25 It is to fulfil the word that is written in their law, ‘They hated me without a cause.’ 26 But when the Counselor comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness to me; 27 and you also are witnesses, because you have been with me from the beginning.

End chapter 15

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