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Quick hit for the skies and a dedicated clip from Song of Songs

Return flight home lots of turbulence landing and flying over Lake Erie.  Loved it.  What have I been missing all of these years never flying.  I want to fly over the Rockies.  A west coast pilgrimage will be sought. The Cistercian monastery Abbey of Our Lady of the Holy Trinity in Huntsville, Utah comes quickly to mind.  Another is the Colordado mountain Trappist retreat provided by St Benedict’s Monastery, the home of Father Thomas Keating.  My immediate and intense attraction to flying makes me think I should have considered being a pilot.  My mother would have never let it happen.

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Song of Songs for Ann Marie Najjar, for everything she has done for me.

Come with me from Lebanon, my bride; come with me from Lebanon.
…from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards.
You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride,
You have ravished my heart with a glance of your eyes,
With one jewel of your necklace
(rosary).
How sweet is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much better is your love than wine,

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An airplane flight and important words from Henry Suso

I discovered a new passion today. Flying is wonderful. At fifty, I have never flown. I found the experience exhilarating. Wonderful.

10 - 10 You could ride an endless sea of clouds with a window seat

I want to preface this quote from Henry Suso’s ‘The Exemplar: The Life of the Servant’ with the comment it is important, words to consider deeply.  Take them slow.

…Brother John, showed him in a vision the delightful beauty by which his soul had been transfigured.  From him also the servant begged for the answer to a question.  This was: Which of all the exercises was the one that caused a person the most hardship and was most useful?  He received the answer that nothing was more painful and profitable for a person that for him, with an attitude of detachment, to go out from God with patience toward himself and thus leave God for the sake of God.

Let’s repeat that ending. leave God for the sake of God. 

For the sake of internal cleansing, a feat complex in proper doing, can I forget about God and focus upon myself.  Avoiding selfishness and self-absorption, concentrating upon weaknesses, psychological frailties, personal shortcomings, character defects can I abandon self-righteous conduct and thoughts focused upon God and look sternly in the mirror?  With the assistance of qualified others can I conduct painful insightful self-examination?  Is a personal inventory more important than personal glorification in God?

Humbly and honestly, I feel gifted with a strong prayer life, yet I realize psychological conditions, worldly matters cannot be left behind during prayer.  I cannot escape into God in order to ignore myself.  It is not proper to pray devotedly while not growing as a man.  My former spiritual partner stressed to me Aquinas thought that grace builds upon nature.  I am going through an intensely emotional and troubling time with that former spiritual partner.  As much as she has done for me, we are absolutely destroying each other right now.  It was so difficult to go into prayer today. During the plane ride, I observed the marvel of seeing the skies for the first time from above.  The sights filled me with awe and wonder, intensifying my love for God.  I love flying.  However through the splendor of high flying, while praying the Rosary, Divine Mercy, and holding silence, my head felt like it was going to split from the stress and pressure that overwhelms my life.  Lack of sleep troubling horribly today.  Necessary actions hurt.  My eyes had trouble focusing, my whole sense of being is discombobulated, disjointed, and off kilter.  I despise it, however it must be endured, passed through and properly dealt with.  Aggressive, I seek solutions.  I love on a deep and passionate level, taking the Song of Songs serious.  I remember leaving the friary how intensely Father David Mary and myself fought.  Like lions fighting over a fresh kill, we tore at each other.  I am not saying it is right.  It is human and the way we encountered.  Neither of us being truly a bad guy.  We were two men of God absolutely in collusion–I use that word specifically  Collusion defined:a secret agreement, especially for fraudulent or treacherous purposes; conspiracy and Law. a secret understanding between two or more persons to gain something illegally, to defraud another of his or her rights, or to appear as adversaries though in agreement: example collusion of husband and wife to obtain a divorce.  There is so much more to it than just circumstances with Father David Mary, myself and the former spiritual partner: Subconscious issues from individual lives.  Mine: a life of severe alcoholism, parental issues, and intimate relationship issues.  Father David Mary a volatile blue collar New York City upbringing.  We must be so careful when interacting with each other in a deeply spiritual manner.  I saw it in the friary so piercingly.  We are vulnerable in a brutally damaging way when we open ourselves spiritually to one another.  I am positive the majority of people trying to guide others do as much damage as good.  Unfortunately, the damage usurps the good. True teachers are few and far between. That includes myself!!!  Be careful, kind and tender with one another’s souls.  This is no game.  Can we leave God in order to allow others to move closer to God?  I remember homily words from a priest: be careful when you are crowding around the tabernacle that your greatest achievement is not blocking others from the Eucharist.

Can I abandon evangelizing in order to grow interiorly?  Can I forsake being a Bible scholar, a recognized knowledgeable man of scripture, in order to allow scripture to penetrate those things that block me from Christ?  Can I detach from my religious reputation in order to strengthen humility and understand myself better?  Do I cling to the idea of being a spiritual superior over reducing my pride in order to draw closer to God?  Do I see myself as a provider of graces for others, rather than an honest sharing equal to my brother and sisters in Christ?  Can I disown seeing myself as a spiritual director in order to cleanse my fleshly vessel?  Can I quit the idea of giving others advice how to properly follow Christ in order to purify the temple of my body?  Can I stay silent when others ramble about spiritual matters?  Do I see myself as a teacher amongst others rather than servant of Christ?  Do I judge and use God as a weapon to bolster myself? Can I remain hidden, focusing upon my devotion to Mary, relying upon Her assistance in approaching Her Son, rather than being a clanging gong?  Do I allow Mary to dispense graces?  Do I use religion to elevate my self-esteem?  Can I quietly receive communion, absolutely absorbed within the presence entering my body, avoiding self-consciousness, thoughts of God and Holy matters?  Can I sit before the Eucharist quiet and still.

…leave God for the sake of God.

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Reflections upon Mary, the woman

The-Veiled-Virgin-is-a-Carrara-marble-statue-carved-in-Rome-by-Italian-sculptor-Giovanni-Strazza

Because, doing your actions (devotion) by our Blessed Lady, as this practice teaches, you abandon your own intentions and operations, although good and known, to lose yourself, so to speak, in the intentions of the Blessed Virgin, although they are unknown. Thus you enter by participation into the sublimity of her intentions, which are so pure that she gives more glory to God by the least of her actions—for example, in twirling her distaff or pointing her needle—than St Lawrence by his cruel martyrdom on the gridiron, or even all the saints by their heroic actions put together. It was thus that, during her sojourn here below, she acquired such an unspeakable aggregate of graces and merits that it were easier to count the stars of the firmament, the drops of water in the sea or the grains of sand upon its shore, than her merits and graces –St Louis de Montfort ‘True Devotion to Mary’

What did you do here upon the earth Holy Mother that produced such splendid praise? It was more than birthing Jesus. It must concern the way you lived your life throughout your life. How did you conduct yourself? Weren’t there people who used the name of your Son improperly that upset you? There had to be times you were right, yet others perceived you being wrong? Justifiable anger, did it overwhelm you even once? Enduring the suffering of Our Savior at the hands of the Roman soldiers how could your heart not be filled with anger and hate? During His passion, did you feel only sorrow, love and compassion for your Son? How did you do it Holy Mother? Your Son, Our Lord and Savior is Divine, the Son of God, yet you were absolutely human. How could you control your emotions and feelings so peacefully?  Did prayer come naturally, purely, and easily to you?  Didn’t others frustrate you through their imperfections? Weren’t there days you were slothful in thought and action? Times you wanted to curse God? Did not the praises of Elizabeth and Simeon fill you with even the slightest arrogance? Ohh Holy Mother listen to the pleading of one devoted to you, one who fails so miserably time after time. How did you do it Holy Mother? There had to be a time when pride overwhelmed you when you contemplated who you carried within your womb? How could you not feel righteous in raising yourself in your own eyes above others? You the truest of contemplatives, how did you know how to conduct yourself as you did? Who instructed you?  Didn’t being so powerful in prayer elevate your self-esteem? False humility never plagued you? Playing the profound mystic for others never tempted you? Being admired as holy and wise never attracted you?  You never lusted after sweet consolations? The wonders you experienced how could you not be self-absorbed? How could you be in constant acquiescence to Holy will? Did you not want to teach everyone, being right about all matters regarding your Son? Did the apostles comprehend the immensity of your majesty while enjoying your company? Did the beloved disciple John recognize you would be crowned in heaven, granted reign as Queen above all queens? I know so little about your earthly life. While alive, I see you as such a simple, quiet, yet commanding woman, one who garnered profound respect with a whisper, working efficaciously behind the scenes, while never dominating the thoughts of your compatriots.  How could you be so simple, you amidst the most complex of lives? As my Holy Mother, I know you so well.  I love you so dearly. You have always been so near. How blessed it is to have you always above me, sheltering me with your loving mantle. I have never doubted your presence, even during my darkest hours.

Our Lady’s words to Juan Diego: Let not your heart be disturbed. Am I not here, who is your Mother? Are you not under my protection? Am I not your health? Are you not happily within my fold? What else do you wish? Do not grieve nor be disturbed by anything.

On the day after the feast of the Assumption he was again shown great joy in the court of heaven. No one was trying to gain entrance who arrived unworthy. As the servant was trying to get in, a young man came up, grabbed him by the hand, and said, “Friend, you do not belong in there at this time. Stay outside. You have incurred guilt, and before you may hear the heavenly singing, you have to make up for your misdeed”. And he led him somewhere down a crooked path into a hole under the earth. There it was dark and barren and wretched.  He could go neither this way nor that, like someone who lies captive where he can see neither sun nor moon. Finding this painful, he began to sigh and feel miserable because of his imprisonment. Soon the messenger came and asked how he was doing. “Poorly, poorly,” he replied. Then the young man said to him, “You should know that the exalted Queen of heaven is angry with you for that failing because of which you are a prisoner here”. The servant became frightened and said, “Alas, wretched me! How have I offended her?” He said, “She is angry with you because you do not like to preach about her on her feast days. And yesterday on her great feast day you refused, against the wish of your superior, to preach about her.” The servant replied, “Dear friend and lord, I think she is worthy of such great honor that I feel unequal to the task, and I leave it to the more mature and worthy (friars) because it seems to me that they can preach about her more worthily than a poor man like me”. The youth said, “Know that she would like you to do it, that she considers it a pleasing service from you. And so do not refuse anymore”. The servant began to weep and said to the young man, “Dear messenger, reconcile me to the pure Mother. I give you my word that it will never happen again”. The young man looked at him amicably, consoled him kindly, and led him out of the prison and back home. He said, “I could tell by the look on the friendly face of the Queen of heaven and by her words when she speaks of you that she forgives you. She is no longer angry with you and wants always to be like a mother to you”. Henry Suso “The Exemplar, The Life of The Servant”

Ann ease with the fighting nature. I truly had a premonition. I was concerned. Do not be so obstinate. I will approach you after mass calmly, holding to the Eucharist. If all is good say ‘do not worry’. If you struggle, please speak with me.

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The Essence of Prayer Perfected

This divine knowledge of God never deals with particular things. This sublime knowledge can be received only by a person who has arrived at union with God, for it is itself that very union. It consists in a certain touch of the divinity produced in the soul, and thus it is God Himself who is experienced and tasted there… –John of the Cross

St John of the Cross Adoring

St John of the Cross Adoring

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Farewell Discourse moving forward

Gospel of John chapter 15

1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch of mine that bears no fruit, he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already made clean by the word which I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If a man does not abide in me, he is cast forth as a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love.

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A work in formation

Farewell discourse, Savior and disciples, walking, talking, traversing, not understanding, preparing,
Unification, many rooms in the Father’s house, Heaven adore, the plenty a splendor, eternity endeavor,
‘I have been with you for so long’, desolation not an option, mortification, accepting commandments, denying desire, failing,
Father, the Holy Spirit, the Word, obedience a haven, resource love, failures fading, a step back forward,
The passion consumes, while presuming nothing, advance slowly, intensely intent, crawling advent,
Do few things, yet do them well, listen, wait, confess, pray profusely, sweat yet not blood, communion, breathe, be still amid a beating heart,
‘Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid’,
Attending mass, attentive, aware,
‘Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day’,
‘In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety’,
‘As we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ’.

Receiving in the House of God, an unworthy servant blossoms into a friend,
In the world, inevitably disturbed, shaken, wolves in sheep clothing prey, leering, pridefully lusting, circumambulating, hunting while picking fresh meat from their teeth, yearning to be, hungry denial,
Needing, false teachers assume power, insincere profession, leading astray, pretense, exercising judgment betrayed, falling snowflakes into the fire, identity lost within damnation, misery adores company,
‘Rise let us go hence’, true teacher prevail, call in a clear voice, winged words in silence, usurp incessant noise, cessation, liberate identity, integrity graced,
Perfection a process, propagate, proliferate, prune the fruit in order to produce, multiply, magnify magnificence, sweet consolation not, a bitter reward,
Stand alone in order to fall, independence generate generational enslavement, movement of wickedness, self-will run riot, dominoes falling, affecting, an island despair produces waves,
Going out, weakness bemoans the need to assert, dependence creates abundant freedom, together a man speaks properly into himself, broadening understanding, decreasing to increase, a prisoner released from confinement,
Rise above the world, abiding in Christ, death and joy to be full, welcoming, inviting time, open, honest, and willing, preserve peace, the smiling heart of a suffering unity,
Friend and foe, charity prevail, the highest perfection, to be hated demands no reciprocation, suffocate wrath, dealing unselfishly, unassuming, natural and pure, simply discreet,
Be strong in unified individuality, proper identity, self-effacing, be a kind pretty face, comprehend, know who Christ is, know who I am, love others, behave, be good, holiness attain, reveal from within,
Abandon appetite attachment to advancing aspiration, banish brilliance, castaway cleverness, ‘A servant is not greater than his master’,
Humility the ultimate tool, the weapon of mass destruction, the annihilating force, the commingling of faith, hope, and charity, be humble, embrace criticism,
No reward, persecution presume, no accolades, adulate suffering, offering woe at the foot of the cross, witness bloody wounds, infuse blood and water,

(To be expanded throughout Holy Week)

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More pieces from T.S. Eliot’s ‘Four Quartets’

There is no end, but addition: the trailing
Consequence of further days and hours,
While emotion takes to itself the emotionless
Years of living among the breakage
Of what was believed in as the most reliable-
And therefore the fittest for renunciation.

There is the final addition, the failing
Pride or resentment at failing powers,
The unattached devotion which might pass for devotionless,
In a drifting boat with a slow leakage,
The silent listening to the undeniable
Clamour of the bell of the last annunciation.

Church Bells ringing

–Sweet unction: dedicated to Ann Marie Najjar

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