Turnaround shift, second to first, sleeping past midnight up by five, I am exhausted. Drove through rush hour traffic to get across town to join the Mercedarains in prayer and early evening mass. Enjoying Cleveland Heights, yet I still have days when city driving severely drains me. It was nice to hear Father Justin say mass, to receive communion from him. It seems there are a couple new Mercedarain novices. May God bless the order so that it flourishes with men of the quality of Father Richard and Father Justin. August 1^st will be my next event with the Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament, although I am tentatively planning a Sunday vigil mass at St Paschal Baylon tomorrow. The next couple weeks will be dedicated to physical conditioning, energy preservation. I am in the fifth day of a Master Cleanse fast, feeling clearheaded and clean, resting internal organs, while cleansing and flushing. I have spoken with a woman in Cleveland Heights, certified and impressive in credentials who provides colon hydrotherapy. If you visit her site notice the extensive history of the practice. It was common in 17^th century Parisian communities. Origins dating back to the Egyptians. On the natural level, detoxing my body, cleansing thoroughly, increasing physical activity, is aimed at supplying greater energy. Everything focuses upon greater efficacy in prayer. All is done for maximizing energy in the pursuit of God. An increase in energy to sit still in optimum clarity.

Maturity is a theme prominent in my spiritual focus right now. Espousing, defining through an expressive endeavor, the idea of fullness intertwines with maturity. Enlightenment comes through the idea of the Church possessing the fullness of truth. Other ways of thinking are not wrong. The Church simply offers the fullness of truth. Within there is a vital concept. My week with the Sisters of Mercy deepened my faith on so many levels. It is important to understand I have approached life with a harsh conservative political and religious viewpoint. Even in silence, I was opinionated and brash, arrogant in attack,a compare and contrast mentality–ways that can only impede the receiving and giving of Godly love. A priest, essential to my formation, one I abode with, rallied against the Sister of Mercy in argument, becoming agitated and animated in denouncing their ways. The fact the sisters would bend to the whims of popular culture, blowing with the wind of an intellectual cultural rebellion occurring in the 70s by abandoning their habits was unacceptable. I am pleased with the insight God applied to my faith. I marvel at the fact I so naturally, simply, humbly, and sincerely enjoyed a wonderful retreat with the Sisters of Mercy.

When I approached Sister regarding political matters, church related or secular, she stressed her conviction of advancing beyond a dualistic state of mind. She did not want to engage in details. The idea that confrontation must be pursued in regards to varying approaches of faith and life was a mindset I had to detach from. It is not that it is an evil mindset rather it hinders maturity. I want to be holy not right. Listening to Pope Francis’s book ‘The Church of Mercy’ he presents the idea of an open church, stressing the stagnancy of a closed church. It reminds me of commentary I heard on the mass ad orientem, traditional Latin mass conducted with the priest facing the Eucharist. The idea was offered that in the Novus Ordo mass, the modern mass, versus popullum—priest facing the congregation, a closed circuit is created. Closed conditions in regards to the priest and congregation talking to one another. The focus of the priest is upon the people.  The focus of the people is upon the priest. In the traditional, Tridentine Mass, the Most Holy Sacrifice of the Mass everyone is opened to the Eucharist. Everyone is facing, and all attention, is upon the Eucharist. The priest is a leader. A Shepherd guiding the flock to the True Shepherd embodied within the Eucharist.

Pope Francis elaborated upon the idea of closing of faith by becoming focused upon one another, and socializing only with those we agree with, befriending only those who bolster our opinions and pride. Interacting with others based upon sweet consolations. As profound as the Tridentine Mass is it must be kept in mind that within all mysteries there is irony. I am convinced you can also find the closing off of the church amidst such a solemn celebration. Elitism arises, a congregation isolating themselves, needing to think of themselves as superior, talking only amongst themselves, if they are even speaking to one another. Within a mass that in theory opens the faith, there must also be recognized the tendency for the closing off the faith. Scrupulosity is a vice hungry to devour those seeking to devout their lives to spiritual enrichment. Once again, Sister’s idea of embracing a lack of duplicity is important. Maturity, the fullness of faith is my aim. A person dedicating their life to a concentration upon faith is not becoming superior. They are not elevating themselves. Rather they are coming into the fullness of being authentically human with, though, and in Christ. The Church is so kind and generous in offering us the saints as examples of lives lived in fullness. I was stunned to come across words of St Jane Frances de Chantal mimicking almost identically the words of Henry Suso. A moment of honesty. I am exhausted, struggling to find the quote. Basically, filled with the Holy Spirit, she states in accord with Blessed Henry: We must be willingly to cease loving God in order to love him greater. We must not force our ways onto God, attempting to snare him into our conception of love. We must passively allow God to act upon us, to fill us with a greater love beyond our knowing. Anyway, here are other words of St Jane de Chantal, ones that interposed themselves upon my attention.

What God, in His goodness, asks of you is not this excessive zeal which has reduced you to your present condition, but calm, peaceful uselessness, a resting near Him with no special attention or action of the understanding or will except a few words of love, or of faithful, simple surrender, spoken softly, effortlessly, without the least desire to find consolation or satisfaction in them.