Archives

Our Lady of the Pines retreat

Sometimes God is quick to the call.  This morning amidst sunshine, my secret garden providing pleasure upon a walk, a call from Our Lady of Pines in Fremont, Ohio established a retreat for my off week following the celebration of a nation’s independence on July the 4th.  The conversation effused from surrounding ambiance, men thinning out neighboring trees–deconstructing a small forest, attention to individual trees fallen, a toddler following the example of his sister exploring spraying fountains of water wonder, dogs leashed and walking, children enjoying tennis lessons, and for me a religious sister edifying, informing me there was a week of spiritual direction scheduled for the week I inquired upon.  I love when within conversation words pour forth.  The task being the containing rather than the thinking.  She tells she is going to set-up a special dormitory room for me.  She promises I will love it.  The week of spiritual direction has been planned for some time, all sisters conducting the directing.  The week will be a focus upon individuals revealing God’s plans for them through silence, reflection, and counsel.  There seems to be a concentration upon feminine spirituality, although the sister says not to fear, recognizing a difference between men and woman pursuing faith.  We determined spiritual direction for me will be conducted upon exploration.  The idea of me exploring a private retreat amongst the conductors of the spiritual directing week concretized.  That week there is a priest conducting a private retreat.  She is going to speak to him about spending time with me.  Thy will be done.  I am excited.  Speculating, I anticipate a near dozen sisters with thirty-two retreatants.  Walking at Cain Park, excitement blossomed.  Hopefully sounding strange, an artist whose work I have been viewing online inspired a vision, a visualization, colorful flowers bursting forth in a river from my heart was the expression of joy I felt upon a week of spiritual concentration.  The writing, ‘Man Tower’, picked up this morning.  Possibly, properly, alignment allowing, serious work can be conducted during my week at Our Lady of the Pines.  Some images I provide, allowing imaginative touching upon the story, black and whites from Ingmar Bergman’s ‘The Seventh Seal’, a cherished movie in my realm of influences.  The photos of the traveling carnival family paying tribute to a vacationing Romanian family very dear and close to my heart.

seventh_seal1_rgbThe wonderful circus family, inspiration to Gabriel, Calin, and Lavinia. Acrobat Jof, holding his son, is a dreamer, a lover of life, a circus performer, a writer of songs and poems, a tumbler extraordinaire, a man who is so in love with the idea of visions he is continually making them up.  The only problem is when he finally does have a vision of Our Holy Mother, his wife only laughs, loving him even more for all the visions he details.  Acrobat Jof is not dismayed, only desiring to sing an unfinished song and enjoy his son.    seventh-seal-126The world-weary squire, Jons, demonstrating his humor and penetrating insight, comments upon one who turned out to be a corpse. Antonius Block, the Templar Knight, chess combatant to the grim reaper, sent his quick-witted squire to question a man seated upon the beach.  Encountering the seated one, the squire confronted a skeleton.
seventh-seal-517seventh-seal-122A wonderful medieval song and dance performance by Acrobat Jof and his wife Mia is interrupted in this video clip by a doomsday procession singing Dies Irea (coincidentally enough a poem credited to Thomas of Celano).  In the opening of ‘Man Tower’, the procession following the debauchery of the child bishop being marched through the streets of Assisi, an actual medieval tradition of drunken excess the church would eventually ban, is based upon the procession in Bergman’s film.  I wish there were subtitles for the fire and brimstone sermon–the fiery words point to the Black Plague as a curse from God for the wicked ways of man.  Repent NOW the message. I am intrigued by Bergman’s cinematic effect of having the end times spiritual marauders vanishing from the earth, their chanting continuing.

 

spacer

The same prayer song twice

Let’s repeat words regarding prayer from St Jane Francis de Chantal, musing, applying to others as well: …full of faith that He is more in us than we are in ourselves… Is that saying if we quiet–soothing and healing emotional and psychological disturbances and complexities associated with identity, and remain in a state of grace, we will reveal God within prayer? I am one confident I need the sheltering of the Eucharist when making myself so vulnerable. I remember Franciscan Holy Hours, evenings especially for there were two, being blessed with extreme immersion in the sanctity of the Franciscan chapel. Absorption, losing one’s self, sensing Father David Mary seated above, a seemingly soaring, roaring eagle protecting. May we always remain under the mantle of the Queen of Heaven and the Church, abiding, obedient to priest and religious, calling upon the saints and angels, especially the defender St Michael. Let us not wander aimlessly where angels fear to tread. I advance never without the presence of the Eucharist.

Sacrifice of the Eucharist

Sacrifice of the Eucharist

spacer

Benediction: Corpus Christi

To go beyond formality and tradition, to see the truth and essence of words, thoughts, conceptions, possibilities and the deepest penetrating realities, I find the words of the the Benediction hymns profound, worthy of continual contemplation.  Terms to consider: saving victim; immortal Godhead, one in three; native land; down in adoration falling; ancient forms departing; newer rites of grace prevailing; feeble senses fail; faith for all defects supplying; the Trinity beautifully unveiled.

O Saving Victim, opening wide
The gate of Heaven to man below:
Our foes press on from every side,
Thine aid supply, Thy strength bestow.
To Thy great Name be endless praise,
Immortal Godhead, One in Three:
Oh, grant us endless length of days
In our true native land with Thee. Amen.

All heavenly and saintly beings hail the Lord present upon the earth.

All heavenly and saintly beings hail the Lord present upon the earth.

Down in adoration falling,
Lo! the sacred Host we hail;
Lo! over ancient forms departing,
Newer rites of grace prevail;
Faith for all defects supplying
Where the feeble senses fail.
To the Everlasting Father,
And the Son Who reigns on high,
With the Spirit Blest proceeding
Forth from Each eternally,
Be salvation, honor, blessing,
Might and endless majesty. Amen.

Thou hast given them Bread from Heaven.
Containing in Itself all delight.

Let us pray (oremus)
O God, Who in this wonderful Sacrament
has left us a memorial of Thy passion,
grant, we implore Thee,
that we may so venerate the sacred mysteries of Thy Body and Blood
as always to be conscious of the fruit of Thy Redemption,
Thou Who livest and reignest forever and ever.
Amen

Old Testament prefiguring.   The Mercy Seat, the Monstrance.

Old Testament prefiguring. The Mercy Seat, the Monstrance.

spacer

The Holy Spirit gift of Wisdom

Then Moses went up on the mountain, and the cloud covered the mountain. The glory of the LORD settled on Mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days; and on the seventh day he called to Moses out of the midst of the cloud. Now the appearance of the glory of the LORD was like a devouring fire on the top of the mountain in the sight of the people of Israel. And Moses entered the cloud, and went up on the mountain. And Moses was on the mountain forty days and forty nights…  –Exodus

He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons which the Father has fixed by his own authority.  But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Sama’ria and to the end of the earth.”  And when he had said this, as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight.  And while they were gazing into heaven as he went, behold, two men stood by them in white robes, and said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven.”  —Acts of the Apostles  

Holy Spirit Novena eighth day (EWTN)

Bend the stubborn heart and will,
melt the frozen,
warm the chill.
Guide the steps that go astray!

WISDOM: Embodying all the other gifts, as charity embraces all the other virtues, Wisdom is the most perfect of the gifts. Of wisdom it is written “all good things came to me with her, and innumerable riches through her hands.” It is the gift of Wisdom that strengthens our faith, fortifies hope, perfects charity, and promotes the practice of virtue in the highest degree. Wisdom enlightens the mind to discern and relish things divine, in the appreciation of which earthly joys lose their savor, whilst the Cross of Christ yields a divine sweetness according to the words of the Saviour: “Take up thy cross and follow me, for my yoke is sweet and my burden light.

Come, O Spirit of Wisdom, and reveal to my soul the mysteries of heavenly things, their exceeding greatness, power and beauty. Teach me to love them above and beyond all the passing joys and satisfactions of earth. Help me to attain them and possess them for ever. Amen.

Mary: Sedes Sapientiae (“The Throne of Wisdom”)

Sedes Sapientiae: Mary the Throne of Wisdom

Sedes Sapientiae: Mary the Throne of Wisdom

 

spacer

Precaution and Counsel (Repost)

The first precaution is to understand that you have come to the monastery so that all may fashion you and try you. Thus, to free yourself from the imperfections and disturbances that can be engendered by the mannerisms and attitudes of the religious and draw profit from every occurrence, you should think that all in the community are artisans…present there in order to prove you; that some will fashion you with words, others by deeds, and others with thoughts against you; and that in all this you must be submissive as is the statue to the craftsman who molds it, to the artist who paints it, and to the gilder who embellishes it.

….

…counsel is wholly necessary for a religious, that he fulfill the obligations of his state and find genuine humility, inward quietude, and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you do not practice this, you will neither know how to be a religious nor even why you came to the religious life. Neither will you know how to seek Christ (but only yourself), nor find peace of soul, nor avoid sinning and often feeling troubled. .

–St John of the Cross

St John of the Cross Adoring

spacer

Precaution and Counsel

The first precaution is to understand that you have come to the monastery so that all may fashion you and try you. Thus, to free yourself from the imperfections and disturbances that can be engendered by the mannerisms and attitudes of the religious and draw profit from every occurrence, you should think that all in the community are artisans…present there in order to prove you; that some will fashion you with words, others by deeds, and others with thoughts against you; and that in all this you must be submissive as is the statue to the craftsman who molds it, to the artist who paints it, and to the gilder who embellishes it.

….

…counsel is wholly necessary for a religious, that he fulfill the obligations of his state and find genuine humility, inward quietude, and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you do not practice this, you will neither know how to be a religious nor even why you came to the religious life. Neither will you know how to seek Christ (but only yourself), nor find peace of soul, nor avoid sinning and often feeling troubled. .

–St John of the Cross

St John of the Cross Adoring

St John of the Cross Adoring

spacer

Recovery reflection

Reflective day. I want to sort through my thoughts by writing them down. I was supposed to move today, yet I just simply did not have the physical or emotional energy. Work has been difficult the past week, hot and physically demanding—long hours and hard dirty work. I was exhausted punching out today. Adhering to routine, I headed for downtown: immediately to the Eucharist for adoration, then mass, and exploring Cleveland streets. During adoration, with no serious sadness, I erupted in tears before the Eucharist, crying whole hearted, contemplatively and cleansing. One of the Poor Clares was moving about as a ghost, passing between the order’s cloistered pews and into what I speculate is a private chapel for communal prayer. Father Roger, one of the extern sisters, along with a gentleman blossoming into a friend were speaking softly as I entered. All eyes cast my way. I said nothing. They said nothing. I nodded my head. Sister Clare Marie waved and Father Roger smiled. I commenced into prayer. I am not sure how and when, yet they all departed, leaving me alone with the Eucharist and one of the sisters stealthily moving about. The Poor Clares home has become my home, peace comes, and yet today so did strong tears. I am not sure if Dennis took note, yet after some time he came out casually making his way to me. Conversation with him is strenuous, awkward, due to his speech impediment. I know he finds it uncomfortable to speak, preferring silence. He wanted to discuss the offer I made to supply food for the after Sunday mass gathering, outlining possibilities, asking me not to bring anything this week as they had plenty, and the fact Father Sam had a birthday celebration the twenty-fourth. His suggestion was that would be a good day for something special. Earlier in the week, Sister Clare Marie touched me by the fact she has no knowledge of Brie cheese. Being from India, she never tried, nor even heard of the cheese. I want her to try the cheese with respect to its monastic origins, and association with the court of King Charlemagne. I am positive a well arraigned serving tray centered round French bread, brie cheese, assorted vegetables: English cucumbers, sliced avocadoes, red bell peppers, mini-carrots, and green onions; along with a quality pasta and potato salad would be proper and light fare for the fifteen or so people who gather, possibly more for Father Sam’s birthday. The conversation soothed my melancholy as the sisters launched into their mid-afternoon prayers behind sanctuary walls. On into mass at the cathedral, where something of note should be registered. During mass, melancholy returned. During the extending of peace, a stout teenage girl turned to shake my hand. Her family all turned to greet me, however once she faced me the twelve years old’s bright spirit and strong, serious, genuine square face caught me off guard. Rosy cheeked, she beamed, radiating sheer joy and enthusiasm, absolute beauty and innocence. Uncontrollably, yet subtly, I broke into tears, casting my eyes downward. Embarrassed, doing everything to avoid dramatics, knowing what was happening was authentic, I continued on, and gracefully everything surrounding advanced appropriately for me to gather myself and remain hidden. Moving on to Cleveland streets, the flocking crowd held nothing for me today. There were no clever words for the Romanian waitress working at the Vietnamese restaurant. I departed downtown quickly, heading for the suburbs and Mother’s Day shopping. Staying only two months at my latest residence, it is more difficult to leave than I anticipated. I know I am doing the right thing. Confidence and proper discretion guide, yet there are so many changes occurring. Turning the focus to recovery–recognizing a year of sobriety approaches, arriving in June—an integral part of the changes involves being asked to give a lead at a special monthly AA meeting, Calix, in July, the month of my birthday. Overall, the role of AA in my life is being examined. I have determined I will turn the offer to tell my story down. I will not share my experience, strength, and hope. I spoke with my therapist/spiritual director yesterday, and realized I should have discussed the matter with him. I will before officially negating the request. It is an honor to lead the meeting. I am surprised they asked, yet I am not comfortable with the spiritual aspects. I did discuss with my therapist the fact I will be curtailing my activities with AA. There are many reasons and it is well thought out. Everything written before points to this. I have been intimately involved with AA for over ten years, and I am, confident in comprehending, embracing, and admiring AA’s message. I will also make the statement, and I made it to my therapist who closely examined and questioned my words, that a concrete awareness has centered in my being that I will never drink again. I will never take another drink of alcohol. I cannot. It is a vow I extend to Christ, pleading with the Holy Spirit to guide, bowing to God the Father in silence, knowing under all circumstances Mary watches over me, guiding and instructing my guardian angel. The reality grows more acute daily. There is no need for justification, criticism, announcements, proclamations, or over-explanations. A huge part of the changes in my life will be breaking from the group of people I have worked with four times a week for well over six months. It is a wonderful locale, in the quaint small town of Olmsted Falls. This evening I even walked around the historic railroad depot, shopping, ice cream, and riverside park. Pleasant and quiet time of walking prayer. With thorough gratitude, it is time to move forward. I am conformable with my changing involvement in AA, discerning proper signs, lacking definitude.  Yet I also felt the need to postpone the move for a week. I will board with a gentleman, and his future son-in-law, involved in the program for decades, intelligent and interesting, having giving up the insurance business in order to return to his call as a Presbyterian minister, employed with a local hospice. I will allow the Holy Spirit to guide regarding my new role in AA. My housing host supports me, also providing respectful space, while declaring that my living there is predicated upon absolute abstinence. I know exactly what I seek from AA: fellowship, a clear unadulterated message, and vivid reminders of the devastation alcohol plays in the lives of those unable to successfully imbibe. AA is practical, touching on the spiritual and psychological, while remaining distant from personal spiritual guidance. Friends are essential. My weekly basketball games are huge, vital to my sanity. My prayers are filled with hope for an expanding social life. Acquiescing to divine will, I allow patience to shape my coming days. I post the first reading from Sunday, the sixth Sunday of Easter. The words from Acts chapter 10 correlate to a discussion with a friend before the Eucharist at St Paul’s:

Then Peter (first Pope) proceeded to speak and said, “In truth, I see that God shows no partiality. Rather, in every nation whoever fears him and acts uprightly is acceptable to him.” While Peter was still speaking these things, the Holy Spirit fell upon all who were listening to the word. The circumcised believers who had accompanied Peter were astounded that the gift of the Holy Spirit should have been poured out on the Gentiles also, for they could hear them speaking in tongues and glorifying God. Then Peter responded, “Can anyone withhold the water for baptizing these people, who have received the Holy Spirit even as we have?” He ordered them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ.

cropped-cropped-C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved-Images_Seven-Gifts-Holy-Spirit1.jpg

spacer